Perceptions - Page 3

Originally posted by: pkbdas61

Hi Sabita, great post.

However, i think the subject of perceptions itself is relative. It comes into play typically between people who do not understand each other or are not familiar with each other. Also perceptions come into play when we disect the interaction in a relatively shorter time window.

Did Sona and Dev really understand each other? I think in my opinion no. They tried to make the marriage work within a certain framework but really did not build it on their own..so they brought theIr own perceptions in how things will be into play.

Example: Dev thought if he kept his marriage to Sona and Easwari seperate it would work. But Sona thought let us include Easwari. Then Dev thought let me just make my mother happy and Sona happy seperately..that failed, then Both of them thought let us give in to Easwari because that will make her happy again with the perspective of keep her happy we will be happy...where is what do we want to keep us happy?..So they really did not KNOW each other

Example - i meet someone in a business meeting for the first time or maybe even the 2nd or 3rd time and i have not got to know that person to a reasonable extent. there is a tendency to interpret the other person based on perceptions. the more you see and understand the lesser the need for perception to play a role. As a relationship grows, perceptions diminish.

I think in the case of these three, it is not about perceptions at all. In a relationship such as a husband or a wife or a mother, It is a matter of communicating and understanding and they have failed at it big time, especially Sona and Dev. Ishwari does not figure in this equation or is not supposed to figure in this equation.

I totally agree with you and that is what i wrote too above..when you chose not to communicate you understand things differently based on your perception of things

if you see the entire time stretch from marriage to the break up, Dev knew exactly what Sona was going through in the Dixit house. He chose not to act. This was made evident during the neha track and the phantom pregnancy track. Sona tried to make Dev understand her feelings and emotions and state of mind.. but again he chose to ignore / not to act..

The problem is not about perceptions but the unwillingness to respond to a hard situation. Dev always took the short route out and that was escapism. He never confronted these situations, for whatever reasons.

why did he chose to ignore and not to act because he perceived in his mind that not addressing a problem the problem or choosing to ignore it will go away..this is what stuns me because he is supposed to be a savvy businessman😉

Why Did Sona ignore the writing on the wall when he did not come to woo her back but his mother did..because she perceived in her mind that it was a one time thing and things would change

I cannot believe that the same Dev could confront his mother after the break up and then go to the extent of clubbing Sona along with Ishwari. It is always easy to target someone when they are not around. If he could confront his mother, he could also confront his wife. He could not because he knew he was wrong.

He was wrong, He is wrong and will be wrong unless and until he faces the truth... something that he has always been avoiding. He avoided it at the first break up, He avoided it during the marriage, he avoided it during the second break up and continues to avoid it 7 years later.

What Dev is now calling his freedom, is actually worse than the shackles that he had during the marriage.. he is only deluging himself. He is living in a world of self deception and it is singularly the root cause for many a sickness. That is why he takes to alcohol so easily.

finally, i am also writing this from a neutral perspective.. as a counselor would see it. Sona did the fundamental mistake of giving in to marriage so easily without addressing the root of the problem. She tried her best till the very end.. Dev knew the problem, but chose to ignore and expected Sona to handle it herself, with no support from his side. Both paid the price.

👏 Agree and when the underlying issues are still not addressed where is the solution. And blaming Sona for the break up is his perception that she would stay no matter what..how did he get this perception because she took crap when it was dished out without setting limits. Why is Sona blaming Dev because she thought (perceived) that eventually he will independently stand up for their love but when he used the mother word again she shut herself up and did not want to listen anymore

COMMUNICATION, COMMUNICATION, COMMUNICATION is the key in any relationships business or personal and these two clouded by their perceptions failed to do so and still doing it..so as I see it there is no room for this marriage anymore

I would say that all are victims of their own actions. Period.

YES TOTALLY AGREE

Originally posted by: malikakas

This is exactly what it is. There is a statement that's stuck with me and its that there is no such thing as the truth. Its all about perception. Its all about where we stand.

Where we stand cannot remain a constant it is constantly evolving ..example if we thought woman should not be allowed to vote even today that is a WRONG Perception and if we make decisions based on that WRONG PERCEPTION WE ARE WRONG there is no If's but's about it

So we have to evolve with Time shed some of our preconceived perceptions and embrace maybe new ones

If you want to assume the worst of someone, you will. If you want to assume the best of someone you will. In fact a lot of our interactions with others are self fulfilling prophecies.

True but why do we assume the worst or good of someone isnt it based on their past or present actions?

Dev thought he always lost his temper and Sona understood so she will understand now too.. based on his past

Sona saw the present Dev telling her to get out, not understanding why she wanted to return the money and shut herself to hearing anything else what Dev has to say

The other thing I'd like to add is that most often we judge ourself based on our intentions and others based on their actions.

For e.g... When Dev accidentally slapped Bijoy... Even though Sona could see it was an accident. Her intention was to stand by Bijoy not realizing how that action would be perceived by Dev and his family. For good or bad she was all but punishing Dev based on action. Yet when she accidentally fell on Ishwari she was upset that Dev didn't give her the benefit of the doubt based on intention. If she cut him off to stand by her dad then by the same token he also would feel the need to cut her off and stand by his mom. I am not saying either are right but more that we judge others and ourselves on different standards.

I agree that is the basis of my post..we judge based on our thoughts, our experiences, our expectations but when they are not met we lash out or JUDGE ..here that is exactly what happened. Dev thought Sona will stand by him no matter what he did, Sona thought Dev never stood by her and always put his mother first

Personally I think all humans are grey. We are all capable of good or bad and there is a lot of grey zones in what we justify to ourselves. Killing someone is bad but yet we glorify it when we go to war in the name of patriotism. All nations do that.

This I agree and that is why Humans are the most fascinating species