A LONG YEAR- MaNan ff ch5 pg15 - Page 10

😭

I know it's a small chapter but i wanted to give you all some happiness after the stunt i pulled off earlier. i am really sorry again and i promise it won't happen in the future... and i will be able to give you all more regular updates from now on😊

CHAPTER 4- THE DECISIVE ACT!

I stood there for a long time, staring at the board- "Music Room". My legs had started hurting and everyone around was staring at me. I had missed two classes in one day, before today I hadn't even missed a single class.

"You have to do this Manik," I tried encouraging myself without success. In the past week I tried everything, and literally everything which included cooking and adventure sports and had failed terribly in all of them. I had never like this big a looser in my life before but now I knew for sure the only extracurricular activity I could ever participate in was music. I picked up my bag from the floor and tossed it onto a bench in the nearby class.

"You have already wasted one day, you can't do the same thing today!" I said rubbing my hands and preparing to cross the boundary I had dreaded for so long. I peeked in and saw Nandani practicing and Mr Sharma listening to her with utmost attention. Nandani's face was as dim as I had seen it the last time in my room, it felt like she was missing her soul and that affected her music. She was making too many mistakes and even Mr Sharma looked worried for her. I lowered my head and tried not to think about it.

"Uhhmm!" I knocked on the door and Mr Sharma turned to look at me and Nandani was startled. She looked a little excited.

"Mr Sharma I need to talk to you...alone" I said and rushed out not waiting to see Nandani's disappointment.

Mr Sharma came out and gave me an amused look. "So you finally have time to talk," he said and smiled, leaning against the wall.

"I...actually I needed to be part of the musical, nothing serious a small performance, just...you know fit me in anywhere," I blurted out in a hurry and closed my eyes.

"Why would I do that?" he said and I knew my uphill battle had just started.

"Sir our school always wins the musical and if I am just a small part of it even I would get the certificate and that would help me exceptionally with my application," I said not looking directly at him.

"Manik Malhotra, do you have any idea how talented you are. You see that girl sitting in there she...she practices every day for several hours and she knows the value of music, also she is really good but even she can't match the amount of natural talent that you have." He said and I stared at him dumbfounded.

"That...that can't be true...Nandani I mean she is just...ummm" I struggled to speak, I struggled to make sense of things.

"Do you think I like this, of course not, it's not fair, but you are gifted Manik, a gift that people rarely have. I won't give you a small role, if you want to be part of the musical you will have to play the lead that is the only offer I will give you." He finished and went inside again, leaving me with myself in complete silence and confusion. I didn't move for some time.

I had always known I was good at singing but knowing this changed everything, I couldn't possibly be the lead, but I had no other option. Going into music that much it could ruin everything...

"Manik," I heard her voice which broke me out of my thoughts.

"Hmmm.."

"Please tell aunty I will be late today I need a little extra practice." She said.

"Oh! Okay, when should I pick you up?" I asked, her struggle and love for music going through my head.

"I will come back on my own," she said and started walking away.

"What? No it would be dark by then I can't allow that, Nandani.." I started speaking when she turned back and I could see her eyes filled with tears.

"I said I will get back on my own," she replied firmly, holding back the tears.

"No, I will pick you up," I said even more firmly.

"Don't, Manik I am done okay, I can't anymore." Her voice was shaking and tears started rolling down her red cheeks. She started turning again but I grabbed her by the arms and took her with me to the adjacent classroom.

"What are you doing?" she asked as I closed the door behind me.

"I am sorry okay, I am sorry...really-really sorry." I said and wiped her tears that were pinching my heart.

"No it's not okay. You can't do anything you want and then get away with a sorry." She said pushing me away.

"I was mean I get that but not everyone is like you, I lose it when things go against me which is most of the time." I said feeling a lump in my throat.

"Not everyone is like me? Do you think I was born like this? I was just like you Manik I had plans and I had dreams. I wanted to go to Julliard and be the best classical player ever, but then the accident happened and everything changed. I lost my parents and I lost my vision- for three months I was in a hospital without a reason to go on. I was bitterer than you could possibly imagine, I wanted to end my life and I even tried numerous times and failed, because I was surrounded by doctors. You have no idea what it felt to never be able to look at another soul or see my favourite colour. I could never smell my mother's food again or hear my Dad encouraging me at every school musical." She paused and wiped a lone tear and then continued. "And I felt like my heart had been so thoroughly and irreparably broken that there could be no real joy again, that at best there might eventually be a little contentment. Everyone wanted me to get help and rejoin life, pick up the pieces and move on, and I tried to, I wanted to, but I just had to lie in my bed with my arms wrapped around myself, eyes closed, grieving, until I didn't have to anymore. The sun stopped shining for me is all. The whole story is: I was sad. I was sad all the time and the sadness was so heavy that I couldn't get away from it." At this point even I had started crying, my face was wet and the only thought in my mind was to hold her and comfort her.

"Some catastrophic moments invite clarity, explode in split moments: You smash your hand through a windowpane and then there is blood and shattered glass stained with red all over the place; you fall out a window and break some bones and scrape some skin. Stitches and casts and bandages and antiseptic solve and salve the wounds. But depression is not a sudden disaster. It is more like a cancer: At first its tumorous mass is not even noticeable to the careful eye, and then one day -- wham! -- there is a huge, deadly seven-pound lump lodged in your brain or your stomach or your shoulder blade, and this thing that your own body has produced is actually trying to kill you. Depression is a lot like that: Slowly, over time, the data will accumulate in your heart and mind, a computer program for total negativity will build into your system, making life feel more and more unbearable. But you won't even notice it coming on, thinking that it is somehow normal, something about getting older, about turning eight or turning twelve or turning fifteen, and then one day you realize that your entire life is just awful, not worth living, a horror and a black blot on the white terrain of human existence. One morning you wake up afraid you are going to live." She was a mere shadow of herself at least she was a shadow of the Nandani I knew.

"In my case, I was not frightened in the least bit at the thought that I might live because I was certain, quite certain, that I was already dead. The actual dying part, the withering away of my physical body, was a mere formality. My spirit, my emotional being, whatever you want to call all that inner turmoil that has nothing to do with physical existence, were long gone, dead and gone, and only a mass of the most f**king god-awful excruciating pain like a pair of boiling hot tongs clamped tight around my spine and pressing on all my nerves was left in its wake." Her body was trembling like it was in some kind of a shock and for the first time I could see the loss, the loss that she tried to hide, and she succeeded wonderfully at it. I wrapped my hands around her without her consent but she didn't fight me anymore, or maybe she just didn't have the emotional strength to.

"You say you're 'depressed' - all i see is resilience. You are allowed to feel messed up and inside out. It doesn't mean you're defective - it just means you're human." I paused. "Nandani, how did you get out of it?" I asked realising she wanted to tell me more about that part.

"You...," she pushed me again and stood on her own two feet again. "Out of all the sweet and amazing people that talked to me...you; your voice the day we met, it brought me back to life. I don't even know why but it shook me to the core and suddenly I could feel, it was like I was drifting away and you caught me and held me. That day I felt safe for the first time in months and the feeling that everything will be fine came over me. You- Manik Malhotra saved me and I don't even know how. Since that day I have been trying to live trying to appreciate the things I have and not grieve for the ones I don't. Your voice changed everything for me," She said. "But now I can't listen to that voice again so stay away from me as far away as possible." she added and stumbled her way to the music room.

I knew right then and there, that I had to get Nandani back and I had to play the lead in the musical just to stay close to her. That girl was going to get all the happiness in the world, and I was going to give it to her. Her scars remind me that she did indeed survive her deepest wounds. That in itself is an accomplishment. And they bring to mind something else, too. They remind me that the damage life has inflicted on her has, in many places, left her stronger and more resilient. What hurt her in the past has actually made her better equipped to face the present.

My decision was made and I had never made a better plan in all of my life...

Dumbfounded mind , shattered heart and moist eyes ---->My reaction after reading this ..

Dumbfounded by the power of ur words , shattered because this is what each f**king soul feel but don't acknowledge ,Moist eyes when i actually feel this ...

Sometimes few people just hold our hand unknowingly and pull us from the darkness and then suddenly jerks our hand again and push us where everything is dark gloomy where u can't even recognize ur own soul..

Vihaa u hook me with ur words .. Never I have ever experienced any writer moving me to such an extent. .

and Thank u for continuing this otherwise I would have failed to read these precious words which forced my mind to make a whole picture out of it ..

Just keep writing ..

THIS IS BRILLIANT...!! absolutely amazing
So emotional yet so captivating.. I had a big lump in my throat.. I cud feel the pain
I luv u.. N I jst luv Manik.. Finally he realised.. Aww.. Nandu accepted tht he is the one who makes her happy.. Wnt to live again
I dnt knw who is goin to comment or nt..bt I hv done..
My sincere request..
CAN U PLS UPDATE ASAP.. 😃

This FF is so f**king powerful.
I can't begin to describe how blessed you are with words. I mean.. Just Wow man!
I am a voracious reader, from Hemingway to fanfictions, I read a lot. But, you, darling are something else.
The story and script are brillinat.. But the thoughts and the words used to describe them; you have to know how beautiful they were.
As someone who considers words her life and loves to write, I know how necessary it is to feel what you write for the write-ups to come out as beautiful as your ff does. So, from my understanding, every emotion that you have penned is something you can connect to.. This is not a mere FF. This is beauty. Because you are putting so much in this. I beg you to never stop this.

I actually took a couple of screenshots of these beautiful dialogues. So powerful.
Don't ever stop writing this one, as what you are writing is beyond a normal FF written for IF and to entertain readers.

P.s. Yours is the only FF I have ever commnted on. So, please know that, this is special. Very special.

and u updated ... thank u.. u made my day..
omg wat was that.. the entire update ws soo gripping.. i ws hooked up.. totally...
so fynally manik approached mr. sharma fr music.. coz he knwz its bst.. though he doesnt want something big.. jus fr name sake..
but destiny hs othr plans.. omg nandini.. the way nandini shared her lyf with him.. i ws numb.. every single explanation ws just brilliant.. she hs soo much inside her but still stays strong n manik needs to undrstand that.. shez gone through soo much.. but shockng part was maniks voice changed things..
i hope manik does wats best for her him n thmselves.. awsome update.. update super soon.. n a lil longer if possible.. im addicted to this one.. n love ur way of writng.. :)

Ohk i didnt knoe dat u were discontinuing ur ff..bt m glad dat now u'll continue dis...
N lemme tell u..ur ff how to fall in love..i used to w8 fo ur update n at dat tym i was not evn member of dis forum..
so coz of a frnd i was able to read it... n i loved dat ff..
n dis ff is also so damn gud..so pls dont say dat u'll discontinue coz der r ppl who'll just b waiting fo ur one update..
So thanku so much fo not discontinuing n giving us dis wonderful update...
i just wish nandini gets her eyesight back wid some operation..coz i want her to see manik :/

Coming on the forum after a long time . Found this . Damn .. Vihaa .. You are amazingg ! That writing inspires me and .. And the emotions .. Turmoil , depression , resilience ! You are LOVE .
God bless
- Adeeba

how do you do it??!!

how do you do it everytime!!?? Gosh!!! That was beyond expectations!! Beyond everything!! I am literally crying yaar !!! Do you have any damn idea about what was that!!?? that was the biggest dose ever given to us!! Dose in which you summarised the whole life which is either directly or directly the human's damn hell life!! you just summarised the whole lifetime pain an abnormal or defective person has to suffer!!! you are something magical!! you are something whole of a magic!! you are god-gifted!! you were made to write about other's pain and their feelings!!! whatever you write is just so practical, brilliant and just out of the world!!! gosh!!! actually you are much more than something we call a " brilliant writer " a way too much more than that!!! you gotta publish some stuff soon!!! because I want that and all the readers want that!! you today only shocked us!! you today only gave our souls a nudge!! a nudge to make us see and watch ' what others are suffering '!! and the reality is you touched mine and many hearts!!

Vihaa vihaa vihaa,,, wt shud i say.. Its commendable.. Am speechless !! Nd thanku for continuing... Lov u yaar.. Nd pls pm me... Pls pls