Originally posted by: Bechain_Bulbul
Unfortunately I had to witness something like this in very close relatives. For the first time I got to see actually the couple going through such phase otherwise it was like hearing about extra marital affair in very distant relatives or an acquaintance or mostly in shows and movies where it would not affect me personally and I can have very..... I dont know whats the right word...may be... "bookish"...advice.
My advice would certainly be the girl should leave the boy immediately. No greater mistake than cheating in relationship and its unforgivable. In no way girl should ever think about forgiving him. It would hurt her to end the relationship but it will be for her good ultimately.
And I jumped with my already prepared advice on this matter too. But this time I was in for a shock, seeing something like rhis happening in your vicinity is altogether a different thing. It changed my perception to some extent.
Here the boy didn't have a full blown EMA but he had ONS and was moving towards EMA. Girl found out on her own about it and confronted the boy. This girl here, is independent, earning a decent amount and family is also supportive. They have no kids. So basically she doesn't have any such thing due to which she would feel pressurize to let go husband's cheating. But still she chose to forgive him. And this baffled me.
I had a long chat with her and found out everything was not all rosy and happy in their relationship as it would appear to us outsiders. They were going through a lot. The girl had been an emotional mess from some time dealing with issues like depression, anxiety, stress, body image issues etc. She had from sometime now taking it all out on husband. She has been mean to him, manipulated him emotionally, sent him on guilt trips for being somehow responsible for her condition and he had been trying so hard to be there with her, pull her out of it. The boy was feeling guilty for ONS and asking for forgiveness. He was still willing to continue with the marriage if she decides to forgive him.
The main thing she told me was, and I guess I would never forget it, she said that although the cheating seems most valid reason for breaking up a marriage but its not the only reason. There are many things that breaks apart a couple, cheating is just one of them.
The relationships are far more fragile and complicated than what it appears. It needs utmost care and trust in it, may be even more than love. The simplest of fight can sow a seed of dissatisfaction so deeply into your heart that you won't even realise untill its very late.
The girl accepted that more than the boy has hurt her, she was hurting him with her words, actions since months and if he stood up with her in her difficult phase then how can she abandon him in his difficult phase.
She was sure boy loves her and he did actually commit a mistake not more than that and she is not willing to let all go all they have just because of that one mistake. She decided to give him another chance.
It was easier said than done. She still keeps calling me to share her feelings and how she is dealing through it. Its almost like building a relationship again from scratch but she maintains that its worth it.
So this has taught me not to look at things from just one dimension.
Probably this is the reason I jump at every post accusing viaan of those serious charges😆 I just want people to see from different perspectives before making an opinion.
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