One of those days when even alcohol fails to help you to forget yourself. I still can't come to terms that my own cousin brother was cheating on me, and even his parents were involved in that. So much comfort, money everything I have provided them, still how they could even thought to betray me. Wish it had been any other person; at least I could have killed him. I was mad, not at him but on myself for providing them. And in spite of all that I'll still have to continue providing them just because they are my family. Throwing them out will only tarnish my image. I hate them.
Purab asked me if he should drop me to the hostel. Great, this guy, who is always against my visits, now ready to accept it; just for me. What all this guy can do for me? But I didn't want to go to her like this, what if I end up taking out my anger on her? And what is the point, she doesn't even talk to me. But I didn't want to go home either.
Hostel was as usual quite at this hour; she was sitting on her chair. I pulled her to me and tightly hugged her thinking it may help, but no, nothing is working today. I was still angry, fearing that I might choke her, I loosened my grip. She held my hand and made me stand under the shower. Water was cold, very cold.
Few minutes later, I was lying in the bed with her, covered with a white towel, under a white quilt, on a white bed sheet, wrapped in her arms. She was caressing my hair, my face, kissing my head that was on her breasts. Listening to her heartbeat, I felt secure and calm.
Morning when I woke up, I was still calm and normal, ready to face my world again. She was not around but my ironed clothes were kept on the table and coffee-breakfast was in the kitchen. She was too good, too good to be true. But why, why she does what she does for me? She doesn't even love me. She had never shown a bit of emotion for me. Her profession should be blamed for this; it only makes one unsentimental, detached and unemotional.
He is changing, nothing major, but few small ones. He has started coming early, before midnight. He talks sometimes, though very rare, but still, if I have chips, if I saw his usb or keys. In a hesitant sound but still he is talking. One night he got vada-paav and asked me to prepare tea. This guy is a total crackhead. Who eats vada-paav at 11 in night? And sometimes he starts to make love during early morning. What type of people can do sex at 4 am? That's the peak time of your sleep. Half of the time I sleep during the act.
May be I'm over thinking. All this is very normal. But the way he touches me now; has definitely changed. The desire is his eyes have changed in curiosity. The way he touches my face, my body, as if he wants to make a sculpture of mine. Sometimes I saw him staring at me. He seems confused. Yes, it cannot be love. People like him do not fall in love and even if they do, they exactly know how to control their emotions. This is just his confusion, but not sure for whom, his own feelings for me or mine.
Whatever, this arrangement can never have any future. Move Pragya, just move...make a tea.
Purab and I were having a usual business dinner where Purab was doing all the talking with producer and I was generally looking around when I saw her. She was there with all her baldy professors for dinner. I remembered a conference banner while entering the hotel, so her team might have come for post conference dinner. She looked so odd one out among those baldy people. They all went to another section of the dining area. There was no point to disturb her professional life. After dinner when we were waiting for our driver, I saw her again. She was ready to leave by taxi. Girls like her should never wear a sari. It is hard to resist her tiny waist. I started walking in her direction just to tell her that she should not change, I'll be coming to her room in a while.
"Abhi, where are you going?" And Purab started coming towards me.
Now she was looking at both of us. I had no other option than to introduce them.
"Pragya, my friend Purab."
She left after a formal conversation. Purab looked surprised. Not sure why he was surprised, either Pragya did not meet his expectations or she exceeded the expectations. Looked like the latter case.
That night I wanted to do something different. I wanted to see some new emotions on her face. I decided to let her ride on me that I have never let any women to do so far. She was hesitant initially. I love it when this tiny professor becomes my student in such moments. Soon she got a hang of it and in some more time she reached her peak. She moaned. Some hidden emotions did come out. So she is so much more than just a professor. Ok, the time has come, time to take some decisions before it gets too late.
Next morning, I woke up to a yummy smell, yeah, it was aalu-parantha. While having aalu-parantha with coffee, I peeped outside from the window. She was sitting in the garden with others. She turned around and I saw her holding a friend's baby. She had a little smile that soon turned into a wide smile that I had never seen earlier. And, oh man, she was laughing. If this is not beautiful then what is beauty. Baby was pulling her hair and she was enjoying it. It was hard to decide who was looking cuter.
So here I was, having my favorite breakfast, standing at a place where no one is bothered by my status, no questions, no explanations, pure freedom, a place filled with care, peace and passion. Life is BLISS.
Now from here, I've two options - Either marry this girl and have a peaceful loving life forever but lose all the money to Tanu's father, a relation outcome of my business partnership.
Or marry Tanu and keep her as my extra marital affair and lose all the fame once affair will be out.
No, both options are not for me, I've earned money and fame after lot of struggle, I've never believed in destiny. I write my own destiny and will never let anyone take anything away from me. The status that I have is much bigger then the place I stand. No, never, never for a WOMAN.
I left half-eaten breakfast with coffee as a hint for her if only she can understand.
He had left. The moment I saw the plate and coffee mug back in the kitchen next to microwave, I knew he had gone to never return. Why every time I've to pay for my smile, that is why I never want to smile.
This time never stops for anyone, whether someone lives or dies, comes or goes, time will always move on. I decided to submerge in my work completely and totally.
Book Talk
Anupamaa
10