Posted:
Actually, you have brought up a good point. While Ovi's problem is lacking in self-respect, (forcing someone who doesn't love you to marry you - pretty lacking in self respect), Purvi's problem is lacking in self esteem.
Because Arjun was never honest with Purvi about Ovi's demands on him for marriage, and she found out in the public announcement, Purvi has ALWAYS lived in the shadow of Ovi. And always felt she was not quite good enough for have Arjun's love. He was always a bit compromised, not because he loved Ovi and not Purvi, but because he was never strong enough to be truthful - always afraid he would hurt someone. So he ended up being wishy washy. But that ambivalence caused Purvi to feel not quite good enough.
Archana was partly responsible for her lack of self esteeem, because she kind of gave the impression to Purvi that Purvi couldn't provide happiness as much as she needed. that the children she was missing were more important.. So even then, Purvi was living in Ovi's shadow.. It wasn't true that Archu loved the others more but her using Purvi as her confidant and comforter gave a wrong message to Purvi. It was the adult child in Purvi taking care of the mother, reverse roles. So Purvi felt only by bringing the other children back to her mother, would her mother be a happy mother. Its' complex but i believe what was shown tells this story. (And by the way it has NOTHING to do with adopted or bio children. In any family one child can be given subtle messages that she will never be enough to make the parent happy. Pls pls don't bring this issue up if responding).
EVEN when Purvi discovered Arjun and Ovi with the baby, and Arjun had just lied to Purvi about who he was with and where, this old inferiority complex reared it's ugly head and she felt, maybe subconsciously, that, yes even though Arjun says he loves me, you see, he still prefers Ovi. In fact that's exactly what she said.
So, you see, Purvi's reaction is not all that strange. The ONE good thing i see now, is that Purvi is saying - for the first time - "I believe that Arjun loves me. I refuse to believe anything else." That's a huge step for Purvi.
Hi Naava:
I respect your views and I agree about your assessment of Ovi's lack of self-respect in entering a loveless marriage knowingly.
But I am sorry I have to respectfully disagree about Purvi's lack of self-esteem. I would say if anything, she has too much of it. In general, only a person who holds himself/herself in very high esteem can starts having debates with her boss about employee rights on the very first day as she did with Arjun in the beginning. (I am not saying it was wrong, I am just saying that it requires very high self-image.) Further, only such a person would turn around and start questioning the very person who helped him/her unconditionally in dire circumstances as Purvi did with Onir (which was an act of having too high an image of oneself by any standard.)
As far as her love relationship with Arjun is concerned, it is true that she was shocked and in doubt about what was the truth when Arjun-Ovi engagement was announced. But when she forced Arjun to marry Ovi, her basic line, which she kept repeating, "if you really love me, do this." She was demanding it from the position of power a beloved has over her lover. Not for a flicker of a second she conveyed, "I don't think I am worthy of you." Even when she asked Arjun to give Ovi her conjugal rights, she asked him to do this with a right a beloved has over her lover. If she was in any doubt about her position with Arjun, she would not be able to do that.
Finally, when DK fell sick, the way she asked for power of attorney to take charge of the business (no doubt in order to help), I do not think she would be able to do if there was any doubt in her mind about her position with Arjun.
So, regarding the separation track, I can understand that she was stressed and might be confused because of one lie and misunderstood (to a large degree due to her not being ready to listen to others because of her very high opinion of herself). But lack of self-esteem? I don't think so. Purvi was never a bechari, which I think is a really good thing. But her self-esteem sometimes gets better of her, even in relation to Arjun.
And Archana made Purvi feel she was not able to give her enough happiness? When? Is it unrealistic for a mother to miss her separated children? That is all that was shown. Other than that, Archana repeatedly said to Purvi that she gave her the reason to live and "tum mera gurur ho." etc. If one thing Archana has really done well is the way she has loved Purvi.
Muse10, I respect that people have different ideas and opinions. Let me explain a bit more what i mean.
First of all a person can have confidence in business, which Purvi definitely does, but be very lacking in self esteem of personable worth in terms of being worthy of being loved. Purvi has always projected that she does not have this.
Many of the examples you gave were business oriented and Purvi had confidence there. Look, someone who does not have a healthy self esteem does not go around saying " i have low self esteem" " i am not worthy.". Forget what they say, watch what they do ! In fact people like this sometimes over act in confidence to cover their real lack of feeling worthy. God forbid that anyone should know plus it's a self protective behavior.
When Purvi asked/told Arjun to marry Ovi because she surrendered to the deal that Ovi gave her, she did it for three reasons. One, to give her mother the happiness of Ovi's affection that she had always wanted and longed for. Two, to prevent Ovi from committing suicide - which would kill her mother, and if that happened it would be because of her. Three because she felt that even though Arjun loved her, a marriage to Ovi would be better for Arjun in the long run. Her own family didn't show up at some of the ceremonies, Purvi said things like I never thought i would have much in life, I can't make you happy (because our families will have tension with me marrying you but not with Ovi marrying you, if you marry Ovi everything will work out). Just like with her mother Purvi feels the happiness in the family doesn't come from herself, Purvi, it comes from Ovi. I can give this gift of happiness by giving Ovi. There were many many things that Purvi did that showed a low self esteem from a psychological point of view.
As to Archana, you misunderstood what i said. Of COURSE Archana should miss her children, she should long for them, she should weep for them, but it is essential that a parent not burden a child with continual and ongoing grief for another child. (just like when one child dies and the parent grieves the dead child too much in front of the living child) In fact it is essential that a parent not overly burden the child with ongoing sadness and crying, which is what they showed time and time again. How ARchana was crying for her children, and telling it all to Purvi and Purvi comforting her over and over. This is totally upside down. Every young child would feel like they coulnd't make their mothers life better, somehow it was their fault, they should have died or disappeared instead of the others. She said, Purvi is my Teju, Ovi and Sachin. A substitute. A mother needs to be the mother, and the child needs to stay the child. Archana should have taken her grief to an adult, to Sulo, to Vaishu, to a friend but NOT done this to her child. This was so wrong and i cringed everytime they showed this. This kind of behavior causes the child to feel guilty that they are NOT Ovi Teju and Sachin. This child was Purvi the substitute, not the real thing. So, to make thing alright, a child will always either emotionally withdraw or be determined that they must fix it..they must somehow make Teju, Ovi and Sachin come back.. Isn't this what everyone accuses Purvi of doing?? Thinks she has to fix everything?
I'm sorry but it seems very clear to me. Finally however I see Purvi has said, I believe that Arjun loves me, and I do not have to surrender to Ovi this time. I am not going to do it, I am not going to make that mistake again.
Ghum Hai Kisikey Pyaar Meiin
