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So Friday's episode gave some answers I was waiting for.
So Kunal acknowledges AC's plead and how things should be. But he is afraid of the court now. Kunal lost everything in his last case. All talks about fame, name, confidence is on side; but biggest loss was Siddhi.
Now he also kind of blamed Siddhi but did he now? he asked why Siddhi did you make me lose my confidence, ability to continue,my liveliness, etc. If you were with me, I would have it all. Now Siddhi's behavior with family, family's opinion about Siddhi, Siddhi's actions during an open trial and last confrontation with Kunal would made Kunal think Siddhi did betray him. This feeling was fueled by the fact Kunal was not aware of what really took place while he was in jail. Neither Siddhi nor anyone else have told him of complete truth. Also when he went to get his child; he was not allowed to meet her. So all these circumstances matched together would make Kunal think Siddhi did betray him. So from outside he does appear to believe that. But does he now?
Because if he believed Siddhi betray him; why so much hooked on her thoughts? Kunal is afraid of life and court room as he lost everything that was his, especially Siddhi. So if Siddhi betray him, hatred would be towards her directly not inwards. Kunal said if you were with me; I would have it all. So really he's not saying Siddhi's betrayal is what made him such; but her absence did. All he was asking Siddhi was why did you leave me? So really deep down Kunal doesn't believe Siddhi betray him. If he believed Siddhi betrayed him for money; well why would he wonder why did Siddhi leave me? As beginning of show, Kunal knew Richa left him for money; he didn't question in his mind why Richa? But here he is questioning why Siddhi? Also if Kunal really thought Siddhi tried to kill AC, why not tell him? He sure said don't believe anyone; then hwy not tell him so called truth as your child can be saved from any betrayal. Then why say it? Trying to justify failure or appease guilt?
So to me it appears Kunal is blaming himself here. He is afraid of court as he lost everything that defined him. Why did he lose all these and why did Siddhi leave him; because he was not able to handle the situation. If he had handled the case well enough, Siddhi wouldn't have acted the way she did to start with. In his mind Kunal is questioning his skill as lawyer because if he was really capable; wouldn't he win most important case of his life? He made big promises to Siddhi he wouldn't let anything happen to anyone and they'll always be together. Well did that happen and what is it he did to make it happen? So really what we see right now is not just self-pity but deliberate self-destruction. Kunal is sure bit confused about Siddhi's behavior, did she betray him, why did she leave him, all of these questions are eating him alive inside. He has no answer except, it must be his fault. Self-destruction doesn't seem out of pity to me but more of deliberate.
Now the seeing each other through mirror. Who ever thought of it, just perfect. Remember Kunal's poetry, "mere apne mera hone ki nishani mange; mera aaina mujse mera Parichay mange?" So I don't know if it was happy accident or deliberate planning; but keep it up. Kunal was afraid of looking into mirror eye to eye as his mirror questioned his identity or being. So here mirror is questioning Kunal and there is the answer; Siddhi. Kunal lost his sense of identity because of her absence. So to find himself; Kunal must go after her. Another reason Kunal doesn't believe Siddhi betrayed him. Because if he really did; why go after her to ask why did you leave me? I don't remember Kunal ever going after Richa, he actually avoided her and when went to see her; that was to say good bye. Now why did Siddhi hide? well her last confrontation wasn't pleasant, 9 years have passed, Kunal may have moved on; so many feeling pushed down. How can she face him, more like his questions? So to me, that was perfect. Because if they came face to face, I imagine them breaking down completely.
There are some pain that are just so powerful; one gives it all to suppress it, one just wants to push it down so much and never try to talk about it. But doesn't mean they are no longer there. Siddhi's absence is that pain for Kunal. Kunal stopped everyone from talking about Siddhi but the pain was there. so he drank as much as possible to deal with it but it only made him talk about her. This can very well be related to why Kunal keeps saying AC is like Anand. As a baby, AC use to remind Kunal of Siddhi no matter what. So to avoid the pain, Kunal may started thinking he's like my brother not like Siddhi. That would make sense to me, but don't know for KC.
So Kunal sure is hurt and emotionally vulnerable. He is afraid of life and himself because Siddhi left him. Why, may be Siddhi betrayed him as Kunal pushed her towards it or Kunal failed to protect his wife and keep his promise. So either way, Kunal blames himself and is on path of deliberate self-destruction. Why else jump into boxing ring while other ways to make money without gettign beat up? Such complexity is definitive of Kunal's character. at times I wonder do CVs really know how at times they are so damn good?
Still some questions remain as why did Kunal wait for 9 years to go behind Siddhi or he did make attempts in past? He's alive because of his son but why no work at all? Afraid of court yes, but is it conscious choice to be bad father as part of punishment? Letting Richa in?
Of course goes without saying but kudos to SS for depicting pain so well and also good job KN. Your eyes spoke plenty. Sorry for longgg post...
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