Ah! Longest chapter of my life! I can't believe I finally finished it! It felt like it took a life time to write! So do take your time in reading it, cuz it'll take a while. 😆 I do hope EVERYTHING becomes clear, if not, we'll just leave it as a mystery. ;)
But I was so sad to write this last chapter. I have never done anything like this before and probably never will (unless of course I give into the craving and temptation to write again) but I just wanted to say I have thoroughly enjoyed my little stint on India-Forums and you guys are so stunningly amazing, and so extremely generous with your words and time that its really been over-whelming! Thank you soo sooo much! Each and every single one of you who has ever read even a little part of this FF, has made it special for me, including the silent lurkers, so thank you all very much!
Just a few things I wanted to say. This is JUST fiction, an awry part of my over-worked mind, so roll with the story please.😆 Also, I dont know much about religion, so if things are factually wrong pardon me. Lastly my characters are not perfect. They are human.
For the last time- BULL SHIT RAMBLING OVER N OUT!
INEVITABLE DESTINY RECAP: (Do read it, it'll make things significantly clearer.)
Vikram Aditya Mehra!" thundered a voice behind…Uh oh…not Lady D again…what this time…he sighed and painstakingly turned to face the onslaught…Instead of the growling face and murderous glare he expected, he was greeted by cheery eyes and giggles galore….He sighed, "Uff… What is it Mehzbeen Maheen Khan?!" he exclaimed. "Whoosh!" He felt the wind being sucked out of him…those tiny little fists had delivered quite a sucker punch to the chest…he fell to the ground in a mock heart attack…My heart…I think you just broke it…it hurts…Mahi!", they continued their mock heart attack performance in college.
A dark room filled with careless whispers…Three against three, awaiting the onslaught. Times up. Gun shot…Glass shattered everywhere…..Blood Splattered everywhere…. The deafening silence, her desperate cry for help...As the body slowly writhed in her lap…and his angry yells screamed come back… A broken record murmured …'And I just want to tell… and I just want to tell….and I just want to tell the wo….'For the tombstone…that read…ARFHAN
Somewhere else:
Savage waves rose and fell...voraciously spewing everywhere…Several figures stood on the road above…but it was too dark to really tell….Adi….two others……and herself…There was absolute silence….the calm before the storm…And then the sound of a desperate scream pierced through the cool night's air as they stood on the ocean side road. Thunder gurgled in the sky followed by the blazing fire of a gunshot that reverberated agonizingly throughout the night….And then all that remained was the tormented wail of a broken heart, before the deafening silence took over again.
Small tears prickled Mahi's eyes as she reiterated the story she had told so many times before as they slowly drove to a stop…. 'Well our parents died when we were little...so it was just me and bhai-jaan…but then I guess God had a different destiny in mind for him….It was the night of Eid…he was on his way home….but there was………there was a crash……...and then he never came back…….' Metteli's heart constricted…she felt her pain….and knew her pain…..it stirred her somewhere deep within….
Again…the sinner meets the ghoul, Mettelli silently conjectured as she stared impassively at the tombstone that read…
~ARFHAN~
1982-2004
Beloved Son, Loving Brother and Cherished Friend
~ 'Eternal Gratitude' ~
'Arfhan…meaning…. 'gratitude'…..its...its a beautiful name…', Mahi softly responded kneeling down beside her…
'Yes…yes it is…. its perfect….and the strange thing is….even though he was two years older than me… it was me who gave him that name….' Mettelli finished.
'Tis such a pity that the party of three b'came a party of two that night….I do terribly miss that X-Best Friend of yours……. so much so that I started hunting down his grave so I could dig up his body and shred it to pieces as a nice Christmas present to send to his family…..' Sabba's scathing voice trailed off. But the strangest thing is….. I could never find it……the question is….what did you do with the son of a bi**ch……..Farhan….wasn't it?', he seethingly instigated.
'I'll never let anything happen to you.....never..... You're safe...', Adi muffled breathing her in as the accidental brush of her skin against his lips invigorated a feeling of life again...He finally had her in his arms...and he never wanted to let go...
'If only they could stay like this forever.....if only he knew how much she loved him...if only he knew she had loved him enough to try and prevent him from loving her... 'I am sorry...', an unknowing whisper escaped her lips.....
'Its okay….You don't need to love me...I'd still love you anyways...', he whispered tenderly into her ear engulfing her in his protective embrace as celibate tears coursed their way down her face.....
CHAPTER 24
~the Nth Hour…
October 17th 2007
When Death knocks you hide, while I run and greet it
Three Years ago I died,
For some one….by some one…..maybe she was my destiny….my inevitable destiny…
But then three years later some one died again….
Pulled me out from inside…
If only I knew How to save a Life…
Who can say where the road goes
And the day flows
Who can say where the roads meet
And where love might be
Who can say why the aorta bleeds
And why the night seeps into me…
May it be your journey on…
To light the day
When the night is overcome
You may rise to find the sun...
October 17th 2007
Jehovah-Shammah....Fragments of red and green glass meshed together to form angels, devils, the Lord and His decipels…The heavenly cry of the holy angels rose above arches of the cathedral cherub as His tears rolled around the ivy vines and down the stained glass windows like liquid rain..
She sat in the first row, hidden in the haunting caverns of dark shadows as a gentle breeze swept through the iron doors, disturbing the dozens of candles to a wary flicker….untamed wisps of soft hair escaped the protective covering of black fabric around her head, caressing her face as the wind teased and taunted….
As the breeze picked up, she carefully wrapped one end of the shawl around her neck so it flew prestigiously behind her….Her fingers slowly intertwined as her eyelids sank down and she bent her head in respect……
There was a stillness in the air…..a silence……for a single moment there were no thoughts….no prayers……all that echoed was the whistling sound of the wind seeping through the hinges of the door…and all that could be felt was the gentle warmth of the burning flames flickering over her hands….
Bathed in gold and pearly elephant bone, He lay, crucified to the intricate woven of a rose wood cross…..her eyelids slowly rose, humbled upon meeting with her Creator…..but her gaze quickly flittered away, unable to retain the courage to accuse the Father of all men……Golden drops of early morning sun shine shimmied through the fragmented red and green glass, splattering against the hazel of her eyes as they created the halo around the angel, the eerie around the devil and the holy around the Lord…
The touch of his skin still lingered over her, her heart aching for his warmth…but she had left him…the moon still shining above, she had left him in the black of the night…… detangling the protective barricade of his arms from around her, she had glanced at him one last time, his beautiful brown locks carelessly falling over his eyes as a disturbed peace lingered over his face….like he knew….she had hesitated at first…..resisted even….but then succumbed to the temptation as her fingers lovingly removed the stray tresses from his forehead so that her hopeful eyes could gaze at him with grace for but a moment before her pounding feet splashed through the waters racing her away into the black abyss of the night…..
She hurriedly opened her eyes, but the memories of her sweet surrender remained……she had stayed in his arms most of the night, just listening to the sound of his heart beat…..his comforting silence had washed everything away until had began the slow dawn of this very day, igniting the troubles it had once upon a time betrayed…
The sound patter of footsteps approaching left her unfazed. Her hands folded afore her, she looked up again with redeemed strength… October 17th 2007, three years today and yet it seemed like she was still back in that day, back in the moment when she had lost her way...she sighed. Sometimes she could still hear him take his very last breath as he whispered precious words into her ear, right before his heart gave away, she recalled, lighting the 13th candle with the delicacy of experienced fingers…
'Thank you', she whispered, a breath of air escaping and lingering over the tranquilized slender white candles of love……….of hope………..of gratitude…..of 'Eternal Gratitude'…..of 'Arfhan'….
'ARFHAN…..Eternal Gratitude….who would have realized the apt irony and appropriateness of the name at that point in time….', a philosophical voice trailed off, a new pair of hands joining her own in lighting the candles as the cold vacuum besides her was replaced by the warmth of another body.
A tired, waning smile lingered on her lips as she dutifully continued alighting the candle shrine… 'Yes…who would've thought, that merely re-arranging the first three letters of his name from FARHAN to ARFHAN would add more meaning and truth to our lives than ever before..', she proposed to no one in particular. She gazed up at the dome, searching for the heavens above, 'I will always, always be eternally grateful to him…', she affirmed.
She glanced at her counterpart as he placed a white rose beneath a tattered photograph, trying to hide the obdurate tears threatening to break the barriers of his rim… 'Its okay Prem….today we are allowed…' she soothed, taking his hand in her own as they sent out silent prayers..
'We shouldn't be the only ones who are allowed….his family should be here with us…..he should be here with us…..', Prem stumbled, searching for solace and reassurance.
His words bore the spokes of time as they sank into her as did the nails on His cross behind. Her gaze returned to the heavens again. But she couldn't see the light. It was clouded by ivy vines and Satan's face. Embroiled in a sudden wrath and fury, she clenched tighter to the sharp edged stone in her hand before hurling it up with all her might at the menacing red face. Shards of glass flew down from the dome above, but the red and green fragments of Satan's face remained.
Whomsoever they maybe, wherever they maybe, his family should know….they should be here. But she knew not where they were because of her very own Satan, 'Sabbah!', she whispered tiredly glaring up at her Anti-Christ.
They had looked….she and Prem had searched every where…..but there was only so much they could do….there was only so much they knew………….whilst still retaining the courage and resolution within herself to approach them and say 'Your Farhan died because of me….'.
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He stared at himself in the bathroom mirror as water from his shower lilied down his long brown tresses and cascaded down his eyelids, causing him to blink….betrayed me again droplets!, he scorned inside as his reflection disappeared for a brief second…….then yet again he stared obliviously into the mirror, combing his wet hair as flashes of her manifested through him with every new stroke…he had woken to the cawing of seagulls and frothy white waves lapping against his toes…but he had awoken long before when the warmth in his arms dissipated to a cold stillness. He put the comb down, resting his hands on the sink as he peered at himself in the mirror…. There was a certain calm within him….a peaceful surety that returned as Adi returned to its rightful owner Vikram-Aditya Mehra… he wasn't one or the other…he was both…..it was his identity…..
He sighed. He had no expectations, he had made peace with life….but his flaws destined him like every other to be the imperfect human being as the sweet longing and ache still remained…
Freshly clothed, he walked out of the room drying his dripping hair with a white towel, scrubbing away the fears, the aches, the pains, the tears and all other flaws that made him human…
'Subhana rubiyal a'ala…Muhamedin….', her lyrical voice cascaded.
He leaned against the door, gazing at the rusty book, the coffee-brown pages, the folded hands, and the solemn eyes as she sat on floor, golden-blue skylight parading around her as it shimmered through the arched windows. Today was her day…
'When Allah asked Ibrahim to sacrifice his son Ismael…', she continued oblivious of his presence….
********************************************************
'Mettelli we tried….we tried finding them….but we didn't know much….we didn't know the facts, all we knew was that he used to live in Sydney, Australia and ……and all he left us with was a name…just one name….what can a name do…..a name that could be anywhere, dead or alive..…we didn't know anything…..so we buried him ourselves….and he became our Arfhan….', Prem placated, interrupting her thoughts.
'But he's not ours is he…..how is that we knew the things that stirred his soul…. but not the people that mattered to him the most….?', she tiredly asked, resting her head against his head, well aware of the answer herself….
'Mettelli…', he gently cajoled….'We shared our hopes and our dreams, our fears and our entire beings because we knew……...we knew that no evil force could tarnish those…..that no evil force could mar our souls..……but the people we love….how else were we to protect them if not to ever speak of them…..? We knew Sabba could never use one against another, only and only if we knew as much as he did…and so it was decided that until we left South Africa, we would speak of no one at home…', he ratified, recalling the solemn promises the three had once made to one another.
They were aware of the dangers that came with the grotesque travesty of Sabba's sick mind, and they had done everything in their power to prevent it from diseasing their loved ones, from plaguing them….Everything in their power…
'But he never left did he….he never had the chance to leave and we never found his loved ones….who knows where they are or who they are….. who knows if they are even dead or alive…This isn't our right…..it isn't our right to grieve over him as much as it is theirs……. Prem sometimes I feel I didn't try hard enough….because ….because the selfish fears and lack of courage to face them clawed at me…..', she finished, confessing sins that had haunted her sanity ever since…
'How did we end up here?', she pondered out loud again, sinking back down on the bench in frustration.
*********************************************************
'Eh Immaan Ibaadat Jahaan.'
He tiptoed quietly into the room, careful not to make any sound as he sat cross-legged beside her on the floor. He watched her delicate fingers trace the gold inscriptions of the coffee brown book…..he couldn't read the words so he listened instead. He wasn't particularly religious and he knew no one deity, but today was a special day. Today was her special day. So he sat for the longest time letting the lyrical prayers sooth his wounds.
When she was finished, he glanced at her. 'Mahi…',he began evenly. 'I am sorry for not being there….being distracted and lost, the other night at the club and yesterday at the development…you deserve better, especially today….I am sorry', he said holding his hands to his ears.'
'Don't Adi…..dont make me cry today', she said quietly, suppressing her tears. 'I am scared Adi….I am scared and I am alone….', she trailed off.
He rested his head lightly in her lap, as she caressed his hair, 'Mahi……Don't leave me……I'll miss you…', he muffled, suddenly fully aware of another loss he would suffer today.
She gazed down at her arrogant little boy fighting disobedient tears in her lap. She admired his obstinacy that didn't let even a single one escape, 'Adi….I am scared and I am alone….I need you today….I need you to be my family today…a family that I no longer have….'
'Mahi…I'll hold your hand ever step of the way', he quietly affirmed, dreading the moment he would have to give her away.
*******************************************************
He squeezed her hand tightly, 'God sent us here for a reason Mettelli….if we had never come here we would never have met each other, We would never have met Farhan…'
'Maybe its better if we had never met Farhan….maybe its better if I had never met Farhan…at least he would still be alive….', she muttered stoically, lighting the 16th candle.
'Don't say something you will live to regret….Farhan would have come here anyways…I would have come here anyways…..you would have been here anyway....in your heart you know…you know the three of us meeting….it was inevitable…but his death …..his death was a choice…a choice that we had no control over…a choice that he made for us…', he calmly stated lighting the 17th candle.
'Prem….We came here to help these people…we came here because we dreamed of saving lives…….we SIGNED UP to save lives…..but we failed…If I had known the outcome of the project…if I had known what was going to happen…If I could take it back…..I……I…...I would….I would never have signed up to go on the human rights mission…', she replied digging into her flesh, so she could distract herself from the greater pains of her life.
'And yet you are here again…..three years later….with the same human rights program, hoping to save lives….', he sighed. 'Fighting for some one else always had it's…….glory…', he gently chided.
'The need to help…to fix….to heal and to save……the project gave us all the chance to do that…to come here and help these people……we saved lives Mettelli….we saved lives…', he urged, trying to set their worlds right again.
But we couldn't save his life, she whispered to herself. 'No, I came here to escape myself….and those around me….I came here to finish the development project just like he would've wanted and I came here to lessen the guilt of not being able to save his life just like he did mine….'
********************************************************
'Rakka! Karim! Work faster!!! I want this done by tonight!', Sabba screamed, clenching his fists as the embellishments on his fingers dug deep into his skin. He had warned them, he had warned the organization last time not to send any more people…yet here they were again….getting in his way….getting in Sabba's way! Three years ago a big group of them volunteers had come, meddling in his business, adding to his troubles and defacing his dreams of exploitation…of wealth…of blood and murder. So much so that he had to go underground to maintain his cover. Mugabe had given him hell over that, he wasn't ready to face that again….so what if he was just a mere puppet in the dictators hands….all he had to do was create turmoil in the region and then prosper from the alliance via lavish gifts and wholesome bribes….who knew what Mugabe's bigger agenda was….who cared…as long his needs were satisfied….that was all that mattered.
'But these flukey missionaries or whatever they were!', he grumbled aloud. They were in his way again, 'Gearing up to rebuild the development that I spent so long to destroy,' he cawed vilely! His fingers traced the bloody gash on his lip, remembering yesterdays fight...enough humiliation! He had destroyed them three years ago…he could do it again…..but where was that mongrel Farhan's damn body! He had spent eons trying to locate it, so he could send an early present back to them flukey's or even the family... 'In pieces of course!', he cackled maniacally. But if he couldn't find the body he would have to find something else to destroy them…and he knew exactly what that something else was…because he knew things that no one else did…
'Rakka, Karim! Faster! Find it! Find the tape!', he bellowed with a glow on his face.
*******************************************************
'Do you think he can see me…?', Mettelli asked quietly after some time had past.
She looked down, the rays of the sun growing stronger and stronger, glowering down through the envious vines tangling themselves around the picturesque stained glass arches. Her hands began to sweat, but she knew it was not from the heat ball of fire. She was grateful that the insides of the cathedral remained dimly lit.
'I was…', she whispered. 'I was so scared….I couldn't move….I couldn't stop…I….and then….the bullet….and….and when the blood started gushing…all I could do was hold him….and the song was still playing….I remember…his song was still playing…', she quivered, breaking out into cold sweats.
When she got no response, she glanced at Prem. He sat stone cold, sweat streaking down his face as he stared ahead, invisible to himself. She knew…… she knew, he was reliving everything in his head….Mets…Mets smile for the camera….Prem…Prem…say something for my video…So those were my two best friends, okay now back to me…now I just want to tell the people that I love that I miss them so much…and…..We have to go …they're coming…they're coming! Come on!.....A dark room filled with careless whispers…Gun shot…Glass shattered every where….Blood splattered every where….as the body slowly writhed in her lap and his angry yells screamed come back…..The broken record continued…And I just want to tell the people I love…the people I love…the people I love…For the tombstone that read Arfhan….
His eyes flew open again. Its over, its over, he soothed himself.
'Do you think he can see me?', she asked again.
'I'd like to believe he can……he cries when you cry…and smiles when you smile….and prays that you don't waste your life away…the life that he gave you. He loved us….even in his last breath….he loved us and had us in his prayers', he answered as he lit the last candle and sent out two prayers. 'So live your life…..find the courage in you to answer his prayer', he auspiciously concluded.
********************************************************
'Its ironic, Eid is on the same day again as when…', she stated quietly.
'Yeah…I know…', he muttered almost inaudibly. 'You should uh…..get ready Mahi…. I…. should… I…should make sure everything is going off well downstairs….', he uncomfortably tried, just as the hustle bustle of the wedding preparations invaded their room with the entry of the rest of their house mates. He didn't see Mettelli anywhere….maybe it was better that way, he convinced himself, escaping the chaos to find sanctity in the mosque downstairs.
*********************************************************
The candles still hovered above creating soulful shadows and displaced halos over them…they knelt before their creator each returning a silent prayer of eternal gratitude and lonely confessions..
'Have you confessed your feelings yet….to Adi?', he inquired suddenly aware of the new responsibility someone had recently bestowed upon him…divine intervention some could say, he scoffed at the irony of his own thoughts.
'No I…he…I….', she trailed off, suddenly caught of guard. She was in the house of God, she couldn't lie here, she would have to choose her words very carefully she realized.
'He loves you, you know…?', he questioned passively.
'I know…', she replied.
'What are you afraid of?', he coolly asked.
She looked at him amazed. 'We are not friends for nothing….'I know you!, he flippantly aired, mustering the energy to pass a quick smirk.
She sighed. There are so many things I am afraid of….I am scared that he doesn't know what love is….that we don't know what love is….I am scared that this is all just a dream….an infatuation……I am scared that one day…he wont love me anymore….but I am more scared that he really does love me…truly, madly, deeply…..I am scared that I am the girl that broke through the ivory tower he protected his heart in…..I am scared of living up to his expectations of being the girl who finally made the good bad boy fall in love…I am scared of being his first love….I am scared of being his last love…….And I am soooo damn scared of loving him too…….
'Mettelli……He's loved you since the day he proclaimed he loved you and you told him you didn't love him…..but he's loved you from way before that too….from before either you or him knew…', he stated knowingly. But somebody else did, and she sent something for you, he reminded himself.
He pondered for a moment, staring at an ethereal vision embedded deep in his thoughts. He sighed, 'Dont let love pass you by…..dont be afraid to love him back…..don't wait till its too late…trust me….I know this better than anyone else…...don't wait till its too late…', he choked, fumbling with his notorious bling.
'That's just it……I am afraid I'll loose him as well…Far-farhan…Mu-mukti….', she stumbled, squeezing his shaking hand.
'You know Adi always joked….that PM and AM were like night and day, and I always argued back….but now I pray to god that they actually are…..don't let Adi-Mettelli become Prem-Mukti…..dont….', he whispered, surprised at the words of wisdom pouring out of his mouth as he nervously wrangled his bling.
Perhaps it was the right time for the divine intervention, he decided staring at the object in his lap. 'I need to head back to finish the last minute wedding preparations so I'll see you at the mosque, but I have a package for you,', he said handing her a thick brown enveloped as he tiredly left the candle shrine.
Wondering why he hadn't given it to her earlier, she hustled a quick 'I'll be there soon' as she looked down at the package curiously, puzzled by the college stamp on it. As she ripped it apart a leather-bound book and a note fell into her lap…
Moving the slender white candle closer, she stared at the beautiful cursive writing of the note in confusion…
Kisse kuch purane mil gaye, Rone ke bahaane mil gaye…
I give you his heart….Treasure it.
-His Lady-D
Still astounded, she opened the first page of the book and stared as her mystified eyes read the engraved letters:
B.K College of Law
Vikram-Aditya Mehra
Thesis on Law and Love: Compare and Contrast
Short Collection
Her delicate fingers traced his articulate writing as she read through the collection of extracts that his Lady-D had put together for her….Her heart caught in her throat with every word she read as she traced their life together….
Love…..Love….What can I say about Love? What is Love?
Love cant be formatted or defined…..Love isn't a definition….its an experience….one that you actually need to experience to understand……I spent my whole life practicing how NOT to love…..but when I met her….when I met her…
It took me a long time to admit to love…I've been running away from it my whole life…..I had locked my heart behind countless doors so that it was impossible to reach….I didn't want to let 'It' in…I didn't want to let her in….its me Vikram-Aditya Mehra….no one gets to come in…..but she pulled me out from inside….
It wouldn't be fair to say that she taught me how to love….everyone knows how to love in some way or the other…that's what makes us human….but whether we choose to or not marks the difference between those who love and those who don't…..how we choose to love defines the person we are….
I have to admit I spent a fair amount of time trying to hate her…..trying to not like her…..trying not to love her…..pretending not to love her…..I was scared….I am scared….so scared…
But then she became the person who made me WANT to love….love so whole heartedly…..love so truly, madly and deeply that I forgot all about the ivory tower I had spent my whole life protecting my heart in……She made me less afraid….to fall….she made me want to take that
risk…with her it didn't matter….loving her was worth it all…
She flipped through the pages one after the other, tears streaming down her face..
Of course love is still scary…and jittery and nerve-wracking…and pulse-racing…...but if you find the person who makes you want to put yourself out there, expose your naked vulnerabilities DESPITE all that…KNOWING all that…then that's something else…..If you find someone, who as much as you try, as hard as you try, you cant resist falling completely in love with…then that's something special….
I don't know if it takes a moment….many moments or a life time to fall in love…its just love….its indescribable…indefinable…its an experience that you need to experience to understand…
Who knows what love is….I am nearing the end of this thesis and I tell you Maam .that I still don't know what love is…..or what its "supposed" to be….or what it "should" be…I don't know all the norms and rules of it, and if there even are any ….and maybe I'll never know….all I know is that there's some one in this world......who makes me want to dive head first into love, not knowing or caring what I'll find there…….there is someone in this world for whom a lifetime just isn't enough to love….
All I can say is, You neither loose yourself in love nor find yourself in love….love isn't about YOU, its about the person you love…Its so absolutely, divinely unconditional that it has no end.
I am going to tell her tonight Maam….after the Music Festival….I am going tell her I have fallen in love….
He never once mentioned a name….he didn't have to…even when he wept in my arms that night and called me his 'mamma'…he loved….- B.K College of Law, Trustee, His Lady-D
'Don't speak of something you don't understand …by writing some stupid thesis on it you think you know it all?…you don't even know the meaning of love Adi! You have been running away from it your whole life…Your not in love with me….you're too afraid of falling in love…', her own words from the night of the music festival pounded in her head, resounding louder and louder…Her hands flew to her mouth as a small cry escaped her lips, reverberating from dome to dome….
She stood up staring at Him, bewildered and astonished by her own shortcomings………….And then let herself go racing down Vineland, past the candle-shrine that burns on for someone, like an angel in the snow, to give herself away, breaking apart all by herself, its so easy how we come undone…
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Lying in a featherbed will bring you no fame, nor staying beneath the quilt, and he who uses up his life without achieving fame leaves no more vestige of himself on Earth than smoke in the air or foam upon the water…..
"Rakka! Karim! Its almost time! I hope everything is set up! I will be waiting on the Oceanside Road, ya'll better handle the rest! Don't make a single mistake or I'll have your necks…..Because today I am GOD…..and I will be the magician who creates HELL ON EARTH!: Because I AM THE INFERNO:
'I am the way into the city of woe
I am the way to a forsaken people
I am the way into eternal sorrow
Sacred justice moved my architect
I was raised here by Divine Omnipotence,
Primordial love
And ultimate intellect
Only those elements that time cannot wear were made before me
And beyond time I stand
Abandon all hope.', he maniacally cawed.
'It was now the hour that turns back the longing of seafarers and melts their hearts, the day they have bidden dear friends farewell, and pierces the new traveler with love if he hears in the distance the bell that seems to mourn the dying day.Therefore the sight that is granted to our world penetrates within the Eternal Justice as the eye into the sea; for though from the shore it sees the bottom, in the open sea it does not, and yet the bottom is there but the depth conceals it.', he finished devilishly.
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Bismillah ir rahman, ir rahim
Shah-eh-samundar:
She took off her suede black slippers at the entrance. With the color that paints the morning and evening clouds that face the sun she saw then the whole heaven suffused.
Lifting the bottom of her lemon yellow lehenga, her bare feet pounded against the ground as she raced up the massive flight of stairs to the mosque that sat comfortably upon the cliff overlooking the ocean.
White seagulls cawing above, the ocean sprayed her aching feet as they slapped against the white marble, the hammer of her heart audible to her even over the foamy waves crashing against the rocks. Grey clouds loomed above vivaciously, parodying the whirl of exhilarating emotions escalating within her. The black of her stole flew behind her as the wind picked up and she clutched onto the flimsy yellow material threatening to hinder her racing footsteps. She had not a care in the world but to find him.
Yahaan Hindu Muslim Sikh Isaai Faiz Paate Hain
Ye Samandar Roz Dar Pe Deta Hai Pehra
Hai Saraapa Noor Vaala Aapka Chehra Colorfully dressed people, melodic prayers and beautifully carved inscriptions whisked past her as she turned corner after corner, racing through the open hallways of the house of God.
'Aadab!'', she apologetically exclaimed, scurrying through the Sufi singers beginning their evening session of Qawwali music, the serene patter of her feet rhythmically communing with the lyrical music serenading her ears. But all she could hear was the pulsating beat of her heart as it rushed to keep up and all she could fell was the exodus of suppressed emotions as they exploded within her.
Where was he….?
Almost colliding with a priest, she grabbed onto the beautifully engraved pillar, stabilizing herself, as she looked about expectantly, just hoping he would appear. Her body leaned against the column to take a moments rest, as her breath came out in heaves and spurts. Masking her face in delves of silken black, she peered about anxiously, her gaze effortlessly sliding over the lavender Sufi singers that adorned the water bodies on either side and expertly sifting through the masses of people that thronged the center quadrangle, chanting countless prayers before they feasted on silver and gold sweets for the celebrations yet to come. Eid…how could she forget it was EID!
Her gaze swept through the sky to see if they could spot the moon yet, but silver sparks of lightening and a gust of wind stubbornly pulling at her black stole greeted her instead. 'Lagta Hai Aaj Chand thoda intezar karwayega', she whispered to herself.
Her hand unconsciously rested on her heart as she smiled peacefully at the sweet lyrics gently kissing her ears…..
Koi Bhi Maayoos Is Dar Se Nahin Lauta
Baaba Koi Nahin Lauta
Kiske Dil Mein Kya Chhupa Hai, Sab Usse Maaloom Hai
Millegi Humein Sarfaraazi Where was he?
Disappointed she slowly walked along corridor, now unbothered by the shivers protruding her body as a gust of wind whisked her black stole away.
She suddenly stopped, an eerie sensation of spine-tingling feelings edging through her….her feet hesitantly waited, unsure what for…
There was a sudden quiet, like they were all were waiting….
'ALLAH-UH-AKBAR'
The hauntingly divine sound of the saroon mixed with the soul-stirring call to the Divine compelled her to turn west. She shivered in the wind, watching…..waiting….knowing there was a reason why…
Her breath suddenly caught…..there he suddenly appeared, slowly making his way through the crowds , his white kurta pajama flapping in the wind as he tied a small pristine white cloth over his head…
Her gaze focusing solely on him, her feet unconsciously moved forward, her hands pushing past the rowdy crowds… her mind knew not what she was doing, as the rising sound of the Sufi prayers drowned out in the background and in the stillness of this frozen moment, time moved like a single drop of dew gently sliding off its milieu and the other worlds slowly and quietly watched two lost souls waiting to meet…. And in that moment nothing else mattered.
'ALLAH-UH AKBAR!'
He bent down on his knees, raising his hands to the heavens, praying selfless prayers to whoever guarded it up there…..he didn't want anything….he felt peaceful….and grateful…
He knew not if it was Allah of Jehovah that he approached, he was just thankful for being given a life so meaningful. A life so fulfilling that he had been given the opportunity to satiate in the rare experience of Real Love. Real, Pure, Unadulterated Love. And he had loved. There was nothing more he could ask for.
'Thank you', he whispered, touching his head reverently to the holy white marble, before he slowly gazed up again.
He watched her tresses blowing in the wind, gently framing her face, and the silvery-lemon garment delicately adorning her skin. To him she was a vision of perfection…the epitome of beauty…
He gently tucked a stray strand behind her ear as his fleshy thumb wiped away a lonesome tear that neglected to take her consent before it sneaked out. His lips curved into a broken smile. He loved her. There were no regrets and there never would be, even if she never loved him. Loving her was the best thing that had ever happened to him. 'Its okay….it doesn't hurt that much anymore….I am okay. It's okay. I still love you anyways. So you don't have to say anything', he whispered consolingly, the wind breezing though his clothes.
'I am so sorry for everything', she whispered.
'To me you are perfectly imperfect…the delicacy of your flaws are engraved so profoundly through out my entire being, that they seep through from the zenith of my passion…to the nadir depths of my eternal, unending love', he whispered caressing her soft, fleshy cheek with his fingers.
'I love you'.
'I love the way you love me…..so selflessly, so unconditionally, but I don't love you because you love me, I just love you. Always have. Always will', she breathed slowly and solemnly.
She caught his trembling fingers slowly sliding of her face. His face didn't betray him, but she could see the tumble of emotions jading his gaze. Before she knew it, the soft silence of his lips melted deeply into her, as the tender love burned a hot passion, lingering over them as they kissed. A kiss so deep that her insides torched a fire of nerve-wracking electric shocks that rattled her bones. A kiss so soft that it satiated the eternal inner cravings that gently starved a love struck soul.
As their lips parted and their eyes spoke unspoken words, their souls communed before the whole of the other worlds.
She gathered within her the steely courage and strength that once defined who she was. 'Adi…I… need to tell you something….I need to explain myself….my behavior…there are things that you should know….that I want you to know..I..'
'Dekho Chand Aaya!', a chorus of echoing screams interrupted her as their loved ones embraced them from all sides and good wishes of 'Eid Mubarak! Eid Mubarak!', were rapidly exchanged as they engaged in a series of warm greetings and silver and gold sweets feasted all around.
As the hurried round of religious greetings ended, the real hustle bustle of this special day commenced…
'Arrey mauhurat nikla ja raha hai….dulha intezaar kar raha hai, koi dulhan ko bhi lao!, somebody yelled.
**********************************************************
'Adi I still need to talk to you…', she huffed as they jogged up the stairs to the parlor room.
'I know, I am sorry, its just that I've been neglecting Mahi this whole while, can we talk after the ceremony?', he asked distractedly as they paced their way to her room.
'Sure, of course, I am sorry…I should have realized. I'll let you go. You should go be with her. Is there anything I can do to help?', she asked earnestly.
'You can be my strength and stay by my side for the rest of the night…', he nonchalantly replied, grabbing her hand as he pushed the door open.
'Eid Mubarak ho meri jaan!', he exclaimed, bursting into the parlor room.
'Aapko bhi bhai-jaan!', Mahi exclaimed turning around from the window excitedly, where she had been watching for the moon, but her face paled when she realized the reality of who had actually walked in. 'Uh sorry…I don't know how that slipped out….it just…I…sorry..', she stuttered.
'Mahi…..Dont…. we've been so strong all day. Its your wedding day….', he fumbled trying to ease her troubles.
Mettelli looked at him slightly confused for a moment and then she remembered…she sighed. Loss. It did funny things to you. She understood loss, it was one of the few things she and Mahi shared in common, but she still stood about awkwardly, feeling out of place in their little cocoon.
'Ammi, Abba would have wanted to be here today….Bhaiya would have wanted to be here today…today of all days…', Mahi trailed off.
He looked at her empathetically. 'They are here in spirit…Mamma told me to give you this…', he said slipping the golden bangle his mother had given for Mahi onto her hand. He adjusted his collar uncomfortably as he looked at her tearing up again. He didn't want to do this. He had to avoid this permanent emotional conflict, he wanted to put it all behind him.
He cleared his throat, jostling his brain to find some diversion, some escape route to the emotional confrontation. 'Mahi you take so long to get ready, Shehriyaar isn't as patient me, he may leave with out marrying you!', he forced a joke, nudging her enticingly. And it never failed to work, he observed with satisfaction.
'Adi! You're a pig! Today of all days you cant descend down to be a decent human being from the high egotistical horse you sit on….I am glad I am leaving you!', she berated, turning her back towards them as she sat down in front of the dresser.
'Aye Mahi! Don't you ever say that!', he said lightly twisting her hand behind her back as she tried fighting him off, eventually succumbing under the weight of her heavy jewels.
Mettelli slowly edged away as she debated whether her presence was an intrusion of the privacy of best-friendship that a moment like this duly commanded or whether her presence was his silent support as he prepared himself to give his very best friend away….
But before she could step further away, he caught her hand as he held onto the struggling Mahi in the crook of his other arm….he needed her by his side…he wanted her by his side.
She sighed as she watched them fondly…..it was the Nth hour before the wedding, but they hadn't changed. What a long way they had all come, from hating each other to liking each other to loving each other….
When she hadn't known better, jealousy had often plagued its way in, tainting her view of their friendship….Time and growing wisdom had then taught her well and she was ever so grateful for it, because she had realized a long time ago that if she hadn't understood Mahi…she would never have understood him…..Mahi had been close to him when no one else had, reached out to him when no one else could, loved him when no one else would…..even when she herself had been too afraid to love him…. She was a special part of him, and no one would ever be able to take her place. And he was going to be heartbroken when she left….
She watched their 'usual' antics with a teary smile as he playfully choked Mahi in the crook of his arm, lightly kissing the top of her head.
He suddenly felt the air being sucked out of him as her tiny fists delivered quite the blow to his chest. Even with a dozen bangles on, she still had the strength! He instantly fell to the ground, instinctively putting on their mock parade, 'Mahi! My heart…it hurts….I think you just broke it!', he crooned, enjoying the invaluable memories of time that life had given them.
'Oh no! The worlds biggest heartbreakers heart just broke!', Mahi squealed, continuing their favorite role-play.
Perched on top of the dresser Mettelli laughed at the two of them…..it all seemed so familiar….they had put on this mock 'heart-attack' performance many times in college as well and it had landed them all into trouble with Janki Maam…ironically in fact, it was how she had first met Mahi. She laughed aloud watching the two continue their show, but something continued to nag her at the back of her mind. There was something about that day….something earlier that day….
She looked around the room, convinced her mind was just tired and over-worked. She still hadn't had a chance to talk to him, but now was not the time. It would have to wait until after the wedding, she realized. Pushing the nervous worry aside for now, she glanced down at the mirage of jewelry and make up on the dresser and then smiled, looking at Adi momentarily. Her day would come too…he had already seen her in a wedding dress before…but his time it would be for real, she smiled wistfully glancing back at the dresser. The shiny gold and camel wedding card caught her eye and she reached for it. She realized she still hadn't seen it at all, because Praney had convinced her that they were Adi and Mahi's wedding cards! She laughed thinking back at the ironic hilarity of her past. She was just about to open the envelope to admire the card when Pragati dashed in and out with just enough time to yell at them for keeping the groom waiting.
She put down the card and looked over at Adi. The smile had completely disappeared off his face as they both anxiously stood up.
He couldn't believe it was time already….he looked at Mettelli for help but he knew there was nothing she could do. It was time.
He looked down at his Mahi……the crossroads of emotional conflict that he swiftly diverted had come back to punch him in the gut. He turned away so she couldn't see his face. She'd read it in an instant and he had to be strong for her today…he had promised her. But she was his Mahi. He couldn't give her away. They were each other's family.
Mahi….Dont leave me , he wanted to say again but he resisted the urge to… but she read him anyway.
'Adi…I…….I…', she stuttered. He simply engulfed her in a hug as he began to lead the way. His words caught in his mouth, he tightened his grip on Mettelli's hand, bravely saying, 'I told you Mahi….I'd hold your hand every step of the way….'
Mettelli held onto his hand, walking by his side as he walked Mahi down the stairs to the mosque, preparing to give a part of himself away….
She tightened her grip on his hand as Mahi's hand slipped out of his and she walked away to her Shehriyaar. She knew he wouldn't let himself cry, but his heart was breaking inside…
They stood behind the couple, as the proceedings began…she looked over at him and smiled reassuringly as he attempted to regain his composure and smile back….
***********************************************************
In only a few moments the ceremony would be over and they would all head down to the shore to let the real celebrations begin. She paced about anxiously, praying everything went off smoothly. My God, how hard it would be to have a family-less wedding she couldn't even imagine, she noted admiring Mahi's strength as the rings were exchanged. Granted Adi was like her family….but in the end….blood and kin couldn't be replaced….And Adi….she sighed, exhausted by her speeding thoughts and the unnerving apprehensions that gnawed at her for reasons she couldn't quite place. She would have to find a suitable moment at the reception to talk to him….there was so much to tell him…so much to confess…..and how dearly she feared for him….she knew Sabba wasn't going to sit quite for long, she wrung her lemon-yellow chunari nervously in her hands, as she watched the proceedings conclude…
Priest: 'Shehriyaar Hayaat Kabool Hai….?'
Shehriyaar: 'Kabool Hai
Kabool Hai
Kabool Hai'
Priest: 'Mehzbeen Maheen Khan Kabool Hai….?'
Mehzbeen Maheen Khan Kabool Hai?
Mehzbeen Maheen Khan
Mehzbeen Maheen Khan
Mehzbeen Maheen Khan
And in that moment as the words reverberated relentlessly in her head, her whole world stopped, as her heart skipped one whole beat….
Mehzbeen Maheen Khan…..Mahi….Khan….Mahi Khan…..
Mahi Khan…….her Adi's Mahi was….Mehzbeen Maheen Khan…
No…..No…..there had to be some mistake…..her breath caught in her throat and she felt sick to her bones….this wasn't possible…..this was NOT possible….
She couldn't hear anything anymore as all the blood rushed to her head….she looked around for confirmation…for verification…but people seemed to be dispersing in all directions now….droplets of sweat trickled down her face as she watched the world move around her in slow motion…all the happy faces fusing together……
She gazed down at her hands glassily….they trembled as they held on to the still unopened wedding card……her fingers fumbled about as she ripped out the card to confirm what she had heard….her eyes burning as she read the words….
Shehriyaar Hayaat
To Wed
Mehzbeen Maheen Khan
Daughter of Afreen and Aymaan Khan
Her whole world spun around her….tumbling her backwards into the world of reversed memories…………..…'Janki Devi yelling at them in her office……the crowd watching as Adi and Mahi performed the mock heart attack….…following Adi out of the library…..the library when she secretly spied on Adi …..the girl pretending to be Janki Devi…. 'Vikram-Aditya Mehra', she had loudly yelled….almond eyes….chandelier earrings….her envy had blinded her as she spied on them from the shelves…..and then….and then Adi had yelled back something as he held her in the crook of his arms....Mehzbeen Maheen Khan….!'
Oh God how could she have been so blinded by her envy that day…how could she have been so foolish…….! How could she have not known…..but it couldn't be…..it just couldn't be….she had to put the pieces together….because she refused to believe….that it had all been right before her eyes and she hadn't seen…..
She looked around for the person who would confirm her beliefs, but he wasn't there….Prem wasn't there….Prem wasn't there….in fact she realized no one was….they had all left….she stood frozen and confused staring about her at the emptiness, when the reality of it all crashed atrociously upon her breaking all her delusions……..She raced down the stairs of the heavenly mosque…..afraid of finding out the truth and almost strangely relieved…
***********************************************************
On the sandy shores down below the Oceanside road the guests expectantly stood around an elevated stage boasting a massive projection screen, apparently waiting for a slideshow to begin…. 'Memories…', they all cheered to memories, clinking their glasses and exchanging pleasantries….
'Adi…what's all this….. did you organize it?', Mahi fondly asked egging her best friend.
'I wish I did…but I have not a clue…', he said playfully petting her head.
She spotted them amidst the chaos, her heart pounding furiously as she breathlessly approached them…. There comes a moment in life when you know your whole world is going to change. That moment had come, her gut kicked and screamed.
'Mahi…..I…Mahi….I…..Mehzbeen….', she choked out, running her hands nervously through her hair…
'Is everything okay…? Because no one ever calls me Mehzbeen except for…except for my brother…', Mahi laughed self-consciously.
She dug her nails deep into her skin so she could feel no other pain, taking a deep breath before continuing...... 'Mahi.....Mehzbeen……please….could you just…please tell me you're brothers name…..?'
It felt like an eternity had passed in the moments taken to form simple letters into words into a meaningful name….She saw her mouth open and close as the letters formed the inevitable...
'FARHAN', Mahi breathed quietly.
And then for a moment her world stopped again, as her heart skipped another beat. A mixture of anguish and relief poured down her face in the form of beads of sweat…..she had found her Arfhan's family….she had found Farhan's family….but surely the true anguish of knowing how he died had not been revealed…?, she nervously wondered, breathing deeply.
'What's going on….? Why are you asking about Farhan? This isn't the right time or occasion for any of this…you know Mahi's brother passed away', a perplexed and confused Adi inquired.
'If I may ask……..How did he die…?', she provoked, restraining the tears that threatened to burn down her face.
Mahi looked at curiously, a strange force, compelling her to comply with all her inquiries. 'He….. October 17th 2004…he was coming home for Eid….he was coming home to me….and then there was a crash…. South African Airways crashed that day……the bodies had been destroyed….they never found him…..but he was believed to be on that plane…and he…and we….never got a chance to bury him…..to really grieve by his grave…..we never got a chance to say goodbye……that's…..that's how he died……', Mahi choked out painful memories.
'Why are you asking us all of this? This is not the time or the place! What's going on Mettelli?!', Adi reiterated more explicitly this time, shivering in the cool nights air.
They had to know the truth. They had a right to the truth…
An urgency betrayed her voice she pushed to explain, 'Adi, Mahi ….Can we go somewhere private…..I need to talk to you both….its….', but the sound of haunting music interrupted her as the lights dimmed and the slideshow commenced the reel of memories….
'Zombie'- The Cranberries (The True Fight for Human Rights)[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lyp5we2ySDo[/YOUTUBE]
A thundering clamor of nervousness clogged her world as she watched agonizingly as pictures of Shehriyaar and Mahi rapidly flashed through the screen to the haunting lyrics of Zombie…..
Pictures of Adi, Mahi and Farhan slowly filled the screen….
'Another head hangs lowly,
Child is slowly taken'
'Inappropriate background music' she muttered uncomfortably, hoping to distract them away so that they could talk. So that she at least had the chance to explain.
'No, it was Farhan's favorite song', Mahi corrected her unknowingly.
'And the violence, cause of silence
Who are we mistaken?' Of course it was. She knew that all too well. The irony of it all was that she had even caught Mahi singing it the previous day…,and she still hadn't figure it out. How could she not have known…?, she continued to curse herself. All he had left her was with a name….But how could she not have known…..? 'To protect each other'….she remembered Prem's words from earlier that morning at the candle shrine….Farhan's candle shrine, where his only living family Mahi should have been….should have seen....
'But you see, its not me
Its not my family,
In your head, In your head' She spontaneously gasped as the next series of pictures showed up on the screen….they were memories from 2003…her memories…pictures of Prem, Farhan and her filled the screen….
Who would have gotten hold of these……? How…..? Why…….? Who could have known….? And then the answer to her questions silently crept up upon her: SABBA…
She sighed painfully. There was nothing she could do about it…she couldn't stop it…..she watched her life unravel in slow motion as she heard gasps escape both Adi and Mahi as they stared at the pictures in stupefaction…
With their tanks and their bombs, and their guns and their bombs,
They are fighting
In your head, In your head,
Zombie, Zombie She felt a hand slip into her own as she closed her eyes, trying to block out the painful memories…. Prem……she sighed…They stood with solidarity, courage seeming a far away dream…..
Somewhere in the periphery of her consciousness she could hear their aghast voices questioning how she knew their Farhan…..fumbling and faltering that it had to be some sort of mistake.….And then she could no longer hear anything except for the gush of the blood rush to her head and a whinnying nausea plummet to her stomach….until a familiar voice pierced through the thick of her membrane……..
Her eyes flew open instantaneously, as she watched in horror at the video unfolding on the massive projection screen for all the world to see…..
She turned to Mahi quickly….. 'I am so sorry you had to find out like this……I am so, so sorry you had to see this....'
And then a dimly lit room filled the screen, Farhan's merry laughter exuding out the massive speakers and bouncing and echoing of the invisible walls of the ocean…
October 17th 2004:
A dark room filled with careless whispers…
'These are my best friends in the whole world… my soul mates….I love them so much…….' 'Mettelli…..Mettelli……smile for me please…..Prem….Prem…!! Say something for my video!....Come on guys this is it…..we are done….we are finally going home……I am going home today…..come on you two….any parting words?!', Farhan cajoled following them around the room.
The camera suddenly swiveled and a beautiful, smiling face and deep caring eyes filled the screen….Farhan…
'Ah now my turn…To my family…Abba and Ammi….I hope I have made you proud up there….And to my beautiful sister…I miss you so much….! I am coming home to you….I am coming home today for Eid…..Eid Mubarak Meri Jaan…..', his eyes twinkled as he grinned warmly into the camera..
'And I just want to tell the world that while trying to change this world…this world has changed me……', he philosophically added smiling his devilishly disarming smile that had never ceased to charm the world…
For a moment his face wobbled unsteadily on the screen as they saw his flailing hands adjust the camera on the stand…
'There steady now', he laughed and picked up his guitar and began strumming as the camera continued recording, his lyrical voice serenading the beach….
'Another mothers breakin
Heart is taken over…
And the violence..
Cause of silence…
We must be mistaken….?
But you see…its not me…its not my family….
In your head…In your..' 'Farhan! Mettelli! We have to go! They found us! Sabba and his men are coming..! They are coming for us….Mettelli gather everything we have to go….NOW!.',
'Prem guard the door while I hide everything….Metelli come on we cant….there's no time we have to leave…'
The world watched in horror as the grotesque travesty marred the screen…
'Urghh', Farhan grunted as a metallic fist pounded his stomach relentlessly…he could see the blood dribble out Prem's mouth as men propelled blow after blow to his stomach and the fear in Mettelli's eyes as a shiny metallic object stared her in the face….
He had watched it all happen in slow motion three years ago…just as the world watched them today…
Blood dripped down his face, but he didn't blink for even a second as he watched death stare at them in the face….He had to stop it….He had to fight it…nobody defined his life except for him…
She watched the vacant black eyes stare her in the face, the shiny metallic barrel readying to determine her fate….Sabba's hand twitched at the trigger….itching to push it down….to end it all with just one click…..
She glanced around nervously, sweat pouring down her body…
The blood dribbled achingly down his face, but he didn't blink, not for a moment did he break their gaze…..They both knew she could jump either way, but it would be too late….she couldn't outrun a bullet……
'Don't…don't give up', his eyes pleaded, exuding unfathomable strength and courage while his body continued to belch under the unbearable physical pain of hurling fists…but her eyes betrayed a fear she could no longer sustain….so she closed them and prayed, that Gods angel Gabriel would come take away their pain….
She heard the metallic clink of the trigger press down…..and the sound of the bullet whoosh through the stillness, making air waves …and then felt the blood splatter on her face…..
Her breath caught in her throat as she watched the projection screen in desperation, her hands flailing outwards, a soft cry escaping her lips……but yet again, she couldn't stop it….
The images on the screen wobbled again as they heard the glass shatter everywhere…..and watched the blood splatter everywhere….as the lens stained a distorted ruby red….they watched in silence through cracks of glass and bloody rain streaming down the camera's eye……
She watched his flesh explode as the bullet pierced through his skin…rivers of blood spilling out of his veins….as she fell to the ground with him…a tormented wail escaped her lips….
'FARHAAAAN!!!', she screamed in pain, holding tightly onto him…..
'FARHAAAAN!', another wail escaped quivering lips….she gazed at the almond-eyed girls traumatized face and outstretched hand as she tried to grasp at the remains…..
Sabba's menacing face stared her down as his body writhed in her lap…
'That bullet was for you……that bullet had your name on it Mettelli……..So what if you didn't pull the trigger…….he died because of you……he died for you…...you killed him……YOU KILLED HIM! And now you'll live forever with that guilt!, he spat and scorned as the men all escaped….
He held on to their hands, resting his head in her lap as Prem's angry yells screamed for the men to come back….and pay….pay for what they had done….!
He held onto their hands tightly….. 'I love you both', he whispered, his breath choking out in heaves and spurts… 'don't cry for me…..', he said trying to wipe away their tears…..
'Why?', she whispered tightening her arms around him….'WHY?!', she cried suddenly enraged.
'Because I love you', he replied softly, his body fighting to live as his breath became faint…
'No'….she pleaded…. 'God take me instead….'
His breath shortened with every passing moment and he gazed at her face, braving his disarming smile one last time, kicking fate in the gut as he went along his way, 'Mehzbeen….my…my sister…Mehzbeen Maheen Khan', he whispered, the last of his breaths taking him away….
'No….no…Farhan…please no…..', she watched the almond-eyed girl cry out his name…
They sat in shock as the pool of blood grew bigger and bigger…scorching and drenching their souls…..till all that was left was the saint……the sinner…..and the ghoul…….
In your head, In you head
He is still dying
In your head, What's in your head?
Zombie, Zombie, Zombie The haunting lyrics fizzled and faded to the vacant emptiness of a black screen….
A mesmerized aura of shock and disbelief transcended over them, as the moments passed and they continued to gaze at the empty screen…hoping….that it would come back….that he would come back once again….
She watched them monotonously stare at the vacancy, somewhat paralyzed into a stumped silence, flummoxed by the pictorials still scarring them, until the despair and turmoil suddenly broke in…..
She gazed glassily at the perplexed confusion on his face… she knew he was waiting…..waiting for her to solve the complex jumble of questions that scarred his brain….waiting for her to explain…but she couldn't get the words out….
Her eyes fogged and she tried to blink the glassiness away…it felt she was looking at them through a looking glass, on the inside she was pounding on the glass, begging to explain…but no one could hear her….she was screaming and crying, but there was no sound….
********************************************************** *
Mahi looked around her. The violent trembles of her body made the whole world appear to shake. Had she really just watched her brother get shot in the heart? Had she really just watched her brother being murdered? An inane laugh escaped her lips…..it couldn't be….it just couldn't be….he was supposed to be on the plane….he died on the plane…..he didn't know these people….Mettelli…Prem…..I mean for God sakes, she barely knew them…..! No…it just couldn't be. But then why was she sobbing? Why did the whole world seem a blurry mirage, as her feet sped her away…Where was she going? She felt like a helpless little girl trapped in the body of a grieving woman she didn't recognize. She tried to stop herself as she stumbled up the stairs to the Oceanside road, she tried to turn back to the shouting voices calling her name, but she couldn't escape this unfamiliar body's blind rage…..until she violently stumbled to the ground.
She turned to the see the object that hindered her way……its shiny, metallic body gleamed enticingly at her as it lay in the soft dews of the mossy ground, so perfectly placed, like somebody had planted it there. She picked it up, the cool of the metal sending a chill down her spine, the grotesque reality of it all dawning upon her as she stared at the beach down below…
'Mahi! Mahi!', some one called her name….
**********************************************************
Thunder rumbled in the distance, spitting out sleets of rain, but the fires torching amongst their souls continued to rage. She yearned to break the ominous silence that loomed over the desperate sobs of anguish…. 'Let me explain!', she tried once again…but the dominant stare of the barrel caught her mid way.
'Mahi…..Mahi…put the gun down!', he commanded trying to curb the terror betraying his voice. He looked at the barrel of Mahi's gun wavering unsteadily in all directions.
'Its okay Mahi..', she consoled calmly, unafraid of what stared her down. 'If I could I would take his place in an instant….I would go back and change things to the way they should have been….that bullet was for me….and he died instead of me…I need you to know this, because that day he made a choice for me that I had no control over, he made a choice that I couldn't change…but he didn't die alone…', she tranquilly stated, meaning every word. She looked at the girls trembling hands and scared face…..those hands shouldn't have a gun in them…..those hands wouldn't have had a gun in them if it wasn't for her.
Mahi looked at the gun in her hand with fear…she did not want to be holding this….but she couldn't help it….she couldn't help wanting to feel the pain…wanting to feel what he felt that day….she looked up, hot tears prickling her eyes, 'He was coming home to me….he was coming home for Eid….. I stayed up all night waiting for him….', she wistfully remembered…. 'And then I got a call…..and they said he was gone…just like that, they said he was gone…..there was no body….no funeral….not even a chance to say goodbye….he just….. fizzled away. So you know what kills me is why you kept him away from me? Why didn't you let me bury him, bury my own brother?! Why didn't you let me say goodbye?!', she screamed, suddenly enraged.
Mettelli looked at the two of them as they stared expectantly at her. A strange feeling of relief filled her. This was it, she had finally found them, fulfilling his last wish. 'I tried finding you….but all he left me with was a name….I…the one thing we never spoke of was our families…we wanted to protect them…..we wanted to protect you from…'
'FROM ME!', a voiced pierced through the nights air….She closed her eyes momentarily, afraid of the brutal reality that would greet her.
She opened her eyes slowly, waiting to be greeted by his vacant sockets and pungent face…and there he stood, a machiavelli grin pulling at his lips. 'For those of you who don't know, I am the evil force of nature that dear Mets wants to protect you against…..I am SABBA!', he smiled pointedly at Adi and Mahi.
His muscles tensed as he got ready to lurch at the putrid of his face but her binding gaze restrained him…he looked at her questioningly, observing the slightest nod of her head towards the gun shaking unstably in Mahi's hand and sighed tensely….
'Tsk, tsk tsk, Mets!', Sabba's abrasive tongue derisively spun. 'You didn't do justice to the true impiety of my being…you didn't tell them, that I would have enjoyed chopping Farhan's body to pieces and sending them to her as an early present…', he corroded pointing at Mahi before continuing, 'Or chopping her fleshy bones to pieces and sending them up to him', he acidly finished pointing up at the sky, 'So Mettelli lets not play games and waste time…..we all want to know where precious Farhan's corpse lies…'.
She had never been as repulsed by another human being as she did by him. He had even put Satan to shame. She closed her eyes, breathing in deeply, searching for Gabriel in the darkness of her mind. A small flake of snow tickled down her lips, kissing them as it melted at the sensation of their warm touch. She opened her eyes in surprise to be greeted by the light flurry of snow making its way down the black abyss… 'snow angels were flying up high, divinely ruling the sky…', she remembered wistfully as she felt Sabba's angry gaze burn a hole though her soul…
'Snow angels are flying high, divinely ruling the sky', Mahi whispered out loud, her brother's words seeping through her brain, as she caught Mettelli's wistful smile and the overwhelming grief in her eyes. Mettelli was grieving too, maybe even more than her, she realized. It couldn't be easy living with the guilt that some one died for you….that someone died saving your life. And not just some one, but your best friend. She sighed. 'Just get it over with Mettelli….just get it over with', she silently encouraged, courageously wiping away her own tears.
Mettelli looked at Sabba and then looked back at Mahi…. 'You did get to say good bye to him…..you grieved for him when you grieved for me…..my loss was your loss…..perhaps Farhan would have called this inevitable destiny, you could call it fate….', she sighed before continuing, 'Yesterday at the graveyard….the tombstone we sat at…. 'Eternal Gratitude'….the boy I named……he was my Arfhan only until I found you and gave you your Farhan back….and without knowing it, I did', she shivered.
Relief rushed through her as she finally let go of all the weight she had been carrying around. She no longer paid heed to the loathing barrage of Sabba's angry words of humiliation directed towards her. Momentarily, the world went black as her eyelids sank down again, tired from the weight of the tears and the snow, the love and the pain…
When they opened again, it was to a flurried white world of stunned silence as Adi quietly stood facing the barrel of Sabba's gun pointed at his chest….
'Don't move a muscle!', Sabba yelled outrageously at Mahi. 'Because if you don't shoot her I'll shoot you or…him'.
**********************************************************
They stood in the triangle of death, the blazing Inferno unperturbed by the soft fall of white flakes as Satan's seething breath of fire struck a chord with Gabriel's divine musical strings…
The fiery triangle of death that one of them would have to break….but only two of them could escape….
'If you so much as lower the hand destined to end her fate, I'll shoot you and….him!', he seethed, holding the gun at arms length from Adis chest.
'Stop it….please stop it…', Mahi pleaded, her trembling hands struggling to hold on to the gun she forcefully pointed at Mettelli.
They all looked at each other, standing silently in place, as death knocked rapidly on each door….let no one be afraid…..let no one let death in…..set fire to the third bar….
How could she kill another human being? Least of all the person her brother died trying to save….? How could she let his death go to waste? But if she didn't…..if she didn't….she looked at the gun aimed straight at Adi's heart…. She couldn't watch him die either…she couldn't watch her best friend die….she searched for answers in Metteli's gaze but all that she found was the steely courage of an open grave…
She stared at Mahi blankly, masking her fears behind her eyes… She wasn't afraid to die….But she was deathly afraid Mahi wouldn't have the courage to let her die…to kill the life her brother had risked his own to save…..But they both knew what would happen if she didn't….
She slowly turned to face Adi, a warm tear burning down her stone face. As the wind picked up, wisps of her hair blew at her, but she was too afraid to blink…. She could hear the rhythmic beat of her heart that she knew perfectly matched the beat of his……..his heart that now lay at the mercy of a trigger and a vengeful bullet…..His face betrayed no emotion, but his eyes spoke an unspoken language to her….cracks of courageous fire mixed with love's desire burned within them, if death knocks you hide while I run and greet it, they claimed. 'No', she whispered shaking her head…. 'Don't…!' she silently pleaded as he turned away…
He saw images of his 10year old self in her eyes, as he turned to look at his best friend, trying to pry away the memories and erase their existence, silently urging her to forget that he ever existed….They had come a long way from playing games with his action figures to playing games with their lives...
He knew that if Mahi didn't pick between them Sabba would pick her as his next victim and he loved her too much to let that happen….And he knew that she couldn't kill Mettelli because she knew that it would completely destroy him…..But he also knew that she couldn't watch him die….they had lived a lifetime together, she was his best friend…..she wouldn't be able to just watch him die.....just let him die because of her….he knew she would always choose his life over her own, but his life lay in Mettelli……and so she would have to make a choice, a choice between him and his life….A choice that he so desperately wanted to make for her….
He turned towards Mettelli again. They stood several feet apart, but he knew she could still read him. He smiled wanly at her, wrapping the warm blanket of his gaze around the trembles and shivers that her body betrayed. She knew….he realized, her pleading eyes begging him to stay. He silently traced the soft flakes decorating her face, the wounded hazel of her eyes that refused to blink and the parted bow of her lips that attempted to silently break the courage and resolve piecing him together. He smiled at her again, 'I love you', the wind stole his secret whispers, quietly giving them to her… He painfully watched the slow crumple of her face, as he smiled his gentle knowing smile, 'Don't…!', she tried to whisper before it was too late, her parted lips praying for a different fate. As her determined gaze vowed to stand between him and Death's way...
Tender snowflakes skated down his long brown tresses, gently sliding over his eyes, causing the world to shutter momentarily as he blinked…
The blazing fire of a gunshot reverberated agonizingly through out the night…
Until all that remained was the tormented wail of a broken heart, before the deafening silence took over again...
Jehovah-Shammah Allah
Gabriel struck a deal with God,
So His angels of snow flew aboard,
As the scathing fire of the Inferno subsided
The rising black smoke and the white-winged cherubs confided,
Who could tell where the road goes?
Who could tell whose blood tonight flows?
'Miles from where you are
I lay down on the cold ground
I pray that something picks me up
And sets me down in your warm arms' --_____________
October 17th 2007, Destiny is but merely the journey to a destination…it is the choices you make when you get there that make you the master of your fate. So that when the tide of the world washes the sand away and the imprints of your journey are all that remain, you abstract your time in history to mark it as inevitable destiny…..
~Tis in the moments of my decisions that my destiny is shaped;
I am the master of my fate;
I am the commander of my soul.~
Thank You.
Note: Reference to mock heart attack performance and Mahi's truth: from Ch 7.
Quotes used from Dante's Inferno.
Lyrics from 'Piya Haji' Ali- A.R Rahman
Lyrics from 'Zombie'-The CranberriesEdited by puremagic - 17 years ago
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Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
