Discussion Of The Weak #8 **Joint Family In Pakistani Dramas ** - Page 2

Originally posted by: awida

I agree the married couple starting their lives out of the interferance of parents may help them develop a healthy relationship. But what about those parents who might be needing the support of their children? 😕

If there are rules in the joint family which regulate the relationship between everyone in the house , their responsibilities, and their privacy ..isn't it possible that such families may live comfortible, and don't have to loose the love and warm of living with the extended family? ..maybe working women can get help in taking care of their children from their mother, sisters in law?😕

Parents shouldn't be thinking of their kids as their default retirement investment. If they can, they should secure their future retirement days without having to depend on anyone. And i mean it in a nice way, trust me. Parents are, in our culture, over sacrificing. No parent needs to carry the burden of their 25 yr old jobless useless child and deplete their savings and energy. They spend their all lives rearing kids, giving up on small happiness, retirement is when they are set free. To relax and enjoy stress free lives.

But God forbid, if their health or financial status is not letting them do so, kids need to step up and take care of them. This is a natural thing to do, with or without joint family.

Coming to helping hand with kids for working couples, from my observation, parenting ideas definitely differ from generation to generation. Because in our culture people believe that "age = wisdom", grandparents tend to just follow what they did with their own kids irrespective of how the parents feel. There are no boundaries, everyone wants to enforce their beliefs. And more often than not one of the key caregivers which is child's mother or child's grandmother (because in ojr cultures dads usually do nothing🙄) , one will have to compromise. And many such compromises over the years leads to unpleasant energy and equation.

Coming to the point where there are rules to maintain the peace of the household. Usually any kitchen related rules will ne made by the senior most lady in the family and all other rules will be made the oldest male member. If they fail to see the views of the younger generation, at least 1 person in the family will be suppressed by every such rule evem if it is based on majority support. Imagine if rule of the household is only sarees or suits in the house and 1 out of 5 bahus wants to wear a nightdress, but she can't. Majority doesn't mean everyone is equally happy. What if one couple wants to go out, eat and have fun outside more than others. They can't do that, as per their liking, without offending someone.

Two is company, three is crowd. Living in a joint family means giving up on lot of yoir personal freedom amd choices to keep the household running smoothly.

I think there are some benefits to joint family system too, as long as the family isnt toxic and narrow minded its all good. I like my in laws because they never interfere in my life, but maybe thats just because I dont live with them😆 but yeah they are sweet

Often joint family system can even become your pillar of strength when your marriage is facing problems etc. If they consider you as part of their family, you wouldnt feel lonely and left out with them. Living alone with husband I can say from experience does get lonely and boring at times, especially when hes always busy working

Family can give you company and even help around with chores

Originally posted by: stardust2011

Parents shouldn't be thinking of their kids as their default retirement investment. If they can, they should secure their future retirement days without having to depend on anyone. And i mean it in a nice way, trust me. Parents are, in our culture, over sacrificing. No parent needs to carry the burden of their 25 yr old jobless useless child and deplete their savings and energy. They spend their all lives rearing kids, giving up on small happiness, retirement is when they are set free. To relax and enjoy stress free lives.

But God forbid, if their health or financial status is not letting them do so, kids need to step up and take care of them. This is a natural thing to do, with or without joint family.

Coming to helping hand with kids for working couples, from my observation, parenting ideas definitely differ from generation to generation. Because in our culture people believe that "age = wisdom", grandparents tend to just follow what they did with their own kids irrespective of how the parents feel. There are no boundaries, everyone wants to enforce their beliefs. And more often than not one of the key caregivers which is child's mother or child's grandmother (because in ojr cultures dads usually do nothing🙄) , one will have to compromise. And many such compromises over the years leads to unpleasant energy and equation.

Coming to the point where there are rules to maintain the peace of the household. Usually any kitchen related rules will ne made by the senior most lady in the family and all other rules will be made the oldest male member. If they fail to see the views of the younger generation, at least 1 person in the family will be suppressed by every such rule evem if it is based on majority support. Imagine if rule of the household is only sarees or suits in the house and 1 out of 5 bahus wants to wear a nightdress, but she can't. Majority doesn't mean everyone is equally happy. What if one couple wants to go out, eat and have fun outside more than others. They can't do that, as per their liking, without offending someone.

Two is company, three is crowd. Living in a joint family means giving up on lot of yoir personal freedom amd choices to keep the household running smoothly.

There are care homes for retired parents and all where they can get cared for but thats not the problem. When I imagine myself from that POV in old age, I would feel so lonely being left alone🤔 and what about when your husband/wife passes away, and your kids are leading their own married lives? Its very difficult to live without a family. It actually gives me chills.

There are prons and cons of living in joint family. Sometimes its beneficial but sometimes its toxic and hectic to handle everyone and tackle with everyone's mood.

Its actually helpful but beside that its also burdensome.

Its lovely to have support of family members when they live together but at same time their are privacy issues.

If the family has understanding and maturity and they show equality than there is no issue to live in joint family. But agar saath rehney sy masley barh jayein toh its better to get separate. Like in PG their issues are increasing.

I would suggest that its better to divide portions if there is big family so no one can interfere in each other matter. They will cook in their respective area.

But yeah if there is small family having one or two brothers than they can easily live in same house with their parents.

Originally posted by: Unique.Sheep

There are care homes for retired parents and all where they can get cared for but thats not the problem. When I imagine myself from that POV in old age, I would feel so lonely being left alone🤔 and what about when your husband/wife passes away, and your kids are leading their own married lives? Its very difficult to live without a family. It actually gives me chills.

Im not saying one needs to cut off the ties completely. Close enough to meet and spend time everyday without having to voluntarily or involuntarily interfere in each other's space. Make a building like house and then assign one floor/apartment to each individual family - perfect!

In one single home with multiple families living together, there is always a "owner" / "head of the house" role. All decisions have to be reviewed (sometimes even approved) by them. Imagine how difficult it was for us, especially as teenagers, to follow some of the rules our parents made for us. But uss umar mein koi option nahi tha.. It was their house technically, so their rules. We couldn't wait to go to college and enjoy life. Now imagine having to spend your whole life curbing on your choices, just because the head of house doesn't approve it or because it may offend someone in the family.

My MIL is super religious, im not. She follows a millions of rituals and poojas, i don't. She expects her son to be taken care of as a king, i don't. If we were to live under a single roof forever, there will be lot of unspoken yet broken expectations. This is inspite of the fact that my MILnever forces me to do anything or follow her path. But i know she would really like it if i did. Imagine if it was some negative villainous type MIL... Sab ki shanti bhang! 🙄

My biggest fear will be if i have to depend on my kids in old age, physically or otherwise. I wish everybody (young and old alike) has a choice, always, to do want they want whether it is to stay with family, stay near family or wander the world. I hope God bless us all with our good health and fortune so as to never be in a position of not having a choice.

Originally posted by: VioletOrchid123

Personally i don't like joint family system... Privacy, space these things are important to me.... Especially after marriage its better if the couple lives seperately.... That way the bond between the couple will get stronger with time.... Outside interference creates more troubles than anything else.... Never lived in a joint.... So i am not sure if there are any pros that makes its worthy.

Thank you for sharing your views. 😊

It is not just that a married couple needs. privacy, even parents need to live peacefully when they grow old.😃

Many years ago I used to go to my grandfather's house and feel confused, because they are living there as a joint family .. my grandfather, his 2 wives, my uncles and their families.. it was crazy .🤪

For this there must be rules to continue living peacefully in such system. Dividing responsibilities, sharing the financials, showing love and respect to eachother. The elders have to be very wise to keep the family tight , and draw the lines, to avoid interfering in their childrens' lives. 😊 It is a big task, and I pity parents who choose to keep their children with them after they get married.😒

Originally posted by: stardust2011

Im not saying one needs to cut off the ties completely. Close enough to meet and spend time everyday without having to voluntarily or involuntarily interfere in each other's space. Make a building like house and then assign one floor/apartment to each individual family - perfect!

In one single home with multiple families living together, there is always a "owner" / "head of the house" role. All decisions have to be reviewed (sometimes even approved) by them. Imagine how difficult it was for us, especially as teenagers, to follow some of the rules our parents made for us. But uss umar mein koi option nahi tha.. It was their house technically, so their rules. We couldn't wait to go to college and enjoy life. Now imagine having to spend your whole life curbing on your choices, just because the head of house doesn't approve it or because it may offend someone in the family.

My MIL is super religious, im not. She follows a millions of rituals and poojas, i don't. She expects her son to be taken care of as a king, i don't. If we were to live under a single roof forever, there will be lot of unspoken yet broken expectations. This is inspite of the fact that my MILnever forces me to do anything or follow her path. But i know she would really like it if i did. Imagine if it was some negative villainous type MIL... Sab ki shanti bhang! 🙄

My biggest fear will be if i have to depend on my kids in old age, physically or otherwise. I wish everybody (young and old alike) has a choice, always, to do want they want whether it is to stay with family, stay near family or wander the world. I hope God bless us all with our good health and fortune so as to never be in a position of not having a choice.

Thats always been my ideal for a home, in sha Allah one day😆

still, when you have a partner its fine to be assigned a seoarate floor or apartment...but still idk what it would be like to live alone😳 i mean would your kids even want you to visit them everyday?

Oh well, in my in laws my husband is the boss as hes the eldest, so i guess i have nothing to worry about😆

Originally posted by: stardust2011

In one single home with multiple families living together, there is always a "owner" / "head of the house" role. All decisions have to be reviewed (sometimes even approved) by them. Imagine how difficult it was for us, especially as teenagers, to follow some of the rules our parents made for us. But uss umar mein koi option nahi tha.. It was their house technically, so their rules. We couldn't wait to go to college and enjoy life. Now imagine having to spend your whole life curbing on your choices, just because the head of house doesn't approve it or because it may offend someone in the family.

My MIL is super religious, im not. She follows a millions of rituals and poojas, i don't. She expects her son to be taken care of as a king, i don't. If we were to live under a single roof forever, there will be lot of unspoken yet broken expectations. This is inspite of the fact that my MILnever forces me to do anything or follow her path. But i know she would really like it if i did. Imagine if it was some negative villainous type MIL... Sab ki shanti bhang! 🙄

See, for me I don’t think I could cope with living with my mil being constantly in charge of me after I’m married. Your lucky your mil doesn’t force you but I’m sure there are plenty that do. It’s unfair for the girl who has to give up so much, to then have to adjust to a diff way of life to what she was used to. Girls imagine that they’ll be close to their parents after marriage but sometimes they live far with the husband and his family and it so can be very hard for her.

My parents give me freedom and ease, so to then be staying with another family with expectations and rules that I might not live up to, would make me feel like a failure.

That’s why dramas like saath nibhana saathiya1 (cant think of a similar pak drama) are so popular, there’s always a matriarch and bahu always has problems fitting in with everyone else, as sadly it’s so realistic for many girls.

Originally posted by: _NINA_

There are prons and cons of living in joint family. Sometimes its beneficial but sometimes its toxic and hectic to handle everyone and tackle with everyone's mood.

Its actually helpful but beside that its also burdensome.

Its lovely to have support of family members when they live together but at same time their are privacy issues.

If the family has understanding and maturity and they show equality than there is no issue to live in joint family. But agar saath rehney sy masley barh jayein toh its better to get separate. Like in PG their issues are increasing.

I would suggest that its better to divide portions if there is big family so no one can interfere in each other matter. They will cook in their respective area.

But yeah if there is small family having one or two brothers than they can easily live in same house with their parents.

Thank you for joining the discussion. 😊

In Prem Gali I suppose the married couple are living with the 3 men in the same house, na? Imagine being a single female who has to take care of 4 men?!😲Are they helpfull?😕

In my hometown ppl go for joint family system because of financial problems mostly. They get their sons married before being able to rent a flat or spend on their own families. So living with parents is benifitfull for both sides, the married couple get the support of the family, and the parents get help in house work from their bahus. I don't know if this is the case in Pakistan. But from dramas I saw rich families also live in joint families, not just in small towns but in big cities , like : Sabaat , and Do Bol ( lead female father live with his siblings).

I support the divided areas idea, although most of ppl in my hometown see it as disrespect from children.😆

I support small family with one son to live in a joint family only if they aren't over possissive about their son, coz many divorces happen because of clashes between the mother of the lonely chid and her bahu. big example is Humsafar .😃

Originally posted by: Unique.Sheep

Often joint family system can even become your pillar of strength when your marriage is facing problems etc. If they consider you as part of their family, you wouldnt feel lonely and left out with them. Living alone with husband I can say from experience does get lonely and boring at times, especially when hes always busy working

Family can give you company and even help around with chores

You highlighted some of the positivities of joint family system in a good way. when you live in a big family you fight , you have to follow the rules , but in the end of the day you won't feel lonely or get depressed. There're many ppl to talk to.. to share your experiences with. I lived 5 of the most beautifull years in my life with my in laws. Whenever I have a problem with my husband , they take my side. I had the company of my SILs who are the cutest of all. I felt loved and respected. That healed me from many psycho and medical health problems I believe.

Originally posted by: Unique.Sheep

There are care homes for retired parents and all where they can get cared for but thats not the problem. When I imagine myself from that POV in old age, I would feel so lonely being left alone🤔 and what about when your husband/wife passes away, and your kids are leading their own married lives? Its very difficult to live without a family. It actually gives me chills.

I belive none will let his old parents live alone if they need them. With joint family system or without.. parents should be taken care of. Children have to give them at least a room in their house, or a flat in the same building and check them 3 times a day. It is more difficult for a woman to take care of her parents though.🤔 In Sabaat the fl went with her husband to his family's house in the end. And her widowed mother lived a lone. She adopted a boy to get a company. But I still worry about her.😒