Posted:
Hi there everyone. I have got to post this shot. It is something that happened to me 3 months ago...well some of it but then again, it is fictional, isn't it? And remember that Prem's part is not real...and that something happened along the lines...but not with a guy!😳 So I hope you guys like it.
* * *
Life had been soo cruel with me. My friends! Everywhere I go, all of my friends, they were just being cruel. Mean. What did I do for god's sake? All that I tried to make them laugh? Make a smile occur on their faces? Is that why I got punished? Is that why I am being ignored? Every single day I step into one of my university lectures, the same thing happens. The people that I had known all my school life up till this year, this final year of Uni, they were acting like ghosts, or shall I say, acting as if I was the ghost for them. What had I done? Nothing. Firstly they made me choose between 2 of my best friends and now, when I had chosen them over the others, they treated me like nothing, but a foot's rest. Is that all that was left in me now? I look with disgust and question in my eyes as I see them passing me side glances. My eyes were moist. My heart totally shattered. I knew that trusting someone as close as best friend had been a bad idea. Now, with all this happening, and I didn't even know why I was being treated like this, I had lost all my ability of trust. It would never be the same anymore. Not with anyone, not even with myself. I held back my tears as I tried to get the last seat in the row in the whole room but just to find out it was taken. I quickly slide into the front row seats but I could still feel thier eyes bared into my back. I tried to maintain my focus but all my thoughts got derailed.
"Ms Mann, would you please care to answer my question?" the professor asked as I tried stared at the ground, my eyes wide, tired, and almost moist.
"Excuse me?" I hear, in this valvety chocolatey voice. It belonged to a guy. I do not respond.
He snaps his fingers in front of me as I care to come out of my dream mode. I look up at him, sadness overshadowing my face.
"Huh?" I ask, anonymous to the fact that I had an angrily glaring professor staring right down at me.
"Ms Mann, are you awake or not?" the professor asks me and my face gets embarrassed.
"Sorry sir, I am just not feeling well." I reply, saddened that what I had tried so hard to prevent -my depression had finally overshadowed my university life aswell.
"Well then..." but the bell of the finale of the lecture cut the professor out and I for once was glad. Even though I liked this professor, at the moment, all I needed was time...alone.
I quickly get up from my chair, gathering my books and walk out the door. Normally, I'd be the last to leave with them, but today was something totally different. It was my sadness, my depression, my anger, my stupidity, my...urgh! Whatever it was, it was ruining me! I sit down on the Uni campus, trying to maintain my focus on forthcoming exams when I notice that right on the table infront of me sat the guy who had snapped his fingers in my face. He had his back towards me but as I saw him laugh and chill with his friends while going through his notes, it just made me more gloomy. Gloomy with the fact that him and his friends reminded me of them and that was something I tried to forget but seeing all these wonderful and friendly people around me just made me more sad and hurt. Hurt with the fact that the 'loner' tag that I had carried out until High School and disposed until my final year at Uni, which meant now, was finally coming back to me. I was re-attaching myself to the title of 'Loner' and for once, I appreciated it. All that time till High School I had wished to become one of them...one of the people that had friends, that actually fit in and I had become one but now, that 'fitting in' was nothing compared to now. Being a loner gave me my own thoughts. Gave me a way to think the way I wanted to and I appreciated it. All that time, I wanted everyone else to be happy and now, it was high time that I started to think about myself.
Slowly I saw him turn his head back so that our eyes met. His eyes, finally with laughter, joy and happiness while my eyes, admant, stern and read-to-think-for-myself. We stared into each other's eyes and with that, I started to have a longing for this happiness eyes, which I knew I would only get when I forget about them and show them that I didn't care. I didn't want to care. I wanted to be me. He smiles at me and that smile, that one single smile of this, his beautiful, god-like-smile made my heart melt. All my anger, sadness, sorrow came crashing down. I needed to be strong! I quickly get up from my chair and walk about from his smiling face. I could see his smile had turned into something along the lines of confused.
* * *
My face gets confused as I see this girl, that I had just smiled at get up and leave. Why? Why had she left? Was my smile that bad??? I remembered I had brushed and flossed and as far as I was concerned, I had won the title of "Mr. Smile" in High School, so why did she run away? My face gets confused as I turn back and face my group of friends. Uday notices my face's colour turn light and the smile gone from my face and questions me.
"Kya hua Prem?" he asks.
I shake my head. "Nothing. I was just looking at that girl...I think Heer...she just ran away when I smiled at her."
Uday smiles. "Heer? Well, I don't know what happened but she never was this quite. Ever since High School, she used to be one to make everyone laugh. A very ambitious and very sweet girl I must say. Always ready to help everyone and very caring...but then in Uni, some things happened...which I don't know about but yea, after that, just like about this year of Uni, I never saw her smile once. It's like she had just forgotten how to smile." he replies, with a sad look on his face.
"Really? That's wierd." I say, glancing up in the direction that Heer had exited. I get up from my chair and walk right behind that girl. "Be right back." I tell my friends.
* * *
I sit down on the grass and wipe my eyes just to make sure it didn't look like I was crying. I couldn't cry. I couldn't be angry. I wasn't a coward. I was an adult now and I had to handle these childish behaviours in a mature way, I tell myself, again and again but it still hurt. It hurt me to see all my friends going away from me. It just did. The ones who I had been best friends with for about my entire teenage life were turning their backs on me. Wow! Just when I start to trust someone, they turn their backs on me. And now you tell me, will I trust someone again? No!
"Hi" I hear a valvety voice say the word in a musical manly voice.
I turn my head towards him, shocked. "You? What are you doing here?"
"Nothing." he replies, placing himself right next to me on the grass. I turn my face away from his.
"Can you please just go?" I say. Turning someone away was not always what I liked/wanted but at the moment, all I needed was a moment of silence. Of loniness.
"Sure. But you have to tell me what happened. I heard from my friends that you used to be the life of your friends group up till now. What happened now that you are so lonely? So dull? So quiet?" he asks.
"Friends. Hmph." I say, in a bitter tone. "It is just a word of 6 letters if it is a single or 7 if it is plural. Friends, which I tought were my best pals, people who I could confide my secrets to, share my feelings with turned their backs on me and why? I don't even know. Just cus I couldn't help but say hello, hi to my other friends, what they made me chose over? If that is what friends are, then swear to God, being a loner was much better. I still don't even know why they turned their backs on me. What did I do? Why did they make me the odd one out? Why?" I question, not knowing that Prem, who was sitting right beside me, was staring at me, with a jist of sparkle in his eyes.
"Heer, maybe it was just a misunderstanding or something?" he tries to reason with me.
"I don't know! I want to know but no, they won't even talk to me. I want to know what I did wrong." I reply.
"And all friends are not like that. I have friends aswell, who know me to the core, and our group has been together ever since we were children. It is just a matter of what kind of people you meet. You should never close the doors to people, let them come in and to tell you the truth, I have never felt better. I can tell my friends secrets that maybe, I can't even tell my siblings or my parents. You shall never lose hope Heer. And maybe, God just wants you to find your real friends. And like they say 'Bhagwaan ke ghar deer hai, andheer nahin.' you may think you have found your friends but God wants you to find friends that are really there for you. That respect you." he says.
I smile. "I never closed my doors Prem. I just want to be strong enough that if anything like this ever happens again, I will be strong enough to deal with it...and with a strong mind and heart, but thanks anyways Prem. I appreciate your help."
"No worries. And no thank you's allowed. And I was wondering, until you find your 'real' friends, why not come and hang out with me and my friends? We won't bite!" he replies, laughing.
A smile occurs on my face and we both laugh.
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