Snakes and Ladders-Playing it your way - Page 2

Originally posted by: Jade0001

My Daadima was like Ishwari and maybe even worst in some instances , My Daadima hails from Pakistan has five sons four of them married Pakistani women while my dad married a Spanish woman

though my mum belongs to the same religion as my dad her culture and upbringing is very different this caused lots of problems for her then the fact that she was an independent woman as she had her law firm in Spain was totally a disadvantage to her . though my mother tried breaking the barriers at that time it just added to her misery . the only fact that kept my mother in her in laws house was that she had given birth twice to boys but by her third pregnancy my Daadima now demanded a girl child otherwise my mother had to leave and that's when my mom finally took a stand , took her two sons left my Daadima's house and Pakistan

today my Daadima leaves with us in our country if she has to visit Pakistan she is there for 3months at the most , today she respects my mom she has learned the very hard way but she dealt with insecurities her obsessed love and control for all her sons

Originally posted by: AngelsFlyAlone

What a fantastic post! Some really good anology here with snakes and ladders and such a parallel way if connecting with the story. I'm fourteen so marriage are not in the cards yet (and may never be because hell no I ain't ever getting married and I know every girl may say that but I'm bloody serious.)

However, if I was Sonakshi, by now I'd have stabbed my mother in law, rather my ex mil. Because the fact that you have to deem this as a normal lifestyle to even be remotely related or in contact with such a leech, I cannot imagine. I'm obviously joking about the stabbing but Jesus I'd be more than happy to divorce and escape a madhouse as the dixit home.

Originally posted by: NBT-BV

I know at least 2 ladies like Ish with sons like Dev - not to that extent but sort of Mamas boys. In one case the DIL is just managing with difficulty and leaves the home quite often with her son to her parents home for 2-3 months then comes back for 1-2 months just to leave for another cycle. The grandson is the real sufferer.

In another case its at the brink of separation.

Sad to hear that both the marriages are on the verge of a separation.I guess such marriages are mostly doomed from the word go

Your 2nd question is totally hypothetical. The circumstances are not within the control of DIL bcoz the husband is the mamas buy. The balancing act has to be from the son who has to stop behaving a mamas boy.

Yes I agree..The main part to be played is by the son..but the wife might be able to play a role by subtly and softly explaining the circumstances to him and making him understand.This is probably the only way for a woman living in such a household.I am not saying that she will succeed in doing this...Most likely that she will fail.But it is the only possible way,if she has to continue to live there.And of course,not trying to please everyone helps

I know of two instances similar to Ish Dev..In one case,the girl convinced her hubby to take up an opportunity abroad and they moved away.They are happy now

In the second case to,the girl somehow moved away but the hubby continued remaining in the parents' clutches.It was like they would control the boy through a remote from another city...But patience and communication nailed it for her in the end...She slowly made her husband understand what his parents were doing to their marriage and now after almost 12 years,she has changed the face of things completely.Her husband stays away from his parents almost completely and trusts his wife.They are a team and one of the best ones that I have seen...And the girl turned it around completely.

I also know of a third instance...After 6 years of marriage and constant interference from the mil the girl left the house giving her husband an ultimatum.She said that he could come back to her if he could stand up for himself and make his own decisions.She said that she refused to be part of a joint family or have anything to do with her mil ever again.Initially her hubby let her go...But after 5 years of separation,he learnt his lesson the hard way.He came back to her and they r now happy together.Needless to say the mil is not allowed anywhere near their house😉😆

Originally posted by: sajinifaby

Great post...👏

Well why go anywhere.. am dealing with one.. in my own home... "my MIL"

Its been 10 years.. but its just horrifying...

She has successfully destroyed all relations..

me n my husband.. although living under a roof.. and miles away from her..

I live in Kuwait, and earlier she was in jaipur, now in Kerala..

How i deal them.,.. STAY AWAY FROM THEM.. I do not visit them..or call them.. as they do not even acknowledge that I exist...

my husband also ignores most of it.. finding the easy way out.. trying to please everyone.. he has understood he has lost everything.. and me also...

What's worse.. is we do not have any children.. and ya.. like everyone does.. she believes his decision of marrying me is wrong.. n her choice was the best, which he did not listen to...

I destroyed their pure relation [just pure facade that was] and me calling the same.. mama's boy.. made it horrible for her ..and him.. and she thinks.. her insecurity and her husbands even more.. he do not even look at me.. that's even worse n more insulting...

The gap still grows.. and i did try to bridge it over these 10 years... but nothing can be done now i feel as the damage is too deep...and i have stopped trying.. like sona..

Only thing left is leaving him and going.. which i do not.. as he is as vulnerable as Dev..

in my case.. love is also not there..

I can totally relate to the tale... and i have expressed it many a times.. here thru my several posts..

Originally posted by: gemini54

Loved you Snake and Ladder post

Regarding your questions I will answer it based on my life experience .

My MIL was NO Easwari- God Rest her Soul

But our marriage journey together started with a lot of opposition. My Husbands Family and Mine were family friends..Good Friends. When my husband and I decided to get married to each other..I am talking about 30 years ago. My MIL was appalled

• None in my husbands family had a marriage that was not arranged by her

Though we started off on the wrong foot for no fault of mine we built a beautiful relationship one my husband even claims he was envious about

Marriage's are built with blood, sweat, tears and a lot of Love and support. My husband stood by me thru it all but never disrespected his mother..so he in essence was the tie that bound us together

In this story Dev 1.0 was not strong enough to that

Originally posted by: sajinifaby

- in continuation to the above one :

I succeeded in totally changing my husband in his personality.. but this one thing.. is so deep rooted that its difficult to change i guess..

and my inlaws hate me for that.. they could not believe/accept a single change in him...😆