"Sir. I must tell you this..." Nidhi was panting when she barged in opening the door to Ashutosh' office to find him in a meeting with couple of senior professors of the department.
"Yes? Nidhi. Is there anything urgent?" He tried to keep a straight face to hide his embarrassment. But Nidhi could see that her rash act was inappropriate.
"Uh... No... I am so sorry. I will come later," she replied sheepishly and left chiding herself for acting like that.
Half-an-hour later, she heard a gentle knock on her door, even though it was open. She looked up to find Ashutosh standing there, "Can I come in?"
"Yes - of course. Please," she was baffled as she got up from her chair. The contrast between their behaviors increased her embarrassment even further. Even with an open door, he knocked and asked for her permission before coming in. And she had barged into his office, when the door was closed. To top that he was the one who was so senior to her.
"I'm so sorry for barging in like that Sir. It was extremely inappropriate. I... I don't know..."
"Nidhi," he interrupted in a firm, decided tone, "Calm down. You can come into my office anytime you want. You have the right and you don't need to be sorry. If I'm busy, I will tell you."
Nidhi was too surprised to speak for a few moments. What exactly was that? Then she gathered herself together and said, "That's really... sweet... of your Sir. But... Anyway..." Since he wasn't blaming her there was no point in saying sorry repeatedly, "I will behave myself."
"You behave perfectly well," his tone was still the same and it puzzled Nidhi. He continued, "What was it that excited you so much?"
"Oh... That... Yeah. You remember you had made Rangnath at Mom's birthday party and observed that..."
"That he might have some issues? He looked anxious and afraid?"
"Yes. So Anji was going through a bad phase those days. It was clear that she and Rangnath liked each other. But he wasn't willing to admit it. It was, as if, he was shying away from commitment. She even told him that he needn't decide anything immediately. But he should give his feelings and their relationship a chance, at least. But he was always unsure. He wanted her to move on. When you had met them, he had started trying to get a transfer to get away from her life. And he would keep assuring her that it wasn't about her. But she believed that it had to be about her. Probably the fact that she was older to him or something else. Given how these things usually work, I agreed to her. Although I didn't admit it in front of her and tried cheering her up.
"It changed with your observation. I realized that it might actually be about him. Something that's bugging him. So, I told this to Anji. That made her think and she finally managed to talk to him. And guess what - you were right. He did have some issues. And he is getting help through therapy. Even if nothing else happens, this would definitely be good for Rangnath."
"That's great. What was his problem?"
"I don't know. I didn't ask anything more than what Anji told me. But I wanted to let you know and also... thank you for this. Anji is my best friend and it feels really good to see her happy finally."
"So, they are together now?"
"Not really. She has decided to give him space and not pressurize him. She is even ready to let go, if he doesn't really want the relationship. But now it doesn't hurt her that much I guess. She cared for him and she managed to do what was right for him. So..."
"That's really thoughtful of her."
"Thank you very much."
"You don't have to thank me. It was just an observation from my side. All the hard work was done by the two of you."
"Still... By the way, can I ask you something?"
"Go ahead."
"You remember when I had forgotten to come for an exam and..."
"I remember everything about you Nidhi."
Nidhi wasn't sure why it gave her goose bumps, when he said that. She tried to hide it and continued, "You had scolded me so much for that and the same night I had made a graver mistake by not attending to Rakesh' call. But for that, you never scolded me. Why?"
Ashutosh smiled, "Nidhi. As the head of the department and as a senior member of faculty, you would agree that it is my duty to steer and mentor other faculty members, especially the young and the new ones, in the right direction."
"Of course."
"When you forgot about the exam, it was clear from your reaction that you did not really think much of it. I could see where that attitude came from. The students would find it cool if you laughed it off with them. So, why really bother. But as an institute, as much as we value individual's freedom and choices, we cannot shirk giving some basic lessons in discipline and responsibility to the students. And that lesson has to come from the faculty. So, even though it was not in your nature, it was important to tell you that you had to be disciplined in front of your students. Since, you did not see that for yourself I had to scold you. I'm sorry if I was too rude."
"No. Not at all."
"About Rakesh' call, however, one did not need Rocket Science to see that you understood the gravity of your mistake and that you would not repeat it. What had already happened could not be reversed. So, I did not scold you."
"And you helped me out of the situation instead."
"I tried to."
"You are too wise," Nidhi exclaimed.
The innocence with which she said it made Ashutosh smile for a moment. Then he nodded and said, "Give how you have turned out Nidhi, I think I directed you the right way. I just hope you do not hold any grudges against me."
"Of course not!" She replied quickly.
"That's good to know. Thank you," he said in a strange, heavy voice she hadn't heard before and left leaving her confused. Why did he thank her? She should be the one thanking him. For everything!
--
"Whoa! What is happening?" Nidhi's office door was open; Ashutosh was passing by and saw Nidhi sitting on his chair with her head buried in her hands. Her table was practically covered with papers.
"I am through with three-fourth of the semester, but I can't seem to get through all the paperwork. I am really out of my mind. Why does everything happen on paper here in twenty first century?"
Ashutosh laughed out loud, "Welcome to Indian academia Dr. Verma. What happened? Let me see if I can help you."
"Will you?"
"Sure. Show me."
"What am I supposed to fill up in all these fields?"
"Oh! Just leave them blank."
"Really? They aren't marked as optional."
"Nobody is going to read them. If it comes back to you, we can see."
"You really know your way around all this, don't you?"
"Ten years in the system. One has to know."
"Yeah. And this?"
"You didn't do any business in US, did you?"
"No."
"Then write N/A."
"Is it that simple? Why can't they phrase question more simply?"
Ashutosh smiled and helped her fill several more forms.
--
Nidhi had started going to Ashutosh for advice often and he seemed to be happy to help her. She mentioned this to Nandini.
"He is a nice man!" was Nandini's reaction.
"Seems like that Mom. You are fond of him, aren't you?"
"Why do you ask?"
"Just like that. If you like him, it makes it easy for me to trust him. My own history of understanding people has not been that great."
"Nidhi. Darling - don't be so hard on yourself because some people turned out to be jerks. There are good people in the world." Nidhi didn't say anything, instead just smiled sadly. Nandini continued, "Also dear, you must think about your future, about settling down. You look settled in your job now. You need to find a partner too. Else the life will get lonely after a while."
"Mom Please. I have you. I don't need anybody."
"I'll not live forever. No parent ever does."
"Shut up. You will live long enough."
"Nidhi..." Nandini made to say something, but checked herself.
"What?"
"Nothing. I don't want you to spoil your mood by pressurizing you too much. But do remember this. I will be worried about you."
"Mom Please."
"It's okay. Let's not talk about it now. Will you make me another cup of coffee?"
"Sure Mom." Nidhi was happy to end the discussion.
--
"Coffee?" Ashutosh peeped in from the door and asked Nidhi. She was working late due to an upcoming deadline on paper submission. Ashutosh was known to work late nights in the office. So, Nidhi was not surprised to see him.
"Sure," she replied and got up to go with him.
"I wasn't in a mood for the pathetic coffee of faculty canteen. How about we drive a little and go to Mocha nearby?"
"I am not fond of faculty canteen either!" Nidhi replied.
"So, how is the paper coming along?" Ashutosh asked after they had ordered their coffee at Mocha.
"It's coming along well. Having a couple of good Ph. D. students would have helped though," Nidhi replied wryly.
"Ph. D. students? I can get you as many as you want. This country is degree crazy. 'Good' ones, that too in humanities, are what are difficult to come by."
"I know!"
"Did the condition of Indian academia come as a surprise to you Nidhi?"
"No. Not really. I was well aware."
"Why did you come back then? And don't give me the politically correct answer you would have given in your job interview."
Nidhi laughed slightly at that. Then she sighed and replied, "It's a tough one. But I guess that country was not my type. Too lonely, too aggressive for me."
"You mean professionally?"
"No. Professionally I would have managed. Managed fine, in fact. But the day to day life, the interaction with people, the relationships - I just didn't get it."
"What was the problem?"
"Have you ever been in love?"
Ashutosh was taken aback by her question. But he quickly regained his calm manners and cleverly evaded her question, "I am too old to answer that now. You tell me. Have you ever been?"
"More than once! I thought myself to be in love. The problem was, as I later realized, that I was in love with some illusions. The real people behind those illusions were pathetic and did not deserve the love at all. I felt lonely and scared. And I lacked confidence - at least by American standards. I couldn't make friends. I needed to go someplace where something was familiar, and assured. I had to come back to Mom."
Ashutosh was listening intently when Nidhi suddenly stopped her ramblings and said guiltily, "I'm sorry. I am boring you with my meaningless blabbers."
"You don't have to be so conscious before me. You can trust me Nidhi."
"I know. Anyway, shall we leave?"
His assurance had not helped her get rid of her consciousness. Ashutosh decided not to push her and called for the bill.
--
Udne Ki Aasha
Kumkum Bhagya
Arjun
