Because as you defined using dictionary, Feminism is the belief that everyone, regardless of gender should receive equal opportunity, equal rights and equal freedom of choice.
Yes I have this Dictionary obsession due to the profession I am in which deals with linguistics and literature English and Sanskrit.
The fact that it's a belief and not a well-established reality, that is an unfortunate fact.
Here's some things you conveniently overlooked.
Ishwari is a great mother according to you. She sacrificed a lot for her son taking away opportunity from other children including Neha.
1. Why did she choose Dev as the person to be given an opportunity and not Neha? She didn't pick her children in random. According to her Neha wanted to study, then why she was not picked?
Let me tell you why. In India, if there's one opportunity available, and the choice is between a boy and a girl, the boy is always picked.
Because in India, girls are expected to leave their family behind and stay with her husband's family and put his family first in every concern henceforth.
And man are expected to marry a girl and bring her to her family to take care of his.
So either way, the man's family benefits from the education provided to his, never a woman's family.
If a man doesn't live with his family after marriage, it seems his family can't survive. But a woman's family is expected to survive just fine no matter how dire their situation is.
That is the reality of equality.
I agree in India boy is given preference over girls that too when the parents are uneducated this factor gains importance while determining their choices.
Iswari is uneducated. She could never think in the lines of equal opportunities to both genders etc. To her Dev is the son so he should study with whatever resources she provide with her labour.She worked round the clock . She is unable to look after Ria and Nikki. So she needed Neha at home not Dev .She made her choice with whatever understanding she had in that situation.
2. Now let's talk about the thing that a mother has endless supply of - Love.
Since opportunity was limited, Ishwari chose to give it to Dev.
But love was unlimited. Why not give Neha more than her share to make up for it?
Did she do it? No.
She shelled out all of her daughter's share of love also to Dev.
Can you explain the reason for it?k
A mother is supposed to be unbiased. Was she?
That is the reality of motherhood.
First thing Iswari's life did not allow her to stop and think and measure the love she has to shower on her kids. She loved Dev motivated him to reach where he has reached because he is the elder one who can understand her struggle,her fight with all kinds of threats constantly threatening her physically and mentally.She developed a bond with him emotionally depending on him to continue with her struggle for survival That doesn't mean she loved her daughter's less.May be she never expressed but she will always be there for them whenever they need.
3. Neha comes back to her mother's home. Where is the mother after initial talk? She was busy calling Dev to find out what he is upto with his wife or cooking his favourite meal on Dusshera and celebrating Navratri while her daughter can't be with her husband.
Iswari knows Neha will never open up before her.In the initial episodes Iswari sought Radha Rani's help to talk to Neha and pacify her. Neha always had this grouse on her mother that more preference is given to her brother. Iswari accepted the accusation and made her point before Neha explaining her reasons and the circumstances.
Iswari wholeheartedly welcomed Neha tried to ask the reason but Neha being Neha did not reveal anything. But the warmth with which she hugged her mother said a lot.
Iswari tried to give space to Neha to come up with her version of story.
Iswari may have thought that these things happen between a couple and they can be sorted out by them only.
As for celebrating Navratri if she won't she will be the target of criticism again.How can she desist from celebrations when the new bride is in and what is happening in Neha's life? All these questions will arise and she doesn't want that to happen.
Where's the care and concern for her daughter?
It didn't rear its head until Dev and Sona decided to go on a honeymoon.
That's when suddenly her thoughts came, how would Dev live without her?
Never once the thought crossed her head after Neha got married, how will she live without her daughter?
Nor she ever cooked her favourite meal or hovered over her hugging her, cuddling her, spending time with her like she waits for Dev every night.
Why is that?
If she is that concerned for Neha, why is her focus on Dev whose life is sorted?
That is the reality of her concern.
Iswari observed Neha looking sad on seeing the HM preparations. She saw her crying inside. Then she thought of how she must be feeling as she is deprived of such pleasures.Her focus on Dev is her daily routine. Yes she never felt the absence of Neha but she felt she can not manage fifteen days
Without Dev. I can understand. Indian parents get their minds tuned that a daughter has to leave the house. So they accept it gracefully but with sons they develop this inseparability that causes pain fot them when they go for studies or for jobs . My mother was fine with me living away after marriage but till today she can not bear her pain seeing my brother move away abroad. Though living far away she keeps track on him and his kids,it became a daily routine for her. With face time in U.S. Is just a call away for her. But we sisters never felt that she did not love us much.
Neha also shares a nice bond with her mother. Otherwise she would never have opted to stay at Iswari Nivas that also when her married life is on the verge of breakup.
You may take it as manipulation but to me Iswari 's illness is not fake.
She intentionally spoke in such a way to change Dev's mind? Don't know.
Now let's move on to Neha.
1. She went through tough time growing up.
But, what stopped her from completing her studies now? Ranveer is a teacher and he or his family will never stop Neha from studies. She could in fact study anytime after all their money problems got over. But she didn't. Instead she continued to blame Dev and Ishwari for everything. Ishwari deserved the blame. Dev didn't. He had as much choice in his mother's decision as she did.
Yes. Neha has opportunity to study but she did not avail it.
2. She fell in love with a lower middle class teacher and married him. It was a love marriage that Dev tried to stop. She didn't listen and married him anyway.
Again, her choice.
Yes it is her choice.
3. She could not live a lower middle class life and came back to her home (Yes, a girl's family is always her family whether she is married or not). Did anyone raised objection to that or insulted her for it? No.
No one did.
Sona tried to make her comfortable. But when she wanted to be left alone, Sona moved away and gave her space.
Better for both.
But now her problems are spilling over someone else's choice/life.
She can't help it. If a person in the family is suffering it effects others also.
Saurav is in trouble. The whole family is feeling bad.Once it is revealed Sona also will feel bad.About choices that is the immediate effect in such situation.
You can only control the situation as long as your problem remains with yourself. But the moment your problem inconveniences someone else, it's no longer in your control.
Neha never felt bad for her brother's happiness. So many times she told Dev that she is happy for him.She never tried to cause inconvenience . As for her crying and being moody in the house she definitely tried to suppress her pain but when she can't she let her emotions take over.
Choices come with responsibility. And that everyone has to bear. Neha is no exception.
Right now Neha is in confusion.
She chose to marry someone from low income household, then she chose to leave her husband fpr the same reason. I am not saying her reasons are trivial or immaterial like people are trivialising Sona's desire to go on a honeymoon. I am saying that the fact that she made that decision, she will have to leave with the consequences.
I always felt Neha must have thought Ranveer will accept Dev's interference and move ahead in life. But reality is different.Ranveer is not that kind.
Neha tried her best to adjust there. When it became beyond her limits
She stopped trying.She gave five thousand to Sonakshi and Ranveer is
after her.GKB always told Neha not to go ahead.She is right. Knowing Neha's aversion for poverty her marriage with Ranveer may not work. Dev also said so. But she did not listen. Result is before us.
Even if a man leaves his wife for say not being good looking enough, he can no longer expect the same respect from everyone as he did when he was being a good husband.
It's no different for women. So expecting everyone to keep their mouth shut just because it's Neha and she can make issues bigger than the chip in her shoulder is unfair and ridiculous.
That is also Feminism.
No comment.
Now let's move on to Sona (I noticed as usual, you didn't talk about Dev, so it seems you only point out the flaws in women and not men. So I guess, Feminism is a myth for you).
She was never given a choice. Ever since she got married, not one person asked what she wants and that includes her husband.
Did she make mistakes? Yes.
Starting from marrying Dev in a hurry without finding out if Dev learned anything from the break up about NOT taking decisions about both of them on his own.
She initially tried to do everything to fit in and got insulted constantly in the process. Some people including me suggested, leave the family alone and concentrate on your happiness with your husband.
She did exactly that.
She tried to be happy with her husband.
She planned a date to be with her husband and wanted to go away somewhere else where they can spend quality time together. I don't think it would have mattered to her whether they went to Paris or Patna as long as they are together.
As Dev mentioned rightly, "Sab ke saamne hum hum nehin hote."
Very true. Dev does 180 degree personality change in front of his family.
Including taking decisions about his wife without consulting his wife.
So again, Dev did what he does best. He chopped Sona's right to make her own decision in favour of proving that he is the best brother and best son, but he also proved that he is also a typical selfish husband who takes his wife for granted.
Sona's parents for the first time witnessed how Sona's hopes and dreams are treated in Dixit household.
So she did what most women do when they know their parents will think her husband doesn't care about his wife, she whitewashed Dev's solo decision as something she supports.
First she tried to give the flimsy excuse for Ishwari's low BP. But logical Bijoy swept through it.
Then she said that Neha and Ranveer are having problems as a lot of couple do. She didn't share that the reason is money, she didn't share that Neha came back permanently and will never go back (although how she'd hide that fact forever, I don't know). She just gave matter of fact response to her family who is also now DEV's family and they are someone she trusts.
Sona is not wrong in telling her parents. But the place where she did so definitely matter.
Her parents, thinking it's just a minor misunderstanding between husband and wife (as Sona indicated), tried to understand why because of this they had to cancel their honeymoon. They were probably thinking that Ishwari interferes in every matter of Dev, why won't she fix her daughter's life?
They don't know that Ishwari doesn't give two hoots to her daughter's happiness and won't lift a finger to help her unless she can use her daughter to stop Dev from going on his honeymoon with Sona. She doesn't care where Dev goes for business as long as he goes alone.
Sona still stood her ground and turned Dev's decision to her own.
She goes to the room where Dev comes and starts showing attitude. Here I thought he is feeling guilty for trampling over Sona's dreams. But as usual he proved to be as oblivious to Sona when his family is concerned as he always had been.
First sentence from his mouth: How could I not see Neha's pain?
Well, Dev, since you only see what your mother shows you, how could you see anyone's pain until your mother gave a damn? And that's precisely why you can never see Sona's loss of dreams ever...
But Sona, the woman with the heart of solid gold, didn't cry for her lost dreams and hopes of her trip. She became the rock which absolved Dev once again, not that he felt any guilt for Sona whatsoever.
She got her customary pat on the head, I love you, you are the best speech and was happy knowing that she made sure that her husband at least is not going on a guilt trip because of her.
Now let's talk about Feminism...
If Feminism is reality, Sonakshi and Dev would live away from his family after marriage or live in a big house with both their family, not live with ONLY Dev's family.
If Feminism is reality, Dev would set up a bank account for Neha to spend as she sees fit. Ranveer won't have to touch that money. Neha can spend it all on herself or for her house. Just like women alone enjoy their jewellery and usually men don't touch nor decide on when to wear them, how to wear them and what to do with them.
If Feminism is reality, Ishwari would pay attention to her daughter, not her son. Because mothers always pay more attention to the child in pain, not the healthy happy child.
Mothers always are more attached to sons while fathers are with daughters.
If Feminism is reality, we won't be talking about it and wondering whether it's a reality or myth, we will be living in a world with equal pay, equal rights to property, equal opportunity and equal rights to every decision of our own life.
May be. But what I said is completely different. And I chose to talk about lady characters that also the three main charecters that are in focus right now.
I did not chose Dev here but it is not a case of conveniently skipping him because I don't want to judge him.Iswari Neha and Sona is the scope of my topic
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
Taarak Mehta Ka Ooltah Chashmah
Tum Se Tum Tak
