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I said in one of my posts that people appreciate and take care of things that they had to work hard and struggle to achieve. Things that are easily available are not valued.
Sona made herself the later.
When Dev fell in love, he went to Sona's home in the middle of the night, proposed, and Sona who was already in love, jumped into his arms.
But I get that. First love and all.
At first sign of trouble and opposition from his mother, he dumped Sona like yesterday's newspaper. And didn't even look back at her until Ritwik came into his life.
Sonakshi continued to pine after Dev. Lesson was not I guess hard enough.
Then Dev pretty much made a nuisance of himself once Ritwik entered until Sonakshi herself again melted for Dev, the man who left her for his mother vs. Ritwik, who stood against the world, his family, even Dev for her.
Finally, Dev's drunken confession made Ishwari bring Sonakshi back into Dev's life and of course, Sonakshi conveniently forgot every time Ishwari pulled Dev's strings, he forgot her feelings. She again jumped into his arms.
They got married and her insults started.
We teach our daughters household chores, how to adjust with in-laws, how to keep husband happy, why don't we teach them their self worth? Why don't we tell them that in a family, there is never a hierarchy like mother-in-law comes after father-in-law but before daughter-in-law? Why don't we tell them to respect themselves and never settle for less? Why don't we tell them that if your husband or in-laws don't treat you well, overlooking the problem won't make it go away?
Asha, being the cossetted and loved daughter-in-law and wife, didn't teach Sona how to fight against kitchen politics or petty jealousies or how to fight for one's rights. Because she got hers without asking for it.
Sonakshi continued to follow Asha's advice, given she only knew less than 5% of the facts applicable to the situations, and closed off her own brain and instincts that were telling her that "woh ghar" uska "apna" nehin lagta".
Newsflash people: When despite being with your husband, you don't feel that you belong, then the situation needs to be reviewed pronto.
We women have strong instincts. But we ignore them most of the time. These instincts or gut feelings indicated future much sooner than actual situation.
When someone stares at us creepily, our radar goes up. But we ignore it.
When someone insults us with a smiling face, our instinct screams fast. But we don't pay attention.
When we know there's something missing but we can't guess what. Again, we think we are stressed and forget about them.
But 90% of women will admit at least one incident where their instinct blew horn before anything else. And most of them would also admit (if they are honest) that their first instinct were rarely wrong unless they are naturally paranoid which most women are not.
Sona did the same as most people do. She ignored it because acknowledging it might mean that she will have to admit her huge mistake in choosing Dev. She is competitive, so defeat she doesn't want to accept.
Every time she caught Dev lying, she thought that next time he won't lie and continued to forgive him and it kept on giving him incentives to continue his lies. No consequences, no reform.
Every time Dev took decision on her behalf without consulting her, she let it go hoping next time he will share with her and treat her as his wife. Again, no consequences, no lesson learned.
Finally the water went over the bridge and the insults reached her family. Now I don't know if she took a major risk for her family by selling their lifelong savings.
All I know is that she still had her hopes pinned on the man who every single time let her down because she didn't want to admit defeat.
She had lost her respect, honour and dignity a long time back, piece by piece by letting people walk all over her and letting them take advantage of her understanding and generosity. She at least thought it's all for her grand love. Today, she realised that she sold priceless things for what was worth nothing.
This time, the lesson was painfully learned.
When a business fleeces us with dishonesty, would you go back there again? Would you invest in a company who falsified their annual report? No, we'd never go back there again and never let any of our friends or family go there either.
But when a person makes fool of us with the same, why do we keep making excuses for them, why do we justify them? Who cares about intention when the mistakes are continuously repeated?
What makes us think that what they have done for their own advantage and got away scot-free, they won't repeat it again?
Newsflash # 2: When you settle for less, you will always get less.
Here's a story I'd like to share. My mother is like Asha although unlike her, fiercely loyal.
Before my marriage, she told me, "If your husband gets down to knee level water for you, you can get down to neck level water for him. But don't go down to any level, if he watches you from the shore without getting his toes wet."
I asked her back, "I don't think that's fair. If my husband gets down to waist level of water for me, I will also get down to waist level of water for him. Why would I settle for less, when I deserve my equal share?"
Now the advice my mother had given me, for most women that's enough. As it is, most women are willing to bend over backwards for the man they love.
I am different though. I am willing to do the same, but only if the man is also bending over backwards for me... It doesn't have to be all the time and every single thing (I don't keep scoreboards), but it has to add up to the same standard in the end.
If I continue giving and he continues taking (or vice versa), one day I won't have anything left to give and will feel cheated out of my fair share.
The last thing I like to do is look back in my life and think, "What if".
By no means, you will have to live your life like mine. But I can say one thing. I have never received less than my fair share. Because I never settled for less.
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