Seriously!!! - Page 11

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mena_k

@mena_k

Voyager

Posted: 8 years ago

#101

Originally posted by: _Payalj_
People are also saying that there is nothing wrong about Ishwari's behaviour and we are deliberately vilifying Ishwari.
People are also saying that jacosta complex doesn't exist.
Why do you think in spite of being from a conservative background I divorced my husband? I ultimately caught my MIL and husband in the act. my mil always behaved more like a sautan than a saas but I still continued because for me even thinking in those lines was impossible. Even when there were evidences all over, I kept making excuses and fooling myself. But truth ultimately comes out.

So believe me this is not a myth such people do exist and there is no way one can know the truth unless one actually lives with them. On face of it they are all very educated and decent people. It also never comes out in the open. In my divorce case my advocate expressly forbidded me from mentioning this as it is too big a charge and I had no photos or video

In this case, the problem is that Ishwari's behaviour is also giving glimpses of the same problem and that is why most of the people are finding her creepy.

Agreed She has absolutely no physical desire for her son, but emotionally she has assumed Dev to be her life partner which is very very wrong. Subconsciously she has created the same emotional relationship and dependency on him which one has with a life partner.

A mother's insecurity and jealousy, one can understand. We have all been seeing this in our everyday lives. Ishwari's behaviour crosses this line almost always. It's time the makers take a call as to whether they want to show Ishwari's a nut case and show her getting psychiatric help or they want to show an insecure mil who ultimately learns her lesson.

I think cv's have been caught up in the trp game and now they are indecisive how to get out of Ishwari mess they created. If only the daily soaps could have been a season based like English series, things would had been so much better or I think. But this never ending drama of trp and fear of getting kicked off If trp go down destroys many good stories on tv.

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ltelidevara

@ltelidevara

Sparkler

+ 8

Posted: 8 years ago

#102

@ Tia

Having car and credit card can never guarantee safety on Delhi roads.

Months back India Today had a feature on " Delhi The Crime Capital Of India" l

The incidents with valid proof and research were given there in support of that fact.

I happened to come across my friend's bitter experience and hence I very much believe Delhi is unsafe.

My friend's husband is rich like Dev and he had the car and cards.But nothing rescued them at all.

A group of four attacked them and he was helpless. But luckily for them some night shift employees reached there and rescued them in time.

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Tia.0

@Tia.0

Sparkler

+ 6

Posted: 8 years ago

#103

I can't speak about the incident you are talking about since you didn't elaborate the complete scenario. But Delhi does have call centres including Wipro. I know Wipro working hours since that was my first job. We have been always informed by the call center that provided we stay inside the pick up car which picked us up and dropped us back in front of our door, we are safe. In that scenario employees travel with other employees they don't know and the driver they don't know, not with their husband whom they very well know.

With your logic, I would say all the parents who let their children work late (like Dev does sometimes) or work overnight at a call center are actually endangering their lives. Car or credit card won't ensure their safety.

So would you agree that until now Ishwari had been an irresponsible parent for letting her son work alone at night and come home late in unsafe Delhi? After all his car and credit card are not safety enough.

The road accident statistics in Delhi is absolutely atrocious. As per NDTV, 17 deaths occur per hour in India, majority of them occur in Metropolitan cities after hours when people are in a hurry to go home and tired after a long day. So by that definition, Dev should come home 5 o'clock and stop driving altogether.

But no, then the argument would be that if you start parenting thinking what will make your kids unsafe, you might as well wrap them in wool blanket and keep them home. Well, like Ishwari except when she wants Dev to work hard and for longer hours for their cushy life.

I gave you the road statistics because my cousin is an officer of Canadian army. When his mother, my aunt got upset that her only son joined army leaving behind corner office and 9-5 safe & cushy job, he told her that it doesn't matter whether you are in a dangerous zone or safest place on Earth. You can get into trouble anywhere. But what is needed is to use your brain and behave with caution and take every possible safety measure so that you control the situation and not let the situation control you. Did Dev and Sona use their collective brains, behave with caution and take every possible safety measure like a parent of educated, smart and sensible adults rightly assume they would? No. Is that the parents' fault or the consenting adults's fault?

If I go to Saudi Arabia and wear shorts, I will get into trouble. If I go to beach of France and wear a burkha, same case. It's not the place or time or your outfit, it's your correct action at correct place that determines your safety. Whether the country is right or wrong on making laws about women's outfit is not the point. It's my actions that determines my safety.

Then why is one's parents to be blaimed for their idiocy and lack of good judgment?

I didn't see anyone complaining when Dev came to propose Sona in the middle of the night. No one talked about their safety then and was busy melting like a puddle of cuteness. If I had talked about their safety at that time, I know and you know the reaction I'd get. So at least stick to the same judgement in comparable situation.

Originally posted by: ltelidevara
@ Tia
Having car and credit card can never guarantee safety on Delhi roads.
Months back India Today had a feature on " Delhi The Crime Capital Of India" l
The incidents with valid proof and research were given there in support of that fact.

I happened to come across my friend's bitter experience and hence I very much believe Delhi is unsafe.
My friend's husband is rich like Dev and he had the car and cards.But nothing rescued them at all.
A group of four attacked them and he was helpless. But luckily for them some night shift employees reached there and rescued them in time.

Edited by tia.o - 8 years ago

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Tia.0

@Tia.0

Sparkler

+ 6

Posted: 8 years ago

#104

Sorry to hear about your experience, Payal. You went through hell and came out strong. If a medical issue or a physiological issue did not exist it won't have a name and research behind it. It's ridiculous to assume otherwise.

I have enormous respect for women who does not break or give up in the face of adversity. My mother is single mother too and she went through a divorce because my dad was emotionally and mentally manipulative and extremely possessive. So much so that my dad's family helped my mother in her divorce. Even today my mother is a cherished and loved member of my dad's family and his sisters are my mother's best friend. They have no relationship with my dad anymore since the divorce, but they have relationship with my mother even though they had a love marriage, not an arranged marriage. This is reality too.

So is Ishwari normal? No. Nothing so far has pointed out to that direction. I don't know what gives people that idea.

Originally posted by: _Payalj_
People are also saying that there is nothing wrong about Ishwari's behaviour and we are deliberately vilifying Ishwari.
People are also saying that jacosta complex doesn't exist.
Why do you think in spite of being from a conservative background I divorced my husband? I ultimately caught my MIL and husband in the act. my mil always behaved more like a sautan than a saas but I still continued because for me even thinking in those lines was impossible. Even when there were evidences all over, I kept making excuses and fooling myself. But truth ultimately comes out.

So believe me this is not a myth such people do exist and there is no way one can know the truth unless one actually lives with them. On face of it they are all very educated and decent people. It also never comes out in the open. In my divorce case my advocate expressly forbidded me from mentioning this as it is too big a charge and I had no photos or video

In this case, the problem is that Ishwari's behaviour is also giving glimpses of the same problem and that is why most of the people are finding her creepy.

Agreed She has absolutely no physical desire for her son, but emotionally she has assumed Dev to be her life partner which is very very wrong. Subconsciously she has created the same emotional relationship and dependency on him which one has with a life partner.

A mother's insecurity and jealousy, one can understand. We have all been seeing this in our everyday lives. Ishwari's behaviour crosses this line almost always. It's time the makers take a call as to whether they want to show Ishwari's a nut case and show her getting psychiatric help or they want to show an insecure mil who ultimately learns her lesson.

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ltelidevara

@ltelidevara

Sparkler

+ 8

Posted: 8 years ago

#105

@ Tia

I know life won't come to a halt because of such incidents that happen depending upon fate.

The incident I mentioned I don't want to elaborate for personal reasons.

Whatever I want to say on this matter Divanya already said it.I don't want to say further.

And I don't get deeper comparing the confession day and the present day on which Dev and Sona roamed outside. It's fine if you believe Bijoy is perfect and did the right thing.

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Zeddriz7

@Zeddriz7

Navigator

Posted: 8 years ago

#106

I honestly don't know whether to blame Ishwari or Bijoy here..but I certainly feel Dev should have made an attempt to atleast inform her mother that he was staying at Sona's house that night (considering the fact that he cares abt Ishwari so much)...Okay, your phone ran out of battery..But you had a car where you could straight away go to your home with Sona rather than spending the night on road.. I am not saying Ishwari is right here but since they show that Dev loves her so much, he couldn't have forgotten abt her mother so easily...Also when he returned in the morning, the first thing expected from him was to inform her mother...but that also didn't happen..

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Tia.0

@Tia.0

Sparkler

+ 6

Posted: 8 years ago

#107

That's all right. I don't think Bijoy is perfect. But I think his parenting style is a success. There's a difference.

There is no right or wrong way to parent kids. It entirely depends on the children's own nature. If a person has a confident child and a shy child, they can't apply the same parenting style on both of them. Because what will work on one won't work on another.

Similarly, some kids learn their lesson when they are punished and some kids responds to punishment by turning more stubborn. Using the same punishment for both won't work either.

The purpose of a parent is to create independent adults who can make their way on their own and are good and productive member of the society.

Bijoy and Ishwari both had a daughter who fought with their husband and came back home. Both ignored their spouse's phone call. Both of their spouse came to their in-laws to talk.

But only one of their daughter went back her home happy with their spouse. I will call that parent a success not the one who is now preparing for their daughter's divorce.

Anyhoo, let's just agree that we will never see eye to eye when it comes to Ishwari and her parenting.

Originally posted by: ltelidevara
@ Tia

I know life won't come to a halt because of such incidents that happen depending upon fate.
The incident I mentioned I don't want to elaborate for personal reasons.

Whatever I want to say on this matter Divanya already said it.I don't want to say further.
And I don't get deeper comparing the confession day and the present day on which Dev and Sona roamed outside. It's fine if you believe Bijoy is perfect and did the right thing.

Quote

Tia.0

@Tia.0

Sparkler

+ 6

Posted: 8 years ago

#108

Good point, but Dev didn't have to go that far. Bijoy had a landline and both Saurabh and Elena had cell phones. He could have asked them to make a call too. I am sure they won't have charged him a fortune to make a call to his family.

Originally posted by: Zeddriz7
I honestly don't know whether to blame Ishwari or Bijoy here..but I certainly feel Dev should have made an attempt to atleast inform her mother that he was staying at Sona's house that night (considering the fact that he cares abt Ishwari so much)...Okay, your phone ran out of battery..But you had a car where you could straight away go to your home with Sona rather than spending the night on road.. I am not saying Ishwari is right here but since they show that Dev loves her so much, he couldn't have forgotten abt her mother so easily...Also when he returned in the morning, the first thing expected from him was to inform her mother...but that also didn't happen..

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_Payalj_

@_Payalj_

Voyager

Posted: 8 years ago

#109

Originally posted by: tia.o
Sorry to hear about your experience, Payal. You went through hell and came out strong. If a medical issue or a physiological issue did not exist it won't have a name and research behind it. It's ridiculous to assume otherwise.

I have enormous respect for women who does not break or give up in the face of adversity. My mother is single mother too and she went through a divorce because my dad was emotionally and mentally manipulative and extremely possessive. So much so that my dad's family helped my mother in her divorce. Even today my mother is a cherished and loved member of my dad's family and his sisters are my mother's best friend. They have no relationship with my dad anymore since the divorce, but they have relationship with my mother even though they had a love marriage, not an arranged marriage. This is reality too.

So is Ishwari normal? No. Nothing so far has pointed out to that direction. I don't know what gives people that idea.

I salute your mother for taking such a bold step in those days when a girl was asked to go to her sasural in a doli and come out only in an arthi. It would have taken a lot of guts and will power to take such a strong decision to protect herself and you.

Today it is much easier comparatively.

Your grandparents are also excellent people who had the courage to stand for what is right instead of blindly supporting their son.

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Tia.0

@Tia.0

Sparkler

+ 6

Posted: 8 years ago

#110

Thank you Payal. It took my mother 10 years (1991-2001) to convince the judge that mental and emotional manipulation is a cause for divorce. Until then, every one thought that only cheating and physical torture are ground for divorce. Even then they expected you to forgive and forget.

You are a winner, just like every woman out there who values relationship but doesn't tolerate wrong in the name of tradition and culture. Don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise. Women like you and my mother know the value of self-respect. Because you fought for it and won. All the best for your future, my dear.

Originally posted by: _Payalj_

I salute your mother for taking such a bold step in those days when a girl was asked to go to her sasural in a doli and come out only in an arthi. It would have taken a lot of guts and will power to take such a strong decision to protect herself and you.

Today it is much easier comparatively.

Your grandparents are also excellent people who had the courage to stand for what is right instead of blindly supporting their son.

Quote

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