Snakes and Ladders-Playing it your way - Page 3

Originally posted by: preethik

Have seen mils like ish but no the this bad.

Hypothetically speaking if I was in sonas shoes & crazy about dev I would have solidified our relationship first. Also I would have communicated with dev more & also told about my expectations from the marriage. I would not have spent so much time catering to ish & rest of the family.

I think that living separately the first few years of marriage really helps couples adjust to each other without the burden of fulfilling other people's expectations.

Originally posted by: JShukla

But I don't think Dev would have liked Sona to focus on herself. She is just not that type of person.

Also Dev would not have agreed to move out even if Sona had asked him to.

I feel the Divorce which took 7 months would have happened in 2 months if Sona had not cared for Ishwari, because Dev is very observant of the fact that his mother is well cared for. He would not have tolerated Sona not caring or giving due improtance to Ishwari.

Also in his love there was a huge percentage of admiration that he had for Sona due to her giving nature, her love and care for 'HIS' family. If she had initiated a move out decision, Dev would have dumped her without a second thought.

Originally posted by: gemini54

Loved you Snake and Ladder post

Regarding your questions I will answer it based on my life experience .

My MIL was NO Easwari- God Rest her Soul

But our marriage journey together started with a lot of opposition. My Husbands Family and Mine were family friends..Good Friends. When my husband and I decided to get married to each other..I am talking about 30 years ago. My MIL was appalled

• None in my husbands family had a marriage that was not arranged by her

Though we started off on the wrong foot for no fault of mine we built a beautiful relationship one my husband even claims he was envious about

Marriage's are built with blood, sweat, tears and a lot of Love and support. My husband stood by me thru it all but never disrespected his mother..so he in essence was the tie that bound us together

In this story Dev 1.0 was not strong enough to that

Originally posted by: JShukla

Oh God it is so terrible to hear it. though I faced it almost through my own sister... she face similar situations. but she decided to make modifications and took them all head on and though they still live in joint family, she has managed to make the atmosphere quite conducive. Which is why I so identify with Sona. She reminded me of the horrors of my sister...

Making inroads the way you sister has done is an uphill task all the way.Commendable effort from her...It is not easy to bring about these changes..and even after doing so,sometimes we wonder if it was all worth it

I feel marriages should start on just respect. Everything else will follow. lucky are those who get both love and respect together.

Dev loved Sona but not enough to demand respect for her like he always did for his mother. I totally get why Sona would leave. I would have left long back .

I agree with u.Love and respect should go hand in hand..

Originally posted by: tia.o

Excellent analogy.

Thank u😊

To answer your question, no. I have a mother-in-law who adores me and loves me like a daughter and I love her back. But then my husband is not Dev either. He won't let me insult his mother and he won't let his mother insult me. We are both equally important women in his life but in different way. Just like my mother and my husband are equally important in my life but in a different way.

Wonderful to hear of this amazing rapport between ur hubby and u,ur parents and his parents .It takes a lot of effort,understanding and maturity from all the people concerned to develop this kind of a relationship.A lot of credit goes to his parents and yours,but undoubtedly the biggest plaudits go to you and your husband for creating such a beautiful relationship. Aapki jodi hamesha salamat rahe😊

If I had a mother-in-law like Ishwari, the first person I will check is how is the person whom I am marrying. If he dances to his mother's tunes, then I won't marry him. So the mother-in-law won't become a problem since she won't be MY mother-in-law.

I so agree with you.A relationship with a mumma's boy is going to be doomed from the start.Unfortunately Sona was so much in love that she couldn't see the impending disaster,though it was there to see all along.However, sometimes people get caught in such relationships(in arranged marriages).The relatively limited knowledge and interaction in arranged marriages means that the cat comes out of the bag only after marriage.But you are right,in a love marriage its a big no no

If he is an independent adult who respects women and willing to stand up for whoever is right whether it's his mother or me (or never interfere between my mother-in-law and me means try to pick sides regardless how much or from whom complaints he gets), then the issue won't arise regardless of how bad the mother-in-law is.

Because when a man makes it clear that insulting his wife is insulting him, disrespectful behaviour to his wife is his disrespect and mistreating his wife is his mistreatment, then no family or mother-in-law will ever insult, disrespect or mistreat their daughter-in-law. So again a Ishwari like mother-in-law won't be a problem.

What I would never do is marry a man who thinks his family has full rights to mistreat his wife. So the first person I will dump, is him. He doesn't respect me means he doesn't respect our relationship. Period.

Well said👏👏.If the husband and wife believe that they are one entity,then no one will dare interfere in their relationship.

However,as I mentioned in my reply to Sabita's post,most men have a long way to go before they reach this point.Men who stand up for what is right and don't take sides are indeed a dwindling minority.I guess we need more mothers who can teach their sons and daughters about how to handle themselves in a marriage and how to stand up for themselves

Originally posted by: rock&roll

Originally posted by: preethik

Have seen mils like ish but no the this bad.

Hypothetically speaking if I was in sonas shoes & crazy about dev I would have solidified our relationship first. Also I would have communicated with dev more & also told about my expectations from the marriage. I would not have spent so much time catering to ish & rest of the family.

I think that living separately the first few years of marriage really helps couples adjust to each other without the burden of fulfilling other people's expectations.