Dev doesn't love Sona enough

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_Payalj_

@_Payalj_

Voyager

Posted: 8 years ago

#31

Originally posted by: thedramaqueen
Payal, do you mind if I chime in?

You are more than welcome 😊

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thedramaqueen

@thedramaqueen

Voyager

Posted: 8 years ago

#32

Thanks for sharing your point of view Payal. I think we will struggle to see each other's side of the coin. I am very angry and frustrated with Dev for making this go on for so long. However, I think perception of right and wrong is very subjective.

I am often called 'patient' by my friends and I know they are thinking 'doormat'. when I cant explain/justify my own decisions to others, I will obviously struggle to explain how I see Dev/Sonakshi equation

I definitely wish to see a more assertive Dev. Will it happen? I dont know. Is it right for it to not happen - You say to-mah-to, I say To-may-to

Originally posted by: _Payalj_

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randomramblings

@randomramblings

Navigator

Posted: 8 years ago

#33

Originally posted by: _Payalj_

Edited by randomramblings - 8 years ago

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Samanalyse

@Samanalyse

Sparkler

+ 3

Posted: 8 years ago

#34

Originally posted by: thedramaqueen
Payal, do you mind if I chime in?

And now I hope both of you don't mind if I chime in 😆

@Payal: Loved the discussion on this thread, though I have to admit I disagree with its premise. How does one quantify love in the first place, given how many variables are up in the balance? Whether Dev loves Sona "enough" or not, he is the person whom her heart has chosen. Even if she found someone who spoke the langauge of love that Sona is familiar with from her upbringing, and loved her "more" than Dev, it would just not be as fulfilling for her, given her own feelings. I think Ritwick was brought on to illustrate this idea. Dev, with alll of his shortcomings is the one Sona's heart goes out to, and though he often causes her undue pain with his impulsiveness and his fear of confrontation, we have also seen that *nobody* makes her as happy as he does.

It's like having a choice between two jobs: one where you are doing what you love, but it doesn't pay very much and the hours are really gruelling, and one where you feel ambivalent about the work, but the pay and added perks are amazing. If you feel strongly about what you are doing, you may in fact be more satisfied even if the work is hard, whereas no perk can really make the work itself more interesting or fulfilling. When we look at Dev and Sona's relationship, I feel like we are too focused on the external perks, while Sona is enjoying the work itself because she is in love with Dev.

That's where the idea that if Dev loves her "enough" he should not subject her to his family does not sit well with me. It's a slippery slope, because it undermines Sona as an independent decision-maker, deciding every day to be in this family, for better or worse. It's up to her whether what Dev gives to the relationship is "enough" or not, and that can't ever be measured by a universal standard.

Edited by Samanalyse - 8 years ago

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thedramaqueen

@thedramaqueen

Voyager

Posted: 8 years ago

#35

Agree with you Sam. Nothing to add.

Originally posted by: Samanalyse

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lavanya

@dlavanya

Dazzler

+ 2

Posted: 8 years ago

#36

He loves her but it is conditional to ishwaris approval.. dev and sona are both aware of the fact that their relationship and marriage happened becoz of ishwaris approval and insistance... if ishwari had ignored the drunk devs confrontation or if mamaji was not there to witness that scene- she would never have brought sona back..
Dev was sure " maa ko pata chalta tho woh humein ek nahi hone deti"...

Sona's dialogues " i had put away all my fears after the baby news... what do i do now... feel scared again? "

And then dev walking away when bijoy said he will leave you if his mother asks him to...

Pretty much summarizes the situation...

So dev will never put his foot down and stand up for sona or atleast he himself thinks he is not capable of it..

Sona feels the same and that is why she is scared all the time that ishwari may create a situation and ask dev to leave sona and dev will leave her... that is the reason to put ishwari and her wishes above her own and devs... one can not live in fear .. and all other emotions come next to fear...
Sona clearly tried to cut that umbilical chord subtely and failed - mon son proved that all her fears are not imaginary..

That is the reason why she is more worried about ishwari now .. as she knows ishwari will forgive devs 1000 mistakes but will not forgive her one assumed galti... if it is against her wishes...

Lets see how they will take the story from here

Edited by dlavanya - 8 years ago

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_Payalj_

@_Payalj_

Voyager

Posted: 8 years ago

#37

@ samanalyse I agree with what you are saying. I never meant that if Dev loves Sona enough he should not subject her to her family.

The only thing I have ever wanted Dev to do was to Make a genuine effort for his wife. He can't dump his mother, in fact shouldn't under any circumstance. But he could be a bit firm when it comes to his wife's respect and rights. This he could easily achieve by just being a bit firm. No need to shout or humiliate.

. But Dev's totally refusing to do this everytime in case of everyone gives a disgust for him and makes you feel that he doesn't care enough. Till how long is he going to play Mr bechara card?

Till when he will keep on making his family happy at Sona's cost? Can he once for a change make Sona happy at his family's cost.

Relationships are all about balance. They are like a see saw. Why is it always dixits up and Sona down?

Regarding Sona's love yes she genuinely loves him and will never be happy with anyone else. But strongest love will slowly die if suffocated. Problem is Sona is also not realising that if she doesn't make an effort to get her rights, one day her heart will give up and she will find only echoes of her love in her heart.

Both Dev and Sona are marching to the doom of this marriage

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_Payalj_

@_Payalj_

Voyager

Posted: 8 years ago

#38

Originally posted by: dlavanya
He loves her but it is conditional to ishwaris approval.. dev and sona are both aware of the fact that their relationship and marriage happened becoz of ishwaris approval and insistance... if ishwari had ignored the drunk devs confrontation or if mamaji was not there to witness that scene- she would never have brought sona back..
Dev was sure " maa ko pata chalta tho woh humein ek nahi hone deti"...

Sona's dialogues " i had put away all my fears after the baby news... what do i do now... feel scared again? "

And then dev walking away when bijoy said he will leave you if his mother asks him to...

Pretty much summarizes the situation...

So dev will never put his foot down and stand up for sona or atleast he himself thinks he is not capable of it..

Sona feels the same and that is why she is scared all the time that ishwari may create a situation and ask dev to leave sona and dev will leave her... that is the reason to put ishwari and her wishes above her own and devs... one can not live in fear .. and all other emotions come next to fear...
Sona clearly tried to cut that umbilical chord subtely and failed - mon son proved that all her fears are not imaginary..

That is the reason why she is more worried about ishwari now .. as she knows ishwari will forgive devs 1000 mistakes but will not forgive her one assumed galti... if it is against her wishes...

Lets see how they will take the story from here

100% agree. You have perfectly summed up the situation. And it is only Dev who can get them out of it. But till date he is not making an effort. Let's see how the story progresses. Maybe this scenario will force him to man up

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gemini54

@gemini54

Voyager

Posted: 8 years ago

#39

Here is my two cents worth on this topic

Dev does love Sona he is not willing to lose her, wants to keep her in his life no matter what...BUT, BUT, BUT Dev feels a sense of obligation to his mother, the obligation so powerful that the love he has for Sona becomes powerless before it.

Sona loves Dev , she knows that she will always be the second most important person in Dev's life, she wants to remain in Dev's life even if it is only second best..BUT she knows that Dev gets powerless when it comes to his mother because after all his Mom is the first most important person in his life.

Dev just wanted to compartmentalize his life Sona his wife , Easwari his mother he was happy with the status quo. The problem arose when Sona thought that having a baby will please her MIL and make her accepted in the family, Dev saw the dynamics that the baby brought into the relationship between Esawari and Sona and wanted to live in the bubble little longer

The bubble burst when there was no baby, no chance of a baby. Dev and Sona never really believed in their love for each other. Dev thought Sona will leave him because of Easwari and Sona thought Dev will leave him because of Easwari

When a marriage is dependent on an external validation that marriage is a mess. Dev and Sona need to understand that their love is independent of Easwari's approval or disapproval only then can this marriage survive Love or no love because for Love to sustain there should be Trust despite the doubts here as I see it their love is weak because there is more doubt than trust. Dev doubting Sona will leave him and Sona doubts that Dev will leave her

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Samanalyse

@Samanalyse

Sparkler

+ 3

Posted: 8 years ago

#40

@Payal: I think Dev has been making efforts, but he wasn't expecting Sona to react the way she did to the hostility in his family, so he is also learning as he goes how to deal with her unexpected methods. When we see how Dev responds to Bijoy, it becomes clear what he expected from Sona in terms of his family. Bijoy also taunts Dev all the time, sometimes for things that are really not his fault (like the vrat). Neither does he expect Sona to defend him, nor does he take Bijoy's words too seriously and embark on a mission to win his complete approval. He silently, respectfully listens to Bijoy, responds if there is a need, and moves on with his life. Sona also refused to budge until Bijoy consented to their marriage, so the situations are not that different, but Dev and Sona are.

Dev is still in the process of understanding how Sona is different -- just because she is independent, does not mean she doesn't care what other people think, she really, really does. She also feels impelled to interfere in sensitive family matters, which is what gets her into trouble with the Dixits most of the time. That is my whole point here: Sona is not just sitting pretty, getting taunted for absolutely nothing. She acts in extremely provocative ways all the time, from refusing to back down in front of Dadibua, to Neha's marriage, now to Rhea's situation. That's because Sona has a very specific picture of how a family works and is trying to enforce it on the reluctant Dixits -- they are bound to resist and resent her. In that situation, Dev publicly taking her side against his family would only make matters worse, and reinforce their dislike of Sona. Mami and Neha are not the types to back down just because he takes a stand once, and the idea that he has to come to her defense every single time, I just don't agree with that.

But in every big decision, even the ones she took without discussing with him (something she makes a huge deal of when he does it) he has supported her and/or seen her point of view. Even though he didn't agree with her on the Neha issue, he knew she didn't mean to cause trouble and refused to play the blame game, and with the Ayaan thing, he was totally behind her investigating further, confident that she had good reason. I am just not sure how much more we can expect of him without making him superhuman. Ishwari is his weakness -- it is something he struggles with and Sona has accepted that with incredible love and generosity. As a result, he has been trying to open up to her about it, though it's not easy for him.

I think Sona's main mistake in all of this is not opening up enough. I say this with love, because it's something I really struggle with as well. She genuinely cares for people and wants to help them, but by finding solutions to their problems (in this way she and Dev are not different). Unfortunately, people either resent, or hold in awe, the people who try to help while seeming above the troubles of mere mortals themselves. That is how I think Sona unintentionally comes off a lot of the time. People who are insecure (and they abound in Ishwari nivas) think that she believes herself better than them and they resist, just because it feels like an "I told you so" if she is right. Instead of always trying to help, I think it would ingratiate her to the family to ask for help -- after all, isn't that how her bond with Rhea, the one successful bond she formed after marriage, came about? That is my fervent hope for this track -- Sona finally needs her people and gives them a chance to be there for her, instead of always being invincible.

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Dev doesn't love Sona enough - Page 4

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