Guys, a little sensitivity? - Page 3

Originally posted by: Samanalyse

I think you may have misunderstood the point of my post. I am in no way encouraging Ishwari's behaviour and completely agree with everything you have said above. Her martyrdom and manipulation is affecting her children negatively and she and Dev definitely have a very unhealthy relationship, out of which both need to evolve. The point is that it's easy to see all of this from a third-person vantage point because we are looking at the situation more or less rationally; that is precisely what Ishwari is unable to do. Her emotions are so densely tangled up with regards to Dev that even she can't decipher them. She needs to be given a vocabulary to do so, and I agree that Sona cannot be that saviour. I would say she needs professional counselling to sort out her issues and learn to communicate her needs better.

There are almost always options other than suicide, but that is not the way it appears to the person who is suffering, and completely dismissing the root of their pain does nothing to address the hopelessness they face. All I ask with this post is that we take the issue of suicide a bit more seriously, instead of making flippant comments about how Ishwari should go ahead and take the pills because she's so annoying anyway.

Originally posted by: dsr11

I have seen depression and suicide attempts in my own extended family, so agree about the need for sensitivity regarding the issue. Eeshwari needs treatment/counseling but for that to work, patient needs to realize that she has a problem. Otherwise everything is useless. I have closely seen this. More than the person with depression, his/her family suffers more. As long as Dev feeds that devil in Eeshwari by doing whatever she wants, however unethical, she will never realize that she needs someone more educated and wise than Radharani to talk to about her feelings. He needs to stop this codependent behavior. I'm scared that Sona will act like gopi Vahu or Balika vadhu. Can't stand that

Originally posted by: AnnzSageflower7

Very thought provoking post .. Well said !

What Ishwari is going through is seen a lot. She sacrificed a lot for her kids , they define her. Her daughters will marry and go, so she depends on Dev for her old days. And he rises up to the occasion, loyal to a fault. Children should take care of their parents, its the decent loving thing to do. She can expect that of Dev, and it shouldn't be seen that she is a parasite-type. (No one actually said that, but you get what i mean)

She does not like change. Some people just cannot take it. They rebel against it, fight it, lose , grieve, and then discover change wasn't so bad after all. It happens. We learn. But some people are more emotional than others, as we can see in Ishwari. She reacts over-emotionally and has high anxiety levels.

She appears like a very mature, worldly wise mother. But actually, she must have some sort of PTSD after the death of her husband, which was helped by her children and Brother. Slowly Dev became her solid pillar of support. Because his compass always was in sync with hers.

Suddenly, this new gravitational force appears in Dev's life. She's very different from Ishwari, young, mature beyond her years, Ishwari may perceive her as much better than her even. Suddenly her suggestions and prescriptions are the norm, the best way to do things, even if it resulted in making her own life better.

Dev has shifted his compass to sync with Sonakshi. He suddenly feels his family isn't perfect without Sonakshi. That must've really rocked the boat for the mother. She was so used to be the centrifugal force of everything, that she suddenly feels irrelevant in Dev's life.

She's depressed and anxious, and GKB does not help by injecting manipulative doses of poison. That and the speed of everything is elevating the effect. SOnakshi said clearly, We aren't thinking of marriage yet. I just want to get to know you, to be your daughter, not just your daughter in law.

Can you see an anxious depressed person, seeing Sonakshi as a threat? Yes. Sonakshi may be seen as manipulating her into agreeing to this change that is so upsetting to her.

No one is perfect. Sonakshi is trying her best, but being a DIL who had a lot of trouble with her MIL, I think it's a little too presumptious. She needs to back off, from the job and from the mother.

Originally posted by: Samanalyse

You don't deal with mental health issues by not talking about them, but by representing them with sensitivity and nuance. Ishwari's road to this desperate step has been very subtly but believably built up. She isn't using it as a tool of manipulation, as many seem to suggest, but I think genuinely believes herself a bad mother, because she can't partake in Dev's happiness. And as a mother, she seeks to remove any obstacle to his happiness, even herself. As far as the promo suggests, she takes this step in a moment of sheer panic; it's not something well-thought out.

I will wait to see whether they handle the aftermath with the same maturity, and will be the first person to criticise if they don't, but the story so far has provided a poignant glimpse into how a generall calm and wise mind can be blinded to reality by deep-rooted doubts and anxieties. This incident should be a wake up call to Dev and Ishwari that they need to evaluate how their relationship, in an effort to project it as perfect to themselves and the outside world, is hurting both of them.

Originally posted by: Samanalyse

Hey all, I haven't watched today's episode yet, but when I came to the forum as usual to see what the reactions were, I was quite shocked to see some of the invective against Ishwari. 😲 I know she is a fictional character, and I know she is currently the obstacle to our ship, and I completely understand that her behaviour is infuriating, but to say things like "go ahead and take the pills," and "get out of the way" is taking that frustration too far.

This plot development is a biting critique of the way our society and its households are structured. We teach women that the only way to be relevant is as selfless, all-sacrificing wives, mothers, and daughters-in-law and then suddenly expect them to give up the only validation they have known with complete grace. Ishwari has no identity outside of her children; after fighting so long and for so hard with no time to think about anything else, she finds herself completely free of responsibility. For someone who has never had the chance to think about anything further than the next day's food, that free time can be incredibly anxiety-ridden. Moreover, Ishwari lacks the vocabulary with which to communicate or even understand where her anxieties lie. She can't articulate that she feels uncomfortable about Sona because that would mean her happiness was separate from Dev's, something that goes against everything she has been taught to uphold.

Suicidal thoughts, and mental illness in general are really serious issues, and I think they require a bit more sensitivity in the way we speak about them. Since I am not a professional, I can't diagnose Ishwari, but it is clear that she suffers from some kind of deep anxiety which clouds her mind and makes her act in desperation. If you think about it, the very reason she feels compelled to take this step is being echoed constantly by forum members: she is in the way of Dev and Sona's happiness and wants to "get out of the way." Is it any wonder that the voices in her head are saying the same thing?

Ishwari is acting this way out of fear, and our attitude should ultimately be one of compassion, not derision and ridicule. We also don't know who reads our words when we put them online, and how our attitudes might strike them, so we need to be considerate about what we say when it comes to such a topic. I hope I don't come off as too preachy, but I couldn't stay quiet on this matter. It's fine to be frustrated with Ishwari's behaviour, to question it, and to try and understand it but I really think that encouraging her suicide because it's "better off that way" indicates a certain insensitivity towards serious mental health issues.

Originally posted by: ARCH21

When a fictional character does this, can the makers please show the full good, bad & ugly side of it & convey how wrong this is? Audiences connect with shows on a personal level.

When the viewers love a show, can we be discerning & sensitive to not ignore the seriousness and push for such an issue to get the 'bad guy' out of the way or connect with the 'disturbing emotions' and feel validated in our lives?