Easier Said Than Done

this has been bothering me for some time now. We have been bashing up Ishwari and Dev left, right and center.. and some, or most, of the bashing seems deserved..

again coming back to life, i was wondering what would it be in real life? Yes, there are possessive moms and attached sons... leaving aside the fact that a son like Dev broke apart from his soulmate in a twinkle of an eye, i am keen to know how many sons would one find in life, who have the courage to backanswer, rebuke, scold, and do whatever, such a mom like Ishwari? ( as most of us want)

i tried to scan my data base of sons (totalling around 100 approx) of relatives, friends etc, but the figure i came up with is dismal, just about 1 or 2. it means that just 1% to 2% of such sons can actually do what most of us as an audience want Dev to do. Amazing!!

so if Dev is shown to reflect 98% to 99% of the son demographics, then isn't what is being shown most realistic? could it also be that we are so disappointed or frustrated with the results in life that we want this part to be the most unrealistic?

concluding, i think our expectation is easier said than done.. would be interested in knowing thoughts on this subject.

None. But when I search my database of pretty homely and mamma's boys go for love-marriage, I don't see any of them quiting if they are truly sincere about their love. From my own family, I have 3 examples of love-marriages. All of them faced multiple types of problems, and 2 of them are mamma's boys 😆 .. But they fought till they got what they wanted.

I know some people who have gone against their parents wishes to marry partner of their choices. In most of the cases families finally accepted the relationship. I know many who fought and convinced their parents..most of the love marriages are like that. In India this happens bcoz parents still want same religion, same caste marriages instead of prioritizing more at a person's nature and values. And I also know many who caved in for their parents wishes...and I have seen their pain n agony.

Originally posted by: Pehchaan.Kaun

None. But when I search my database of pretty homely and mamma's boys go for love-marriage, I don't see any of them quiting if they are truly sincere about their love. From my own family, I have 3 examples of love-marriages. All of them faced multiple types of problems, and 2 of them are mamma's boys 😆 .. But they fought till they got what they wanted.

Sometimes it's not about relationships, like I always said, sometimes it's only about situations and right or wrong. No one can strongly oppose their parents for their girlfriend/boyfriend/spouses (well not no one, but 99%, irrespective of boys and girls), but everyone can put forward their points in a dignified and logical manner IF, IF they want to spend their lives with the love of their lives. True loves never quit. Never.

i agree, that they can have a decent discussion, which Dev avoids. I hold this against him for sure as much as i would hold any real son similarly accountable.

When i said "such as Ishwari", i did not only mean only the persona of today. it also means what she has done for the family as a single mother, rearing them, keeping them together amidst this evil world. Such woman, as she is shown to be, can be very dominating and can silence her children just by her looks. I also said, keeping aside the fact that he dumped his girlfriend in the most brutal way (which i have vehemently opposed and did not want) . It is clear that Ishwari is not a typical good or understanding mamma (BTW, she is quite close to my own mamma)

this was more of a life question spawned by what we have seen in KRPKAB. I have taken a database that spans single moms, homes that have ''doormat' dads who do not open their mouth, homes that have domineering fathers (doormat moms), domineering mothers, single fathers, step parents.. i found that almost all of the boys went in for an arranged marriage rather than a love marriage, though i know at one point or the other they were having their girlfriends.

it does look like Sons are scared of the repercussions of standing up for themselves.

Originally posted by: randommusings

I know some people who have gone against their parents wishes to marry partner of their choices. In most of the cases families finally accepted the relationship. I know many who fought and convinced their parents..most of the love marriages are like that. In India this happens bcoz parents still want same religion, same caste marriages instead of prioritizing more at a person's nature and values. And I also know many who caved in for their parents wishes...and I have seen their pain n agony.

Thankfully with changing times, parents have become more open in this regard.

But I haven't ever seen a son like Dev who nvr sees beyond his mother, who can nvr question his mother. If at all such sons exists, I dnt think they will ever select a partner on their own, they wud accept their parent's choice. For Dev to fight for Sona, who is so different that Ish's expectation of DIL (tulsi jaisi bahu) is extremely difficult. It wud be much easier to maintain peace in the house rather than fight and confront about it. Offcourse, Sona wud be blamed for such changes in Dev

the question of more about real life than Dev. if in life a majority of sons do not stand up for themselves, then isn't the serial just reflecting what is largely true in life?

Originally posted by: JyotiBThakur

I agree... Its not easy for a son to go against his mother's wish. And here we have a son like Dev, he worships his mother and his mother has done a lot of sacrifices for him. Its not that he love Sona less. She was his only happiness in life. He love her more than his life. But when it comes to his mother, he don't think of himself. He is aware he has given immense pain to Sona and this very thought is giving him more pain.

I feel really bad for Dev.😭

i had a nephew who is quite similar to Dev. Single Mom ( but not of the Ishwari types), one sister, who went through grooming the hard way in life, as most single mom's do. Did not have the courage to stand up to a mom for his own self even though he had a mom who was relatively nicer than Ishwari.

Actual facts you have put forward. Not many will have the zeal to go against their mothers. Even if they want to they will chose to wait,convince rather than oppose .

Affection is a word that cant be used singularly. It always come in unison with another or in a group. In a family we see affection for parents, siblings, cousins...and for family friends too.

Having understood the above let us look at the topic of Kids affection for their parents against affection for their respective life partners.

Are both kinds of affection needed for the child ?? yes, they need parents and they need life partner...can one replace the other - NO !!

So why is that a boy or girl is asked to make a choice when they find a life partner for themselves??( In reality from our younger age we have always been asked to choose betwn family members ) To answer this question, we need to look at certain aspects of culture.

When a child is small and we have guest at home...the first thing they will ask is do you like ur mom or ur dad more??/ or do you like your parents or grandparents more?? And these elders they wait eagerly to hear the answer from the child and rejoice when he/she/they become the chosen one... is it right to rejoice - my answer is NO!! I have found this the most irritating thing that is been asked to a child. To choose among the family members. How can you take a member out of the family and make them more imp. A family is complete with every individual in the family . So why choose??

Its like asking which part of the body can you throw or replace for the other. We need every part to complete the body and to make it fully functional. In the same way every individual in the family is important for the child to grow up and be the man/woman . Each family mem contribute to the development and growth of the child into adulthood.

Now getting back to the Son - Mom - DIL issue.

Boys in India are more like investments because they are going to take care of their parents and responsibility of the house and be the "PROVIDER". And from younger age it is drilled into their brain that their parents have invested a lot on them as they are going to be the back bone and support during parents old age. This ( their parents have invested a lot on them )stays with them and as they grow up they find it difficult to go against parents.

Girls from younger age is taught to sacrifice and adjust . Always drilled into their brain that they need to get married and go to some other house where they need to adjust and sacrifice their needs for the family. Parents knowing this learn to accept that their daughter is going to leave them one day so the acceptance of that truth ( letting free) happens early.

In short boys are made to look like providers and girls as home makers. So when the Son brings a girl home as his life partner, his parents have this thought that they will have to share their son ( and his wealth ) with this new girl who is not even family. Their thought is how could he do this because this new person didn't invest anything on him. Its they who have taken the pain of bringing him up and now there is need to share him and everything abt him !! . Girl will keep quiet because she has been taught to do that (sacrifice and adjust) .

So if we need a change then we need to change. We should bring both boys and girls with a sense of balance. Money is important both should be taught to earn. Adjustments and sacrifices are not meant for women alone . It has to be done by both . Above all as they grow up allow them to take decisions and start taking a back seat when it comes to their choices in life. Once they reach the adulthood Guide them but never decide for them . Then you will see that the percentage of boys and girls learning to stand up for their needs will be more.

Always remember children are given to us to bring them up . So that we can teach them to survive in this world. We shouldn't treat them as investments and hope for a better return of investment later in life.

As far as taking care of old people and people not well at home. It is every ones responsibility in the family not just of sons.