Can wives in a polygamous marriage be friends? - Page 14

Originally posted by: Birdiee

Trip is the luxury worth it when you don't have your husband attention? Is it worth it when your husband is in love with someone else? Is it worth it if someone else's is his beloved? Is it worth to hope he will show up at your doorstep one day? Is that luxury all worth it to be one of the Emperor's wife when you are in that state? i feel sorry for these woman.Not all were MUZ, Noor Jahan or Mumtaz.I rather be a pauper's wife who has all the love of her husband than being one of his thousand. I truly feel sorry for these women.

Originally posted by: lashy

Khushi, a sweeping reply to some of the points I saw - so not necessarily directly in response to any one post! Most are of the viewpoint that NO wives in such a set up can ever be friends. I am presenting the other side of the picture here.😛

Polygamy has got nothing to do with mughal era or India... it was a worldwide phenomenon across all religions and is still practised in many parts of the world!

Today, many (if not most educated women) frown upon it is because we have the larger society to compare it to - where the norm is to NOT have more than one legally wedded partner.

Au contraire, if polygamy is what we were born into - if that was what we always saw practised around us - then, the mindset of the women born in such a society would be quite different - and no amount of discussion here would help us understand a society's practise that we have not actually grown up in.

Simple example - in the UK where I currently live, a British parent would rarely tell their daughters that they couldn't step out late at night while their sons could go out and merry as they pleased. The daughter would raise a hue and cry - rebel - possibly run away from home if this ever happened here. However, in India I would expect many if not most parents to make statements like this for the sake of their daughter's safety (even if they lived in a comparatively safe neighbourhood).

Back to polygamy - No doubt that jealousy would play a big role amongst the more power-hungry love-hungry wives in the picture - but I guess that a large section of society would still accept this norm and live by it since this would have been the most beneficial/practical/peaceful way to lead life for the women.

Look at it this way, if not in a harem - say a merchant's house or a noble's house - where there would have been far fewer servants etc. it is these wives who would have been greatest support to each other in tougher times! Times including ill-health, monthly periods, deliveries (where going to maika would not have been possible). So, the jealousy that would have been rampant in the first 5-10 years of peak attraction in a marriage could have settled down later on. These ladies would have become co-dependant on one another over time.

There will obviously be the exceptions or the Kaikeyis who would ALWAYS want prime preference (status/prominence/love/power/attention wise) but as for the vast majority, I'm guessing it would be a begrudged acceptance of the society's norms and as Vinita said friendships would bound to develop since there was no other form of entertainment/media/hobby/timepass/exposure for these women! Many would soon realize that warring against the only women they possibly could have a normal conversation with would have made life very very lonely. At least, for the sake of sanity they would have kept peaceful relationships in the household!

So, my take is many wives would have become friends out of need and out of dependence (there will always be exceptions)

^^^ I'm just presenting the other side of the picture here... 😊

Originally posted by: The.Patthaaka.

In today's world,NO. Back then,I've no idea.

But human emotions worked the same way back then as well I guess. Only thing though,I guess women back then were more tolerant in this situation,since it was common back then.

The whole concept of sharing the man you chose to spend ur life with seems wrong,ofcourse,thats just my opinion.

That being said,I have always empathized with ruqaiya's situation(before she went bonkers and overboard with her madness) Jodha and Jalal are destined to be in love,but what was Ruqaiya's fault? She;s been with the man all her life.does she not deserve to be loved in return? (purely in context of the Ruqaiya who wasn't a vamp)

That's life,I guess. You cant always expect the person you love,to love u back in return.

Originally posted by: The.Patthaaka.

^THIS 👏

Precisely why I always felt bad for Ruqaiya. Its just not fair.

That being said,the makers of our show have conveniently transformed her into a vicious nagging first wife who keeps poking her nose into the marital bliss of Jal Jo. So,she deserves not to be loved.

She's been so mean all the way through. So,she deserves all of it-not being able to be a mother,not being able to be loved,not being able to mean anything at all to anyone. She deserves it.

One sided lovers don't even get the benefit of doubt. They are evil. Bas.

All the other harem women must be going through the same pain,but not as much as Ruqaiya. She's been with the man all her life. Unless someone has gone through the same amount of turmoil and unstability in relationships as her,who are we to judge her?

Everyone wants to be loved. Its only human. We seek love.

Originally posted by: ---Khushi---

Well, as far as Ruqaiyya is concerned, I totally empathise with the REAL Ruqaiyya...but not anymore with the REEL one...she has been battered n squashed n crumpled beyond redemption by the cvs 😆 ...

See, it's like someone is born blind n doesn't know what he /she is missing...thats Jalal's other begums for u...

But someone who had eyes all her life, n has recently lost them...thats Ruqaiyya for u...she knows what she had & what she's now lost...

N hence, she refuses to see logic, & has so much antipathy for Jo, as for her, it is Jo who has blinded her...figuratively speaking...so, how can she be friends with Jo??????

Originally posted by: ---Khushi---

I blame Jalal to a large extent for her sorry state...how n why had he promised her that he may have innumerable begums, but she would always remain the most imp one???...can he now cross his heart n say that she is still the most imp one????

N he has now made this most ridiculous promise in a polygamous setup to Jo also...that she will always be the most imp one...😆...All 3 of them know that at present, Jo is the most imp one...JJ are pretending that this is not the case, while Ruqu is unable to digest this fact n hence is behaving in the worst possible way...