My replies in green.
hapc wrote:
I shall read all the chapters of Mandhar's story later but for now let me comment on this. Words aren't enough to describe how happy this chapter made me. The amount of positivity in these chapters truly makes my day a bit better.
It's gratifying to read your detailed comments. I am happy if my story makes anyone's day better. It feels good to write about characters letting go of grudges, being gentle with each other's egos, and finding creative ways to show that they care when words won't sound convincing.
In Hasta-prāpya-stabaka-namito bāla-Mandāra-vṛkṣaḥ so far, Raghav is growing into a better person when he is confronted with failures and threats and loneliness, which is tough to read, but in Delivery Boy, he has reached a much better place emotionally. Raghav has another chance to earn Pallavi's love, and he is applying everything to the task of restoring her family: his brains and resources and physical strength.
I liked that Raghav had to put in some effort to make amends with Manasi and that she relented easily. Baba was sincere in his admiration for Raghav. Amma was a proud mother. Akash was present and I guess/hope we get to see him and Keerthi. This new character also seems like someone who will keep making appearances.
Raghav tends to think that fixing is as easy as breaking. Pallavi and Jaya on the show both tried to tell him that his here-you-go attitude makes it harder to forgive him. So, in my story, I had Raghav assuming that he could give Rahul to Manasi, and then assuming that Rahul's wedding announcement was hurting Manasi. Of course, he made Manasi feel worse. As soon as Raghav just listened to Manasi, he found out what is actually going on in her life; he got to know her better and be supportive. I don't know what I'll write next in this story, but I wanted Manasi to have a love interest, and Mhalasakant being a reporter has potential with Manasi's photography. Raghav doesn't get along with reporters, so it could be interesting. Do any of my readers have ideas?
Akash and Kirti (who just broke up with Sunny) - she says they're just friends, but he might want more. Should they be a couple? What do my readers think?
I am trying to write Jaya as originally written when Ragini Shah played her. My version of Jaya has accepted Raghav as her son and encourages him, but she's acutely aware of his faults, so this feeling of pride in him is unexpected for her. On the show, we didn't see Jaya's motivation to move in with Raghav, or her reason for suddenly wanting to arrange his marriage. Jaya saying that marriage to Raghav would restore Pallavi's respectability, and Raghav isn't all bad because he runs the old age home, wasn't what I expected of someone who would rather die than use ill-gotten money for medical bills. I have my ideas about what Jaya was thinking secretly, but before I write them into a story, I would like to know what other viewers think.
I hope it wasn't too early to have Raghav think of Vijay as Bābā. Vijay hasn't told Raghav in words that he accepts him as family, but Raghav sees that he has put a smile on Vijay's face for the first time.
Another important part was Pallavi, Raghav and Ramaswami. Poor Raghav. Pallu is one step ahead of him. Liked her commentary on the similarities between Raghav and the verses. There was also a nice bit of Farhad-Mandhaar and a tiny appearance of the best character Damayanti. Apart from the story itself, I truly admire your writing style and the effort to write the bharatnatyam scenes. The show has ended but I hope you continue this story on any platform.
Poor Raghav got himself into this situation. Ramaswami wasn't supposed to be a secret from Pallavi, but after assuming that she knew, accusing her, almost killing her, and then falling in love, Raghav avoided the topic and eventually convinced himself that Pallavi still didn't know. So, he got surprised that his surprise was her idea because she knew. He still doesn't like to talk about misunderstandings, so he won't find out how she figured it out until this conversation.
That one scene of Raghav doing Bharatanatyam on the show made him so unique as a character - especially in combination with his other behaviours, I just had to mention his art even in my first fan fiction chapter. I wish the show had done more with Bharatanatyam and Ramaswami, the two hidden aspects of Raghav that balanced his caricatured daily routine of alcohol, angry workouts, and cancelled meetings. He didn't need to be a mall developer, a saree design judge, or in disguise so much as he needed to express his art and philanthropy alongside his obsession with money, his alcohol abuse, and his rage, to be a truly iconic character.
So, after thinking about it for a while and not finding any other fan fictions with Bharatanatyam, I decided to write the scene myself. Thank you for telling me that you liked my style and effort. I knew that whatever I wrote had to be expressive dance, not abstract. Raghav's contradictory nature made me think of Mahimnastava, which points out contradictions to glorify Śiva. I selected a few verses and recalled my own brief study of Bharatanatyam from thirty years ago to imagine how they would be choreographed as a varṇam. I believe the choice of gestures and poses in my story is accurate, but corrections from readers who know better are always welcome.
I wanted Damayanti to be in this chapter somehow, although there was so much else going on. Farhad and Mandar are a secret - but from whom? Other than Nikhil, who do my readers think knows about them?
Edited by BrhannadaArmour - 3 years ago
Arjun
