Kool's Commentary : 27 Dec PR:Final Warning Pg33 - Page 55

Originally posted by: muse10

I first want to thank Kools for being the pillar of support for all the dissenting voices who have interesting and differing perspectives. Not everyone agrees on everything but all different perspectives can be expressed here without hesitation. I have sometimes expressed opinions that may be very different from others; but they have been accepted as just coming from a different POV. I really appreciate the spirit of conversation and debate that prevails here.

That is why I am posting here some of my views. Just my POV and not for argument. I apologize for its length.

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I guess any presentation of observation may benefit from some basic declaration about one's definitions of important terms about what is being observed and consistent adherence to them.

Such operative terms and phrases in many PR related discussions appear to me to be

- bhalaayi, - responsibility in offering deal or suggestion and its acceptance, - genuine stress leading to physical and mental distress, - jealousy and obsessive possessive behavior , - respect for others or lack thereof

Here is how I define and follow these terms and phrases, especially with regard to the three characters that remain the most discussed ones, based on what is shown. I am not saying that my definitions are perfect, others may define them differently, but I adhere to them in looking at characters

1) bhalaayi - an attitude or act of helping someone, at times even at a cost for oneself.

Purvi's act of leaving Mumbai to save Arjun and Ovi's marriage (even if it also helped her save herself from infamy) was a genuine act of bhalaayi in my view. Similarly, even though extremely immature and thoughtlessly done, her impulse to give away her own child to Ovi can surely be seen as her desire to help Ovi. And this is truly commendable.

But the same impulse to sacrifice one's right in order to help another person is found in Ovi's acts too, which closely parallel Purvi's. Her leaving Arjun (she did not have to), hiding her pregnancy (for which she gets blamed ) and her participating in the Arvi wedding should not be underestimated in this regard. From the angle of humanity, these are commendable decisions too.

2) responsibility in offering deal or suggestion and its acceptance - the one who makes the offer and the one who accepts it bear responsibility almost equally

The initial unethical deal offer by Ovi was accepted by Purvi and under duress by Arjun.

The unethical suggestion or demand to swap babies was made by Purvi and accepted by Onir under duress.

Now, if one views Ovi as more responsible for the debacle in the first instance, one has to accept that Purvi was more responsible for the second debacle. It cannot be the case that in the first Ovi was more responsible and in the second Onir. That is not consistent in my view.

3) genuine stress leading to physical and mental distress - when clinical opinion defines someone as being under stress or if there is a situation in which an average person would feel distressed

Did what Purvi see in Canada on her surprise visit cause extreme stress for her in that moment? Yes, surely. Perhaps it also led to her miscarriage (I use "perhaps" because we do not know when it happened or if it indeed happened.). It would be normal for a woman to be stressed out in that situation. But did she owe it to her husband (whom she claims to love to death) to hear him out after a few hours or a few days or a few months or a few years? Definitely. What she did for 20 + years is not based on stress but on stubbornness and self-righteous attitude. It did not change even as this character matured to middle age.

By the same token, was Ovi stressed during her pregnancy due to Arjun's attitude? Surely. Which wife would not be on seeing her husband day dreaming about his ex constantly? And it was clinically diagnosed by Onir. Was it Ok that she took to drinking? No. But her stress was genuine and it is not Ok to give Arjun a wiggling way out by saying that Ovi knew Arjun did not love her. Well, if you accepted a deal, it is your responsibility to follow through with it sincerely. And Ovi's behavior lasted for may be for over a year; not for 20 years.

4) jealousy and obsessive possessive behavior - when a person cannot see someone to whom they are close with another person and act irrationally to get that person away from the other person

Did Ovi engage in jealous and obsessive possessive behavior? Yes she did when she first came from Canada. Her offer of the deal is a proof of it. (But it cannot be discounted that Arjun had lied to her for long and had given her a word for marriage, however dishonest.). What is the situation now? If she was jealous now, she would not allow Pia to do what she is doing. From what is shown there is no indication that she is participating in the charade due to jealousy (even though I do think it is completely stupid of her to continue with it). All indications very clearly shown (her conversations with Arjun and Pia in particular) are quite to the contrary.

Is Purvi engaged in obsessive possessive behavior in the current rack? Yes. Even though told that Arjun has been married to Ovi for 20 years repeatedly, for the sake of getting Arjun back she keeps getting involved in strange situations that lead to problems for everyone. Going to Chadda's party, which led to Arjun's arrest and eventually to her engagement with RK, is a part of such behavior. Granted that Arjun does love her, it is really strange that now that SHE wants to know the truth he and Ovi have to tell her that, even though she stubbornly refused to listen for 20 + years. How fair is that expectation?

(And the misunderstanding is seen to be of all the people Ovi's fault in that she did not clarify with her parents. Truly mind boggling. Unbelievable! )

Arjun too is engaging in jealous and obsessive possessive behavior by pushing Purvi away on the one hand and following her on the other.

5) respect for others or lack thereof - these have fairly widely accepted definitions

Ovi certainly did not show respect for Archana in the beginning since she had believed all that was told to her by Savita and had been brought up to be a spoiled brat. It was bad behavior toward an elder for sure. But when she learned the truth and grew in age and experience, she changed her attitude and accepted her mistakes. This is commendable and endearing.

She also accepted showing respect to others as a value. That Ovi has instilled respect for elders including her mausi and her father (who has been so unfair to her) in Pia is apparent. Pia's goodness cannot be seen as a gift of God. Attitudes of children are reflections of their rearing. I don't think this point needs to be stressed.

As far as respecting elders, I have to say Purvi has been very good. From Archana and Manav to Sulochana and DK, she has shown respect for all. But is respect for others a value she holds dear? Has she instilled this in her daughter? Only partially. What does it mean to ask your child to talk to her father and at the same time to not safeguard tightly the diary that tells her that he has been disloyal to her mother? How is the effect of this different in terms of young Ovi's behavior to Archana and Pari's to Arjun (even though I do not attribute Savita's scheming attitude to Purvi)?

And why was Purvi creating bad impression about Ovi in the mind of a 21 year old employee (Pia) whom she had met only a few days ago by saying that Ovi took away everything from her?

Further, respect is to be shown not only to elders, but also to all who deserve it. What did Purvi do to Onir? She belittled everything done for her by him when she stormed out of his place. She never apologized to him for causing him trouble and not trusting him (even after learning the truth).

Ovi has apologized and admitted her mistakes. Now it is only appropriate that the gesture is returned to her by Arvi (Arjun for lying to her and taking her for granted, and Purvi for swapping of babies as well as for misunderstanding her for 20 + years). And Purvi certainly should apologize to Onir.

This is not about Purvi always being wrong. This is about fairness.

Muse, your post is very well written and interesting.

Teju, love your post and agree with it. Especially, what you said about respect being earned. I, too agree just being a parent doesn't equate to respect. Being a parent is real hard work that is rewarded with sleeplessness, tiredness, hunger, constant caregiving and so much more...

Anyway, I also find is so hard to understand the character of Pia. The other episode she said something like "all (meaning Arjun/Ovi /Purvi) separated because of her". I can't even imagine what she thinks of herself, her feeling of self-worth/value as a human being. She probably feels she shouldn't be even alive...can't imagine a girl who feels so worthless about her being born. To me, Ovi didn't really do a good job raising Pia...both Pia and Pari are messed up...and all because of Arvi/Ovi mess...Ekta is conveying all sorts of wrong messages just to shown the 'true love' of Arvi...well, I guess whatever😕

Originally posted by: muse10

Teju and Kalapi, thank you.

You do have a very good point. I agree with you both regarding earning respect. Absolutely.

I guess I was more focused on Ovi being raised by Savita in writing the part on Ovi's respect for Archana. But I see your point that if a mother never cared for 18 years about her child, the child does have a right to be angry. I agree.

I just watched today's episode and oh boy, have they messed up Pia's character or what! It was a good one till this point for me. But they turned her from heroic to sad. What is this obsession with self-sacrifice in Indian serials? I don't know.

Originally posted by: Kalapi

Muse, your post is very well written and interesting.

Teju, love your post and agree with it. Especially, what you said about respect being earned. I, too agree just being a parent doesn't equate to respect. Being a parent is real hard work that is rewarded with sleeplessness, tiredness, hunger, constant caregiving and so much more...

Anyway, I also find is so hard to understand the character of Pia. The other episode she said something like "all (meaning Arjun/Ovi /Purvi) separated because of her". I can't even imagine what she thinks of herself, her feeling of self-worth/value as a human being. She probably feels she shouldn't be even alive...can't imagine a girl who feels so worthless about her being born. To me, Ovi didn't really do a good job raising Pia...both Pia and Pari are messed up...and all because of Arvi/Ovi mess...Ekta is conveying all sorts of wrong messages just to shown the 'true love' of Arvi...well, I guess whatever😕

Originally posted by: tejaswiniwenham

muse you write so poetically, its a treat to read you. i agree by far to most things you've said except the point on respecting elders who have been nothing but cruel to you. see the way i see it, archana was not just any 'elder' who ovi chose to disrespect in her immaturity. that woman was her mother. her mother who didn't call or even look back at her for 18 years. a mother who had, in her POV replaced her with a child she found, the mother who cared so little about her that within a few days of her fianc unceremoniously leaving her through no fault of her own; decided to marry her adopted sister to that very fianc, a mother who was least concerned that her daughter's husband had literally abused her in public. archana chose to let the love for a man overshadow her love for her children. the one person whose love you should be able to take for granted, loved someone else more than you. ha! i personally have never seen archana behave ANYTHING remotely like a mother...if archana deserves the respect of ovi, then so do all those crack addict mothers who give birth to underweight babies with crack addictions who die of withdrawal or get sold for crack money. the end effect is the same- carelessness and abandonment of the child by the parent, no matter the intention. any girl can get pregnant. its easy. the hours of giving birth is a breeze compared to the lifetime of sacrifices one has to make for children. you do not deserve respect just because you popped one out. in some post earlier, in another thread, someone had mentioned something about how it is the parent's choice how they raise their child and if arjun has chosen to raise pia/pari away from himself, then thats a choice that should b respected... if he's away, he didn't raise pia/pari- not a parent, just a sperm.

respect is not for charity. its the most hard earned commodity. even more so than money or education or anything else. arjun and archana have not done anything to deserve that respect from their biological children. i find pari's behavior to b perfectly fine. pia's i find strange! how terrible does a kid need to feel constantly and how strong do abandonment issues need to be, for her to feel such respect for a father like arjun! i will probably get jootis in the forum for this, but if i was arjun, i would steal that gun and shoot myself upon hearing my own child, my flesh and blood say the things pia said today. i would hate myself beyond anything for making my child feel so uncared for and abandoned and no man/woman would b able to make that better.

Onirfan, I see your POV, but here it is not Pia's galti or fault at being born. She did not decide to come to this world. The resulted because of what 2 adult did. So, the feeling that her very birth is a fault and galti, to me is really really sad. Even if Ovi told Pia her story when she became an adult - if she feels now that her birth was a galti' for the messed up life of her parents and mausi - that is really sad. She feels she is responsible for Arvi separation - which was absolutely wrong. Arvi separated because they had trust issues - not her. In the same way - Arman separated because they had some serious issues - making Savita the scapegoat was CVs way to get got of the mess. When a couple divorces - it is because they as adult can't get to a middle ground or work out a compromise - and that hold even if the said saas of the divorcing couple is the worst human being possible. Here, in this case the Couple has to decide what matters to them and work it out.

Back to Pia. Pia having guilt issues to me reflects a deep seated inferiority complex in her that has been transferred from Ovi to her. Eben if Ovi did not say anything to her as a child - something in the environment must have affected her to think so poorly of her that she is even ready to die for the messed up life of the adults that were directly or indirectly responsible for her mindset. At age 20 or so that she is - she couldn't be thinking of sacrificing her life for her parents and unknown Mausi (dad), but rather should be hot blooded enough to live life. She seems to have experienced nothing much in life and certainly not the deep emotions of romantic love or friendship. If she has experienced anything it must be deep and acute depression and worthlessness...that is a sad state of being at any age...

I never had any issues with Ovi when she behaved badly with Archana. The concept that a child respects a parent no matter what, isn't true. Say for example - a child after being born is given to a different set of parents and the parents raises the child well - the child will love and respect that parents as his own (even if the child doesn't know that the parents never gave birth). In fact, the child will go through phases of self-questioning if he comes to know that he was adopted - he will always question why he was given up by her birth parents. The love the respect that happens in a family is because of growing up together through thick and thin and sharing a common root/story. So, I can even understand why Pari hated Arjun - to her, Arjun failed miserably as a father. Also interesting is that they showed Pari not interested in commitments. This is true for many kids who have witnessed parents divorcing each other, esp. if that process was bitter. These are outcomes that affect individuals unknowingly. To me, Pia's psychology is also the result of an outcome - that is Ovi's deep seated regret that she must have gone through herself - her regrets that she wronged Arjun and Purvi as well as her family. The sorrow, the heartbreak, the anguish that Ovi underwent living alone away from her family translated into Pia. It is so sad too, that Pia doesn't really understand what it must have been for Ovi to raise her all alone and going through such deep regrets herself...it is sad, she isn't mad at Arjun for letting this happen to Ovi - however illogical it might be. She feels more for a Mausi than her mom - I find that really really sad.

Any way, agree to disagree...