It was over, it really was.
Madhu shut the door and ran to her room, crashing in her bed. All the emotions that had been finally liberated and cruelly shaken by the events of the night washed through her and all Madhu could do was cry. It turns out neither the hatred nor the love within her had eventually won. Her hatred had proved surmountable, her love too trivial. She had lost. Everything. RK was probably a changed man, but no longer one who could love her. Her presence was a curse in everyone's life. Why didn't she die at the cliff, Madhu wailed.
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RK stumbled out of Madhu's apartment, heartbroken. For a few moments there, he had really felt everything was going to be alright again. Looking into Madhu's eyes, having her that close and vulnerable, made him lose all control. He couldn't help but kiss her, and the electricity he had felt on that kiss pushed every other thought out of his mind, except Madhu. All he wanted to do was love her, really really love her and shower his care on her. She was in pain because of him, and he wanted to do anything he could to comfort her. The touch of Madhu's silky skin drove him crazy. And she had responded! But clearly, in his own mad passion, he had failed to acknowledge what was going on with her. She did not want him back. At least not for any right reason. She was broken and desperate, and all he was doing in that moment was being the monster he had always been and taking advantage of her. For some reason, blamed herself instead of him, and RK could not damage her more in her moment of low self-esteem. Not only would she hate him even more when she recovered, she would probably hate herself for letting RK touch her. That is why he had stepped back. What he had thought was acceptance was clearly an illusion, which was clear from the anger in her eyes when she eventually snapped out.
RK sat for a long long time in his car, under Madhu's building, crying and replaying in his mind Madhu's last words and the divorce papers she had thrown at him.
It was over, it really was.
******************************************************************
Madhu woke up with the smell of RK on her body. Apparently she had slept off crying at some point. Now, an hour later, she was spent. Her tears had finally dried up - there was nothing left in her. Her throat was parched. Numb and lifeless, she slowly went to the kitchen to get some water. As she came out, her eyes fell on the divorce papers she had signed lying on the floor, where she had thrown him on RK's face. Apparently he hadn't taken them along. She trudged up to them and picked them up, involuntarily starting to read the decree of the death of her marriage. Midway through, she was startled when she realized the papers were made out on her behalf - Madhubala divorcing Rishabh Kundra for his cruelty and betrayal. She flipped quickly - yeah, it wasn't RK asking for a divorce. It was her - so technically it was one of two things. Either RK was trying to pass the guilt and make it look like Madhu wanted the divorce, or he really believed that was what Madhu actually wanted and was giving her the opportunity to demand her freedom with some semblance of self-respect.
Confused, Madhu went back in the bedroom and looked for RK's letter among the papers spread all over. Spotting it, she sat back on the bed, and started reading it again.
"Madhu,
I know seeing me again has put you in great deal of pain and reminded you of a misery you had probably gotten over with lots of effort. I am sorry, I wish we didn't run into each other at the hospital in such trying circumstances and I am sorry that you had to suffer my presence and the pain it brought along. Having said that, I have to admit that seeing you again and knowing that you are alive had brought me so much relief and happiness that I cannot express in words. Just for that, I thank destiny. Destiny, which otherwise has been horribly unkind on us.
No, I am not trying to blame destiny for everything I did to you. The way I treated you and the amount you had to suffer because of me, I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy, much less the woman I loved. I have been a terrible husband - perhaps you expected no different, after all I forced you into this marriage against your will, forced you to care for me, insulted you and your love innumerable times.
I know you do not need me any more - you never really did - and I cannot ruin your life any longer by staying in it against your wishes. I know you have no love left for me inside you, and I can only blame myself for it. I betrayed your trust in me, my love was clearly too shallow and cheap in front of yours and you are absolutely right in demanding your life back. You only have to sign the divorce papers and give them to Bittuji and your freedom will be back to you. I have transferred 75% of my assets to your name. Except for a small amount I have left for Sikki, the rest are in Ma's name and will automatically transfer to you after her. I know you would want to protest, but don't. The money is not a payment for my sins. It is rightfully yours, as my legally wedded wife. And honestly, now that I have lost you, nothing else in life means anything to me.
The truth is - Madhu - I know you do not need me in your life any more and you probably hate me more than anything else in the world. God knows I deserve it for my sins! But the truth is, I need you. I need you, my Madhu, my love, my biwi, more than I ever did. Because I love you with every inch of my remaining existence more than I truly ever did. I probably do not deserve to, but I shall love you and need you till my last breath. Because you are my universe. I do not know how you did it, Madhu, but you really, deeply loved me. Even an egoistic bas***d like me who did not know the meaning of love. You forgave my mistakes again and again, you taught me to be a better person. I have never been as happy in my life as I was in your arms.
But I am an idiot, a fool. I forgot what you taught me, and let my stupid ego beat me. I pushed you away from me, and myself drifted so far away from you that I fell in a deep, black hole of sin. I blamed you for everything that was going wrong in life. I was so consumed in my pain over losing our child, that I forgot to be there for you, for your pain, and went into a shell where I did not let anyone in, not even you. I was trapped by Ria, but I do not blame her. I blame my own lack of judgment, my own blind ego in which I forgot you and your love. One minute we were perfect together, and the other we were apart, adrift.
I could not save us Madhu, I am sorry. I could not save myself for being exactly the man you had rescued me from becoming and I insulted your love. I went so far away this time that even you could not save me. Why, Madhu, did you not hold on to me tight? Give me a few more slaps till I got back to senses?
I am sorry Madhu. I am really really really sorry Madhu. I am extremely sorry for everything I did to you, and everything I let happen to you, even though I know no apology is ever going to be enough. I shudder to imagine how cruelly I broke your heart, that the most courageous person I know in the world was willing to quit her life. I am a real monster, Madhu. I really really hate myself.
Like a drowning man catching at the last straws, I will say one thing today. Seeing you again has brought alive again a tiny flicker of hope, a small will to live in me. You know Madhu, when I learnt of your death, I tried many times to find a suitable punishment for me, but nothing was enough. Even death kept rejecting me. At the time I thought it was because it was too simple a punishment, too easy. But now I know it was more than that. I was alive so I could see you one more time and spend my life apologizing to you. I know I do not deserve you Madhu, but I do love you and I do need you.
So if you think, you could ever, ever in this life time forgive me, just give me one signal. I will wait an eternity, I will do whatever it takes for the hope of your forgiveness and your love. If you think you can maybe trust me, maybe love me one day, someday far far away in the future, it is more than enough for me and perhaps the greatest joy I can imagine right now. But if you don't think I deserve a second chance and that is ever possible - and I wouldn't blame you, I probably wouldn't give myself a second chance - then just sign and send the divorce papers, and forget the last couple of years ever happened. I promise that will be the end of RK, forever.
RK
Madhu's heart sank. She closed her eyes for a moment, then read the letter again. And again.
Was she reading this right? Did this mean...What did she.. but he...OH my God...RK!
Madhu stood up in panic and started looking for her phone. She had to find RK. Now!
Anupamaa
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
