"Congratulations then. Finally you have sorted it all out."
"Thank you Mrs. Verma."
"Now when can I expect you to call me Mom like Nidhi does?" Nandini asked making both of them blush.
Ashutosh replied, "I'm a bit old fashioned for Mom. Can I call you Ma? That's what I used to call my mother."
"That's what I used to call my mother too," chirped Nandini, "So, it is cool! Nidhi. Get something to celebrate. If no sweets are there, even coffee will do!"
"Sure Mom," she left the room.
"I know you will do so Ashutosh. But as a mother I cannot help myself from saying this. Keep her happy."
"Rest assured!" Ashutosh smiled.
"And don't do what you did during her student days."
"You too? Now what exactly did I do?"
"There she is," Nandini looked at Nidhi entering with a chocolate box, "Nidhi. He doesn't seem to remember what he did during your student days. Were you making it all up?"
"Of course not, Mom."
"What's going on?" Ashutosh was genuinely confused.
"Shall I make a list? Okay. So, it had become an established wisdom in my class that it is okay to be late in your class so long as one doesn't come after me. Because of course, you wouldn't let me in. And by extension no one after me. It was okay to miss the deadline for assignment submission so long as it was submitted before mine. Same reasoning! You would ask a question in the class and so long as anyone else had volunteered to answer, I would not be allowed to answer. There were times when even if I was the only one who had raised hand, you'd ignore it and just answer the question yourself. And..."
"Was it all so obvious?" Ashutosh asked seriously.
"What do you think?" Nidhi teased him, "I will get the coffee by the way. It should be ready by now."
"It was unintentional, but I hurt her," Ashutosh told Nandini when Nidhi left.
"Her father died so early that she hardly remembers him. Despite my best efforts I don't think I could fill up that void. She always sought acceptance and appreciation from elders. And teachers in the schools and college. Thankfully she got it most of the time. But you were tough Ashutosh," Nandini laughed slightly.
"I'm extremely sorry. I didn't realize that I had gone overboard in trying to... Now that she spelled it out, I feel horrible. But I promise I will make up for it. I definitely will..."
"I'm sure you will. Don't worry about the past. She, herself, does not think much of that now. She was a child then."
"Are you two again talking about something that I will come to know a few years later?" Nidhi pouted as she entered with the coffee.
"I won't repeat my mistake dear. So, let me tell you that Ashutosh has just now promised to me that he will make up for all the troubles he gave you all those years back. I'm sure he is going to make up well for it."
"Mom! If you tease us any further, I'm going to run away from here."
"I won't dare. Give me my coffee. And after this I want to rest. So, I think you two should go out and sort out any remaining issues."
Ashutosh and Nidhi blushed. They were looking forward to some time alone as well.
--
They went back to her room after the coffee.
"So, how do you plan to make up for the troubles you gave me?" Nidhi's happiness could be heard in her voice and seen in her demeanor. She was on the top of the world.
"To start with, by apologizing and by explaining."
"You have too much to explain."
"I have been stupid I guess. It's time to undo all the mistakes."
"All right. Let me hear you out," Nidhi said with mock attitude.
"When I had first seen you, my life was a bundle of confusions. My mother had died a while back. I had brought Sarika with me to Mumbai hoping to get some good treatment for her. But the doctors, psychiatrists all gave similar answers, whose gist was that it was too late. She should have been treated in the early days of her problem, which, probably, was in her childhood. I had hardly gotten time to know her. It was an arranged marriage, and even after marriage, she had to stay with my parents to take care of my mother. Soon her problems came to the fore and by the time she had come here with me, she was more a patient and hardly my wife. I didn't know what I felt for her - I mean I definitely didn't get enough time with her to have fallen in love with her. But I could not ignore her either. It wasn't her fault. She was my responsibility. So, I decided to take care of her and accept my fate. Then I saw you. I remember the first time I had heard you speak in my class. It was on the interpretation of Akbar's policies by different historians. I was amazed at how you had not just mugged up the quotes from the different historians, but had actually analyzed their stands, where they came from, whether there were specific agendas behind their interpretation. I was very impressed."
"You remember that?" Nidhi's eyes widened in surprise.
"Yes. And before I knew it, this charming, intelligent girl, who was full of life, had started affecting me beyond what was appropriate in a teacher-student relationship. I would find myself smiling when someone discussed a prank played by you in the faculty canteen. And I felt like having you around all the time. And then the alarm went off. It just wasn't right. I was a married man. I had a wife to take care of. And you were merely a child then. My student. I am not even sure if you were officially an adult. I just had to rein in my emotions. I didn't know if it was real or a figment of my imagination. But the more I tried to ignore you, the more I found you around me. You would be sitting on the first bench in my classes, always volunteering to answer. If there was an extra-curricular activity I was asked to organize for students, you would be at the forefront, winning there most of the time. I found you all around me and I tried harder to push you away. And... I hadn't realized until today what I ended up doing in trying so hard. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry that I hurt you. I can't undo the past. But in future, I'd never let you be hurt. Not by me. Not by anyone else."
Nidhi looked like she had heard an unbelievable tale about miracles. She shook her head and said, "I don't know what to say."
"Say that you forgive me for that."
"Of course I do. I have done that long ago. You have been so nice to me since I have joined here, I thought it was a different man I had known then."
"That, too, is a good way to look at it," Ashutosh said smilingly, "Although my feelings had remained the same. And when you came back, I was as unsettled initially as I used to be back then. But I realized that I was indeed a different person now. I wasn't as edgy as in my younger days. After a while, I was confident that I could control my behavior around you. And so, I did not have to go those extremes."
"You succeeded very well. If you hadn't blurted it out that day, I'd never have known."
"I was so scared after that."
"And I was so happy, until..."
"That was one crazy day Nidhi. Let's not remember that."
"Yeah," she smiled.
--
"Tell me more about yourself," Nidhi said suddenly. Ashutosh was visiting them and was in her room.
"You have read the case-study of my life," Ashutosh laughed, "What more can I tell you?"
"Oh come on. That's just one part of your life."
"That was all there was to my life. Until you came back. Rest of it has been rather boring. "
"Tell me about other women in your life."
"Women in my life? I am not Khushwant Singh, Nidhi," Ashutosh laughed out loud.
"Why are you being so pricey? Someone must have come in your life in last eight years."
"No Nidhi. Is it so hard to believe? I come across as Casanova or what?"
"And no one before your marriage either."
"No."
"Oh!"
"You look disappointed," Ashutosh said playfully.
"No. No, of course not," Nidhi cried and then blushed realizing the awkwardness of the situation. She tried to change the topic, "Let's go and meet Mom."
"She would still be asleep. For at least an hour," Ashutosh said pointing at the clock.
"Yeah, right," Nidhi said looking confused about what to do.
Suddenly Ashutosh came close to her startling her. He made her stand up and cupped her face gently. "Bear with me. I have been out of practice," he smiled and closed in for a kiss.
But she stopped him by stepping back. It was awkward, "I... I am sorry. I was being presumptuous. Didn't mean to impose on you..."
"No. No. Please don't be mad. Let me explain," Nidhi was feeling guilty for doing that to him.
"I am not mad," Ashutosh hastened to clarify, "What is it? Something is bothering you?"
Nidhi gulped, "I... I don't know how to... You never asked me... about my past."
"Yeah..." Ashutosh looked confused, "It just never came to my mind. But... why do you... I mean what's the problem?"
"Don't know if you ever realized... I... I haven't been married of course. But I... I have had relationships..."
"I know that."
"Yeah. And also that they weren't just... I am... I am not a virgin"
"Okay. So?" Ashutosh didn't know at first why she was talking about it now. Then suddenly he realized, "Oh God! You are anxious about that. Nidhi - I am not a ghost from from the fifteenth century that I would judge a woman on her virginity. What got you thinking like that? Oh... Oh my God."
Nidhi looked confused and embarrassed. Ashutosh smiled and held her hands, "Look Nidhi. There is no denying that our lifestyles have been different. When I was in the US for my Ph. D., I didn't think of getting into relationships. I was just not raised that way. That culture was alien to me and it remained so. In last eight years, again, I didn't even think about relationships because... I just wasn't up for that lifestyle. I didn't know dating tricks and I wasn't sure I would have been comfortable trying to do those things. You are different Nidhi and I love you for what you are. You don't have to feel bad because of that," Ashutosh paused, then thought of something and added, "Of course, it works only if you are fine with those differences too. If they make you uncomfortable..."
"I love it and I think we'd do well to adopt a little of each other's lifestyles," Nidhi said making him smile. But he resisted the temptation of pulling her in his arms right then. It was better to take things slow.
--
Udne Ki Aasha
