To the CVs: How a rape victim behaves

Dear CVs,

Marital rape, date rape, or stranger rape; they all fall into a broad category i.e. RAPE.

During my long stay in the U.K. I have worked as a counsellor and met many such victims. They have a common syndrome, they do not trust men easily; forget about falling in love or marriage on an immediate basis. Here are lines from such sites

(Ref - http://www.hopesurvivors.org.uk/pg4-rape_effects.html

http://helenair.com/news/state-and-regional/expert-witness-rape-victims-behave-in-unexpected-ways/article_8c574638-770b-11e2-a46c-001a4bcf887a.html)

1. Immediate reactions after a rape may vary. Some rape survivors remain controlled, numb, in shock, denial disbelief. They present a flat affect, quiet, reserved, and have difficulties expressing themselves. Other rape survivors respond quite differently - being very expressive and verbalising feelings of sadness or anger.

2. Rape victims can suffer a significant degree of physical and emotional trauma during the rape, immediately following the rape and over a considerable time period after the rape.

3. A study of rape victims has identified a three-stage process, or syndrome, that occurs as a result of forcible rape or attempted forcible rape. This syndrome is an acute stress reaction to a life-threatening situation that can last from two years to a lifetime.

The horror is too much to bear. Anandi herself had been cheated in a relationship and rape had been attempted on her. After marriage she took time to overcome her trauma and then only began her life with Shiv. At that time, though it did sound a little boring, however that's how things work.

In case of Ganga, the CVs show it differently. I am not saying that being a mother, she should not look for love second time in life. However the quickness shown in her character is unrealistic. Even in case of Sanchi I have read things would be too quick.

I request the CVs to do proper research and homework before dealing with such a delicate subject.

I agree with most of your points.

They did not show actually how that kidnap and rape attempt affected her properly.

They showed her reluctance to get into a relationship in detail because that part suited their story.

But they never showed how she actually got rid of those inhibition and insecurities in proper detail either.

Ganga's insecurities and fears were also not shown because they didn't care to show.

Her reasons to wanting to bear a child for Jagya and his family also came out of her insecurity.

Ratan married her because he wanted a child when she could not conceive he went married another girl in the meanwhile she found herself pregnant and that ensured her pplace in Ratan's home and family.Her child is the only reason why she was accepted by Ratan.

This insecurity that she will not be accepted if she did not give a child has become deep rooted and that's why she went ahead with pregnancy knowing fully well that she can die.But this aspect was not brought out at all by the CVs.

Sanchi - She doesn't bear the scars of physical torture but emotional scars are there.Like you pointed out that it will be very unrealistic if she is shown trusting a man so fast.I hope atleast this part they will show sensibly as the actress is not going anywhere and she will continue to bombard us with her presence in the show.

Readers, thanks for your thoughts.

As a teen ager once I watched one of Rekha's remarkable movie "GHAR", where they had beautifully sketched the mental state of a rape victim. After weeks, even though she appeared alright externally, however inside she was deeply traumatized. In such cases even the sexuality in a human being takes a backseat.

Here is a link discussing this http://www.pandys.org/articles/reclaimingsexuality.html

Most survivors of sexual violence will experience difficulties with sex and intimacy. All survivors heal at different speeds, and sexual healing is no different. Here are the things one should do.

1. Realize that you deserve to have a healthy sex life

2. Take a break from sex

3. Work with your partner

4. Talk about sex

5. Try touching and trust exercises

6. Be patient

@TM, nice post.

For quite some time I was feeling that creatives never research for any track - just show anything - their aim is TRP anyway. Anandi's conduct in second marriage, Ganga's conduct after escape and Sanchi right from the beginning is strange.

In Anandi's case - she suffered heart break, was an abandoned wife, her self-esteem was hurt because of her insensitive husband - still she had not suffered physical abuse (except for the rape attempt). So during second marriage - it was expected that she question herself whether she can prove herself to be an eligible wife- especially when the would be husband is an IAS officer - she should have remembered all those - gawar, chulhe-chuke wali etc. But what did they show? A fear of physical intimacy and complete confidence in other matters. As far as I can understand, a girl in Anandi's condition will not fear physical intimacy. Moreover, it was so out of character of Anandi to first request Shiv to marry her and then after marriage say -"mujhase nahi hoga"- she had been married for quite some time and knew that physical intimacy is a part of marriage, if she was not prepared for this, why did she request Shiv for marriage? For fulfilling her mother's last wish, she could have taken her time before agreeing for marriage and not after marriage. Creatives failed big time here. There was no need to show this fear of intimacy - because Anandi did not suffer sexual abuse. They never clarified why Anandi behaved like this - but since she always had FBs of good times with Jagya during that period, it appears that they wanted to show that she loved her (original) husband very much and was forced to remarry due to circumstances (a 'good' girls in serials/films thinks on the line of pati parmeshwar) - I know many people will not agree with me (some people think it was because of Jagya's betrayal), but I think for a lady who has not suffered physical abuse - fear of physical relations should not be there. Her suffering was abandonment, betrayal and degrading remarks from previous husband - so her fears should have related to commitment itself. If instead of 'good' memories of Jagya, she remembered how he degraded her and comparing this to the behaviour of Shiv - it would have looked more realistic. Realisation of love before marriage and confession on the first night would have looked natural.

But then in serial world - the leads are so innocent that they do not know their own feelings, one day suddenly they realise that they are in love, then hesitate to confess - creatives think all this fetches TRPs. Even Jagya was shown realising his love for Ganga one fine day.

They started Ganga track on a good note. She was determined to escape from abuse and did not trust men. But after coming to badi haveli - the changes in her were hard to believe. She had seen the worst in a man - such victims cannot even think of physical intimacy for quite some time or even trust a man easily - this looked so out of place and out of character. In her situation, a lady will consider her benefactor more like an elder brother/guardian instead of love interest.

Sanchi is falling in and out of love - when actually she does not even know what is love. From what was shown in serial, it never looked that she was in love either with Jagya or Saurabh - both times it appeared that she was doing this to fulfill her jid. Do not know what they will show in Sanchi - Kabra case, but if she falls in love with him- it will be most regressive track.

Of all the characters - Shiv was the only one who was consistent in these matters - he agreed for marriage because he wanted so, loved Anandi, was ready to give her time even before marriage, gave her option to reconsider her decision etc. But he was shown larger than life when he gave in to Jagya's emotional blackmailing and after marriage during mujhse nahi hoga phase. I am not saying that he should not have gave time to Anandi after marriage to sort out her feelings - but I would have liked him to question her about why she was adamant to marry asap when she was not ready for marriage.

anandi s case i dint find that unrealistic ,she wasnt ready for marriage but agreed becoz of her mother s wish ,she liked him ,but needed time ,it isnt for easy for everyone ,people need time to completely accept a person.It isnt so easy specially in anandi s case.I know anandi was very confident in most matters ,its not she lost confidence on herself ,but still in this particular area,there was fear,But that for me wasnt that unrealistic.

Ganga and jagya story was too filmy,her meeting with her,reaching whereever she is ,save her ,jump of terrace,but coming to ganga character,her liking for jagya wasnt unreal but her way of talking to him and even rest of men in house,i mean the conditions she stayed ,such women dont even open their mouth in front of men,its their way of showing respect,they dont behave friendly with a man especially.They dont even see eye to eye.But ganga in short span of time was so comfortable with dactersa.Now her way of speaking hindi /english ,unrealistic,the current ganga doesnt match to that ganga at all.

Women empowerment should not be shown like fairy tale - because it then loses its credibility.