*From To Sathish* - Thread 3 - Page 29

Chapter 89


Aum. Asato ma sad-gamaya
tamaso ma jyotir-gamaya
mrtyor-ma amrutam gamaya Aum. Shanti, shanti shanti.

Aum. Lead me from unreal to real
lead me from darkness to light
lead me from death to immortality.
Aum... peace, peace, peace. " Brihadaranyaka Upanishad 1.3.28

Why,yes the word why is the first drop,the first step,the spring that never dries up.For,the simple word why lets you look at everything in a different way,different from the ways you have been taught,trained to do.
Forget the whys of science,quantum physics or particle physics but the simple why of everyday life.

Who am I?
Where am I?
Why am I where I am?
What do I intend to do about that?



WHY

The third-rate mind is only happy when it is thinking with the majority. The second-rate mind is only happy when it is thinking with the minority. The first-rate mind is only happy when it is thinking."A. A. Milne

Azhagan crossed the river and entered the darkness of the cave and yet saw everything and unerringly entered the hall of lights and thoughts to be with his old master once again.

He found him slumped in an old leather chair and gently tip toed to his side and sat quietly next to him.
He felt the same peace he felt with his mother,he felt the same joy he felt with malar and yet everything was different.

" Nothing is different but you.You are the change for every second you change and hence the difference."

The old master looked at azhagan sitting by his chair and both locked gazes of love and smiled in contentment.

The old master frowned " child,i who have forgotten how old and how long i have been here,i who have turned my back on humans and their bondages feel a strange happiness when you are by my side.After all the time in here and after all the time spent with my many masters learning the real and all that is unreal,still i have developed a bond with you and i feel ashamed of it."

Azhagan looked at him " why should a father feel ashamed of his love for his son,why should a mother feel ashamed about her love for her child,why should one feel ashamed for caring for another ?"


The old master " why indeed ? so kindly explain the why in context with me and you and the words mother and father which you so lavishly used right now t"

Azhagan " I used the word father and mother to describe our relationship because you have given me a new life and have breathed a new spirit in me.The word parents is largely and generally used to describe our biological parents.It is used to describe the gods we worship which is the one true source.But most importantly it is used to describe the guru,the master who removes the layers of ignorance that is wrapped around the students eyes and opens his senses,his real sense so that the student can see everything with new eyes and new knowledge."


The old man sighed deeply and looked at azhagan " child,son,there is very little me or this place can teach you for your heart is in the right place.Knowledge is important but only up to a certain extent for all the knowledge will do little good if it is not used properly and will only be dangerous if it falls in the wrong hands."

Both sat in silence,lost in thought and generally content about being together.

The old man slowly looked at Azhagan " boy,what do you want to do with yourself ? "

Azhagan shrugged his shoulders " meaning what "

" i mean what have you planned for your future and beyond that "

Azhagan smiled " marry thenmozhi,probably have many children and try to live a peaceful life in Perumalvaram."

The old man started laughing loudly " marry,have children,peaceful life.ha,ha how boringly mundane and cliched.all these gifts and yet you want to fall into bondage."

Azhagan raised his hand in protest " now,wait a minute old man,just you wait.what is all this about bondage,gifts,cliched and mundane.What is wrong in wanting a normal life filled with normal desires that this body craves."

The old man coughed or acted as if he was coughing for suddenly he was stuck for an answer and azhagan jumped in with more words not giving him room to manoeuver.

" master,you say we are all part of the source and if that is so then why give us life in the form of man and woman,why raise passions and love and lead them to have children,why question and label the souls who work hard for their children as having fallen into bondage.If the source has a reason for creating all this,then don't you think it is wrong to question its motives and purpose."

The old man hemmed and hawed " well procreation,family,realtionships are not everything for we must strive to reach higher goals."

Azhagan looked at him " reach and do what.tell me if your parents had felt the same way you are feeling now,would you be sitting here talking to me.But the one true source felt that you had to be born,had to have a family and finally had to meet me,teach me and have this very discussion we are having."


the old man looked at azhagan " okay,what if you dont marry thenmozhi,what if she marries somebody else.tell me what will you do ?

Azhagan " why would thenmozhi want to marry someone else when she loves me and knows that i love her ? "

the old man " just answer the question,what is thenmozhi marries someone else,will you be able to understand it and realise it as an act of the source.will you respect the actions and the reasons of the source."

Azhagan was stumped and lost for an answer " why would the source or our creator do something like that.why would he want to separate souls that love each other deeply.That is something i cannot understand or answer right now."

The old master nodded " see,this is why you need solitude to contemplate and lots of time to understand.We are all here,each with our own purpose,with our own goals and somehow we are all connected to each other in some elementary level.the time has come for you to go beyond my knowledge and understanding about all this for only you have the permission to go further through the door."

Azhagan " what door and how can there be anything beyond your understanding,for you are the wisest man i have ever met."

the old man " please do not make any assumptions without completely knowing about the subject,which in this case is me.now,listen to me carefully and follow my instructions.walk to the farthest corner of this hall,where you will find a door.it is a door meant for the one who they have been waiting for.I dont know much more than this for they have not confided in me with their secrets.but i know this much that they are very powerful spirits and wield immense power.The door will open if you are the chosen one and will take you where ever it will take you.So,i wish you the best in your quest.maybe,if you do come back,you can tell me about your experiences and share the knowledge that you have gathered.Go now with my blessings."

Azhagan wondering what the old man was going on about doors and passages got up and looked at his master and gently hugged him.the old man hugged him back.

" bondage,love,family,son.azhagan,now i know what it means this love you and everyone talks about.For being with you.spending time with you has made me realise that all relationships are not mundane and of the cliched variety.everything has meaning,everyone has work to do,everyone has the power to fill anothers soul and rid their emptiness."


Azhagan stood tall and looked at the old master " wait for me for i am surely coming back."

I am azhagan.I am the son of Avini.I rise now for light and knowledge and i enter the cave of prophecies.

The one who loves all intensely
begins perceiving in all living beings
a part of himself.
He becomes a lover of all,
a part and parcel of the Universal Joy.
He flows with the stream of happiness,
and is enriched by each soul.
(Yajur Veda)

The last chapter,the few before and those that will follow are my negotiations with the source,my dialogue,my debate and most importantly my thoughts on why,who,where and when.

If any of my words should offend,please forgive me for that is not my intention.

As always i wish you all well and hope and pray that there is always light in all your lives.Light,not only the kind that we associate with the sun,moon and the electrical kind but real light that illuminates the darkest corners of our mind and soul.Be well.

Oh, you don't need to apologise...
I liked the last chapter...I found the conversations between Azhagan and his master very endearing...very sensible too...

It's nice to read one's thought process or decision-making process in hindsight.
It's like working backwards to solve a jigsaw puzzle.
The answer is known (or unknown) but how it was derived is the real fascination.
I am guessing the doors will secretly take Azhagan to Thenmozhi's current life...in preparation of her impending wedding to Maryavarman while she is pregnant with Azhagan's baby...
and Azhagan might reflectively see wisdom in his master's words regarding relationships and bondage..
and how they create havoc to the heart.
But I won't jump ahead so soon..
I'll wait and see how things turn out...

In my own life, I have gone through similar questioning as well.
I remember a patient once asked me, "Are you married, doctor?"
I said "yes"...
she then asked in an inquistive but knowingly tone, "And is he a doctor too?"
I said "Actually no, he's an engineer..."
She was rather shocked and thought out loudly "But I thought doctors usually want to marry only doctors..."
I smiled at her funny thought process and said "Well, I'm an exception..."
She remained silent during the rest of the consultation...
just before she was about to walk out of the door...she asked...
"Do you mind if I asked you...how come you didn't want to marry a doctor?"
I said, "Well, I wanted to marry someone who reminded me there is more to life than just work and duty. And I wanted to come home to someone who showed me he understood me more than he understands my job."
It was that simple. But I could see it took her some moments to digest what I said so casually and she smiled saying...
"That's the most brilliant but romantic thing I've ever heard of why you wouldn't want to marry someone...wow..."
She left.
And I wondered what was so awesome about what I said.
But it seemed like an incredible eye-opener to this young woman.

I guess life is like that.
To hear a thought process from someone else's point-of-view gives us a lot of insight...
and a sense of direction too.
And Satish, that's exactly what your story does for me...

Chapter 90

"Life is like arriving late for a movie, having to figure out what was going on without bothering everybody with a lot of questions, and then being unexpectedly called away before you find out how it ends."
? Joseph Campbell

They stood watching the source as it went about creating more and more like them.Most understood the need for more of the source and all that was good from it but then there were a few and the number grew to many.The thought became a thousand voices and soon it was a open protest.The source saw,thought and felt it was good that there was also bad to oppose bad even though they were children opposing for the sake of opposing.The source saw,smiled and was content in the knowledge that good,bad,heaven and hell were all it,the one true source.But soon the good lost the war,the good were too weak and the bad grew stronger,stronger and the source knew that something had gone wrong and realised that for a second that it had fallen into the dark,the abyss.
The source roared and unleashed its power burning them,the bad and evil to ashes and sent them into oblivion.Then the source started again and again and again.It continues to this day.

Mountain of lights


Azhagan knew for his senses told him that he had been walking for nearly half an hour and then the path slowly started to climb.He had left his master and as always walked without any expectations or preparations to confront what lay before him but his mind and avini.Azhagan whispered her name and as always she came to walk besides him.Azhagan felt the tendrils of her delicate touch on his shoulder and whispered " i am but still a young man,a child who lay lost in love and play on his mothers lap.what are those fortunes and destiny that seek and guide me to these new tasks and horizons.I would have given away all this knowledge and power just to be with my mother and live a happy life with Thenmozhi."


The steep climb must be a path inside the mountain that would most probably lead me to the top of it,thought azhagan and as always his senses were right and after nearly two hours of walk he came to a standstill facing a door of some sort.The door was sealed and held by some great power for he could feel it and yet without a thought of caution or fear he stepped right into it and crossed it and there he was under the night sky,under the twinkling of thousands of stars.They were there,the lights,the spirits from the forest gathered in a semi circle on the flat top of the mountain.

Azhagan looked at them and then ignoring them went around the top of the mountain,marvelling at how beautiful the night was,even though it was dark.The air was really cold and azhagan enjoyed it,although he was barebodied and only a thin cloth covered his waist.

He stood still and then turned and looked at all of the lights that were gathered and walked towards them.

" can any of you look in the direction that i am pointing and confirm for me that it is a light i see flickering there."

The spirits one by one looked and then exchanged glances with each other and the leader said " what light for we cannot see one."

Azhagan said " look again for i can see it clearly.I am asking you just to confirm it for i rather worry that my mind is playing tricks on me."

The leader of the spirits lifted a tube like object and using it looked in the direction that azhagan had pointed to some light.

After looking and staring through the strange tube like object he turned to azhagan " remarkable,really remarkable.anyway the light that you see in the distance is the huge lamp lit on top of the temple gopuram in Madurai."

Azhagan shook his head " how is this possible that i can see so far,when you cannot and have to resort to some magic apparatus to do so.if you don't mind,could i take a look at that object you are holding ."

The leader smiled " well child,we see with our eyes but you are blessed with great power that you see both with eyes and mind and hence things are visible for you though it is not so for us.here,take a look and you will understand what i am saying."

Azhagan took the tube which had some kind of shiny glass like ornaments on both sides and raising it to his eyes gazed in the direction of madurai.He was stunned,shocked and his heart raced for he could see madurai in its entirety.He could see the temple and the huge lamp burning in its tower,he saw the palace and the portions where thenmozhi had her quarters and his heart skipped a beat."

" magic,what kind of magic is this."

The leader calmly looked at him and said " magic maybe.but nothing comapared to the magic and the powers that lie within you.Child,come sit with us for there is so much to be told and so much history that you need to understand and then you can decide what you want to do."

Azhagan sat in the center and they all sat facing him.

The leader removed the armor that he was wearing and azhagan stared at his chest for there lay the same kind of markings that lay on his forearm.They looked more or less the same but for some subtle variations.

He looked at the leader " who are you and why do i carry the same markings that you carry ? what is this connection that you and me have "

The leader smiled " connection.yes,connection.we are connected, for i am your father and you are my son."

Azhagan did not know how to react to this sudden and stunning news and sat staring at all of them with wide eyes.

" so,that means you are the one that my mother met in the forest and you are the one that kissed her.But why,why did you stay away from us both.why didn't you come to visit us and claim me as your son.most importantly,why didnt you tell me all of this the very first time we met."

the leader looked at him " simply because you were not ready then and i still have doubts if you are ready now."

Azhagan nearly lost his composure but calming his mind " ready,ready for what."

" ready to lead us once more,ready to become the king and bring peace in our lands.ready to follow and fulfill your destiny."

Azhagan frustrated and nearly on the verge of losing his composure " okay,i am ready.can you hear me clearly.i am ready for what it is you want me to do."

The leader said " there will be no going back for once you have seen and once you have known and once you have realised,then there will be no going back.are you ready to give up all that you know."

Azhagan taking a deep breath closed his eyes and his old master and his mother came to him and whispered " dont worry child,nothing can harm you."

Azhagan looked at the leader and all those who sat quietly around him " yes,i am ready."

The lights were so bright that it outshone even the sun and they lit the mountain and built a barrier that nothign could cross or evn dare cross.Azhagan's father reached out and took his hand and said " see for yourself."


Malar woke up from her deep sleep and saw the light on top of the mountain,far away and she knew that azhagan had come to the end of his journey.She did not know what was happening and slowly sank back into sleep,her eyes still focussed on the bright lights that shone like the morning sun.

Seven months would pass,seven long months were carried in the name of time and one day her soul whispered his name and she ran,ran as fast as he legs could carry her and up the mountain and she found him standing there.

Azhagan looked at her with so much love that malar thought she was ready to die happily if death came to her in that instant.She ran to him and into his open arms.

Azhagan held her gently and kissed her and malar whispered " i was so scared,so scared that you might not return.so i decided to stay here and live out my life."

He held her " why do you love me so much and why do you spend so much time and energy on me ? "

Malar looked into his eyes " I dont know,for i follow my soul and it tells me to follow you.I only know that i come alive when i am next to you and when your thoughts fill my soul and dreams."

They stood like that in each others arms,content in love,content just to be with each other.

Far away,the queen of madurai stood touching her now massively swollen womb and stared at the rising sun.

She whispered " my son,you are the only thing that is true in my life.remember,i am you,you are me and we have only each other to look out for.You will be a king someday and nothing or no one can change that.I promise you this."

The child in the womb,responded with a gentle kick and Thenmozhi smiled for she knew that together they were invincible,now and forever.


Flashback

Avini woke up from a deep sleep,from a faint in which she had laid prone on the forest floor.She woke to the breath of gayatri and she woke to a brand new world for she sensed light everywhere.From the world of darkness before the voice and before the kiss,she opened her eyes not to sight but light.No,she could not see things normal people saw but she saw light and she also recognised darkness.She saw gayatri shining bright and could not understand at first what was going on in her mind and what was wrong with her body but taking a deep breath,she knew something had changed and then she felt the light and gentle warmth in her belly.

A woman knows and so avini knew that something lay in her womb and she knew that something was life and she placed her hands and felt the light.Holding gayatri's horn she slowly got to her feet and that was the first step and the first breath she took and she knew immediately she would call her child azhagu for the world was beautiful and she felt beautiful.In her mind,avini recognised some miracle,something beyond her understanding had taken place. and although blessed with intelligence and common sense she decided it was an act of god.Such is life,that when one gets what one craves or yearns for,then that soul does not give too much importance of who,why or what and just basks in the happiness.


For avini,nothing mattered and every day was one new step towards her child.She sometimes took a breath and smiled in realisation knowing that her breath was going into her childs body and that the life in her was totally dependent on her.She started eating well and ate a lot of fruits knowing it would all go into her child body.Every breath and every action was aimed at her child and so the days started rolling.

In the shadows of the forest,stood a few shadows and they watched avini with new life and secretly they stood watch over her.The villagers started noticing that something strange was going on in the forest and they avoided going into it after dark.But avini sometimes with the help of gayatri slowly made her way into the forest and called out to the voice.But there was no response and yet avini knew form the light that someone was there and she also felt it in her soul that they were there to protect her and would never harm her.She smiled and in her happiness she sang songs in her sweet voice.She sang songs about her childhood and she sang songs about her life in her old village kurunji.She sang in her sweet voice and hearing her voice came a huge black maned lion and sat in the distance.When avini sang,the forest became strangely quiet and even the air refused to move fast for it would rustle the branches and disturb avini.
The light in avini moved and avini knew that their was a soul in the light and that it too was listening to her songs.

Your light is my light
your sight is my sight
and in your soul and in your actions i will burn bright
my story is mixed with your story
and we are forever inseparable
the song of azhagan will be the song of avini

Avini felt her child and saw the light of her child fill her senses and out beyond in the forest stood more lights and they stood watching her and avini knew she was not alone and was never alone.

Tears of joy filled her eyes and they filled her soul and she whispered to her son ' i have been alone and yet i loved you,ached for you before you were born.i have carried all these dreams and visions of you even before the spirits of the forest breathed you into me.I am ready to die now for i am content but i will live my life for you,i will breathe for you and die for you.I am beautiful because you are beautiful and so i will call you that.I will call you Azhagan.'

Chapter 91

"A star falls from the sky and into your hands. Then it seeps through your veins and swims inside your blood and becomes every part of you. And then you have to put it back into the sky. And it's the most painful thing you'll ever have to do and that you've ever done. But what's yours is yours. Whether it's up in the sky or here in your hands. And one day, it'll fall from the sky and hit you in the head real hard and that time, you won't have to put it back in the sky again."
C. JoyBell C.


Flashback-chapter 60

The waters of Sivatheertham,the little stream that ran through the village of Perumalvaram gently lapped against Azhagan who sat kneeling in its water holding his mother Avini's feet in his hands.He gently tied the string of flowers that he had made around her ankles and then taking her wrists,gently tied a string of flowers to them both.

" mother,if you so wish,i can dress you in gold and precious stones.But your heart beats in mine and i know that your heart does not want or ache for petty things like that.Both our souls only wish to live out our days in peace and quiet and yet we know that is just not possible."

Avini reached out to her childs face and felt the hollows in his cheeks " son,with you by my side and with you in my mind,i just cannot think of anything more precious or valuable to compare with that.What does a blind woman know of things such as gold and gems when she cannot see them and they are cold and dead to the touch.For me hearing your voice,knowing you are safe is all that matters to me and i will not exchange that for all the wealth in this world."


Weight of the world


Azhagan sat alone lost in his thoughts staring at the night sky.He knew what had to be done and he also knew that the only way forward was peace and acceptance.He wondered what thenmozhi was doing,thinking and he again wondered if the situation could be handled any differently.

Malar came sat by his side and both looked at the stars that shone brightly and brilliantly in the night sky.

" what is it that is tormenting you so.Please share it with me so that i can bear a bit of the burden too.you have been away for seven months and yet you look as if you have aged by ten to twenty years.I know that you are just a few years older than me and yet there is white in your head and in your beard.people are going to mistake you for some wandering sage if you do not shave it off."

Azhagan looked at her " seven months is it,well it felt like seventy years.i thought my life was bad but it seems there are people much worse off than me and who are in desperate need of help,my help.I was just sitting and thinking about all that has happened and why it had to happen.i realise now that nothing comes easy and free and that there is a price to be paid.But well,it is what it is and life goes on."

He took her hand and gently kissed it " malar,i will be leaving to madurai tomorrow and i think i should go alone.Please listen to me and stay back in your village for it might be a bit dangerous to be with me right now for sometimes even peace and solitude are taken and seen as threats by those whose heart is filled with vengeance."

Malar shook her head " sorry,but where you go,i go.if it is dangerous for you then i would rather be next to you fighting with you than be far away from you.My life,my destiny is my right and my will and it is my choice and i have made my choice long ago.My love for you is not your body,your power but for your soul.I am ready to die right now if it is my time to go and i will go happily in the knowledge that i have known you and spent time with you.In the end it is not how long you live and how much you love but how well you live and how well you love and who you love."

Azhagan smiled sadly " so young,so brave and so wise.I wish my mother had met you for she would have really loved you.i hope one day that you can see perumalvaram and meet my villagers.My friend buddha is back for he walks in my dreams with my mother.malar,you should have seen him for he was the biggest lion in the forest.It breaks my heart that he had to die fighting so bravely to save my village and i could not be there in time to save him,my mother and everyone else."

Malar threw her hands around him " there is so much more that you are going to do and i know it for sure.One is not bestowed with so much strength,power and wisdom for nothing but for a higher and greater purpose."

Azhagan held her gently and malar rested her head on his shoulder and both watched the sun set in the west.

There is one important thing he wanted to do before his destiny took him to madurai and he hoped it would go well.

"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I will try again tomorrow.'" " Mary Anne Radmacher

"Listen, O drop, give yourself up without regret,
and in exchange gain the Ocean.
Listen, O drop, bestow upon yourself this honor,
and in the arms of the Sea be secure.
Who indeed should be so fortunate?
An Ocean wooing a drop!
In God's name, in God's name, sell and buy at once!
Give a drop, and take this Sea full of pearls."
Rumi

Chapter 92

"But beware of this about callings: they may not lead us where we intended to go or even where we want to go. If we choose to follow, we may have to be willing to let go of the life we already planned and accept whatever is waiting for us. And if the calling is true, though we may not have gone where we intended, we will surely end up where we need to be."? Steve Goodier

Maybe it is in our genes,maybe mother nature evolved us in such a way that we seek ways and means to be better in body and in mind.But somewhere along the line i think she went too far with the specimen of homosapiens and it was then she realised that it was an evolution,an experiment gone wrong.I think she got too scared and abandoned us and has retreated to some hideout far away.That is why probably like a child crying and searching for its mother,we all have that emptiness that belongs only to us ( i think).Emptiness that plagues the minds of the rich and poor,emptiness that provokes wise and the idiots alike,a hole in our souls that makes us years to be one with the cosmos,one with our creator,one with mother nature.

The best of sex,the best of love,the best of family and friends,the best of books and music just do not compare to minutes of solitude when you sit on the beach talking to god,when you walk barefoot on green grass with its morning dew drops shining like diamonds and pearls,when you realise you are not alone and that you body and mind is vibrating to an ancient beat,the beat of time,the beat of the creator,the beat that goes on and on and on in the known universe.How is this possible you wonder and you should wonder.for how can the universe be so big,so big that it spans nearly 40 billion light years.Who filled it,who gave all this energy,who designed it,who runs it,who,who ?


The home of the mountain queen

You ask me why I dwell in the green mountain
I smile and make no reply for my heart is free of care
As the peach-blossom flows down stream and is gone into the unknown
I have a world apart that is not among men.

Green MountainBy Li Bai


Happiness and worry filled malar's heart when azhagan told her that they would visit her village before embarking on a trip to madurai.She was happy for she would be able to meet her parents and people again after such a long time and more happy that azhagan would be coming to the village with her.But she worried that he might trick her in someway and leave her behind in the village and go off on his own to madurai.

Azhagan laughed " malar.your thoughts are so loud that i dont even have to hear them with my mind for they fall like thunder on my ears.Don't worry for i am not leaving you behind and i promise you again that you are coming with me to madurai."

Malar's feet left the ground and it felt like she was floating for so much joy filled her body and soul.They walked in silence but in contentment and after a few hours reached her village.

The coming of malar and azhagan was conveyed an hour before through birdcalls and whistles.They were signals that were made by the sentries hidden deep in the tree tops and were safeguards against trespassera and thieves from foriegn lands.Azhagan had understood it but malar knew all the signals and responded in kind.
So,by the time both entered the village a huge crows of the mountian tribals were gathered to greet malar and welcome azhagan.

Thinnan ran forward with his wife poovai and knelt before azhagan who immediately lifted him up and hugged them both.Poovai with tears held her daughter and complained that she should not be gone for so long since it worried them terribly.

Malar laughed " mother,stop acting for i know and you know that all this time that i was in the forest with azhagan and even when he went away,our best warriors lay hidden to protect me.They can fool others from outside our lands but they cannot fool me or the lion that stood guard over me."

Some of the warriors who had been sent to watch over malar,their princess excitedly spoke to her about the lion and then asked her if she had seen the bright lights over the mountains that lasted for nearly weeks.They told her that they wanted to go and find out what was happening but a strange force blocked them from doing so.They asked her what it all meant and malar with her eyebrows hinted in the direction of azhagan.

Azhagan sat alone with thinnan,the tribal leader and the father of malar.

He looked at thinnan " You are too great a soul and you show great kindness and patience when it comes to your daughter and me.But i promise you this,that she is safe with me in body and in spirit."

Thinnan smiled and looked gratefully at azhagan " you speak of malar as a woman but she is more of a son than a daughter to me.When i am gone it will be her who will be the queen of our village and our people.I and all of us know that she is more safer with you,more happier to be with you than us.As a father i can only tell her and hope to guide her but the choices she makes are hers and so it the path and the burdens that come along with it."

Azhagan looked at him " now i know where she gets her wisdom and all that love.She,truly is your daughter and the queen of the mountains.I am going to ask you for something and i hope you will say yes to my request."

Thinnan shrugged " mighty one,me and this entire village is yours for taking without asking.still,if there is someway i can bring happiness to you,i will be grateful for that chance.so please,don't hesitate and ask whatever you want."

Azhagan " I ask malar's hand in marriage and i want your wholehearted blessings for it.If it is a sudden and shocking request then please take your time before making any decision and tell me after me and malar come back from madurai."

Thinnan threw himself at azhagan's feet " my lord,it will be our blessing and a boon if malar is married to you.It will make all of us happy to have you as our son-in-law and as our king by whose side malar can sit as a queen."

Azhagan " thank you.But please dont tell this to malar or anyone else for there are certain things that i have to face and work out before i marry malar.please,promise me that you will keep it a secret until i tell you the time is right to make the announcement."

Thinnan nodded " yes,i promise."

Azhagan " there is one more important thing.If things don't go well in madurai,then i want you to forcibly remove malar from my side when i tell you."

Both azhagan and thinnan sat discussing what needed to be done and how it had to be done and the sun marched across its path in the skies and all secrets were laid bare under its watchful eye in the sky.

I am the eye in the sky
Looking at you
I can read your mind
I am the maker of rules
Dealing with fools
I can cheat you blind
And I don't need to see any more
To know that I can read your mind, I can read your mind

"Eye In The Sky" by The alan parsons project

Chapter 93

"Avoiding conflict isn't peacemaking. Avoiding conflict means running away from the mess while peacemaking means running into the middle of it.Peacemaking means addressing those issues that caused conflict in the first place.Peacemaking can never be separated from doing justice. They go hand in hand. Peacemaking means having to stir the waters on the way to peace.Peacemaking means speaking the truth in love, but speaking the truth nonetheless."? Peggy Haymes, Strugglers, Stragglers and Seekers: daily devotions for the rest of us


Many years ago i followed a series in national geographic channel about chimpanzees.It was shot over a period of ten years and concentrated a lot on this matriarch,a old female who was coming to her end of rule and life.She becomes pregnant and somehow manages to give birth to a male chimp.Old age and now having fallen low in status because of old age she somehow struggles to feed herself and nurture her child.when the baby chimp reaches two,the mother dies of old age and natural causes.The final episode shows how the son refuses to leave his dead mother's body and tries to carry it around even though it is decomposing.All the other chimps abandon them and yet for nearly ten days the young chimp sits by his mothers body and finally starves himself to death.
For many days i remained heartbroken and depressed and i wondered how some chimp from africa,across continents could reach out and touch my heart and sings its sad story.Where does this come from this bond,this love,this loyalty.why then do we fight,kill,wage war where millions die needlessly.at the time my fingers are typing this words,there must be thousands in africa dying of thirst and starvation.There must be millions around this world lost and lonely,hungry and without a place called home and without a soul to call,friend and family.


The final journey into darkness begins

Flashback

He gently put his arms under her and placed her on his lap and whispered " mother,mother i have come back.I am here and i am scared and don't know what to do.Please dont leave me alone for i will be truly lost without you and will follow you for i have no purpose or will without you by my side."
The eyes flickered open in her blood streaked face and avini saw the light of azhagan and felt his strong arms around her and tried to speak,but the blood from her throat spilled out of her mouth and she coughed and nearly choked with it.
Avini whispered " azhaga,my son,dont be scared for you are not alone and will never be.Take care of yourself my child.I know i dont have much time so let me thank you for coming into my womb and bringing life and light into my life.Thank you my son.I am truly blessed and the only thing that saddens me is that i have never been able to see you with my eyes and now i go with that one wish left unfulfilled.But then i guess one cannot wish for everything good to happen to only them."
Azhagan screamed in pain and the green light that had died down when he had sat besides his mother now rose like bonfire and it entered avinis body.the green fire took hold of her body and entered her soul and it worked magic on her and now even her eyes shone with the strange green light.
Avini felt the pulse of power from her sons body and she recognised the familiar touch and time fell away and her mind raced back in time to the genesis of her and azhagan.
Avini smiled " i see you azhaga.i see you are the light,the same light that entered my body.You are more beautiful than i thought and imagined you would be.Listen to me my son for you are not alone and were never alone.There are forces and lights that will protect you and guide you when you call for them.I love you my son.I have loved you,thought about you and loved you more when you came into my body.Please dont worry and cry for me for i die happily now with your face as my last memory.azhaga.'
That was the last word that slipped out of avinis lips as the life slipped out from her broken body.



Azhagan woke up shivering in fear,his whole body trembling in shock and drenched in sweat.

Malar held him " it is okay,it is okay.i am here now.everything will be all right from now on."

Azhagan sat up shaking his head " malar,you don't understand for the person i dread the most is the person whom i loved the most and still do.But poor thing,she has fallen into darkness and has filled her soul with all that is bad and destructive in this world.She was one but now she is not alone for she carries in her enormous power and i doubt even if i can stop her or put out the flames that are raging in her mind."

Malar looked at him curiously " is this thenmozhi you are talking about."

Azhagan nodded yes " she has been wronged but it was done for a purpose and even though she was warned by the spirits not to reach out to me,she still did and everything has changed.If she had not come to me when i had fallen into darkness then maybe,just maybe things might have taken a diferent course."


flashback chapter 68

The love of Thenmozhi

The voices whispered and it was the first time Thenmozhi had heard them and yet they sounded familiar and as if she had known them all along and as if she and the voice were one.They whispered to her to enter the forest alone if she wanted to go and help Azhagan.They whispered for her to come to them before going to him.

A strange sense of purpose filled her soul and though it confused her she was led by her mind and came to stand before them.The darkness was split open by strange lights and one light stepped forwards to greet her.

The light spoke " Do you really want to do this.You have a choice to turn your back and walk away from here and him and live a normal life.We can help you forget the way in which you have come into this life and we can erase every memory of him and then you can live,rule and love as a queen."

Thenmozhi shook her head violently " no,i will not leave him for we are bonded with a higher purpose and it is the future i look to and thus it is important that i am here with him."

The voice said " regardless of your thoughts and opinions i think it is better that you walk away from here for i see trouble for you and lots of pain for Azhagan."

For the first time in the brief conversation Thenmozhi felt irritation and a terrible anger rise up through her soul " i respect your thoughts even though i don't know much about who you are.And yet i am being patient for my soul tells me that we share a bond,you,me,Azhagan and the rest of us.But right now i want you to leave me in peace and go away for i am going to meet Azhagan for as much as he needs me,i need him more."

The voice whispered " Be patient and think this through for there will be irrevocable consequences and you just might not like the end result.I came to you with the thought of confiding everything and thus letting you see the larger picture and the roles you and azhagan have to play.But it seems that you want to follow your heart and so be it."

Saying that the lights moved swiftly away and vanished from thenmozhi's sight.She stood alone and for the first time closed her mind and searched for azhagan and the forest raged with the green light that blazed from her eyes.She heard his strong heartbeat and walked in the direction and after nearly ten minutes of making way through the dense vegetation she came and stood in the clearing where azhagan sat on the mound with his mother avini in his lap.She saw the green light completely surrounding them both and without fear or hesitation walked into it.

Thenmozhi walked boldly into the blazing green fire and knelt before azhagan and addressed him " My king,my lord i am here."




Present

Azhagan drank some water and then looked at malar who was staring into the forest.

" What is it malar ? is anything wrong."

Malar turned and looked at him " your fear and your current state of mind has chased away all the life from the forest.they have retreated far away in fear of you and it seems it is similar to the way you fear thenmozhi."

Azhagan closed his eyes and thought of his master " old man,what is happening to me."

the voice whispered " old man.a bit of let down from the respectful title of master.But i guess you are right,i am an old man."

Azhagan still deep in his mind " i am sorry,but it was more of an endearment and what are titles between friends.come now,stop fretting like a child and tell me what is happening to me."

The old man whispered in azhagan' mind " the test,the final test.You will soon be facing it.Your instincts are waking up and warning you that there is mortal danger ahead and that is why your body is reacting differently and you seem to be losing control over it."

Azhagan " what am i supposed to do.tell me,haven't i lost enough,killed enough and suffered enough."

The old man was quiet " child,i have taught you everything that there was to teach you.Now you have to face your fears and face the test."

Azhagan shivering in fear " what if i fail?"

The old man whispered in azhagan's mind " well,that is up to you and the source."

Azhagan opened his eyes and looked at malar " don't leave my side.until the end."

Malar looked at him tenderly and then held him and her lips brushed his ears " never.not even in death.until the end i will remain by your side."

We are in this together. None of us truly walk in isolation, even when we cannot sense the presence of another for miles upon miles. Even in the worst of our desolation. Even during our coldest 3am breakdown. Even when we shut out the world and spin in circles until we collapse. Even then the light still gets in. Even then the heart still opens and reaches, tendrils of hope curling and bending toward slivers of light. Upward, outward, in all directions - seeking light at all cost. One way or another, we all grow toward the light."
Jeanette LeBlanc

That was an interesting and funny book review.
It reminded me of Sonam Kapoor's infamous W*F statement:
"People (who) make so-called art films, why do you have to take like not-nice-looking people? Like why? Doesn't make sense and just because they don't look good does not mean they are good actors!" 😆

On a side note, I always found the old Mr. Naseeruddin Shah and Mr. Senior Bachchan quite creepy.
There have often been claims of inappropriate behaviour against their younger female co-artistes on the sets.
(Mr. Bachchan was deliberately not invited to Deepika Padukone's "Piku" success party and it was quite obvious something happened on the "Piku" sets for her to treat him that way.
Sayali Bhagat was a pretty wannabe Bollywood actress who disappeared with no films after she claimed Mr. Bachchan touched her inappropriately at an audio launch function.)

For some reason, I'm interested to know why people couldn't survive in the industry.
And how much they compromised to get to where they are today.
I remember once reading what an anonymous flop actress wrote:
"The most respectable men in the industry are the filthiest ones. Hard to believe, isn't it? You won't believe it until you are a victim yourself."
I felt quite disturbed after reading that.

Chapter 94

Not I, nor anyone else can travel that road for you.
You must travel it by yourself.
It is not far. It is within reach.
Perhaps you have been on it since you were born, and did not know.
Perhaps it is everywhere - on water and land." ? Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass



Two students were asked to meet their teacher at the start of a track through the forest.
He gave them instructions to follow the path to its conclusion, in preparation for a test later in the week.
The path had two sides, one side was clear and smooth, the other side had fallen logs and other obstacles in the way.One student chose to avoid the obstacles, running around them and taking the easiest path to the end. He felt clever as he dodged through without hindrance.The second student chose to tackle the obstacles, battling through every challenge in his path.The student who chose the easy path finished first and felt proud of himself. "I'm glad that I chose to avoid the boulders and logs, they were only there to slow me down," he thought to himself.The second student arrived at the finish feeling tired and regretting the path that he had chosen.

The teacher nodded and smiled at them both. He requested that they join him at a specific location in three days.When they arrived, they could see that there was a ravine that was a few metres wide.
The students looked at their teacher and he said just one word.
"Jump!"
The first student looked at the distance and his heart sank. The teacher looked at him.
"What's wrong? This is the leap to greatness. Everything that you have done until now should have prepared you for this moment."
The student shrugged his shoulders and walked away, knowing that he hadn't prepared adequately for greatness.
The second student looked at the teacher and smiled nervously.
He knew now that the obstacles that had been placed in his path were part of his preparation.
He knew now that by choosing to overcome challenges, not avoid them, he was ready to make the leap.
He measured his run up, sprinted towards the ravine and launched himself into the air.
He made it!

If you too want to make the leap to greatness, you must first understand that life is meant to be a series of challenges that we overcome, not avoid.The messiness, the difficult conversations, the hard work, the discipline, acting boldly when you don't feel like it. That's part of the deal.
Don't pray that God will remove the obstacles, pray that he will give you the strength to overcome them.



Three kings of two kingdoms

In the land of the pandyas


The morning sun called out to him,whispering " rise,kulashekaran pandyan,rise for it is time to be awake " and the once king rose to the new sun and greeted it not from the balcony of his palace in madurai but in the forests of Perumalvaram.He rose not as a king but an ordinary man,a crippled old man who had given up his crown and kingdom and decided to live in the village of the person whom he now considered his son,his hero and mentor.

Six months had passed since kulashekaran pandyan had crowned his younger brother Maravarman pandyan as the new king and had then got his marriage with Thenmozhi conducted in a grand manner.

A week later he had called the new king and queen and informed him that he and his wife were retiring to Perumalvaram to live out their last days in the peace of the forest and the village.

This had only added to the misery of thenmozhi which soon built up into terrible anger and the sense of betrayal was now reaching dangerous levels.

No amount of persuasion or pleading could change the mind of the old king and he left the city one day and everyone knew that the real king had left for good.But the rigors of life are such that it needs to be attended to and soon time and life flowed and the departure of the great king was just whispered in hushed tones.

But a few did follow the king,his personal physician,a few of his personal guard and Appanar iyya and in peace and in anxiety they waited in perumalvaram for the arrival of azhagan.




In the land of the cholas

The death of kulothungan cholan,rather the suicide was kept inside the four walls and soon he was forgotten as were the people who had followed azhagan to perumalvaram to live with him and with the memory of their dead king.For a few weeks a storm nearly broke out over the death of the king and more voices were raised in anger over his body being taken away from the city to some unknown village for the final funeral rites.

But rajendra cholan put down the people who raised objections and dealt with them with ruthless purpose and calm returned to the land.People are people and like sheep that needs a shepherd to guide them soon lost themselves with their stories and a great man became another story.


Rajendra cholan started plotting revenge then and now was ready to play his hand and wreak his final vengeance on azhagan and perumalvaram.He secretly started mobilising his armies and his one goal was the death of azhagan and death to all those who stood by him.


War was coming to the land of the pandyas and spies were active and the news soon leaked and entered the halls of the pandyan court.

The new king maravarman pandyan and the new queen thenmozhi sat and listened as their most experienced spies reported to them that a huge army was being mobilised against them and that the chola kings eyes and spies were searching for azhagan.


Thenmozhi looked at the king and her husband " what are you going to do?"

Maravarman pandyan sighed " what can i do but be dictated by the forces of time and destiny."

Thenmozhi laughed " this is not the time for philosophy or introspection.We knew this day would come and that rajendra cholan would come looking for azhagan and in the pretext destroy us all together.Now is the time to decide what you are going to do and how you are going to do it.Now is the time to make plans in advance and prepare for any eventuality."

Maravarman nodded " agreed.but what will you do if you are in my place ?"

Thenmozhi " immediately reach out to the chola king and inform him that we and our land are in no way connected to azhagan and that his actions were purely his action and he acted on his own free accord.Send a message that we have no idea where azhagan is and that he has not been seen for nearly seven months."

Maravarman pandyan nodded again in assent " what if it does nothing to appease his cruel heart and vengeful mind ?"


thenmozhi " send people in search of azhagan and inform him that his land and people are in grave danger and he will come regardless of whatever that he has been doing all these months.If azhagan is here then we can think of going on the offensive and engage in a war with the cholas and destroy them once for all and regain our independence."

Maravarman in awe " well,that answers everything.But the most important question is how azhagan will react when he sees you as my wife and the new queen.Even more importantly,what will happen or how do you think he will react when he sees and understands that you are carrying his child.I am not worried about myself but i am worried about you and the future king."

Thenmozhi with gratitude " my dear,sweet husband,my kind and great king,you are truly an incredible man.Please don't worry about azhagan for i know how to handle him.leave him to me and let me worry about him."

Then she suddenly squealed in happiness " here,here,feel the kicks of our child " and taking maravarman's hand placed it gently on her tummy and the king felt the kicks of the tiny feet against his mothers womb.

Orders were given,messages were sent out and two kingdoms began preparations for war and far away they,the man and the woman walked slowly towards their destiny,towards madurai.

Malar held his left hand and she walked in total bliss and madly in love and thought to herself " i could die for him.give up my life if he says the word."

Azhagan " nobody is dying and if anybody has to die then,well..."

Malar " well,what,just say it.remember if anything should happen to you then the same will happen to me."



"Agonies are one of my changes of garments,
I do not ask the wounded person how he feels, I myself become
the wounded person,
My hurts turn livid upon me as I lean on a cane and observe."
Walt Whitman,