Haider- a Dark Drabble

This humble drabble goes out to all Haider's chahnewale.

And Sis Saima-Syed, coz I love you.

Haider- a Dark Drabble

I don't love you that is true. I don't care for you, that too is true.

I want you broken. I want your heart to bleed.

The same way mine did all those years ago.

Why you, you ask? Well, why not?

The same way, when the exact same thing I asked many years back, why me?

The cruel answer. Why not?

I don't hate you that is true.

I was not wronged by you, that too is true.

Then why you?

You don't love me.

You don't care for me.

What you do love is the idea of me.

What you care for is this persona I've made known to you.

Don't mistake that with loving me.

Me.

ME!

That me who has long ago been buried. Deep inside.

Me, who now wants out.

Me, who just wants to live.

And.

To live and.

To live and... to love.

Alas, I'm not capable of love.

Not anymore.

Not for a very long time.

But I too am not deserving of hate. Or am I?

Surely am not.

Why then do I find myself drowning in this swarm of self loath.

Self pity.

Self wrath.

Self destruction.

Do I not deserve happy ending?

Do I not want a happy ending?

Do I not deserve a chance to move on? Do I not want to move on?

More importantly, do I get to move on?

Vengeance, I'm aware can only take you so far.

Would it cure this still bleeding heart?

Would it balm the aching memories?

Those very memories that I carry like a wound, a scar even.

That's forever etched.

In this meager baggage of mine.

This baggage known as life.

A battle scar.

I need to know just how far.

How far can vengeance take me.

So avenge I must, the death of beauty.

The death of love.

The death of, me.

For I am, dead. Had been for the longest of time.

But not anymore.

It's my turn to live. My turn.

Pain. Sufferings. Misery.

That's what I wished for you.

That's what I want for you.

And that is what you'll get.

No, you've not wronged me.

But truth remains. Wronged, I was.

And if there is one to pay.

Why not you? Why not.

Thanks for reading.

FaRz⭐️