O tere sang yaara (PART 5 FINAL) UPDATED PAGE 13) - Page 7

He slapped a pile of money on to the table, his hands no longer shaking in fear. He had nothing to fear anymore, because he had nothing to lose.

'Ive played the fair game and I gained nothing and lost my everything,'

He refused to release a tear, his tears was his defeat. And he refused to lose over and over again.

'Now... my game will be dirty.'

He pushed the money across the table with a raised eyebrow, he tapped his nails on the table impaitently but he kept a cool face.

'Do you accept or not Mr mehta'

Ketan fingered the notes with glowing eyes, desire and greed that manifested in his grin. Ketan looked him the eye with a brisk nod that told him everything he needed to know. A smirk of victory graced his face as he hmphed.

'I didnt know that nowadays family was cheap to buy... watch out Dayawanti Mehta... now I'm going to play the game played on you...'

...

One of the asassins- Yeh bolo dayawanti Mehta ji... how did you get out of jail in the first place?

She chuckled as she plays with her fingers as if it was a casual question with a simple answer.

'Well that's a interesting question... you see... technically i never left... I'm dead.

They looked at her cluelessly, their eyes bulging out of their sockets in confusion... amusing her.

'It was actually very easy... i just faked a heart attack while getting Ketan to take the doctor's family hostage which i used to blackmail her in to declaring me dead... I didn't even have to put any thought in to it... simple. They took me to the hospital morgue and from there I sneaked out. Done.'

...

She pressed the phone against her ear.

Avni- Neil!? Neil kuch nahi hua na? Mujhe nahi laktha tum teek ho... mujhe bohot bechaini maisoos kar rahi hai Neil... tum sachh mein bilkul teek hu na? (She frowned in worry as she hyperventilated)

He looked down at his hand that dripped with his blood and let the droplets of his tears gather there too. He forced a smile on to his face, trying to ignore the agony that pounded in the wound, that wasn't important, he wouldn't let her worry. He would never ever let her worry, he promised himself that he would never let her be anything but happy, and for him? Just the gentle melody of her voice was enough to lull him in to an endless sleep. He dragged the words out of his forcefully smiling mouth, desperately intoning them light and playfully, when he felt anything but.

Neil- Mein bilkhul teek hu wifey... kya ho saktha hai? (Her huge relieved sigh made it all worth it.)

Avni grunted automatically in agony as another contraction took over her body and the doctor told her to push, Neil's eyes widened anxiously, concern making him spring up straight, ignoring the pain he felt as he did so.

Neil- Avni! Avni what happened!?

Avni- Tum- (she grunted between each word, her tolerance deteriorating.) tum- meri- meri bina... aur -bhi bevakoof- ban- gae ho- ho kya!? Mein- labour mein- mein hu pagal!

Sweat drenches him in panic, unable to withstand hearing her pain. His stomach churned and fear engulf's his heart, his eyes thrumming against his closed lids and his heart raced the quickest its ever raced, even though it was slowly bleeding out and the shadow of its malfunction lurched over him. He curled his fists as his concern turned to anger.

Neil- Where is the doctor!? Wo Neil Khanna ki patni ko aisi takleef mein rehne deenga huh?! How an they let you suffer like this? Dehdo usko phone... bl**dy b*stards!

Avni- Neil calm down... (She got slightly frustrated at his yelling as the words itched against her ears but she couldn't focus on them as the pain grew so intense, so sharp and consuming that everything was a blur.)I'm in labour yaar, usko kuch bhi nahin kar saktha neil... aur abhi itini complications bhi hai...

Neil- complications?

His face turns ashen in shock, his hands turning clammy and suddenly every movement around his slowing, as if time was mocking him, his limbs freeze in place as if they are no longer controlled by his brain, the synapses in his mind fizzle out, he feels every emotions flood his mind but at the same time... an emotion of nothingness, a void where his happiness used to dwell.

She bites her lips in hatred at her self, as she curses openly for scaring him like this. The entire pregnancy he had been so careful... he used to hate himself if he wasn't there when she wanted water and had to go to the kitchen herself. Or when a case too important came up and he had to spend the whole day without cheking if she was okay. She should have been careful, that word... complications... she should have known it would break him.

Neil- PHONE DHO! Usko abhi abhi phone dho! Give it to that doctor.. Mein maarunga usko... how could she- she endanger you? Complications!? F**king hell! (His chest felt hollow but his heart was fervent, his voice was fierce in harrowing rage and his teeth were gritted violently.)

Avni- Neil! What the hell are you saying!? Okay mein jhanthi thi ki mein tumhe meri kaboo mein rakna zaroori hai... par mein nahi jhantha tha ki tum mere bina full on pagal ho jaenga! You just come back home, mein tumhara band bajenga samji?

Neil took a deep staggered breath to calm himself as a small smile appeared on his face, he was so glad to her her adorable bickering and nagging one more time, that sounded like the nectar of love to his ears... but he didn't have the strength to argue back.

She again let out a little yelp as the pain pounced at her again.

Avni- Neil... kuch karo na? Bohot dard horaha hai mujhe... (She whined like a small child and Neil had to close his eyes to gather the strength to hear her pain, as he felt his heart drop to his stomach, his flesh rotting physically in his wound and mentally as its ridden in guilt.)

Neil- okay- um... uh- Okay... tumhe yaad hai... wo magic mein tumhe sikhaya tha na? Deep breath in... count to 3 okay? Count with me?

Avni nodded eagerly with a childish smile as if he could see her. She squeezes eyes shut and cutely whispers to 3 making Neil shed a tear as he wished so badly to be beside her, treasuring his wife in his arms. He could see the drops of his blood fall from his chest to the mud, staining it, as if each droplet was counting down till the time of his death. Dayawanti's face warped in to a sickly sadistic smile, turning and walking away in to the darkness after signalling for the assasins to follow her, assuming her job to be done.

Neil- Now deep breath out okay wifey? (She took a shaky breath out, forcing herself not to scream out as she pushes once again.) good... good thats like my girl... (a smile of pride graced his exhausted face.) now tum wo cheejon ki baare mein sochto jo tumhare zingadi ko khubsurat bana thi hu... teek hai? Mein bhi karunga..

He spoke in animated voice that he made bright and happy with all the energy he had left in him to keep her distracted. He could feel himself slipping, his breathing becoming slow and hoarse but he struggled and maintained his handsome smile through the flaring torment.

Neil- Soch liya?

Avni- Hmm yeah (she smiled as she knew before she even thought about it that anything and everything was always going to be about him.)

Neil- Bohot cheejon tha?

Avni- Nahi... bus dho cheezon tha...

Neil- dho? Tumhare zindagi itini karab hai?

His words were breaking before they finished, as his blood slowly drained... his lips were slowly slackening, but his tone was still lively, after all he was speaking to his Avni right? And he could never get tired of speaking to her, he would never stop always thinking about a smart remark to comment so that stunning smile would grace her face and stay on it.

Avni-nahi yeh dho cheez itini khubsurat hai ki... ki bus wo dono meri zindagi rangeen bana deti hai... poocho kya hai?

Neil- Kya hai? (He chuckled softly at her antics.)

Avni- (the smile and the glitter in her eyes were pricless as she said her next words that were laced with so much love and admiration.) Tum aur humara baccha Neil...

Neil had to force his weakening hand to pull the phone away from his mouth as he bitterly burst in to tears, his now purpling lips shivering. He could feel the phone slipping from his fingers, as they turned numb as they froze from the frostbite of lifelessness.

He knew that those expectations that she had built of their happy life, that hope that brightened her voice... it was all about to be stolen away. But still he brought the phone back to his ear drawing a smile on to his face, wanting to spend every single minute he had left with her.

Avni- Tum ko bhi bus 2 cheez honga na?

Neil- Nahi... (She made that cute face of confusion.) mujhe hazaroon cheez hai... (She turned up her scrunched nose in irritation, hearing that it wasnt just her.)Poocho kya hai?

She didn't respond, making him breathe out a hearty laugh, through raspy, slowing breathing.

Neil- mein bata thi hu... tumhare muskhaan, tumhare hassee... (Avni smiled tenderly her eyes filling up with awe at his love.) tumhare nagging, tumhare dramebaaz, tumhare pyaara sa angry face... jab tum mujhe bed se dhakka dekhe girathi hu... humare pillow fights... hamari jagede... tumhare bilkul karab cooking...

she chuckled lightly as the tears slipped down her skin, Neil groaned in pain hearing the most beautiful sound but not being near it, not having her in his arms, her adorable face resting in his chest and the fresh flowery scent of her hair tickling his nose. He could physically feel his heartbeat slowing, he started to stop feeling the throbbing of pain and that was a dangerous sign.

Neil- Tumare badi wale hugs that have the strength to literally make me fall over when your excited, when i see the care in your eyes when I'm hurt, or when you stay up late even when your half asleep to wait for me to come back from the station, ya jab mein tumhare aankon mein wo aag dikthe hu, wo hot stubborness... (Avni raises her eyebrow with 'hmmm...' making him grin.) ... jab tumhare aanko mein pyaar bhar thi hu... when you kiss my cheek, when you kiss my nose, my ear, my neck... my lips... (then he laughed a little wanting to tease her a little.) aur obviously jab hum wo kartha hai...

Avni- Kya? (She asked innocently bringing that classic charming smirk on to his lips, only avni had the power to making him smirk like that when he was slowly running out of blood.)

Neil- Really Avni? (He bit his lips in a way that would make any girl's knees go weak.) Tum ko sach mein nahi jhantha mein khonsi romantic cheez ki baare mein bol rahi hu? Jab- (Avni gasps as it suddenly occurs to her, her paling face was picture worthy.)

Avni- Shh! My god Neil... tum itini besharam ho... tum hamara baccha ko kya kya sikhane wale hai huh?

Neil beamed but had to hold back sobs, remembering that he would never get to teach his child anything. His gut gnarled and tangled up with an agony that couldn't be matched by any physical pain.

He could feel himself withering, his lungs collapsing on themselves, and his limbs go numb and drooping, he coughs violently, and sees the blood splatter across the ground, frothy with his saliva. She frowns in concern.

Avni- Neil! Neil kya hogaya? Tum bola tha ki you are fine?!

Neil- (he closes his eyes whispering, the strength in his dissolving, a tiny smile etched to his face.) Mein tumhe bohot pyaar karthi ho avni... bohot bohot bohot aur hamara baccha ko bhi... usko bol do na... ki papa usko behat pyaar karthi hu...

Avni- (Her face shadowed with uncertainty, and creased with worry.) Mein kyu bol du? Tum anyway jaldi jaldi aa raha hai na? Tum hi bol do yaar...

He sighed being unable to convey that fact that he desperately wanted to, to cradle his baby in his arms, his little prince or princess, resting his lips on their forehead, whispering how special he and his mumma are to him how much he loves them. How he wants to be the one that gently rocks his baccha during the middle of the night, to soothe his crying, whether he has duty the next day or not so that his wifey doesn't have to wake up in the middle of the night. And the one who teaches him or her all the sports in the world, and sits with them while they complete their homework, and be the parent that would never yell at their precious baby. But he couldn't do that, but he didn't have the heart to crush his Avni's hopes. He had lost all controll over himself her bones flopping and his time running out.

Neil- Mein hi bolunga par tum bhi bol do usko aur tum yaad rakho ki mein tumhe kitna pyaar karthi ho okay? I love you Avni... (He smiled sadly at the irony in his next words.) tum ko pata hai na.. ki mein tumhe itini pyaar karthi hu ki mein tumhare liye goli bhi lee loonga?

Avni- Hey chup! Why do you always such things idiot! If somebody wants to hit my Neil with a bullet they are going to have to go through Mrs Avni Ayesha Neil Khanna first teek hai?! And hello?! Dont speak nonsense mr hubby because... I love you much that a tiny little bullet could do absolutely nothing to hurt us, our love is too stong to be destroyed by a bullet... samji!?

Neil smiled a languishing wistful smile of complete contentedness at her words. His heavy lids slowly falling shut as his burdened breaths slowly decayed away to an almost stop. He tore his shirt open to let his wound to breath with fumbling fingers. He could hear lots of noises over the phone but the world had started fading around him, and black filled the edges of his vision and the only thing he coud hear was the sound of his ragged heartbeat and a weird blaring beep that he couldn't shake off and the pain that burned him like fire slowly crystallised into an icy numbness.

He could see a evanescent picture of something, that looked as if was extremely faintly inked in to parchment. A grin appeared on his face as he understood what it was. His Avni was cradling their baby, an angelic baby boy that glowed from inward an unflawed and perfect glow that only the innocence of a baby could possess.

And his wife, his avni, , his lady hitler... his wifey. Her beauty was one of those kinds of beauty that he couldn't describe with words but only with the beat of his heart, the dialation of his pupils, the smile on his face or the sereness of his soul when his eyes land on her.

His eyes close.

But time doesn't wait for him, the waves of passed time, passing time, and time that will pass in the future washed over him. His last desperate whisper of Avni's name echoed in the night air with the groans and whimpers of the wind, and his final tear dropped to the ground staining it with his pain.

///at the same time \\\

Doctor- Avni! Its done! Dekh? Tumare baccha...a beautiful, healthy and happy baby boy...

Neela's eyes brightened with joy and she ran to Avni and kissed her hair and pulled her in to her embrace.

Neela- Thank you Avni... mujhe ek parpota laane ke liye... wow dekh kitna pyaara hai wo... (Her eyes turn glassy as the nurse hands the bbby to Avni.) Tum Neil ko bhol do teek hai? Mein jaake bahar sab logo ko bol thi hu...

The warm tingle of happiness started in Avni's fingers, and she was flooded with that joy that only a mother could experience. That the beautiful thing in her arms that had seized his crying as soon as he felt her nurturning touch was part of her and part of the man she loved. The love that poured out of her eyes as she stroked his face was unmeasurable, it couldn't even fit in to infinity.

Avni- Neil! Neil humara baccha... ek pyaara sa, nanha sa, chota sa ladka... bilkhul tumhara jaisa... neil? (There was so response, scary silence crackled against her ear from the other side of the phone. She became worried.) Neil?

The family burst through the doors, there faces lighting up with glee as they all ran to take a peek of the little baby. They cooed at him, and Shweta wiped away the drool that adorably streaked his chin with a loving grin.

Avni- Papa Neil suddenly baat karna band kiya?

Prakash- Koi bhaat nahi beta wo misson mein hai na, wo busy hogi or something... (He brushed it off, completely entraced by the baby, Avni cut the phone reluctantly, frowning a little in worry.) Aur yeh bol do ki tum mera pyaara pota ko kya naam deene wala hai?

Avni- (Avni smiled as she remembered the tender memories attached to the name.) Nishaan... Neil ko iske naam Nishaan rakhna chaata hai... (The family gasped at the name thinking it to be absolutely perfect. Avni still gaped at the child as if she couldn't believe that their son was actually right there in his arms... she admired him and was drawn to his big brown eyes.) Dekho... inke aanko bilkhul Neil ki jaisa hai na?

Aman let out a laugh that made the light atmosphere even more lighter and joyous, Avni looked up at him in confusion, raising eyebrows as if asking how did i make you laugh this time?'

Aman- Di aap bus kidhere bhi dekho, kuch bhi dekho... jiju hi dekh tha hai...pyaar ko bhi hadh hota hai di... (The family giggles at Avni's red face, and shy frown.)

Shweta- now let me sees the little baccha avni beta... (Avni handed the baby to its grandmother, who welcomed it in to her arms with a grin.) Aww my heavens! Yeh kitina handsome hai... little prince hai wo, bilkhul humara tillu ki jaisa...

Bebe- Bohot hogaya mrs madonna, ab meri bhaaree...

She snatched Nishaan of shweta and rocked him in her arms while joking around with him. Avni chuckled under breath, knowing that from now on everybody would be fighting over Nishaan's attention, they would all be the apple of the Khanna family's as well as Neela's and Aman's eyes. And what more could a mother want?

But as her exhausted eyes were slowly dropping closed she missed him... her Neil... She couldn't blame her family for not noticing her fatigue or her aching body... after all her son had taken after Neil and obviously possessed his charm that could steal everybody's heart in a second.

But somehere lurking deep within her heart she knew however excited Neil would have been seeing their son... (and he would have been excited alright! She could imagine how he would definitely be ecstatically jumping around the room shrieking like a 12 year old girl and probably having less maturity than Nishaan himself. And he would kiss her sloppily completely becoming disorientated in joy he couldn't comprehend. He would be desperate to take the baby in his arms, even though he would have no clue how to handle him, and he would smile at Nishaan goofily for ages, playing with him with sing song laughter... spinning him around giddily while she would yell at him to be more careful but he woud just brush it off with a smirk) but however excited he would have been, he would have immediatley noticed the way her eyes were automatically closing, her head was pulsating and how her limbs were weak and sore.

He would become intensely worried, wreaking a havoc and calling up all the doctors and nurses to check on her and still being stubborn that she had to be helped even after a million reassurances from medical professionals until she reassured him, the only one he would ever listen to. He would tuck her in to bed with a kiss to her forehead, promising to take perfect care of Nishaan as she sleeped, she would raise her eyebrow at him disbelievingly and that adorable pout would appear on his face that melted her heart immediately. He would hug her single handedly, humming nonsensical tunes that he had made up himself that she wuld find beautiful anyway because it was in his voice, and he would hum until she found a sleep that was filled with utter solace and happiness yet she knew he would watch over her the entire night, sacrificing his sleep to care for their baby and her.

Without him there, it was these memories of him that brought her warmth and soothed her soul. It was that spark of hope that was ignited in her heart that her Neil would soon come home to see his little prince. That was what she lived toward, it was the bet that she placed her everything on. But she didn't know that soon she would find out she lost it all.

...

continued in the next post down below (reached word limit for post, please don't click off... keep reading...

Avni sat with Nishaan on the sofa and he was crying endlessly, but Avni became flustered sine everything had been done, he had been fed and burped and bathed and changed and clothed and he had even just woken up from a nap. She looked at all her family members that faced her with a shrug, this baby was a needy one... they had all given up. She laughed at their clueless faces, thinking how nishaan knew how to make a scene just like she did and she was left helpless at his tantrums just like Neil is with her.

Bebe- Tu hi sikh gayo kya karna chaiye, mainne itini saara bacchon ki dekhbaal kar liya hai lekin koi bhi iske tarah nahi tha... hey bhagwaan... who knows what this boy is?

Avni- Beta kiski hai? (She laughed softly looking down at Nishaan with loving eyes.)

She looked around the room, that to anybody else looked like it was filled with normal furniture or homely trinkets but to her each and everything twinkle with the sweetest of memories of her Neil and her beautiful family. She narrated all these memories to her son.

She pointed at the golden framed family portrait and told Nishaan... how she had fallen off the stool as she put it up and Neil caught her just in time, DD snapped a picture of them and showed everybody at the police station laughing at how filmy they were, Neil was teased relentlessly by his colleagues for the rest of the day and he came home with a cute angry pout at her and screwed his face at her in playful frustration, annoyed that she let him be so bullied at work. And then she pointed at the pristinely white painted walls and narrated how Neil really wanted them to be painted deep red but she wanted them white so they bickered like small children but then Neil got lost in the twinkle of her eye and gave up to see that grin on her face. Nishaan's cries turned to giggles causing Avni to crack a smile.

Avni- Dekho? uske papa ki bevakoofi par hass rahi hai yeh...

DD walked in pale faced as if he had seen a ghost, his eyes were sunken in and damp with fear. His hair was an utter mess as if he had just recieved an electric shock, and his heavy breathing was the only sound that filled the silence as they all watched him in concern.

Avni- DD kya hua yaar? Tum tumhare chotu ko dekne aaya hai? Wo khab se intezaar kar raha hai tumhe dekh leene ke liye...

Avni frowned in concern as she stood up and brought Nishaan toward DD, DD had been a lot of help in the past few days without Neil around. He would always go and buy supplies for Nishaan and the family and handle all of Neil's station work, and make time to spend with Nishaan or his chotu as he lovingly named him. Avni had seen how much he truly loved Neil and all of them, he was really a part of their family. She owed him a lot.

DD couldn't glance away from his shoes, his trembling fingers passed Avni the envelope with the cd in it, his heart surrendeing to fate.

Avni took the envelope with curious eyes scanning over it in worry, she tore it open and took out the note inside.

'Avni, this cd is for you. Im so so so sorry baby... par mujhe wapas nahi aa payenga...' the note was stained with dried tears.

Her eyes spiked with horror as she froze, her heartbeat echoed in her ears racing and racing and racing... amplifying each and every second as the nightmares tainted her vision, black dots crowding her vision as her gut churns in panic. She screwed the the paper up in her hands and threw the envelope to the side in rage.

The family members watched her in shock, prakash quickly came and took Nishaan before he slipped from Avni's hands.

Avni- Wapas nahi ayenga matlab?!

Her voice was shrill in the air, the family all frowned in confusion, prakash tried to shush Nishaan who immediately started crying hearing his mother. Avni ran to DD and grabbed his collar desperately, shaking his feeble, limp body.

Avni- Neil wapas nahi aayenga matlab?! Matlab kya!? wo ab mujhse pyaar nahi kartha kya?! Wo unke beta ko nahin dekhna chaata kya!? Mein itini buri hoon? Meri galati hai na?! Mujhe jhanti thi Neil kabhi meri saath kush nahi honga! Kabhi meri saath- jab wo meri saath tha uske...uske dam ghut rahi thi na?! Mein usse fass kar rakh rahi thi na!? Mein kitini buree hu na... mujhe pehele kyun nahi ehsaas hogaya god damnit! Mujhe kyun nahi ehsaas hogaya ki mein uske zindagi barbaad kar rahi-

DD- Bhabhi! (He suddenly broke out in a yell unable to cope with her earth shattering screams at the glint of hurt in her eyes.) Bhabhi wo mar gaya... suna!?Bhaiyya ki mauth hogaya... samji!?

Utter silence.

The silence dancing across was the only movement in the room. The silence laid against their skin like poison, seeping in to their veins and slowly murdering them. The silence was cruel, ruthless and painful. Her blood ran cold.

Outside the rainstorm still crashed against the windows and the dim glow of the street lights still shone gently but for Avni everything had stopped.

Her face fell, her sight blurred, all she could taste for the salty tears in her mouth, all she could smell was a void of nothing where his scent used to linger and all she could could touch was sudden ice that laced her body. But even though all her senses were on overdive her heart and mind immediately stopped in their tracks.

Those words, hearing that he had died was like dying herself. Her heart still pumped around blood but to limbs that didnt want the oxygen anymore, the heartbeat had no meaning, no worth, no reason. She fell to the ground, wordlessly, breathlessly, lifelessly.

The family were no less, bebe suddenly felt faint, tears dripped of prakash's face on to Nishaan, Neela covered her shivering lips with her hand in disbelief, Swetha screamed and shouted in immediate denial stamping her feet on the marble tiles, Aman looked fearfully at his sister who he almost felt he could no longer recognise.

DD broken eyes suddenly snapped out of their trance and he became horrified at the pain he had carelessly pierced them with. He looked up at Aman apologetically, as Aman shook his head DD was relieved to see sympathy dwelling in his eyes.

Prakash was quickly able to stabilise and console Bebe and Shweta, reminding them that they had the responsibility of their beautiful bahu on their shoulders and their grandson and they couldn't afford to break down for a minute. 'We dont really know whats happened' he convinces them 'we can't lose faith... Avni needs us'

DD has to use the same line of arguement to invoke a reaction in Neela. 'Your daughter needs you aunty,' he whispered to her, staring in to her eyes intensely 'you've been strong for all these years... how can you fall weak today when your daughter needs you the most?'

Aman approaches Avni fearfully, kneeling in front of her. Tears trailed down his cheeks, unable to see his sister in this state. He could swear to god that her eyes that used to be a rich shade of coco brown were tainted a shade of ivory white, the ghostly colour was percolating through the black remembling broken glass shards. Her dry chapped lips stayed parted slightly, as if paused mid gasp, as if she hadn't dared to take a breath since she's fallen to the ground. Her skin had gone ivory too, as if she was corpse that was slowly decomposing, all her purple veins protuded and seemed to visibly pulsate against her skin. She looked like a paused tv screen, not even as inch of her moved... even by accident. She didnt even react to her baby's cries that longed for the arms of his mother. His mother... it seemed his mother wasnt even there anymore.

Aman- Di...

He whispered as he softly touched her arm, that touch snapped her out of her shocked freeze and in to what seemed to the rest of the room... insanity. She burst in to laughter, manic laughter that sounded like what is heard in horror films. They shed tears seeing her so instable but frowned in confusion seeing her do exactly the opposite of what somebody in her situation would be doing.

Avni- Oh mujhe abhi samaj aa gaya... yeh Mr Neil khanna saab ki mazak hai na? Wo abhi abhi bahar kadhe hoke hum par hass rahi honga na? Mujhe samaj aa gaya...

Neela shut her eyes in pain seeing her in denial, she was subconsciously coating herself in a layer of lies to protect herself from the excruciating pain... the family were helpless, they didnt know how to console her, how to reassure her, they couldnt do anything but watch her destroy herself.

Avni- Mr Supercop abhi abhi bahar aao ya mein phir se tumhare saath kabhi nahi baat karenga... sun liya?! Neil please... bohot mazak hogaya... (her facade was slowly faltering) yeh funny nahi hai Neil... you leaving is not funny! Okay?!

Her laughing turned to howls of agony, each heave of her body bringing out a new scream, some shrieks and some whimpers but all laboured with a pain that refused to dull.

Avni- Neil please! Please aisa mat karo... Neil! Aao aur batao... batao yeh sach nahi hai Neil! Bol do ki tum kabhi mujhe chood kar nahi jaa saktha hai... bol do ki tum promise kar diya tha... tho wo sach nahi hai... wo sach nahi ho sakthi na? Right neil? Neil-

She broke in to sob that shook her fragile body, Aman bundled her up in to his arms... closing his pained eyes as he felt her tremble with tears against his shirt. Aman smelt of her home, the warm smell of poha that was constantly cooked there with light undertones from Neela ma's over used perfume wafted under her nose but that just made her gut twist in more affliction... because no matter how deep a breath she took with her eyes squeezed shut that gorgeous scent of ash and fresh linen didnt tickle her nose hairs. His scent wasnt there. He wasnt there.

Avni- wo sach nahi hai aman... sach nahi hai... neil aa raha hai... wo aa raha hai mere paas... sach nahi hai

she mumbled repeatedly like a mantra or chant, as if she her breath for long enough and begged for long enough, and let the words leave her lips for long enough, when her eyes open this nightmare would be over. This nagging pain crunching in her throat and this breathlessness as if she was drowning in an expanse of murky sea... alone. Would be over.

Aman just held her, rubbing her back with his chin on her hair, wanting to tell her that she was right and that his jiju would be back, but not having the having the heart to look in to his sister's eyes and lie.

...

She had sat on this bench outside for 4 days straight, refusing to eat or come inside.

She hadn't said a word. As if she thought even a whisper would be a betrayal. It seemed as if she hadn't blinked, and her facial muscles had gone rigid from not moving a centimetre away from a blank expression.

She seemed drained of all her energy, her bones were frail as if they had aged centuries in the last few days and her skin had sunken in to her bones as if her flesh had eaten itself away, shadows of grief and distress darkened below her eyes... as if the Khanna's had displayed a decaying corpse in their garden.

Aman came out with tears streaking his face, a shirt, a towel and the envelope clutched in his hands. He sat beside her, looking in to her eyes and searching for any bit of Avni inside her.

He needed to know his di was still there, because all these days it was as if they were just left with the broken shell of what she used to be. As if her soul had been stolen, her heart had hardened to stone, her memories had faded and her relations broken. As if nothing or nobody meant anything to her anymore.

Not even her own son, who had only been handled by the rest of the family, prakash messily trying to change his nappies and bebe feeding him through a bottle or a midwife that was an old friend of their family and shweta always put him to sleep. He had been crying non stop, his adorable lisping voice turning hoarse with sobs that begged for his mother. The only thing that ceased his cries was when Shweta slowly rocked him to sleep, wrapping him in Neil's old baby blue blanket and singing the sweet lullaby that used to be Neil's favourite.

Aman spread the towel on her sodden hair and began drying it, she was sitting out in the rain for the past few hours, Bebe had tried to bring her inside- extremely worried for her health- but it seemed as if her feet were rooted to the ground. Aman tutted in pain as he felt her fever burning against his fingertips.

Aman-Di aap ko kitni theez bukhaar hai.. aao please... mein aap ko andar leke jaati hu na?

He tugged at her hand, his voice pleading, but it was no use, her gaze stayed fixated on the big tree in the corner of the garden and none of her moved. He sighed, rubbing his neck in exasperation.

Aman- Jiju wanted to put up a swing on that tree right? Where he would swing Nishaan in the afternoon after he taught him football or badminton? He was so excited right?

She flinched, and he let out a deep breath of relief. It hurt to say such things, but he needed something impacting, something powerful enough to break her out of her silent defence. She had closed herself off, deciding to just soak in all the agony. Because the only way the pain would reduce is if she let his memories fade... and she would never let that happen... she would chose suffering through hell for the rest of her life than forgetting him. To stop seeing him in everybody or his actions in everything. That was all she had left.

Aman held out his hand and caught a raindrop in it, he showed it to avni, the light reflected off it creating a hue of rainbow in his hand. She warily brought her eyes to look at it, the first time her eyes shifted their gaze.

Aman- Isn't this the summer rain that Jiju used to grab your hand and dance with you in? Spinning you around and lifting you off your feet? You used to protest because everybody was watching with teasing smiles but all he could see was you?

She trembled, the barricades she had imprisoned her emotions in were breaking down. Her dead eyes softened as if the memory washed over them and replenished the life in them.

Aman- He danced with you when I got admission in to the college and when the lady you hated at your job got fired and when you college friend got engaged to her sweetheart... right? Not because they were particularly very important celebratory moments in his life but because they were the happy celebrations of your life... because you were happy. Because your smile was his smile, your laugh was his laugh... because you were his everything right?

Avni closed her eyes, finally releasing a tear. She nodded as her body began quivering as she convulsed in sobs. She saw the times when he would tell her she was his everything with his lips resting against her hair when they laid, panting, on the damp grass after dancing around in the rain.

Aman pulled her in to a hug, as if holding together the broken bits of her. He had a small smile on his face. His di was still in reach, they could save her. He peered at her through his arms and handed her Neil's black shirt that he had brought out with him.

Avni gripped on to it immediately, her eyes slightly widening at the sight of it. She hugged it to her chest as she jolted with cries, burying her face in it and inhaling his familar scent. She whimpered his name, looking skyward.

Aman- Aap ko kaisi yeh jiju ki saath kar sakthi ho di? Wo uske jaan deediya aap aur aap ke baccha ke liye... and you are doing this!? You are sitting here and clinging on to something that has gone... he's gone di... and you are letting his sacrifice go waste?! He did this because he wanted you to live your life and so he gave away his. he wanted his son to grow up to fullfil all your dreams and so he gave away his chance to watch him do it. He wanted you both to be happy and so he left all his happiness so you can. And you!? Your son has been crying for his mother and you havent even glanced at him. He could have starved or stayed in sodden clothes or been thristy or sick and you wouldn't have cared right!? You were letting him feel unwanted in the shadow of his father's death just like you felt in your mother's!

Her face was shocked, her eyes wide, her eyebrows raised and her jaw fixed open. She caught the tears that fell of her face in her palm, her lips wobbled.

Avni- Nishaan...

Her single whisper restored faith in Aman, resurrected hope in him. Because her gasp may only have been a single word, a few syllables but it was heavy with the infinite love of a mother, torturous guilt that churned in her stomach, anguish, desperation and repentance.

She gritted her teeth as she seethed with self hatred. She scratched herself mercilessly, her skin imprinting her pain as raw pink scratches that slowly released droplets of blood. Aman tried to grab her hands to stop her with furrowed brows of worry but the power of guilt was too much. She continued tearing her skin, and creating wounds everywhere but her frustration at herself still caused her to palpitate in frenzy, she went back in scraping already wounded skin to draw blood from them again. Aman had to glance away for a second, the sight becoming too much.

Aman- Aap ka dard jiju ka dard hai di!

His scream stopped her still, her hands fell to her side with a burdened breath, her lips going slack.

Aman- What are you doing to yourself di!? How would he feel seeing you like this!?This is not the Avni i met... this is not the avni that had all her odds against her but never faltered once while fighting... this is not the Avni that threw dayawanti mehta in jail... this is not the avni that changed her little brother, who was ready to murder, like a normal boy his age...

Avni- But during all those times I had Neil with me Aman! Neil humesha meri saath tha... Neil ki bina... neil ki bina mein wo Avni nahi hu...

Her voice was distorted as she screeched after days of not speaking, her exhausted body leaned against aman who patted her head consolingly. He forced her fist open and placed the envelope in it, she stared down at it as if it was some sort of foreign object she had never seen in her life. He closed her hand over it, tapping her hand reassuringly.

Aman- Ab Nishaan hamesha tumhare saath hoga na? (He pointed at the envelope.) Watch it. See what he has to say... and go to your son he's been waiting for you.

Avni hugged him tightly, weeping in to his shoulder and finally releasing the heartache that was eating her from within. Aman smiled sadly with glassy eyes, it was the first time that Avni was initiating the hug, that Avni was taking a step to her own recovery.

'I don't know whether jiju is still alive or not... but I know that wherever he is this is what he wanted me to do, i know he couldnt bear Di sitting there like that. That all that he cared about was that di was happy whether it was with him or without him. And I'll make sure she is.'

And that was how she ended up in front of the computer with Nishaan bundled in her arms as she pressed play on the computer.

...

Thank you so much your bearing with way too long post... forgive me for I have sinned for boring you so much... please please comment and like... lots of love...

Shreya (You can call me Rey too)