Is it just me? - Kinda Controversial

Hey, I love this show!! Binge watched the whole 90+ episodes in 2 days and I am hooked to the whole family vibe and ShiVi

But I can’t help feeling that they take sanskaar to an unnecessary level, especially with Rishita. Barring today’s episodes, her wishes aren’t wrong. She desires private time with her husband and somehow those things are twisted to show that she isn’t the ideal bahu. Couple of instances -

1. Wanting to explore after the puja. Here, it’s clearly seen that Dhara’s face gets small on hearing that she wants to walk around the markets with her husband. Then, that very same evening, Dhara plans the first rasoi tradition. If you know that someone has made plans already, why must you play the spoilsport and keep the first rasoi for that same day? It was insensitive on Dhara’s part and the whole sequence looked like Rishita was the unreasonable one.

2. In an extension of the same dramatic scene, Gaumbi closes his plate signalling that he doesn’t want to eat, because Rishita tells him that Dev has already had lunch with her and won’t be joining them. Then later, after creating so much drama, Gaumbi tells her that he wasn’t angry and that it was her right 🤷‍♀️ Like what? Decide kar lo pehle ki gussa ho ya nahi. Pehle gussa dikhana and then baad mein mahaan banna is just strange and manipulative.

3. Krish barging into a newly married couple’s room and Dev and Shiva berating Rishita for being angry. I am glad Dhara didn’t give her signature disappointed look and supported her here.

4. Rishita and the sandwiches and Dhara’s unnecessary comment. The girl has made it with love for everyone. It is very easy to tell when sandwiches are spoilt. First check and then comment na? And then they wonder why Rishita doesn’t want to cook for them 🤷‍♀️

5. Dhara’s so called tough love for Raavi. Just because Rishita is capable of standing up for herself doesn’t mean ki Raavi ko jaake sunaoge just because you feel she whines too much about Shiva. What kind of strategy is that? What did it even achieve? Raavi has full rights to be upset. She never wanted this marriage and was coerced into it. Then she thinks that Shiva abandoned her when she needed him. You can’t expect the girl to be okay with him in just few days! Matlab kuch bhi.

I usually love Dhara and Gaumbi and their dynamics with everyone, but some instances are just not palatable to me. Sanskaar ke chakkar mein itna dramebazi is not cool.

Everyone of us have felt one or the other from your list!!

You aren't alone. I'm not going to lie at times Dhara was a bit weird too. Dhara really shouldn't have commented on the sandwich. That was uncalled for, all of us here didn't appreciate it.

Rishita isn't a likeable character, to be frank. Yes, no one would fault her for wanting to spend time with her husband but she could dial it down a bit.

She's rude, and today she proved to be a bully as well.

Krish shouldn't have barged into her room, but she didn't have to call him names. Baat karne ka salika hota hai. She could have said the same calmly without calling Krish names.

As for the Rasoi, she just didn't want to do it. It's simple. Should have done the what was needed and then go off with your husband. No, she had to do it separately and then expect Dev to not eat with his family. That was weird on her part.

I don't think Gaumbi was mad at Rishita, but he was upset and he had the right to be. Understandable Rishita needs time to adjust but she really doesn't have any endearing qualities. Even when she's right, she puts her opinion in a rude manner. They are a family, there is no need to be rude all the time. Where the heck is her basic manners. Just like she's adjusting, the new family is adjusting with her. They don't around being rude to her. Same applies to her. Give and take!!

You bring up some very valid points! Like Namita said above, we have felt and voiced a lot of those points in our daily discussions! I know I was pissed at the sandwich comment! Glad to see yet another balanced member open to discussion! Do join us in the EDT if you can! There are some interesting and fun conversations there! We love all the characters so we def are open to discussing them and pointing out when they are wrong or do something we don’t fully understand!

I agree 100%. So much so that I have fast forwarded all dhara-gombhi scenes since they came to haveli. Sanskar lecture overboard...

Anyone would go crazy with so much lecturing. Only Raavi can fit in this family because technically she has been a part of the family since childhood.

Characters like Rishita look brash on ITV show because of the saccharine sweet bahu standing next to her.

Sorry to vent but that sanskar/culture lectures drive me up the wall. I also don’t get the obsession with ‘parivar ko ek rakhna hai’. Ek rakhna doesn’t mean ek ghar is necessary. Plus imagine these four brothers have 2 kids each and they bring in their spouses...

Bravo what an amazing post👏

Like Nami di and Raingoddess mentioned we have had so many discussions on all these points in the EDT....I am glad you have summed up everything in one post...

Gaumbi to me is practical to some extent...

Dhara has always been rishte ki maryaada,parivaar ki shaanthi types and goes overboard

the sandwich comment is one i dislike a lot....she really needs to step down from her mommy role and let the kids figure out their relation themselves

Thanks for sharing your views 🤗 Agreed that Rishita isn’t a likeable character. She is rude and comes across as insensitive too. But these are instances where the other side of Dhara’s interference created an unnecessary situation.

True. She shouldn’t have called Krish names, but he had also been passing comments and interfering in their personal time a lot. She should control her tongue but he also needs to understand that he overstepped.

Regarding the rasoi, she had made other plans in advance. Why must Dhara schedule on the same day as when she had plans to go out? Zabardasti thodi na karni hoti hai. Rishita had full right to not participate when she had already made plans and that was spoilt. Still, she made pizza but wanted Dev to have it privately with her as they couldn’t go out due to the rasoi thing. This was their private time, jiska itna bada issue banaya gaya.

I think Gaumbi overreacted that day. Why can’t a newly married couple enjoy lunch together without family? Uss pe plate neeche rakh do and then pretend that he wasn’t mad later 🤷‍♀️

Rishita is brash and rude, but Gaumbi-Dhara too take their sanskaar to an unnecessary level. The whole drama was not required and could have been easily avoided.

Originally posted by: Namita-M

Everyone of us have felt one or the other from your list!!

You aren't alone. I'm not going to lie at times Dhara was a bit weird too. Dhara really shouldn't have commented on the sandwich. That was uncalled for, all of us here didn't appreciate it.

Rishita isn't a likeable character, to be frank. Yes, no one would fault her for wanting to spend time with her husband but she could dial it down a bit.

She's rude, and today she proved to be a bully as well.

Krish shouldn't have barged into her room, but she didn't have to call him names. Baat karne ka salika hota hai. She could have said the same calmly without calling Krish names.

As for the Rasoi, she just didn't want to do it. It's simple. Should have done the what was needed and then go off with your husband. No, she had to do it separately and then expect Dev to not eat with his family. That was weird on her part.

I don't think Gaumbi was mad at Rishita, but he was upset and he had the right to be. Understandable Rishita needs time to adjust but she really doesn't have any endearing qualities. Even when she's right, she puts her opinion in a rude manner. They are a family, there is no need to be rude all the time. Where the heck is her basic manners. Just like she's adjusting, the new family is adjusting with her. They don't around being rude to her. Same applies to her. Give and take!!

Thanks for the warm welcome 🤗 Would join you in the EDT too. Just finished the whole series last night, so was consolidating my thoughts on certain issues that rankled me 😆

Originally posted by: Raingoddess

You bring up some very valid points! Like Namita said above, we have felt and voiced a lot of those points in our daily discussions! I know I was pissed at the sandwich comment! Glad to see yet another balanced member open to discussion! Do join us in the EDT if you can! There are some interesting and fun conversations there! We love all the characters so we def are open to discussing them and pointing out when they are wrong or do something we don’t fully understand!

Thank you so much for making this post!

I agree with you. There are certain scenes, especially involving Dhara and Gautam that simply do not make sense (the one that made me go ??? the most was that scene where Gautam dramatically walks out after refusing to eat and then proceeding to tell Dev that Rishita is not wrong). Also Dhara scheduling the pehli rasoi after knowing that Rishita had wanted to go out was just ??? as well LOL.

I had hoped that Rishita would be a character that wouldn't hesitate to question the elders and Dhara and Gautam. I wanted a more realistic representation of the modern younger generation that doesn't hesitate to question authority when they disagree (because honestly, the Pandya family could use some of that). Basically, a character that understands that you can still be respectful of people older than you without silencing yourself completely. But as usual, ITV cannot show that middle ground, and is instead intent on building that one female character that will start the most drama. And honestly, it's starting to feel very contrived and forced. There were several ways for them to show that Rishita has a hard time with adjusting with the family and adapting to new authority figures without making her so unbelievably insensitive, rude, and thus giving other family members an opportunity to berate her. It annoys me, because from what I've watched of the Malayalam version of this show, Aparna (Rishita's counterpart) was much more balanced and I was definitely able to understand her and empathize with her much more because they provided more insight about how she was really feeling. Here, I can still understand why Rishita is behaving the way she is, but I find it hard to empathize with her. Har cheez ki hadh hoti hai, for goodness's sake.

Quite honestly, the most realistic resolution to this whole issue would be Rishita and Dev moving out to start a life of their own, but there is a huuugeee emphasis on the whole joint family concept in this show, much like 90% of the ITV shows out there. So it'll never happen.

(I just realized how off topic I got, but I figure since we're discussing our "controversial" opinions in here, might as well 😆)

Hahaha! Gaumbi-Dhara are their universe 😆 Itna sanskaar koot koot ke bhara hai unke andar. They are still cute ❤️

I agree with the parivaar ko ek rakhna wala weirdness. Yaar, jab ghar mein sirf do kamre hain, then how are they expecting to accommodate so many people? Har jagah thodi na adjust karoge na? Married couples need their privacy. It’s the responsibility of the family to give them that space. Sab Dhara jaise sanskaari thodi na ho sakte hain?

Originally posted by: Irshita

I agree 100%. So much so that I have fast forwarded all dhara-gombhi scenes since they came to haveli. Sanskar lecture overboard...

Anyone would go crazy with so much lecturing. Only Raavi can fit in this family because technically she has been a part of the family since childhood.

Characters like Rishita look brash on ITV show because of the saccharine sweet bahu standing next to her.

Sorry to vent but that sanskar/culture lectures drive me up the wall. I also don’t get the obsession with ‘parivar ko ek rakhna hai’. Ek rakhna doesn’t mean ek ghar is necessary. Plus imagine these four brothers have 2 kids each and they bring in their spouses...

Thank you so much 🤗

Dhara ka extra sanskaari level 100 was achieved in the below instances -

1. When Gaumbi stood up for her in front of his mother, she told him not to interfere and that he was wrong 🤷‍♀️ Isse kehte hain gaali khane ki aadat padh jaana.

2. When Dhara says that Suman ki daant mein pyar hai or something like that 👌 Wah bhai wah.

There should be a meme page on Dhara. That would be fun 🤣

Originally posted by: ItsmePriya

Bravo what an amazing post👏

Like Nami di and Raingoddess mentioned we have had so many discussions on all these points in the EDT....I am glad you have summed up everything in one post...

Gaumbi to me is practical to some extent...

Dhara has always been rishte ki maryaada,parivaar ki shaanthi types and goes overboard

the sandwich comment is one i dislike a lot....she really needs to step down from her mommy role and let the kids figure out their relation themselves