"I have a maximum six months left Ashutosh," Nandini said when Nidhi was not there, "Doctors have told me. Nidhi breaks down if I try to talk to her. So, I have to trouble you..."
"Even I don't like it when you talk like this. But something is bothering you?"
"Your surprise me with how perceptive you are Ashutosh," Nandini smiled appreciatively, "Yes. I just don't want to rant about the approaching death. I was wondering if you and Nidhi have decided something about getting married."
"We..." Ashutosh started replying, but stopped, "Why do you ask?"
"You can guess. I would be at peace if I could see her settled with you."
"I am not going anywhere."
"I know... I know Ashutosh. But probably this is an old woman's whim. Is there any issue in getting married?"
"There is no issue. Just some things that I think need time."
"Like?"
"Nidhi is... I don't know why, but she feels weak. Probably she is still shaken about your illness; or her experiences in the US. She is not confident that she can handle her life..."
"I know and that's why I want her to be there for her..."
"And I am there for her. But she was not always like this. I remember her as a very confident and outgoing girl as a student. I want to give her time, instead of overwhelming her with another big decision in her life. I don't want her to marry me because she feels that she needs to. I want her to take the decision because she wants to."
Nandini nodded, but looked thoughtful. Ashutosh spoke again, "I know... I know that you feel that you are running out of time. And if this makes you anxious, I am ready to get married today, any day. If Nidhi agrees, of course..."
"No. Don't do that. You are right. I should not overwhelm her with my insecurities. She is not running out of time, after all. I don't want her to remember her marriage as something she had to do because her mother was dying. That won't be a pleasant association."
"Don't talk like that, please."
"Ashutosh. I used to wonder what I had done so wrong that this illness hit me at a time when my daughter needed me so much. But now I think I must have done something really good. Because even when it hit me, I know she is going to be looked after by you."
"That's a huge complement you have given me, Ma. And I promise you, I will do whatever it takes to deserve it. Till I am alive, Nidhi won't be alone. Never!"
Nidhi smiled, wiped her tears and quietly walked away from the door behind which she was standing, overhearing this conversation. She decided to go in a little later. Anyway the coffee she was carrying had gone cold. She needed to heat it up. As she did that, Ashutosh' words kept echoing in her mind, "I don't want her to marry me because she feels that she needs to. I want her to take the decision because she wants to." She didn't understand herself as well as Ashutosh understood her. Life had a strange way of dealing with us. One the one hand, it was taking her mother away from her. On the other, it had sent Ashutosh to her!
--
"I think there is a lot we can do to improve the quality and quantity of research output from the institute. Our publications in top journals are really dismal compared to the number of people we have," Nidhi said at the yearly all-faculty meeting.
"US returned syndrome," Sameer Malhotra murmured under his breath, but he was sitting close enough for Nidhi to hear this.
"Dr. Verma," the director addressed her, "No doubt that we have to keep visiting our research output, but the number of publications in the journals you are referring to may not be a good measure."
"Why not?"
"Well... when you say top journals, most of them are American or European publications. And the peer review process is clearly biased against India and other such countries, in general."
"I am afraid that we put too much blame on the biases and take too little responsibility ourselves. Something as simple as writing the papers in a better language and more coherently can overcome a lot of what we call biases."
"What do you propose?"
"Apart from the more serious task of looking at the quality of research we are doing, we should start with a simpler task of making sure it is presented right when we submit the papers. A lot of editing for American and European academic publishers happens in India these days. There are qualified editors available, who can give inputs on the quality of writing and even comment on the loopholes in the research presented. I think we should take help of such editors."
"So, now, Dr. Verma wants us all to take English classes from some editors," said one of the senior professors flippantly, "I am sure you did not do that to get your papers published in those journals when you were are NYU. Or did your advisor make sure that those issues were ignored for you because you were representing the great New York University."
"My advisor made me sweat it out until I wrote things properly," Nidhi was not provoked and replied calmly, but firmly.
"Do you really think that writing the stuff the right way, whatever it is, will increase our acceptance rate?" the director was also annoyed, but he maintained his calm.
"That is one simpler thing. Of course, we have to look at the quality of research too. Isn't it funny that the most active Indology research happens not at our institute, but in Cambridge or Oxford? I think we need to do more collaborative research. I can give examples for History. The latest genetics research can tell us a lot about the movement of humans in the prehistoric era. A lot of genetic data can be studied with the help of statistics. Why shouldn't we join hands with genetics and statistics researchers and revisit theories like Aryan invasion or Aryan-Dravidian divides? There are a lot of questions that need answers and can be answered by inter-disciplinary research and used of modern technology."
"Where will the funds come from?"
"Like it comes to all these universities in the world."
"Easier said than done Dr. Verma in this country," Sameer Malhotra spoke up, "All your achievements have happened sitting at New York University. It is better if you speak on this after a year or so, when you have seen how things work here and how difficult it is for us."
At least he addressed her as Dr. Verma, instead of Ms. Nidhi, she thought inwardly.
"I agree, Dr. Malhotra!" someone else said and suddenly Nidhi felt very angry. Ashutosh was not in the town as he had gone to Sweden to attend a conference. But she remembered what he had told her that she must stand up for herself.
"All right," her voice was controlled, but fury was still showing through, "One year is what I need. If there are even two people in my department, who think they can do more than blame the entire world for their miseries and they are willing to collaborate with me, I promise then we'd have at least four papers in the top ten history journals. Let's talk at next year's faculty meeting." With that she got up and stormed out of the meeting room, leaving some people thoughtful, some baffled and some others angry at her impertinence in leaving the meeting like that without seeking director's permission.
--
Nidhi walked absent mindedly towards her office after leaving the meeting. She had not been out of her mind in the meeting, but still she felt a chill after she came out. What she had done would ruffle more than a few feathers and people here did not like to take it easy. She would be reminded of her challenge every day in one form or the other. Had she bitten more than she could chew? As it was Mom's health was falling. Last night she had been hallucinating about Dad. She was asleep most of the time. She should be spending more time with her. And what would Ashutosh think of her rash act, she worried. She longed to talk to him. But, he wouldn't be back until the next day.
She called up the nurse who was on duty to look after her mother. Nandini hadn't eaten anything since the morning. That was another common problem these days. She had lost her appetite completely. That is how last few weeks of cancer would be, the doctor had told her. Suddenly she felt very scared of the time to come. Ashutosh had left his office keys with her. Instead of going to her office, she went to his. She walked around aimlessly in the small space that was free after the book-shelves, table and other furniture had been accommodated. Then she sat down on his chair. That made her feel close to him. She closed her eyes and tried to not think of things that were bothering her.
"Hello!" the voice startled her and she jumped out of the chair. She couldn't believe her eyes for a moment. Was she also hallucinating like Mom?
"You are back?" she said still wondering if she was talking to a real person or some illusion.
"Don't look so pale. The last day of the seminar was cancelled because the speaker fell ill suddenly and..."
Ashutosh fell silent as she rushed towards him and hugged him. His heart skipped a beat, but there was also something worrying in her hug. As if she was scared and was clutching to him for support. He wrapped his arms around her and lightly patted her back and head.
"What happened, Nidhi? Something wrong? How is Ma?"
She broke the hug and smiled embarrassedly, "No... Everything is fine. Mom is... Well... she is as you would expect her to be. I was... I was just missing you so much."
"That's perfect. Because I was missing you too. A lot," he bent down and planted a kiss on her forehead.
"You have come straight from the airport? You would be tired," Nidhi noticed his suitcase.
"Yeah. I thought I would surprise you. But I also received a message from the director that I should meet him as soon as I am back. So, let me quickly drop by his office and then we will go home together."
"Okay. I will be in my office."
"You can stay here."
"No. Now, you are back. I don't need to talk to your chair," Nidhi said playfully and Ashutosh smiled.
--
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