Posted:
One of Dev's biggest flaw I realized is the fact that he is extremely guilt oriented.
Aishu, you've hit the nail on the head here. This is one of the reasons I strongly relate to his character. For me this is a character that has never really lived for himself. They say if you don't really love yourself, its hard to love someone else. Most of the issues Sonakshi has with Dev's "love" stems from the fact that he had a hard time loving himself without guilt.
This was something I wanted to discuss with Sam, when we were discussing male privilege and gender expectations with respect to a girl moving into a guy's house. I had started a response earlier but didn't have time to really get into it. So I hope its okay that I continue the discussion here. 😳
For me, the degree of guilt that was placed on Dev's character prevented him from having "male privilege" in the truest sense. Early on he was made to feel guilty about the advantages he enjoyed as a male, like the right to an education over Neha. So much so that he was basically "taught" that he was not "allowed" personal happiness without fulfillment of his family's happiness first (e.g. the honeymoon). Dev was required to take on the responsibility as the head male of the family but without the rights that are usually afforded to the head male of the family because he hadn't chosen it from a place of empowerment. Decisions that appeared seemingly his, always required the approval of Ishwari (like hiring Vicky in the company).
Going back to the previous discussion, in my opinion, Dev wouldn't have considered the idea of alternate living arrangements because his primary concern at that point in his life was clearing his debts-- i.e. taking care of his family and looking after his mother. IMO it was far less out of sense of male privilege or personal convenience. More than male privilege, I'd say it was male responsibility. Dev was made to be educated and successful OVER his sisters for that reason.
Obviously a lot of males in Indian culture are expected to look after their family, but I feel Dev got that message in a different way than people like Vicky or Saurabh or even Ranveer. I feel the latter 3 got the benefits of male privilege a lot more. Vicky and Saurabh could easily threaten their mothers that they would move out with their respective wives because they weren't consistently made to feel that they owed the family anything. If anything GKB instilled in Vicky a sense of entitlement that people should owe him. Ranveer's scenario was a lot closer to Dev's... but Ranveer was still taking on responsibility for his family from a place of male empowerment and maybe a little bit of male ego.
Dev, however, was emotionally manipulated into taking responsibility of his family from a place of guilt. Like the scene where Ishwari ensures Dev watches her humiliation to force him to work hard. Ishwari is a very complex character and I don't believe she is totally negative. But frankly she was a bit emotionally abusive towards Dev because of his status as a male. If anything she's more concerned about Neha not having a happy childhood than about Dev not having one.
So what Dev ended up learning was that he is not entitled to happiness unless his family is happy. Taken another way... everyone's happiness is his responsibility. That he isn't valuable unless he directly contributes to someone else's happiness.
