To the CVs: How a rape victim behaves

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Picasso9

@Picasso9

Dazzler

Posted: 12 years ago

#11

@aparnauma and sowmya

Well said! There is no time frame because beauty of life is that everyone has their own pace.

Aparna, I especially liked how you described Ganga's lack of emotional investment in her marriage to Ratan. Actually makes senses for her recovery and also she had enough time of 'getting over' the physical aspect of his sexual assaults after he remarried. The other motivational factor she had to move on and stay strong was her child. How long could she remain in the doldrums with a vibrant, smiling child depending on her?

Ganga is not the typical village belle. If she was she would have never escaped. So attributing typical conservative qualities to her in respect to her ability to finally open up but applauding her bravado to escape is contradictory in itself. She did not immediately trust dactaarsaab. She flinched and ran from him the first, second and third time. She blamed him for causing failure of her first escape plan. She only started trusting him after he promised to get Manu back. A woman who escaped a man who was snatching her baby from her would of course worship a man who promises to unite her with said baby.

Edited by Picasso9 - 12 years ago

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sowmya

@Not_a_fan

Navigator

+ 5

Posted: 12 years ago

#12

Krystal_watz and SPuja, do you know what happens when a person dying of thirst will do when given a tiny sip of water? Lap it up. Ganga was not just raped in her marital life, in fact I don't think it was the most traumatic part of her abuse. She was probably not even touched except for beatings once the second wife came into the picture. No, ganga's trauma stemmed from the fact that she was abused and unloved her whole life, not from being raped. She was abandoned by her maternal family as a child and was completely alone, even surrounded by her so called husband and family, for as long as she was alive. She was beaten and was literally kept around as a servant and for taking care of mannu until he got older.

For such a person who had no inkling of love or respect or even basic human decency given by her own, imagine suddenly being rescued, protected and given a home by strangers who were nice to her simply because. Who went to great lengths to not just heal her physical wounds, but to provide the comfort of home and human support when before she had none? Who made possible the reunion with her beloved son and made sure she and her son were both taken care of? When hands were raised in blessing rather than in beatings and who actually encouraged her to move forward in life? Is there any other way she could have reacted to how jagya and the family treated her other than lapping it up and allowing her soul to be healed? I don't think so! She was starved for love and for acceptance, and when she got the slightest hint of that from these strangers, is there any wonder she accepted them as her own in her heart even if she didn't voice it out loud. In her mind, her ex-husband was her abuser and Jagya was her savior who earned her trust by going out of his way to do right by her in more than one instance. If I remember right, he was severely beaten up when he tried to protect her from goons. Of course, she would fall in love with him.

Coming to late night conversations and how village girls or at least abused village girls generally behave, again that's a generalization. How many other girls try running away from their abusive husbands, and survive, multiple times rather than take whatever abuse comes their way? And not just village girls either! Do you have any idea how many abused women, even highly educated women with brilliant careers, continue to take abuse from their families and do nothing about it? A great many! Ganga is not a simple rural girl who's identity was simply as an abused girl. That's disservice to how the character was written and enacted.

She's an inherently strong woman who overcame her trauma with the support of the man she eventually came to love and his family, but the initial steps taken to escape that abuse and save her son were completely her own. And when she took those initial steps, she didn't have or expect any support other than her own determination. That shows very strong character. Even Anandi (her parents and then the Singh's) and Gehna (Sumitra and Bhairon) and now Saanchi (pretty much all the characters on the show) and all other female characters who's stories have been told so far had support even when they faced the worst, even when that support was silent. Ganga had none and she's come so far since then that even if her progress is a tad unrealistic length of time-wise, it's the message that counts. The message being any event however traumatic is not the be-all and end-all, rather it can be overcome with strength of character and support, even those of strangers.

P.S. Isn't it ironic that we are all reacting so differently to the same story with the same characters when we are arguing about generalization?

Edited by sowmya_jairam - 12 years ago

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SPuja

@SPuja

Rocker

Posted: 12 years ago

#13

"we are all reacting so differently to the same story with the same characters"

People do react differently - but same yardstick should be applied for all characters. Like for creatives, it is easy to fall in love, so be it Ganga or Sanchi - just out of trauma and go into marriage. For me, the saviour will look more like a guardian - if I was a frighten, tortured woman who never knew love. When someone has seen a devil in her husband, the angel will not look like husband. And it was Anandi and not Jagya who reunited her with her son.

For me - the reaction of Anandi, Ganga and Sanchi all were far from reality.

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debbie

@Debbiee

Voyager

+ 2

Posted: 12 years ago

#14

It's a common phenomenon that abused women refrain themselves from initiating a new relationship. Abuse in any form do this to them.

I have heard many such stories and we all watched this in crime patrol as well.

In case of Anandi, it was more sort of mental abuse. As the CVs claim that it's a show with social issues, they should have put some light to this area.

In case of Ganga, it was physical and mental both. I think she got married at 12 to a man double her age and who was a widower. Though they did not show it explicitly, she had been raped before she got puberty(may be). And this continued for many years.

What should be the reaction of such a person to another man in life? Can she herself initiate love? I think she would try to have a career for a long time, educate her child, give herself time and then may be after a year or two when she can regain her confidence financially, socially and emotionally; can think of love/marriage again.

Well, however as someone said people react differently to the same situation. However how differently? 😊

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441597

Suspended

Posted: 12 years ago

#15

Sowmya: Ganga is not the "typical" village belle. In fact, she's far from even being "typical". But that's not really the question here. Regardless of how 'Exceptional' you are, can you really be free from the cultural conditioning that you have been subjected to all your life? Going to an unrelated man's room and carrying on discourses at late night is a culturally sensitive thing. That is VERY DIFFERENT from having inner courage and conviction to stand up to your abusers. Also, note that she did silently suffer all abuse until her son was snatched away from her. That's when her maternal instinct kicked in and triggered her fire. Had no attempt been made to seperate her son from her, she might never have thought of escaping.
Survival/maternal instincts can make you courageous or a rebel, but can they take away your cultural conditioning? That's the question.

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Picasso9

@Picasso9

Dazzler

Posted: 12 years ago

#16

Yes, Anandi as Sarpanch, did physically acquire Manu for Ganga with the Collector's aid. But why forget that their connection to Ganga came via Jagya. Also, Anandi uniting Ganga and Manu was not the permanent or secure 'unity' that Jagya brought about.

In fact Anandi, as Sarpanch and samaj sevak, just rescued Manu and called it a day, neither she nor Shiv offered counselling or rehabilitation services or even pointed Ganga in the right direction to be rehabilitated within the capacity of their professions. Anandi palmed of Manu, dusted her hands and actually had the gall of palming of her perceived responsibilities towards the Singhs to Ganga.

It was Jagya who won her trust with his altruistic counselling, giving her direction to be rehabilitated via education of herself and motivating her to make something of herself.

It wasn't Anandi who took a beating for her, it was Jagya. It wasn't Anandi who did the grunt work to get her educated, it was Jagya.