She drowned herself, for what she was sure was the very last time, to try her best and get him out of her system. Once and for all. She felt herself remembering his face, that face that she had loved from the first moment she lay eyes on him. The object of many a woman's affection, that face was, his handsome features etched in a perpetually determined expression. That was before she came into his life and brought a smile to his face. But now it was time to forget that smile, and that face. It was time she never thought about him ever again. She concentrated on his face one last time and tried to wipe it from her memory. But somehow she felt herself fading as she tried to forget her first and only love.
im fading
i can feel it
somehow
i seem less present
His penetrating glare she still remembered, having been the object of it many a time. How he would look at her, and sum up all her emotions with just that one look. How well he understood her. And yet, now it was time to forget it all. It was time to forget her other half, and it was time that she herself became whole so that she no longer needed his memory to survive.
i feel thiner,
like im suddenly
made of rice paper
and all that it takes
to rip me apart
is a single blow
She somehow felt weak as she stuggled to forgethis loving touch, his caring voice. He was the one she truly understood, and he understood her better then she did. She was his, and he was hers. But it was time she claimed her life back from the one she had entrusted it to. Seven years later, for her daughter, and for herself too, it was time that she stopped relying on his support which was present even in his physical absence. It was time she let go.
my very existance
my personality
my self
seems to be fading
He was a part of her. How could she not love her hand, or her heart? He was one with her. Hating him was like hating herself. She could not do it, she loved him. She couldn't help it, seeing him had confirmed it. She still felt something for him, and as he played with rhea, she felt a sense of peace.
the same way
colour fades from a tree
during autmn
the same way
a stain is washed off
a ruined dress
But rhea isn't his daughter. She thought carefully about what his reaction would be, if he found out. But what did it matter? What did it matter? What he did to her was incomparable. She had not cheated him. What she had found out seven years ago in dubai came flooding back into her mind and she was disgusted at what he had done, how he and pia had used her. It was a memory she struggled to forget but never could, she had been wronged. Her love was stained with deceit. And this deceit was what made her come this far, knowing that she had been wronged and it is her right to triumph over this adversity. She was driven by his deceit, and had come to be defined by it too.
i am stained
by my past
and yet it is
these very stains
that define me
But she was surprised to find, when she delved deep into her soul, that dispite what he did she still loved him, somehow. She couldn't believe what he had done. Something was amiss.
Had she not trusted him completely? Then why did she doubt him at all? There was something wrong……. But it was too late to find out. She had rhea now. Rhea was only hers, not his. Only hers. She carried neither of their blood but she carried with her bani's love. And that was all that mattered. And so it was time that she washed jai's memory from her past. Forever. So she could turn over a new leaf and leave him…. Forever, behind her as,not even a part of her past. He would no longer even merit a place in her memory. She had to do it. She had to.
and now that the time has come
to wash these stains off
and start anew
i find
that the fabric of my life
is fading
But she was loosing herself in the process, loosing her definition of life. She was loosing all that she had thought was hers but was truly linked with him. How could she let go? How could she?
as part of me
is being washed off
with my past
Tears had streamed down bani's eyes as she realised that this was one of the most difficult things she would ever have to face.
The doorbell rang all of a sudden and shook bani from her reverie. She wiped her tears away and plastered a smile upon her face to go and greet her daughter.
alright im sooooo sorry for the delays. the poem is again recycled here, i wrote it for myself a few months ago while i was blogging./ it was meant to be applied to myself but it works well here. so enjoy chapter 8, doing chapter 9 now.
Edited by kav~ - 18 years ago
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
