Here are the links to the earlier parts:
Part I to V-C:
http://www.india-forums.com/forum_posts.asp?TID=526376& ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;TPN=1
Part V-D to VIII:
http://www.india-forums.com/forum_posts.asp?TID=552702& ; ; ; ;TPN=1
For all those of you who I've managed to confuse with my shifting narrative here is a handy guide:
Parts I to Part VIII are all set in Dec. 2006.
Only in Part VII there is one flashback sequence Jai's, which takes him back to Dec.2000, set in Mumbai, and then he wisely returns to the present, Dec. 2006, Bani's house in Delhi.
Hope that helps.
And the mystery is now revealed.
And for all those who asked, the Austen quote is from "Pride and Prejudice," Chapter 1. Mr. Bennett says it to Mrs. Bennett. Now within the context, Mrs. Bennett is a rather silly woman. And by quoting Mr. Bennett, Bani puts Jai in the position of Mrs. Bennett……
And by popular demand, the poetry selections and quotes are back.
Part IX: The Past
"Here I am
lost in the light of the moon
that comes through my window
Bathed in blue
the walls of my memory
divide the thorns from the roses
It's you and the roses….."
& ; ;nbs p; & ;a mp;n bsp; Lyrics from "Afterglow"
Dec. 2006
Delhi
Both Bani and Jai, separately, sought the same refuge, retreated to the same mist laden winter night when two strangers had unwittingly crossed paths and paused together, moving on, yes, but leaving behind the warmth and fragrance of their presence. Each leaving behind for the other the courage to face the lives thrust upon them against their will…….
IX-A
"I have always depended upon the kindness of strangers….."
& ; ;nbs p; & ;a mp;n bsp; A Streetcar named Desire by Tenesse Williams.
Seven Years Ago- 1999.
Christmas Eve.
Delhi
Bani impatiently checked her watch again. Pushkar was running late. She sighed in resignation.
The sound of a car pulling into the driveway had her jumping up and running to open the door.
Nishikant Dixit entered, rubbing his hands to ward off the cold.
Upon seeing Bani dressed for the cold outside, he asked, "tum kahin jaa rahi ho Bani?"
"Ji papa. Pushkar wanted to meet for dinner and I thought ki usse pehle aaj hum mere college main jo Christmas service hai usse attend karenge."
Nishikant frowned as he said, "Bani, tumhe kab thodi akal aayegi? Koi apne fiance ko college service ley kar jaata hai kya? Aur iss tarah ke kapde pahen kar? Tum apne behen se kuch to sekho. Dekho woh kaise hamesha sundar lagti, acche kapde pahenti hai aur mujhe pura vishwas hai ki woh apne fiance ke saath kissi romantic dinner par jaana chahegi, na ki kissi college service par."
Bani face fell slightly, even though she was used to her father's fondness for Pia and his constant comparison between the two, which inevitably favoured Pia, today they upset her. Because she too shared his sneaking suspicion that Pushkar, her fiance, was not too pleased with her choice. He had expansively asked her to choose how they would spend the evening, fully expecting her to opt for a romantic candlelight dinner. He had been a little disconcerted with her choice.
Truth to tell, Bani was a little surprised at her own quiet insistence that they go and attend the Christmas service. But it was important for her that Pushkar get to know her interests, her as a person.
It was an arranged marriage. Pushkar's late father and her late mother, Kiran Dixit, had been friends. And it had been their wish, when their respective children were 8 and 3, that eventually Pushkar and Bani ought to be married. Pushkar's dad had died when he was 10 and her mother when she, Bani, was 12. And their deaths cemented the bond for both families. Nishikant Dixit and Sarla Shukla had kept in touch intermittently. And Pushkar too had dropped in once or twice. But that had been years ago, when they were both children.
When, in the first year of her M.A., her father had sat her down and said that it was time she was married, Bani had gasped in shock before blurting, "to whom?"
"don't be stupid Bani. Obviously Pushkar."
"Oh!" and beyond that she had not known how to respond.
All her childhood and through her adolescence it had been something that had been repeated so often that familiarity had robbed it of any meaning, any significance, more so given the fact that it concerned a future that was unimaginable far away for any 13 old.
But now, at 21 it was it was no more a distant hazy future. It was now. And that frightened Bani. Pushkar was, to all intents and purposes, a distant stranger, whose very face she was very hard pressed to recall.
They had met as prospective spouses a week later, on the day of their formal engagement.
Of medium built, possessed of boyishly good looks; of which he was very conscious; Pushkar charmed her, laying to rest all her apprehensions with breezy casualness.
That had been a month ago. The wedding was fixed for the 7th of Jan. Barely two weeks hence as of now. In between Bani and Pushkar had met some half a dozen times.
And with each meeting left Bani with more questions than answers. But maybe Pia, her younger sister was right.
"Bani di, you are just being silly!" Pia had repeated, rolling her eyes, at night after the engagement. "Give it time. Besides what did you expect, that on the night of your engagement, instead of partying and having a good time Pushkar would want to sit down and have a heavy duty discussion about life, the universe and everything in it? Really, di, you are too serious. Relax!"
She was too serious and maybe her expectations were unrealistic.
But it had taken, Mrs.Shastri, whom she called Mamma, to finally set her fears to rest.
"Bani beta, I understand that you feel apprehensive about committing your entire life to someone you've haven't had the chance to really interact with. But trust me, every bride feels that way. So does the groom for that matter!"
"But mamma, it's more like I feel that Pushkar and I don't talk, about the things that matter to each of us. I hardly know him but atleast I try to find out more about what he likes, dislikes and what he thinks…..but…he just doesn't seem to make the effort…."
Mrs. Shastri clucked, "beta, yahi to problem hai aaj ki generation ki! Sab kuch fast food ki tarah ek minute main chahiye! Arre beta, saari umar padi hai ek doosre ko samajhne ke liye! The most important is the fact that both of you want to get married to each other. Isn't that something? A strong, solid foundation to build a lifelong relationship on? Because that's marriage you know, a relationship that you will go on building for the rest of your lives. Besides, apne ma baap ki pasand pe thoda bharoosa rakho. Who jo bhi karenge, tumhari bhaliyi ke liye hi karenge."
Something about what mamma had said clicked. Calmed Bani. Maybe the bit about trusting the choice of her parents. Her mother would not have chosen anything but the best for her, she told herself. Besides, mamma was right, how could she expect to understand a person and expect him to understand her in turn in just a few short meeting?
And so it was with a much lighter and a more open heart that she acquiesced to all the expeditions and activities Pushkar suggested. Although, going on a sponsored (by him) shopping trip or nightclubbing was not her idea of either fun or romance. However hard Pia tried to convince her otherwise.
But then Pia approved thoroughly of Pushkar. She liked his devil may care attitude and was thrilled at the way he flaunted his success, which always made Bani uncomfortable.
"Come on di, if you got it, flaunt it! There is nothing wrong with that!"
Bani held her peace. Pia, at 19, still lacked the exposure, the experience that had already begun to shape Bani's understanding. Not that Bani blamed her for that. Being intelligent and hardworking, Bani, after her schooling had gotten admission into one of India's best college's in Delhi, while Pia had been stuck with having to go to college in Mt.Abu. She had only herself to blame. She and Bani had both been sent to St. Mary's Boarding school in Nainital, one of the very best in the country. While Bani had made the most of the opportunity, Pia had whiled her time.
It had and still galled Pia, that while she was stuck in Mt.Abu, her boring, studious di got to live in Delhi.
Therefore, she had been thrilled when the engagement meant that the Dixit's shifted to Delhi and would remain there till the wedding. All of Pushkar's family, father's and mother's, were based in Delhi or near it. And since the only living relatives Bani and Pia possessed apart from their father, were their mother's family; who had disowned Kiran for her love marriage with a poor, and not very regularly employed Nishikant Dixit; the Dixit's had agreed to move to Delhi and hold the wedding there.
To Bani it had meant the constant and reassuring presence of the Shastri's. She was grateful to fate for the posting to Mt.Abu; Mr.Shastri worked for the State Bank of India; that had allowed Rano and her path to cross. By the time they left Mt.Abu, Bani and Rano were inseparable, so much so that the mother of all tantrums by Rano had forced her parents to send her off to St. Mary's as well. During her college education, Bani had been in and out of their home constantly; looking upon it as a second home. She knew for a fact that had her college not had a perfectly respectably girl's hostel, despite being a co-ed college, Mrs. Shastri would not have countenanced Bani's staying anywhere except at home with them.
But Bani, though grateful to the Shastri's had opted for the college hostel. It had been a good learning experience. Besides a spark of self-respect dictated she not be needlessly beholden to people. Her father had disapproved of her decision, citing the extra cost. Bani had offered to work part time but at that he had demurred, stating that of course he could pay, it was just that he didn't see the need when there was a perfectly good option available.
Bani's meandering thoughts were interrupted by her father.
"instead of daydreaming why don't you go and change into something a little more appealing before Pushkar arrives?" he father was suggesting, eying her utilitarian jeans and heavy jacket over a woollen shirt distastefully, "and really, you don't need to hide half your face and all of your head in that monstrous woollen cap."
"But it's cold outside papa," Bani protested half heartedly.
"Bani, kabhi kabhi lagta hai ki tumhe us girls school main bhej kar maine galti ki! But then again your mother had insisted," he sighed, "maine socha shayad co-ed college main padh kar hi tumhe kuch smajh aa jaye….magar tum …..just go and change beta. Wear something more attractive, more feminine."
Dutifully Bani complied, changing into a silk salwar kammez the colour of mellowed wine, a yellow so deep that it hinted at green. Dubiously agreeing with her father that one shawl was adequate for warmth, she glanced again at the clock and made her decision.
"papa main Pushkar ke ghar chali jaati hoon. Wahan sey hum dono seedha college chalejayengey."
He nodded encouragingly, even as he irrepressibly added, "meri mano toh yeh service ki bajaye tum log kissi ache se five star main dinner key liye chale jao."
As Bani entered the house, the servant informed her that the family had gone out for dinner, but Pushkar baba was in the guest room.
Bani opened the door and stood rooted to the ground at the sight that greeted her.
It took a while before the occupants of the room registered her presence.
"Bani!.......uh….we….i ….can explain" Pushkar stammered and then fell silent as the incongruity of his statement hit him.
Bani was not sure if her vocal chords would work so she just remained quiet, desperately hoping that this was a nightmare, from which she would awaken any minute, but dreadfully aware that this was real.
Her fiance was in bed with another woman.
Who was her younger sister, Pia.
Typically it was Pia who broke the thrall that silenced them.
Unashamed of her semi-nude state, she sat up languidly, and said, "I am so sorry di, that you had to find out like this."
Running a hand through her hair, she continued, "the truth is that Pushkar and I were about to tell you what we both just realised. That we have fallen in love with each other."
A part of Bani not only noticed that Pia was looking beautiful but that she was carefully posing, arranging her posture and moving her graceful hands just so.
"Come on di, you yourself felt that you and Pushkar did not really click. That you were not sure that you were right for each other."
Pushkar beat a hasty retreat to the loo.
Finally unnerved by Bani's continued silence, Pia trailed off into silence. As a fully clothed Pushkar emerged Pia turned to him, "Pushkar, explain to di, how much we love each other…."
Pushkar had the grace to not only remain silent but to actually look a little ashamed.
After a pause he began defensively, "Bani….i….we…look, I fell for Pia. Ok? Love's not a crime is it? It's just that…..she is so beautiful, how can any man resist her? look, I never claimed to love you did i? I mean I went along with this marriage thing because my mom said so and because I wasn't in love with anyone…..so I figured ok, we'll get married and then fall in love. But Pia here….i just fell for her….she's so perfect….so beautiful and we get along so perfectly! She understands me in a way you never have…..and I desire her in a way I've never desired you…..you can't control chemistry, right?"
Bani thought her head would explode if she stayed here any longer. Without a word she turned around and fled as though the furies were chasing her. She ran till she could not hear Pushkar's voice calling her, ran till she was out of breath and well away from the house and still she ran, albeit metaphorically, halting only when the cab she had jumped into stopped at the college gates.
And then discovered that she had dropped her small purse along with her shawl somewhere during that long, mad run.
The disgruntled middle -aged cab driver noting the tears shimmering in her eyes and her colourless face, wrote the fare off as his good deed of the year, grumbling to her, "koi baat nahin. Ab paise nahin hai to kya kar saktey hain…..pehle sochna tha na aapko. Par chalo, jaane do. Aur suno ladki, itni thandi main paise key bina to phir bhi kaam chal jaayega par garam kapde to yaad rakhney chahiye the na!"
Somehow it was his concern over her lack of woollens that penetrated through to her.
Moved beyond words she looked at him and softly said, " I am sorry mere paas paise nahin hai….. lekin main prarthana karongi ki bhagawan appko khush rakhe."
The fervent sincerity with which Bani said this caused the cabbie to blink before he went on in gruff voice, "koi baat nahin beta. Ab yeh sorry ki koi zarrorat nahin. Lekin tum theek toh ho?"
"Jee main theek hoon," she lied and raised a hand to stifle a sob at the hystericalness of the lie she was articulating. As she did so a stray beam of light from the passing traffic caught the ring on her finger, causing it to glitter.
She stared at it in horrified fascination, as if seeing it for the first time. It was a diamond solitaire, chosen by Pia and Pushkar as her engagement ring. He had wanted to surprise her and had asked Pia to go shopping with him to be certain of getting the right size.
What a surprise it had turned out to be, she thought, or was it a joke, she asked herself.
Giving in to a wholly uncharacteristic impulse, she took it off her finger with sudden decision and taking the cabbie's hand placed the ring in his palm.
"Yeh lijiye. Not as the taxi fare but as my thank you for the concern." And before he could quite comprehend what she had done, she had slipped out of the taxi and was walking into the college gates.
As he saw her disappear into the twilight mist which had begun to drizzle faintly, he found himself thinking of her face again, but this time not as the face of a stranger clearly in trouble. Instead he saw her face again with eye of a father, and hoped that someone; her mother or father; would be there to take her into their arms and soothe her problems away, set her back on her feet, kiss her tears away……..
Part IX- B
Seven Years Ago- 1999.
Christmas Eve.
Delhi
The heart has reasons that reason does not understand.
Jacques Benigne Bossuel
Jai was exhausted. This week in delhi seemed to be a nightmare that would never end. He was numbed by the events that had unfolded in these seven days. Seven days that had changed his life. He knew that eventually he would have to come to grips with it all. But at this moment he alternated between bouts of chilly numbness, where none of it mattered and a murderous rage, which he could not expend on anyone.
He preferred the numbness. It made him feel less helpless. And helplessness was an entirely unfamiliar feeling for Jai Walia. At the ripe old age of thirty, it was something close to shock to feel helpless.
All his life he'd led a charmed existence. Heir to immense wealth, blessed with a doting elder sister and parents who loved him to death, Jai had always found the world to be his oyster.
And then he'd found the price that had been paid to make his life this golden. And the fact that the price had been paid by others. By his sister and his mother. And suddenly his entire life had become so hollow. So very meaningless.
There he had been blissfully working hard and partying harder when the veils had been ripped.
He had just returned from a party, where as usual he had flirted and danced and drank and made the most of the fact that the next day was a holiday, not a working day.
He had been on the verge of falling asleep when the bedside phone rang.
Jai groggily picked up the phone, not really thinking about who was on the other end.
"Jai Walia?" a strange voice, asked a little indistinctly, the line hissing and crackling.
"Yes. Who is this?"
"hello, I am Dr.Banerjee, calling from Apollo Hospital, Delhi…..you are related to Uday Walia, yes?"
"I am his son," Jai said sitting up, a frisson of alarm going through him.
"I am afraid I have some bad news…..your father has been in an accident. He is in a rather critical state. I think you ought to come to Delhi….."
"I'll be there tomorrow morning doctor. Can you give me your contact info? You are the person I should get in touch with, right?"
After hanging up, Jai thought of something and called up his elder sister, Jigyasa.
Not wanting to alarm her he merely said that Dad had been in an accident and he was flying up to delhi to be with him. He assured her that he would keep her posted.
Somewhat to his surprise, she neither sounded particularly worried or upset about Dad. Instead, she was upset at the prospect of his going to delhi.
"Jai, you needn't go. If Papa is fine then he'll call himself and tell us not to bother…..and if it's too late then there is no point in your going…….let Aditya go and handle the formalities…."
Jai irritated and surprised, lashed out at her, "Jigyaysa di, what is wrong with you? I am telling you that our father is in the hospital and you don't think it necessary for me to go? I know you've never really loved dad but this is beyond anything. How can you be this selfish and unloving a daughter? Suit yourself but don't tell me how to deal with my own father," he'd snarled before hanging up.
All through the early morning flight, Jai sat suspended between fervent prayers and worry. Please God, he found himself pleading, let my father be all right.
His father had already lapsed into a coma from which he proceeded to a quiet death. Jai was just in time to clutch his father's hand and watch over him as he let go of life. As Jai sat still holding his father's now lifeless hand, the doctor intruded.
"I am so sorry Mr.Walia for intruding upon so personal a moment but I need to talk to you."
Wiping his eyes, Jai got up and followed the doctor to the adjoining waiting room.
"We could not save your father and I am sorry to inform you that the condition of your mother is equally critical…..i have to tell you that in all honesty we are not hopeful about Mrs. Walia either…..but, and I am so glad to be able to tell you this, that your brother's condition id quite stable. He is sedated at the moment but he's well on the road to recovery….." the doctor trailed off.
Jai was listening in growing incomprehension.
"I am afraid there has been a mistake. My mother, Mrs.Walia has been dead for 18 years and I have no brother."
"Mr.Walia, what are you saying? Mrs.Walia and your brother were admitted along with your father, and he identified them as his wife and son……" the doctor offered in surprise.
Before the conversation could go any further, they were interrupted by the nurse.
"doctor, Mrs. Walia is conscious, she is asking about her son and husband."
Jai followed, puzzled but determined to sort out the confusion.
A middle aged but still very beautiful woman was lying on the hospital bed, hooked to numerous machines and tubes.
"all her injuries are internal, and I am afraid they are very severe…….." the doctor murmured in an aside before going on in louder voice, "hello Mrs.Walia, your son is here to see you."
Jai gritted his teeth in anger but refrained from saying anything to the misguided doctor. He was determined to confront the impostor directly.
Her eyes opened at the doctors words and weakly she muttered, "nachiket!" before her eyes took in the scowling Jai.
"jai" she said flatly, closing her eyes in anguish before re opening them and turning to the doctor, "could you please leave us alone?"
She waited until the doctor left before speaking again, "I am so sorry that you had to find out like this…..uday?"
"is dead," Jai found himself answering.
As tears fell from her eyes, she asked again, "Nachiket?"
"I have no idea," Jai growled, "look what the hell is going in and who the hell are you?"
She remained quiet for a minute. She spoke just as jai opened his mouth.
"I am Barnali. Your father's mistress. And Nachiket is your half-brother."
Jai remained silent in shock. He opened is mouth, couldn't think of what to say and shut it again. Slowly he sat down in a chair and after a moment flatly whispered, "you're lying. You have to be lying."
Making an enormous effort if the grimace of pain on her face was anything to go by, Barnali turned to face him and spoke haltingly, "no Jai. It's the truth. I've been your father's mistress for 25 years. Your mother knew. Your sister also knows. But it was krishna's wish that you never find out the truth. And Uday respected her enough to agree. He always felt guilty about the fact that she was trapped in an unfair marriage…..loving a man who could never love her……"
Upon hearing her words, Jai got to his feet with such violence that the chair overturned. Stepping closer to the bed he almost savagely shouted, "shut up! Don't you dare talk about my mother……don't you dare take her name…..you…..you….wh…" and stopped mid word. Somethings, taught by his mother were too deeply ingrained, and respect for women was one of them. He could not bring himself to fling the insult she so clearly deserved.
"Say it Jai. Call me a whore. I chose to be with a married man all my life…..there is a price I have had to pay for that….and the title of whore is just one of them….."
The wealth of pain in that voice stopped Jai. And the soft compassion in those tear filled eyes, compassion for him, he realised with a start, left Jai completely shocked.
She went on in her thready voice, "I don't think I will make it Jai. And I know it's unfair to you, but if you can, don't blame Nachiket for all this….he's already suffered enough…..knowing that he is illegitimate, that despite having a father he's never been able to call himself Nachiket Walia. Don't make him pay for my sins….please, I beg you…."
Jai turned on his heel and walked out.
If he stayed there any longer, he would, he thought go stark raving mad……
While he was still completing the paperwork for his father's dead body, the doctors came and told him that "Mrs.Walia" had also passed away. Wordlessly Jai held his hand out for the paperwork pertaining to her dead body. He made no effort to correct them.
The next day he cremated both the bodies. Nachiket was still in a medically induced sedation, too weak to be allowed to regain full consciousness, and certainly too weak to be told that both his parents were dead.
As soon as he returned to Delhi from immersing the ashes in the ganges, he wanted to return to Bombay, and pretend that the last two days had been a hallucinatory nightmare.
But an overdeveloped sense of responsibility warred with his loathing and won. He would stay in delhi until Nachiket was strong enough to be discharged. He would then disassociate himself forever.
Today morning Nachiket had finally woken up.
It was a strange first meeting.
Jai had been curt, trying not to let his hatred show.
Nachiket, groggy with medication and grieving for his parents had almost shrivelled at the blast of loathing and hatred he could see Jai trying to control.
Tomorrow, Jai told himself as he walked out of the hospital, I will hand over the ashes of Barnali to Nachiket, make sure he is financially secure and then I never have to see him again…..
The day yawned ahead of him. He was still avoiding the constant calls Jigyasa was placing to the hotel on an hourly basis. And as of this morning, Massi had begun calling from Chandigarh as well. As soon as he walked in the receptionist handed him a fistful of message slips.
The first was from Jigyasa, detailing her time of arrival the next day.
The next was from Massi also detailing her time of arrival the next day.
The rest were requests from various news agencies and reporters, who wanted to interview him, to talk to him about the death of his father, a noted industrialist, and ask him his plans for the future.
Jai took a desperately needed shower and considered his options.
Tiredly he reached for a fresh pair of track pants and sweatshirt and halted with his hand outstretched in mid air.
Immediately he swung into action. With quick efficiency he got dressed in a formal suit and then packed his suitcase, remembering to add his anodyne, bottles of whisky. Since coming to delhi he'd lost the ability to sleep unless he first drugged himself with copious amounts of whisky.
As he walked into the college gates, he felt the band that gripped his chest loosen by a notch.
The reverend was delighted to see him after so many years. His sympathetic condolences were accepted by Jai with an impassive countenance that did not fool the perceptive reverend who remembered Jai from his student days. But he held his peace, offering Jai the use of the college gust house for as long as needed. Only pausing to add worriedly, "but oh dear, the caretaker has gone off. Since the guest house was empty and it was Christmas I gave him leave……I'll tell you what, why don't you come on over to my house for meals? And I'll have my housekeeper come and clean the guest house and generally see to things there first thing in the morning."
"that's fine father. Just perfect. And thanks, but I'll feed myself…..please don't worry about that! Oh and father could my staying here remain …uh….secret? It's…just that..i ..uh…"
"I understand perfectly Jai. No need to explain. Don't worry, I'll inform the Principal, who I assure you will respect your privacy equally."
After having unlocked the guest house and shown him his room, the reverend turned to add before departing, "the Christmas service is today evening. If you feel up to it, why don't you come? It might do you good."
"Somehow Father, I don't feel that God is in charity with me so I'm not sure if I want to come," Jai responded tiredly.
"Jai, God moves in very mysterious ways. Don't give up on him just yet because he certainly has not given up on you. Still it's your choice."
As the fist notes of the opening hymn floated gently on the last grey note of daylight, Jai decided to go.
The chapel was nearly full when he walked but he found himself a seat towards the end and sat down.
Part IX-C is on a new thread.
Cricket
Udne Ki Aasha
Veer Hanuman
Anupamaa
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
