Perceptions - Page 2

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gemini54

@gemini54

Voyager

Posted: 8 years ago

#11

I dont think there will be any pondering😉 from his side from ours maybe 😆

Originally posted by: ...Doctor...
Of course I see what you were trying to convey. What I'm trying to say is that Sona still has a reason to blame him (past actions and misunderstanding about prenup) but Dev, in my opinion, doesn't have the right to blame Sonakshi. Yes he chose her over his mother but did he wonder how and why they reached a spot where they had to make such a decision for their relationship. No. Did he notice that his mother was the one who made him choose, not Sonakshi. These are some things I wanted Dev to ponder on but...Sigh!

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Danseuse

@Danseuse

Inactive

Posted: 8 years ago

#12

@gemini54 : My perspective is that viewers need to let go of the past of the lead characters and try to focus about their future. I hope the Creatives are doing it. At least I don't want to get stuck in the past like the leads and refuse to move on, but pretend I have and then again form perceptions.

There is a beautiful quote : "Stop living in the past. If you don't leave your past in the past, it will destroy your future. Live for what today has to offer, not what yesterday has taken away."

I am looking forward to something beautiful and hope the Creatives don't disappoint. 😃

-Rekha

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gemini54

@gemini54

Voyager

Posted: 8 years ago

#13

I am all for letting go of the past too who would want to remain there 😉...that was not really my point of the post

Thanks for replying

Originally posted by: Danseuse

@gemini54 : My perspective is that viewers need to let go of the past of the lead characters and try to focus about their future. I hope the Creatives are doing it. At least I don't want to get stuck in the past like the leads and refuse to move on, but pretend I have and then again form perceptions.

There is a beautiful quote : "Stop living in the past. If you don't leave your past in the past, it will destroy your future. Live for what today has to offer, not what yesterday has taken away."

I am looking forward to something beautiful and hope the Creatives don't disappoint. 😃

-Rekha

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Tia.0

@Tia.0

Sparkler

+ 6

Posted: 8 years ago

#14

Excellent points. Sabita, you always bring out a different perspective. My take on perception is that it's not unbiased. It's formed by three things - Self-importance, self-worth and Past experiences.

For example, if I believe that I deserve better than everyone else, my perception will always lean on my advantage. If I believe I deserve less, my perception will lean on the other person.

The proof is below.

Dev's Perception:

Had a beautiful time in Simla with Sona (Other than having sex, how did he have a beautiful time when Sonakshi was constantly showing her frustration at being micro-managed by his mom? A normal person has a good time when the person they are with having a good time which Sonakshi was not having. If he is that oblivious to his wife's misery and only concerned about his enjoyment, then it boils down to what he is feeling matters more than what Sonakshi is feeling)
Came back home to chaos
Flung his arm slapped Bijoy (There were events that lead to it. Like his Mami and Mother calling his Father-in-law a thief and that they used their daughter to get his money. If those things didn't register in his head until his mother started her drama and he flung his arms and hit Bijoy, then again speaks about his perception of his and his family's importance over everyone else)
Confused at what happens tries to reach out to Sona (Confused at what happened? If Sonakshi had accidentally flung her arms and slapped his mother, will he still be confused at what happened? He didn't have similar confusion when he pushed Sonakshi, she bumped into Ishwari and fell down and he blamed her for pushing his mother? He very easily said get out. So again, his perception is based on what he finds important should be important to others and what he doesn't think is significant, should not be significant to anyone else)
Not understanding why Sona shuts him off (He shut Sonakshi off when he broke up with her when she didn't even insult or hit Ishwari. How'd a normal human being won't understand why a loyal daughter won't shut him off? Is it that hard to believe a woman would choose her family when the husband never chose her? But he did. Why? Because his own idea about how important his feelings, his thoughts are over others')
Surprised and Angry at Sona returning the money (That is none of his business. He gave money. Sona doesn't want it for her business, so she can return if she wants to. But then Dev was never reasonable or had same standard for him as everyone else. But he equated it with his generosity is not being accepted. That brings the subject of ego. He was more concerned about how his mother will feel to get the same money back for which she insulted her daughter-in-law's family vs. how his wife's family must have felt for being called a thief and lier and worse. That again brings back to self-importance skewing perception)
Anger taking over the senses..nothing new here (Yep)
Shouts at Sona to get out after Easwari falls (Yep, again not sure why he was surprised at Sona for shutting him off after he slapped Bijoy. But ties up my points above)
Drinks (Yep)
Sees Sona again and tells her he chose her over his mother ( A real big step for someone like Dev) (True. But again, the step was taken AFTER finding out that his mother has betrayed him. So not really that big a step. A hard choice is choosing between two equally valid choice. Choosing between an obviously invalid choice and a valid choice is actually much easier. However, the fact that he expects credit for choosing his wife whom his entire family including himself wronged is exactly where his self-importance shows.)
Shocked that Sona turns him down (Again, too inflated with self-importance)
Anger takes over (Of course, how dare Sonakshi reject the Dev Dixit. Self importance continues)
Blames Sona for the break up because he perceived she did not value his Love especially since he chose her over his mother (Yep, of course. All blame belongs to Sonakshi because she didn't "understand" him enough.)

So as you see, every step and every action of Dev is showing his perception of his self-importance and his family's importance over other people's feelings, family, thoughts and respect. Now one can have any perception. But if that person forms a skewed perception like that, it's safe to say, they also open themselves to be judged.

Sona's perception:

Had a beautiful time in Simla with Dev (Yes, sex is all it takes to turn a shitty trip beautiful)
Came back home to chaos
Shocked at Dev's action towards Bijoy (Why? She knows Dev never gave two hoots to anyone when it came to his mother.)
Hears Bijoy stating he will not forget this slap and neither let Sona to (If a daughter has to hear that to not forget her father's insult, it's why people want boys and not girls. If this slap was on Ishwari and she repeated the same statement, Dev won't have to wait to hear Ishwari's sentiment before acting on it. In fact, he won't have ever let Sonakshi forget this insult to his mother)
Sees Bijoy walk away (Yep, as would any self-respecting person who had been called thief and someone who uses his daughter for money. I hope Sonakshi knew what that makes her. Yep, a gold digger.)
Unable to listen to Dev's side because of Dev's action (Yep, finally showing some loyalty to the family who stood beside her over the husband who never did)
Comes to the conclusion that money was the cause of all this (Right conclusion)
Takes actions to return the money
Returns the money
Misinterprets Easwaris words (Yep, because her perception is already skewed by past experiences)
Confronts Dev (She actually gave Dev an option to show his "understanding". But as usual, Dev didn't do for her what he was expecting and receiving from her since day 1 of her marriage)
Blaming Dev for not valuing her Love and standing up for the love only because his mother told him to (Yep. Finally she spoke up. But part of this fault lies on her for jumping into marriage with Dev without making sure that she belongs anywhere in his priority list when his mother is holding the sign of approval)

Now again, refer back to my original point. The reason Sonakshi kept on compromising and kept on putting up with insult because she had the opposite of what Dev had which is lack of self-worth. And that's exactly why Sonakshi was judged.

While Dev put more worth on him, his feelings, his thoughts, his family and his perspective; Sonakshi also put more worth on him, his feelings, his thoughts, his family and his perspective over her.

The thing about a marriage is that both side of the couple has to put one another before their own self-importance without losing their own self-worth. Neither Dev or Sona did it.

Easwari's Perception

Was insecure about her position with Dev. (Yep)
So every action of Dev towards Sona treated as against her (Yep. But Dev never put Sonakshi as his equal for her to consider her as one and equal to Dev. So not completely her fault. As I said, the way a girl is perceived by her in-laws depends on the husband and how he perceives the girl in his family circle)
Had the Pre Nup signed by Dev to safeguard the money because money was important to her because of her past poverty (Yep. She claimed it was for her safety. But she dared to do that without worrying that Dev will hate her because the last time she went behind his back to arrange Sonakshi's marriage, Dev said she did right. Again past experiences creates perspective)
Tries to blame Sona for the break up not realizing her actions is what caused it (And she never would. Because no one showed her the mirror. Even after this break up, Dev shared the blame of her with Sona. So for her the convenient scapegoat is Sona since she won't blame her son)
Still blames Sona for the changed behaviour of Dev towards her (And she will continue to do so until someone tells her some home truths. But no one dares except Sonakshi and that's why she hated her. When someone has an ugly face, they hate mirrors. Ishwari's excuses didn't stand in front of Sonakshi)

Ishwari's perspective was skewed because while she constantly questioned her self-worth, Dev's action and attitude towards her kept inflating her self-importance. So any time his action veered towards someone else, she perceived it as her own self-importance being reduced. Because again, she drew her self-worth from that validation. So while Ishwari is responsible for her skewed perception. Dev is more so for putting her, a human being, on a pedestal and refusing to see her weaknesses and fears.

Sonakshi didn't help either by adapting Dev's perspective as her own and constantly try to prove her own self-worth by keeping up with Dev and Ishwari's self-importance.

Edited by tia.o - 8 years ago

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sia.krpkab

@sia.krpkab

Navigator

Posted: 8 years ago

#15

Great post. 👏

I think there is a deception in perception too. Perception, as a word in itself, invokes a judgemental feeling. So while feelings, emotions are critical in forming perceptions, I think self-awareness, facts and evidences also need to be considered that can break a certain myth or perception.

Dev and Sona both were marred by certain perceptions they formed based on incidents that happened, which led to the break up.

Had Dev followed his mind and looked for facts without losing over his blind mother love, his skewed perception about his mother would have broken early on (even before they reached pre-nup). But alas! On the other hand, Sona's perception about love transcends all barriers without an iota of doubt on dixits caused her more agony.

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gemini54

@gemini54

Voyager

Posted: 8 years ago

#16

All I can say is WOW for the Bold ...absolutely nailed it

Bravo👏

Originally posted by: sia.krpkab
Great post. 👏
I think there is a deception in perception too. Perception, as a word in itself, invokes a judgemental feeling. So while feelings, emotions are critical in forming perceptions, I think self-awareness, facts and evidences also need to be considered that can break a certain myth or perception.
Dev and Sona both were marred by certain perceptions they formed based on incidents that happened, which led to the break up.

Had Dev followed his mind and looked for facts without losing over his blind mother love, his skewed perception about his mother would have broken early on (even before they reached pre-nup). But alas! On the other hand, Sona's perception about love transcends all barriers without an iota of doubt on dixits caused her more agony.

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gemini54

@gemini54

Voyager

Posted: 8 years ago

#17

Tia my girl first of all take a bow I had to set aside some time to read this awesome reply to my post

I like what you wrote about It's formed by three things - Self-importance, self-worth and Past experiences.

Though it is formed by these things there are other intangibles too which come into play for example just a Gut feeling, a premonition etc these cannot be quantified but they do play a role..

Coming to perceptions we are all shaped by some way or form by our upbringing. Let me give you an example I do not believe in live in relationships.. maybe old fashioned my children dont think there is anything wrong with it. My moral perception is that it is not correct, their moral perception is that it is not incorrect. There are no rights and wrong to this as long as I keep my perceptions to myself, tell them about this perceptuion but not impose my perception into their decision making.

In this show Dev's perception was that he did not wrong with Bijoy ok but he cannot think just because he thought it was not wrong Bijoy or Sona should think that way too...That is where open communication comes in where I tell my pov the other listens and tells theirs..Here Sona did not give him that chance

On the flip side Sona's perception was she did not want to feel indebted to the Dixits she was a self made woman and wanted to return the money , Here Dev did not seek to understand her perspective and chose to make it out about his mother.

So we can have different perspectives on things that is ok we are human..but if I impose my persepctive as the correct one all the time there comes a disconnect.

The example I used about my children may not apply here ..but could not think about anything else

The rest in green below ..your long post certainly deserves a long answer😉

Originally posted by: tia.o
Excellent points. Sabita, you always bring out a different perspective. My take on perception is that it's not unbiased. It's formed by three things - Self-importance, self-worth and Past experiences.
For example, if I believe that I deserve better than everyone else, my perception will always lean on my advantage. If I believe I deserve less, my perception will lean on the other person.
The proof is below.

Dev's Perception:

Had a beautiful time in Simla with Sona (Other than having sex, how did he have a beautiful time when Sonakshi was constantly showing her frustration at being micro-managed by his mom? A normal person has a good time when the person they are with having a good time which Sonakshi was not having. If he is that oblivious to his wife's misery and only concerned about his enjoyment, then it boils down to what he is feeling matters more than what Sonakshi is feeling)
Again Men and woman think differently if in his mind what they had was beautiful that is what he will think..because he is not listening to what she is saying but reacting to what he can do to make her happy..it happens all the time in a marriage😉

Confused at what happens tries to reach out to Sona (Confused at what happened? If Sonakshi had accidentally flung her arms and slapped his mother, will he still be confused at what happened? He didn't have similar confusion when he pushed Sonakshi, she bumped into Ishwari and fell down and he blamed her for pushing his mother? He very easily said get out. So again, his perception is based on what he finds important should be important to others and what he doesn't think is significant, should not be significant to anyone else)
Again this if you look from his perspective it was an accident so his confusion
Not understanding why Sona shuts him off (He shut Sonakshi off when he broke up with her when she didn't even insult or hit Ishwari. How'd a normal human being won't understand why a loyal daughter won't shut him off? Is it that hard to believe a woman would choose her family when the husband never chose her? But he did. Why? Because his own idea about how important his feelings, his thoughts are over others')
Not sure he thought about the importance of his feelings, thoughts etc the reason I am saying this is he does not come across a very thinking person..his first break up with Sona
Surprised and Angry at Sona returning the money (That is none of his business. He gave money. Sona doesn't want it for her business, so she can return if she wants to. But then Dev was never reasonable or had same standard for him as everyone else. But he equated it with his generosity is not being accepted. That brings the subject of ego. He was more concerned about how his mother will feel to get the same money back for which she insulted her daughter-in-law's family vs. how his wife's family must have felt for being called a thief and lier and worse. That again brings back to self-importance skewing perception)
I think I wrote about this at the beginning

Sees Sona again and tells her he chose her over his mother ( A real big step for someone like Dev) (True. But again, the step was taken AFTER finding out that his mother has betrayed him. So not really that big a step. A hard choice is choosing between two equally valid choice. Choosing between an obviously invalid choice and a valid choice is actually much easier. However, the fact that he expects credit for choosing his wife whom his entire family including himself wronged is exactly where his self-importance shows.)
Shocked that Sona turns him down (Again, too inflated with self-import ance)
Anger takes over (Of course, how dare Sonakshi reject the Dev Dixit. Self importance continues)
From his POV he was made to choose between his mother and Sona ...only in his head and he chose her and she turned him down..here he is not thinking whether Sona made him to choose

So as you see, every step and every action of Dev is showing his perception of his self-importance and his family's importance over other people's feelings, family, thoughts and respect. Now one can have any perception. But if that person forms a skewed perception like that, it's safe to say, they also open themselves to be judged.

Bold yes I agree that is what it comes down to it doesnt it?

Sona's perception:

Had a beautiful time in Simla with Dev (Yes, sex is all it takes to turn a shitty trip beautiful)
Yes but who went along with it knowing the intent of the Trip?

Sees Bijoy walk away (Yep, as would any self-respecting person who had been called thief and someone who uses his daughter for money. I hope Sonakshi knew what that makes her. Yep, a gold digger.)
Unable to listen to Dev's side because of Dev's action (Yep, finally showing some loyalty to the family who stood beside her over the husband who never did)
answered at the beginning

Misinterprets Easwaris words (Yep, because her perception is already skewed by past experiences)
Amen

The thing about a marriage is that both side of the couple has to put one another before their own self-importance without losing their own self-worth. Neither Dev or Sona did it.
👏

Ishwari's perspective was skewed because while she constantly questioned her self-worth, Dev's action and attitude towards her kept inflating her self-importance. So any time his action veered towards someone else, she perceived it as her own self-importance being reduced. Because again, she drew her self-worth from that validation. So while Ishwari is responsible for her skewed perception. Dev is more so for putting her, a human being, on a pedestal and refusing to see her weaknesses and fears.

why was this skewed ?..because Dev and Sona contributed to this

Dev by putting her up on a pedestal and Sona appeasing the God on the Pedestal

Sonakshi didn't help either by adapting Dev's perspective as her own and constantly try to prove her own self-worth by keeping up with Dev and Ishwari's self-importance.

Bottom Line when we have skewed perspectives and make decisions based on them we are dooomed to fail and that is where open communication comes in where your partner clarifies what you are feeling or thinking is not so and why or agreeing with you and helping you deal with it..Here the key word being Partners

Sorry this became longer than your replies...Amazing reply to my post👏

Edited by gemini54 - 8 years ago

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Sajini Cherian

@sajinifaby

Rocker

+ 5

Posted: 8 years ago

#18

Beautiful post Sabita
I loved every bit of it

Am so tired of people perception taking over their senses like Dev Ishwari n sona..
Thank u so much for this amazing post

Keep writing your enlightening as always 🤗

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gemini54

@gemini54

Voyager

Posted: 8 years ago

#19

Thanks you nailed it on the head.👏 Why do we perceive something is wrong or correct based on our past, our standards, or our experience ..But just because we perceive something to be wrong does not mean it really is, just because we based it on our experience does not mean we have experienced everything ... Circumstances compel us to act a certain way..emotion alomst always plays a role that is why we make irrational decisions sometimes because if we stopped and thought maybe would have decided differently..Here Both Sona and Dev did not stop to THINK they just reacted to their own perceptions

Originally posted by: ElMystique
Amazing post!!
Now that it's a serial and since we have been the neutral viewers who get an overview of all perspectives we understand and expect people to react in ways we want them to.
Also this is the major reason for our anguish.
In this case we can say at some level nobody is wrong.
In case of Dev he was cheated by Vicky.
In case of Sona she was trapped amidst chaos very wisely.
And even Ishwary that she din't mean whatever she said.

To the contrary we can also say everybody is wrong.
Dev shouldn't have said whatever he said.
Sona should have questioned Ishwary more precisely.
And Ishwary shouldn't have bothered in her son's relationship.
And the in between theories of supporting people but at the end of the day there is always one truth and the person who perceives the truth is right IMO. Sadly, everybody had pieces of truth which wasn't complete only if one get's over egoes and blame game and discuss shall they seek truth.
Its very important to sit and discuss with an open mind always in every situation by throwing away their so called judgement and reaching conclusions.

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malikakas

@malikakas

Rocker

Posted: 8 years ago

#20

Originally posted by: gemini54

People see what they want to see and what people want to see never has anything to do with the truth

Robert Bolano

This is exactly what it is. There is a statement that's stuck with me and its that there is no such thing as the truth. Its all about perception. Its all about where we stand.

If you want to assume the worst of someone, you will. If you want to assume the best of someone you will. In fact a lot of our interactions with others are self fulfilling prophecies.

The other thing I'd like to add is that most often we judge ourself based on our intentions and others based on their actions.

For e.g... When Dev accidentally slapped Bijoy... Even though Sona could see it was an accident. Her intention was to stand by Bijoy not realizing how that action would be perceived by Dev and his family. For good or bad she was all but punishing Dev based on action. Yet when she accidentally fell on Ishwari she was upset that Dev didn't give her the benefit of the doubt based on intention. If she cut him off to stand by her dad then by the same token he also would feel the need to cut her off and stand by his mom. I am not saying either are right but more that we judge others and ourselves on different standards.

Personally I think all humans are grey. We are all capable of good or bad and there is a lot of grey zones in what we justify to ourselves. Killing someone is bad but yet we glorify it when we go to war in the name of patriotism. All nations do that.

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