FF: Ankahee | Completed - Page 15

Chapter 35:

Finally RK realizes that he needs Madhu!

No... The note Madhu...

Vikram, I wonder what he has to do with all of this.

Even I still have the same question, where is Madhu?

Will catch with the rest soon! :)

Originally posted by: teekay

Another crappy chapter, I know. It's all over the place and I just had to stop.

I can't write any more. I don't know if this is a writer's block or just a refusal of words to appear. My mind is stuck at the image where RK and Madhu come face to face again, but I don't have the words to explain what they are going through.

It's sad that it's happening now, because we are so close to the end of this journey.

But if I am honest, I always feared this would happen. Because this is the point in the story, where I don't KNOW what would happen next. I don't KNOW what they are feeling. I can feel it, but I don't KNOW it. And so I don't know how they will react next. Maybe that is why I am so afraid to write it. Because it hasn't happened yet.

Here's the one revelation about this story I haven't told any of you. Ankahee is not just my imagination. It is in fact, as some of you may have guessed at some point, based VERY LOOSELY on real life events and real life people. Some of this story really happened. Like Chapter 13, word for word. And some never did. Like there was no Vikram, though I think there should have been. Anyway, I have to say this is still fiction because it includes a LOT of imagination and a lot of poetic license that I took to string events together and to fill the gaps for what I did not know. But at some level I cheated, because at some level at least I knew directionally where this was going, more or less.

Until now. Now I do not know.

This part hasn't actually happened yet.

I have a plot line to end the story on what I think would probably happen and should probably happen, but that is clearly not good enough.

I will try, nevertheless, to finish this. But I am sorry, to all of you.

Originally posted by: memad

lovely part 37..loved the way u portrayed madhu' feelings, her covert outburst, turmoil in her mind...her anxiety, uncertainty, pain, distress n transformation into resolution, determination, courage to protect her child...her apprehensions of her future, baby in coming few days...
here comes most awaited part...their 1st encounter...n m amused as well as glad to see the exactly opposite attitudes of rishbala from their previous personalities...madhu being stern, indifferent n stoic n rishabh on the other side vulnerable, helpless, broken, desolate ...very much contradictory from what they were n what they hv become now...game of destiny..hats off

Chapter 38

For the first time in her life, Madhu turned her back to Rishabh and started to walk away.

Her stride was long, but her pace wasn't fast enough. She felt Rishabh's touch - his hand gently holding hers - and her feet stopped automatically. She could have jerked his hand away, but the moment she felt the touch, her mind paralyzed. She was facing away from Rishabh, but she still closed her eyes. An unfamiliar fear swamped her soul, and she fought to hold on to herself - whatever herself meant.

A familiar urge that had been driving her over the last month echoed in her mind. Run, it said. Yet, Madhu's feet wouldn't budge. She took a deep breath and tried to search for the self-control she had so carefully cultivated over the last six weeks. She had thought about this moment, she had decided what to do to avoid this moment and also to face this moment if it ever arose. She had done the rational homework. She had chosen freedom - for both Rishabh and herself. And yet, now that the moment was somehow here, some buried emotions wanted to erupt. How was it that one unreasonable sensory memory from something as simple as the contact of someone's hand had the power to obliterate reams of rational, logical diktats?

"Running away is not freedom, biwi." RK's soft voice penetrated Madhu's ears, forcing her to open her eyes again. It was Rishabh's voice, yes, but somehow it sounded different than how she remembered it. Maybe her memory had been distorted by too much remembering. Or maybe, she had forgotten already?

"Madhu, please, won't you talk to me even once?" Rishabh's voice was breaking. Shockingly, Madhu realized that she could feel the pain permeating from his words. Huh, and here she thought her heart couldn't feel pain again.

No, she couldn't weaken her resolve now. She couldn't let herself walk back into Rishabh's arms a second time. None of this would have happened had she not done that the first time! It was a warning that she had ignored, foolishly challenging destiny instead to try harder. How misplaced her faith had been! How arrogant had she been in the over-confidence of her love!

No, she needed to be strong. Rishabh and her relationship was the past, and the past was over.

Gradually, Madhu wiped her tears, turned around and faced Rishabh. She forced herself to look into his eyes and spoke "I don't have anything to say." Even though the words came out as emotionlessly as she could manage, internally Madhu was stunned. This man who stood in front of her, this wasn't the Rishabh Kundra she knew. This wasn't her husband. She wasn't entirely surprised that he was hurting, but his face was that of a desolate, defeated man who had nothing in the world and lived in a state of penance. There was a strange spark in his eyes she couldn't read, but it wasn't a spark of vitality or life. There was desperation and guilt, but there was also relief and shame. And something else, which Madhu didn't quite recognize.

All of a sudden a part of her woke up and yearned to hold RK in her arms, but she resisted. Instinctively one of her hands went to her belly and the protective instincts won over. She was going to get through this. She saw some of her neighbors emerging from the elevator looking at them with curious eyes. With determination, she walked back towards her apartment, Rishabh's hand still holding hers.

"Why are you here, Rishabh?" Madhu asked as they entered the apartment and she walked a few paces, moving away from RK.

"I am here because you are here. You, Madhu, you are my life. You're my wife. I am here because I hurt you, and you left without punishing me. It was your duty as my wife to punish me. It was your right as my wife to question me. I am here to help you exercise your rights and duties. I am here, Madhu, because as long as I am alive, there is no other place in this world I could be" RK said and lowered his head, whether in confession of guilt or in anticipation of punishment, Madhu did not know.

"There is no Rishu without his Madhu...that is why I am here. I am sorry, I am so sorry biwi." RK was choking, Madhu could see. His eyes were red, his anguish on his face. Yet Madhu was unmoved. She didn't want to listen or to believe anything RK was saying.

"Rishabh, I have nothing to give you. No questions to ask, no punishments to give. I am sorry for whatever happened and how it ended. But it's over. Go back to your life and be happy."

RK grasped her right hand with both his hands. "Don't say that Madhu. I know I have hurt you a lot. In fact, all I have ever given you is pain and still you always gave me love. But trust me - I never wanted to hurt you. I was a fool...I couldn't see how I was hurting you all the time. But I have always loved you and only you Madhu, trust me...I love you more than anything in this world. I cannot lose you honey. And so, I am here, begging you for your forgiveness. I don't even know where to start and with what right to ask you for forgiveness, but I am still pleading with you to somehow find in your big heart to give me one chance Madhu. Punish me howsoever you like, but don't make me go away Madhu. I have nowhere to go..."

"Rishabh...enough..."Madhu almost screamed, jerking her hand away "...please...stop saying all this...I don't need your apology. I don't want to go back in your life. I am happy with my life. I don't need you anymore, Rishabh."

"You never needed me, Madhu." Rishabh countered "I know I always made you feel like you were too needy or demanding, but the truth is, you never needed me. It was me who always needed you. It was me who didn't even realize how much my life depended on you. And I never realized because you always knew what I wanted, and you always gave it to me without my asking for it. I took you for granted because I am an idiot and I couldn't see that my happiness and my life began with you and ended with you. But you, you have known me better than I knew myself Madhu. You own my heart, you own my soul. Then how did you not know that I could never live without you and never love anyone beside you? How could you not know that there is no happiness in this world for me if you're not in my life? What you saw that day, it was a misunderstanding. I was drunk and Maya..."

Rishabh's words were scathing Madhu, but hearing Maya's name brought the image of RK kissing Maya back to Madhu and she closed her eyes as a shot of pain went through her. Rishabh saw Madhu cringe, and paused, and walked closer to Madhu, touching her cheeks with her hands Madhu.

"Open your eyes Madhu. Look into my eyes once please and you would know I am saying the truth. Please Madhu, for the sake of our love, please once, listen to me. I know what I did was wrong, but trust me, I did not know what I was doing. I was missing you and drank too much, and before I knew...I know I betrayed your trust, and you should punish me for that, but you have to believe me that I never had any feelings for Maya other than as a friend. She..."Madhu had kept her eyes tightly clenched all this while, too afraid of seeing RK so close. She could feel his breath, she could feel his tears dropping, she could feel the truth in his voice. Did she believe him? No, the question wasn't whether she believed him or whether RK was telling the truth. The question was, did it matter?

Did it matter what RK was saying now? Did it matter what RK felt, or thought he felt? Could that change her decision to separate from RK in any way? Could she let RK in her life and make the same mistake again that she had in her past? Could she let herself be that vulnerable again? Did she even have enough of herself left in her to give it to Rishabh? She had made the gamble in the past - not once, not twice. Now she had nothing, no love left to give Rishabh. Whatever little love she had in her, was for her child. And she couldn't play this game again, because she couldn't gamble with her child's life and let her child be hurt in the future the same way as she had been. No, it wasn't about her life alone. And so, whatever the truth was, whatever Rishabh said...it didn't matter anymore.

The thoughts swarmed in Madhu's head and she started feeling dizzy. Gradually, she opened her eyes and found Rishabh inches away from her, holding her cheeks and looking into her eyes.

"I love you Madhu. I really really love you. And I know you love me too..."Rishabh softly whispered.

"I...don't. I don't love you." The words came out of Madhu's mouth and froze mid-air between her and RK. Had Madhu's eyes stayed open, she would have seen Rishabh's heart break in his eyes. Had Madhu's eyes stayed open, she would have seen exactly the same anguish reflected on RK's face as she had herself lived through in her past. Had Madhu's eyes stayed open, her resolve to sever all ties with her past might have broken, because she would have seen a part of RK die in front of her eyes under the weight of those words which Madhu's heart knew were not true.

But Madhu didn't see that. Madhu didn't even feel RK's hands gradually slip off her cheek as his knees weakened under the weight of his fears that had just come true and his hopes that had just died.

In that fraction of a moment, Destiny had a decision to make. Should it kill RK's hopes completely and let him believe that Madhu indeed did not love him or want him anymore? Could RK survive that? Or, should it give him a window to crawl back in Madhu's life and give him a chance, which he could use either to make Madhu happy or to kill her? Either way, it would cause Madhu more pain, because even the healing process required a surgical cleansing of Madhu's deep wounds that would create havoc in Madhu's life that had just began to calm down. Could Madhu survive that? It wasn't an easy choice, because this wasn't a battle Destiny enjoyed fighting, even if it won. A win that makes the winner feel the guiltiest isn't a win worth fighting for. Destiny felt helpless, and perhaps for that reason alone, it empathized with RK's helplessness in that fraction of a moment.

Madhu's head spun and everything blacked out as her eyes automatically shut. She didn't see or feel RK's reaction to her words. In fact, a second later, she collapsed and started to fall down on the ground, only to be held by a pair of strong, even if slightly numbed, arms.