*From To Sathish*-Sathish's new movie Info & Pics pg20! - Page 99

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Posted: 11 years ago

Mad Cow Concern

A husband and wife go to a restaurant. The waiter approaches the table to take their order.
"I'll have your biggest, juiciest steak," says the husband.
"But sir, what about the mad cow?" asks the waiter.

"Oh," says the husband, "she'll order for herself."

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Posted: 11 years ago

Fence of Love

A couple celebrates their 30th anniversary by visiting fence against which they first made love.
The husband says, "Come on, for old times' sake." The wife agrees and they both undress.
Afterwards, the husband says, "You're even better than you were 30 years ago."

His wife replies, "That fence wasn't electrified 30 years ago!"

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Posted: 11 years ago

Devil in the Church

Satan appeared before a small town congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away.
Soon everyone was gone except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly.
Satan walked up to him and said, "Don't you know who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
Satan asked, "Aren't you going to run?"
"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.
Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"

The man replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."

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Posted: 11 years ago

Fortune-Teller

A man was wandering around a fairground and he happened to see a fortune-teller's tent. Thinking it would be good for a laugh, he went inside and sat down.
"Ah..." said the woman, as she gazed into her crystal ball. "I see you are the father of two children."
"That's what you think," said the man scornfully. "I'm the father of THREE children."
The woman grinned and said, "That's what YOU think."

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Posted: 11 years ago
Sacred texts

An old farmer lived on a farm in the mountains with his young grandson. Each morning Grandpa was up early sitting at the kitchen table reading his Bhagavad-gita. His grandson wanted to be just like him and tried to imitate him in every way he could.

One day the grandson asked, "Grandpa! I try to read the Bhagavad-gita just like you but I don't understand it, and what I do understand I forget as soon as I close the book. What good does reading the Bhagavad-gita do?"

The grandfather quietly turned from putting coal in the stove and replied, "Take this coal basket down to the river and bring me back a basket of water."

The boy did as he was told, but all the water leaked out before he got back to the house. The grandfather laughed and said, "You'll have to move a little faster next time," and sent him back to the river with the basket to try again. This time the boy ran faster, but again the basket was empty before he returned home. Out of breath, he told his grandfather that it was impossible to carry water in a basket, and he went to get a bucket instead. The old man said, "I don't want a bucket of water; I want a basket of water. You're just not trying hard enough," and he went outside to watch the boy try again.

At this point, the boy knew it was impossible, but he wanted to show his grandfather that even if he ran as fast as he could, the water would leak out before he got back to the house.

The boy again dipped the basket into the river and ran hard, but when he reached his grandfather the basket was again empty. Out of breath, he said, "See Grandpa, it's useless!"

"So you think it is useless?" The old man said, "Look at the basket." The boy looked at the basket and for the first time realized that the basket was different. It had been transformed from a dirty old coal basket and was now clean, inside and out.

"Son, that's what happens when you read the Bhagavad-gita. You might not understand or remember everything, but when you read it, you will be changed, inside and out. That is the work of Lord Krishna in our lives."
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Posted: 11 years ago
Before and After the Wedding...


Husband: At last! I can hardly wait!
Wife: Do you want me to leave?

Husband: No! Don't even think about that.
Wife: Do you love me?

Husband: Of course! Always have and always will!
Wife: Have you ever cheated on me?

Husband: No! Why are you even asking?
Wife: Will you kiss me?

Husband: Every chance I get!
Wife: Will you hit me?

Husband: Hell no! Are you crazy?!
Wife: Can I trust you?

Husband: Yes.
Wife: Oh my Darling!


This was BEFORE the wedding, read from end (bottom) to start (top) to see what happens AFTER the wedding...

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Posted: 11 years ago
Life is like a mirror


Our lives are a reflection of who we are and what we have become.For quite a while a man,a stranger had been trying to get my attention without drawing too much attention to himself and from a wide circle and from the periphery of my vision and thoughts he slid and sidled into my narrow field of vision.With a bit left from my dwindling reserves of diplomatic skill i managed a smile when he bumped into me and after he prompted a conversation with a loud hello.Removing my ear phones i waited for the man to speak and he spoke " i see you everyday" and those words left me thinking me of bruce lee and his famed round house kicks.i really wished i had that kind of flexibility but all that were in my thoughts and i said " oh,i see " and waited for the reason which he was going to use for stopping me from quietly going about my life.His orifice opened and the sound waves carried to my drums " i dont see you in tv serials ". I thought of the new sharp knives i had purchased from currimbhoys and wondered how long he would last after i had began to use them on him.



Sometime between 8.20 and 8.30 in the morning,the golden doors of adyar anantha padmanabha swamy temple open amidst the loud ringing of bells,nadaswaram,tabla and most importantly the blowing of the conch.It really is a magical moment and when immersed in your thoughts of god and ones life you are transported to a moment of illusory state.I stand far back near the wall and let the crowds jump,run,nudge,edge to get a vision of the god,poor god for he is not going anywhere and as if catching a glimpse of the lord at that moment will change everything.The sounds died down and "selfie pulla" a song from vijays upcoming film Kaththi screamed from a mans cellphone near me and shamelessly he looked around proudly and answered "enna,naa kovilla irukken" and proceeded to talk and do the rounds of the temple.i wished the lord would come out in the narasimha avatar and rip the mans guts out.Oh god if only our wishes come true.

In the land of oil and deserts muslims are going about killing muslims and a few learned men on the beach,oldies from the iyer and iyengar community remarked that the muslims get angry when americans kill innocent muslims using drones and laser guided bombs and now that muslims are saving everybody the trouble and doing the needful.I dont think the muslims get the joke and soon the war is going to escalate between the sunnis and shias and in the end united nations which is the mouth piece of america,england,russia will try to maintain peace and share the spoils of war.Now all that remains is for a nuclear bomb to fall into the hands of the madmen who are fighting this silly and needless war.

I get scared,very scared when i think of the coming decades for i wonder what the world will be like when i am in my sixties and seventies.Air pollution,water pollution,global warming,dwindling water reserves,shrinking agricultural land,rising cases of cancer,diabetes and heart problems and the looming global epidemic EBOLA which will not fade away without leaving its mark.

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Posted: 10 years ago
AMAP

The interviewer examined the job application then turned to the prospective employee.

"I see you have put ASAP down for the date you are available to start, meaning as soon as possible, of course. However, I see you've put AMAP down for required salary. I don't believe I've ever seen that before, what does it mean?"

The applicant replied, "As Much as Possible!"
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Posted: 10 years ago

FAITH,wh**eMONGERS AND THE GREAT SALE

"A Native American elder once described his own inner struggles in this manner: Inside of me there are two dogs. One of the dogs is mean and evil. The other dog is good. The mean dog fights the good dog all the time. When asked which dog wins, he reflected for a moment and replied, The one I feed the most."
George Bernard Shaw

Complete trust or confidence in someone or something.Faith is belief that is not based on proof. It can also be defined as confidence or trust in a person, thing, deity, view, or in the doctrines or teachings of a religion, as well as confidence based on some degree of warrant. The word faith is often used as a synonym for hope, trust or belief.The English word is thought to date from 1200-50, from the Middle English feith, via Anglo-French fed, Old French feid, feit from Latin fidem, accusative of fid"s (trust), akin to fdere (to trust).

To have faith is to trust yourself to the water. When you swim you don't grab hold of the water, because if you do you will sink and drown. Instead you relax, and float.-Alan Watts

That deep emotional conviction of the presence of a superior reasoning power, which is revealed in the incomprehensible universe, forms my idea of God.-Albert Einstein

Faith,belief and complete trust in god or even something which one believes in gives vast and immense power and strength to do unimaginable acts.But i start with Thai poosam and the worship of lord Muruga.I have seen with my own eyes,devotees with their cheeks pierced,bodies pierced with hooks and dragging heavy carts with idols of lord Muruga.From my very own experiences of the worship of SHAKTI followed in my family.i have seen people running across burning coals and have run across them many times with my cousins.The only time someone got hurt was my kid sister bindu,a bit of timid character who panicked and hesitated on the coals for a split second and got her feet barbecued.This happened a long time ago,a very long time ago.
My most recent experiences which left me gaping was when i walked up the mountains to see the lord in TIRUPATHI.I think it took us like a few hours and maybe that too because my friend director elavarasan was a bit overweight and paunchy.Add to that the blazing sun,then heavy rain and again sun and again heavy rain.It was just like the song from CROWDED HOUSE " FOUR SEASONS IN ONE DAY".But the most important and significant thing was seeing people without legs crawling up the stairs.Blind people,old people (as old as the vanished pharaohs of egypt) and people suffering with all kinds of handicap and mental ailments.The jury of doctors are out and have yet to term the condition which ails me.

But those feats of faith and the power behind them still awes me and makes me ponder on the gifts we humans have at our disposal but have no clue how to invoke it and harness it peacefully.Well i submit and repeat myself that everyday i see people from all walks of life going about their lives and heading to various destinations to earn money and to feed and nurture their families.I can safely say that is an act,a peaceful act and they go about it without even realising it.Countless lives have come and gone and are countless are living still,working,plodding and enduring mental and physical agony and ridicule so that the lives that depend on them can have food and shelter.I have just one thing to say to these lives "HALLOWED BE THY NAMES" and offer these nameless lives a big salute.

We human beings are truly a remarkable species and also a mystery,in that we do although we know the good from the bad.Today we stand tall in our sky scrapers and have really scraped the sky by putting man on moon and machines on mars and as i speak,machines launched into space are speeding away from the clutches of our suns gravity.But much before that,our voices,radio signals,tv signals which were sent out have travelled many light years from earth and i wonder if some alien species has captured them and trying to make sense of it all.

At the pinnacle of evolution we humans seem to be blessed with so much power and i wonder if it is a cruel joke played by some cosmic power.Seriously all this drama of today could be an ongoing process in which the weak,innocent are just collateral damage and maybe sometime in the distant future a version of us,but numbering far less could walk and rule the earth.Culling.in biology, culling is the process of segregating organisms from a group according to desired or undesired characteristics.I have seen elephants culled because the forest could not support too many of them.Well what about culling human beings and i have my own personal list of people whom i want culled,right now.

In the name of faith,in the name of god we evoke and invoke and draw from a deep spring of strength and endurance and yet we cannot draw the same when it comes to doing the right thing.

You know,ten to fifteen years back the streets of chennai used to be empty of traffic but today i see traffic even at 2 or 3 in the morning.So many bars,so many watering holes to drink from and still i prefer to stay home with my books and music and my demented thoughts.Today we have so much information streaming via the internet,tv channels and most importantly mobile phones.But everything is about corrupt asshole politicians,happening actors and celebrities.

Everything is for sale and if you are ready to wh**e yourself and demean yourself there are people to make you famous and a household name.
For instance haev you heard of this actor called POWER STAR SRINIVASAN who came into the limelight by proclaiming himself the next superstar.That's it and everybody was talking about him and asking who the guy was.The guy is an ugly looking thing and his acting and expressions are even more uglier and yet here i am talking about him siimply because he proclaimed himself as the next superstar and made outrageous statements and gave many interviews.

Today if you are willing to show your shortcomings and cry on tv,there are people to buy that.If you say " i have a tiny dick" then there are people to sympahtize with you,if you come out of the closet then they will make you the host of a tv show (ROSE,A TRANSGENDER HAD HER OWN TV SHOW IN KALAIGNAR TV WHERE PEOPLE CAME AND SOBBED TO HER ABOUT THEIR SEX LIVES ).

Welcome to the 21st century's great sale where everyone can sell and sell anything even your shit from your body and worse shit from your mind.Everyone wants their share of limelight and the dance shows are a great example where two year old tots are dressed up,made up and asked to perform,gyrate to popular kuthu numbers.Not surprising when you have people who make elephants stand on a stool or to cycle and make big cats jump through hoops on fire.

What the human mind is capable of is truly astonishing and it remains to be seen how much more lower we can sink.

SATISH

spain thumbnail
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Posted: 10 years ago

Originally posted by: spain



😆 😆 😆
Old men in their 50s wearing bermuda shorts and talking on cell phones with funny ring tones while praying sincerely in a temple, huh? 😆

I'm trying really hard to picture all this in my head and I still can't stop laughing...

You are really funny when you put your built-up frustrations into words, you know that Satish?
And even though it sounds funny, I share your thoughts and find it sadly true as well.
I really don't know who Rose, the transgender, or Power Star Srinivasan is...
(I don't think I want to know them either...)
But names like Thomas Duncan and nurse Nina Pham have been coming up in my head lately.
If Ebola virus is scaring the world and taking innocent lives right now...
I don't know if being in the health profession is a blessing or a curse in disguise.
It puts anyone like me in a very vulnerable position.
And well-wishers signal off to me before I go to work...
"Hey, if you see any African patients in the waiting room, keep distance and stay far, far away from them, okay? Have a nice day."
Thanks for that. I guess.🤔

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