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Lets Talk,
While watching the episode yesterday and reading the reactions here, I was numb for a moment. Plagued by self-doubt about my own abilities at perceiving things , I watched and re-watched the whole episode couple of times. But sadly nothing helped , because all I could see every single time and for the past few days is bullying/harassment of Nandini by someone who is in Power , known to her and has the authority to manipulate her behaviour.
The word that kept flashing in my head was not , Nandini the fighter, nor Nandini the lover but just Nandini- The victim.
She is a victim of bullying , harassment at work . From a 3rd eye perspective, you and I can see that playing , we see her being manipulated by a teacher who fought for her place in the college, who refers to her Ams as his Guru and who is obsessed at making her The best. She has become his muse and he is trying to control her environment using his position and authority to alter her perception and instill a sense of fear. In almost all the cases of harassment and bullying Victim is usually the last person to see it coming. This is why the word -"victim" is used .
Yet look at our own reactions because unlike the character ,we have the 360 degree view of the story , we tend to judge her. She is called dumb, stupid, unreasonable etc just because we as an audience "expect" her to be better, superhuman , unbreakable and even though we see all the manipulations , the act - we still find faults in the "victim" because we don't want to see her fail. It is uncomfortable for us as a viewer not because we sympathize with her situation but because we don't get "why" she is not reacting.
Blame the victim for falling for this harassment - thats what we all are doing. Or some of us will go to the extent of assuming that we would have stopped it all had we been in her place- assumptions based on zero knowledge about the nature of abuse or circumstances. Or is it that we are convincing ourselves that this act happened because it was a shortcoming of the character - not her situation, nor the perpetrator but her.
I am sure most of us have some South Asian connect , can we truly say that only "dumb", "stupid" girls fall to harassment. What about our friends or us who are intimidated, harassed on buses, work places, schools, colleges, work place. Indeed it's our gender which is dumb. We should have realized that all the blame rests with us.
We scoff at her when she says and agrees that Pandit crossed the line of a teacher , he went overboard but not as a man. Because unlike her ,we are aware of all the sides of the story. While all she saw was how she was made to feel the incompetent one when her fellow classmate declares that he was also made to sit in a smoke-filled room.
How will she convince the world and law-makers that what happened to her was bullying/harassment? The touches- firstly, none of them that she has witnessed till now are conclusive enough to be termed as "bad touch". Yes they are uncomfortable and she expresses it immediately when she moves them away but can she really explain that to police, her Principal or the world.
She is not negated what Manik is telling her. It is always there in her head, hence she is trying to find tangibles to support his version. She knows anger will not lead them anywhere they will play right at the hand of the abuser and someone like Nyo will use the circumstances again.
But like every victim she is searching for tangibility to connect with whatever she is experiencing. It's frightening, she is confused and yet she is struggling to piece it together. There is denial, slow realization and then escapism from her environment , hence she goes on about the fusion concert, because in her head, she will be away from this , with her support system-Manik and safe.
Take a moment and look at the manuals of college, schools or workplaces. You will find postulates about bullying/harassment using power tricks. Some of the behaviours that are defined as harassment are:-
exclusion or victimisation
unfair treatment
overbearing supervision
or other misuse of power or position
unwelcome sexual advances - touching, of private parts, the display of offensive materials, asking for sexual favours, making decisions on the basis of sexual advances being accepted or rejected
making threats or comments about job security without foundation
Deliberately undermining a competent worker by overloading and constant criticism
Preventing individuals progressing by intentionally blocking promotion or training opportunities.
Above are few examples how harassment is initiated. Till this point there has been no sexual advances which is why Nandini cannot call it "crossing line as a man" , because nobody will buy that. There is no tangible act to link it.
Her version of events are controlled by her abuser .So what Manik and us can see will always be different from her own perception. Similarly we are ALSO not looking at these events through her perception as a victim- we don't see her being on guard around Pandit, or being fearful whenever his name is mentioned or her doubts about herself as a capable student because of how he is controlling her behaviour.
Usually victims of harassment become frightened and de-motivated. Experience stress, loss of self-confidence and self-esteem . They become emotional, overwhelmed and cry frequently. They tend to look for support anchors or escape means to numb their harassment which is exactly what Nandini does when she goes on her Hope chant.
We very conveniently forget how her Principal sternly ordered her to not mess the concert, reminded her of what was at stake- creating further sense of suffocation in her environment and with the authorities giving full control to Pandit to do as he pleases with Nandini- is she left with any option?
Manik and her hope gives her confidence , assurance in her being which is severely being undermined by the Pandit , a man who is belittling her talent, her integrity and her life-choices. That is verbal harassment which is denting her - worse has already happened. She is already a victim even before "the so-called crossing of the line" has to happen.
Ofcourse she is the Hero because she stood against fab5 bullying, so hence we expect her to always do the same. Because she just cannot be the victim. Forgetting that she was also made a Spot or even neglected that even then her environment was controlled with Manik always keeping a back-up.
Is it really hard for us to see Nandini as a victim even though her harassment is so well defined?
Power dynamics- Check, Known person- Check again.
She doesn't need your respect or your sympathy too. But she deserves a fair chance to see her side of the story, her perspective. Because by not doing that we are blaming the victim, finding excuses for the act and somewhere undermining the trauma.
I know this ended up being as preachy as her "lectures" but then lets stop for a second and read the word- Victim again. Find out our own definition of the word.
Don't look at what could have been done but concentrate on what is happening ,which is- a girl student being bullied by a teacher who has been given full rein to control her . Perhaps, then she could become relatable.
I know this is hard, watching abuse happen on screen- but thats makes it real right? There are strong women all around the world, Jolie, Oprah Winfrey who all have gone through harassment, bullying and sexual abuse .
There is no strong girl or dumb girl here but there is a victim and all she needs is us to not make it worse by pointing out her inabilities and further bullying her with the "what if".
If we cannot stop her abuse then we shouldn't also prolong in by taking over from the abuser and judging her again and hence making her question her own sense of judgement.
If we cannot support her then lets not blame the victim.
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