MY PROPOSAL ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

First Previous

Page

Next Last

Frequent Posters

sowmyaa

@sowmyaa

Inactive

Posted: 20 years ago

#111

Originally posted by: RUPALV22

😆Hey I meant I need to get the feeling "I want to be with this person"or "I want to know more about this person"... even before second meeting.., whereas my parents can't obviousely wait for such feelings when rest of the set parameters of the marriage are met.......& even if I had that idea, is anything wrong in it ?I guess that's the difference between a woman's love & a man's love..!

Again I'm saying I'm not against arranged marraiges I have witnessed two beautiful love-stories in arranged marriages too ,both have taught me a lot , but isn't there need to be some driving force which can decide ur next step....apart from being well educated,well settled etc. etc.?

May be I'm wrong & need to overcome this feeling but did you all feel the same? If yes how did you overcome it? if no, why?😕

Guys, you are righ arrange marriages are scary to begin with. Mine was a arrange marriage and am still happily married with our 8th year going 😉 I was destined to have arrange marriage... I was so prepared that I didn't wanted to fall in love ...My family never had an objection with love marriage 3 of my real uncle had arrange marriage and were intercast and stuff so my parents told me that we will accept if you have someone in your mind, but for some reason I always wanted to get an arrange marriage..i know it sounds really weired. Thing is I love my parents sepecially my mom more than anything on this world. She is my best friend and has always been.....I used to literally check out guys in front of her. I always watned to marry someone they introduce me too 'coz i thought probably that will make her happy.

Ok, so first time I met my husband i knew it was him that is ment for me. I am sorry as I wont be able to tell the differce where "ghanti nahi baji" 'coz he was the first guy i saw and met. But my heart was soooo sure that he is the one. I didn't know his personality or anything but you can call love at first sight... all i knew was his family backgroud, his hobbies, his interestes, his future plan, where he wants to see his wife after marriage (career, home, further studies etc etc) and in our first meeting we talked for like 2-3 hrs and both of our parents were bored outside and then they had to knock and ask us to get out .... we kept on talking and talking... 😆 but then was time to take decision...

BAAM........................ (ilove this baam rumi) 😛

I was scared to death. I cried for whole day in my room and didn't come out for lunch or dinner and my eyes were swollen... my mom told me that you dont 've to marry this guy if you dont like and i said no i just love him he's great but just the thought of "marriage" not knowing this person not "loving" him (i didn't start literally loving him until after 1 yr of our marriage) b4 then it was more of a respect and love ....and it was scariest thing in my life.... i just cried and cried and cried its really scary when you get in that situation, eventhough i was prepared all my life for arrange marriage it is scary, but my husband is real gem and i am glad i got married to him...

Quote

J Prasad

@jprasad

Inactive

+ 2

Posted: 20 years ago

#112

Originally posted by: bgdesai

Guys, you are righ arrange marriages are scary to begin with. Mine was a arrange marriage and am still happily married with our 8th year going 😉 I was destined to have arrange marriage... I was so prepared that I didn't wanted to fall in love ...My family never had an objection with love marriage 3 of my real uncle had arrange marriage and were intercast and stuff so my parents told me that we will accept if you have someone in your mind, but for some reason I always wanted to get an arrange marriage..i know it sounds really weired. Thing is I love my parents sepecially my mom more than anything on this world. She is my best friend and has always been.....I used to literally check out guys in front of her. I always watned to marry someone they introduce me too 'coz i thought probably that will make her happy.

Ok, so first time I met my husband i knew it was him that is ment for me. I am sorry as I wont be able to tell the differce where "ghanti nahi baji" 'coz he was the first guy i saw and met. But my heart was soooo sure that he is the one. I didn't know his personality or anything but you can call love at first sight... all i knew was his family backgroud, his hobbies, his interestes, his future plan, where he wants to see his wife after marriage (career, home, further studies etc etc) and in our first meeting we talked for like 2-3 hrs and both of our parents were bored outside and then they had to knock and ask us to get out .... we kept on talking and talking... 😆 but then was time to take decision...

BAAM........................ (ilove this baam rumi) 😛

I was scared to death. I cried for whole day in my room and didn't come out for lunch or dinner and my eyes were swollen... my mom told me that you dont 've to marry this guy if you dont like and i said no i just love him he's great but just the thought of "marriage" not knowing this person not "loving" him (i didn't start literally loving him until after 1 yr of our marriage) b4 then it was more of a respect and love ....and it was scariest thing in my life.... i just cried and cried and cried its really scary when you get in that situation, eventhough i was prepared all my life for arrange marriage it is scary, but my husband is real gem and i am glad i got married to him...

awwww...that was a wonderful story. 😛

Our husbands are more gems for tolerating us watching JJKN all the time and being on IF the rest of all the time. 😃

Quote

Looks like you are new here. Register for free, learn and contribute.

Paheli

@Paheli

Navigator

Posted: 20 years ago

#113

Originally posted by: lashforever
it doesnt go out peach its jus that the same gimmick wouldnt work again and again...so these expressions take on different forms

have you heard the saying "energy is never lost but takes on different forms" thats how i guess expression of love changes too....

All the stories are so sweeeeeetttt... and sweeter is the fact that these are real ones!!!! I hope T&D get some ideas from here...

Anyone can tell from the fact that after 12 pages worth of string, what appealed me the most were the words of Lash from page 1, what junction my life is at.

Jd, ours was love marriage as well. Even though our parents accepted, we had our share of problems as well, along with sweet memories. We were on our honeymoon years ago, and one family after observing us together for 2 days, indicated that we just looked like perfect friends together. And now after decade + together, some salesperson at the mall approached us and told us that of all the couples together that he had watched, we looked the happiest of all. Go figure...

My advise to all single ones, who are waiting to hear the magical words of "I love U", to remember sweeter and more powerful are the unspoken words. The person can think before they utter words, but the instant /unintentional sparks in the other person's eyes speak volumes.

Thanks, Peaches for sharing and starting this very novel interesting string. Great idea!

Quote

Jyoti

@Jyoti_2006

Inactive

Posted: 20 years ago

#114

Paheli nice to hear that I am not alone.. I loved your story...

Also Blue I can imagine you standing in the window everytime I read your message..

Minnie.. I really loved to read about your anniversary incident..

It so nice to read all these real stories for a change.. So many different friends with different experiences we have in our lives.. to think about it these memories become a very important part of our lives...

Quote

Shraddha

@lashy

Trailblazer

+ 4

Posted: 20 years ago

#115

Originally posted by: Paheli
Anyone can tell from the fact that after 12 pages worth of string, what appealed me the most were the words of Lash from page 1, what junction my life is at.

that has to be the best compliement i have received on IF ever. Best, as it was based on a something true.....thank you so much paheli...and nice to read about your story as well.....😊

Quote

Shraddha

@lashy

Trailblazer

+ 4

Posted: 20 years ago

#116

okay rupal and peaches i have finally mustered courage to post something here again....

now within these paragraphs i am not trying to patronize arranged marriages nor am i trying to hint that this is how things will turn out for all those who will have an arranged marriage.....but this is how it turned out for me....

let me be frank, i did have a couple of crushes before marriage....but i knew none of them are gonna work out as my parents are very very orthodox and they had soo soo many dreams as to how they will chose a guy for me and how they will arrange the wedding so grandly in a typical maharashtrian fashion. So I totally left the decision to them. As I knew that i was going to have an arranged marriage, I had this policy (or whatever you may call it) that i will not refuse the boy just based on looks - i.e. if his character and education are satisfactory are good, I will not bias based on looks and i will not say "no" to the boy...

Now the irony of my case was that, my parents were looking around for guys for 6 months carefully - looking into the past, present and future of different proposals. however, the proposal that was supposed to work out for me was one that would catch both the parties totally unaware. It all happened so suddenly no one had time to think....It happened overnight and so fast as my hubby's parents had to leave chennai for hyderabad the next day. As soon as they came to know of us, they called us & told us in the night that they would come to see the the very next morning - so the horoscope matching happened at night...and next morning they came home and everything was fixed within 2 hours...they left for hyderabad....

i was soo shocked (the previous night i did not know a guy like this existed and the next morning i was engaged to spend my life with him). As there were so many people at home, i couldnt say no even if i wanted to. it was the same case for my hubby (a little birdie told me that he was a little particular about the girl's looks & thanks God the girl was pretty. the problem was that he couldnt have said no even if the girl was ugly as there was just sooo much confusion- this info ticked me off)......it was just mass confusion. obviously myself and my hubby discussed normal stuff like education/ salary/ children/ london/ blah/ blah/...but he was not a person like any other i had met...i did not like his attitude very much - he was a very very frank person - pretty argumentative and i did not like his father's overbearing personality commanding my parents as well....but i just could not say no....cos people presumed it was a yes..i was not happy at all.......

everyone's courting period would be one of their best, but mine was really bad...my hubby had never never interacted with girls (other than his sis) before, and he hence used to get very very possessive of me..... something that i did not like..and he never used to request me to do anything, didnt have a polished attitude i must say - a little on the rude side....however, one thing was sure he was totally in love with me.....so much in love i could not figure how..he has spent sooo much money on me (about thousands of pounds) we'd talk over phone everyday for 4 hours non-stop...and do stuff for me i could not even imagine doing for someone...i was not in love with my husband when i married him. i respected his intelligence, maturity, frankness and his love for me...but i was not in love with him...

after the first few months....i however, started having an effect on his "expression of love towards me"..... he slowly started changing...and he started becoming tamed....his quick temper mellowed....he became more polished...our arguements reduced......he started understanding me....he started giving me space..he started changing his "obsession" to a toned down possesive attitude...and now 3 years down the line..the only traces of my ex-tempest hubby are in these words that i have put down here....i have never seen a person change for someone sooo much...he has become sooo soft and soo polished.....as mentioned he had said that he wanted a beautiful & smart girl...but after my wedding i gained nearly 20 kgs....there was not a hint of difference in his attitude though.......he has spoilt me soooo much that i have become the devil 😈 u see me on IF (unlike the polished gal my parents brought me up)

If you think this story is like that of Beauty and the Beast - then yes it is...😳

i have also understood my inlaws who consider me nothing other than their daughter....

now peaches and rupal i cannot promise that this is what will happen in your case....as what happens to everyone is decided by fate...but as times have changed, in today's mordern world, there is a lot of chance that you will be happy in an arranged marriage...

this has to be technically the longest post i have typed...i am so tired i need glucose now

P.S. by the way i have lost 15 kgs of the weight that i gained...😊

Edited by lashforever - 20 years ago

Quote

RUPALV22

@RUPALV22

Inactive

Posted: 20 years ago

#117

THANK YOU S....O MUCH.. BGDESAI & SHRADDHA, For taking so much pains & having courage to be so honest..! do you know something, you have taught me a lesson today..I was really being difficult for my parents..you have tamed me too..😊 Thank you so much.

Quote

Kamila Rajwani

@peaches

Navigator

Posted: 20 years ago

#118

Lash....

Thanks for the support, girl. I'll definetly be calling you as soon as something goes unfolds in my my life related to this! It's good to know that I have a strong support system and have people around who understand what it's like. I appriciate this so much. You took out your time and energy to bring to light your wonderful exprience just to give us the courage. Thank you!!😊

You have no idea how good it feels. I only hope and pray that everyone's relationships, married and the ones going to be married have all the joy and happiness.

These are the happy stories that make life worth living.😊

Quote

tisha_bhatia

@tisha_bhatia

Inactive

Posted: 20 years ago

#119

Wow - A wonderful topic! Thanks Peach, for starting this thread.

I had an arranged marriage too and like Lash mentioned it is definitely very awkward. My story is somewhat similar to hers. I am by nature very practical and don't get carried away by my emotions so easily. My husband was the first guy I met. Lucky for me, my Dad was very against having such 'meetings' at home as it makes it very uncomfortable for both the guy and the girl. And just like Lash, I don't think I was really 'in love' with my husband when I married him – to me he was a very good friend and I could talk to him for hours! Love came in later – after we really got to know each other well. I have been married 8 years now and it's been wonderful!

To all those who are so skeptical of arranged marriages. Well I think the key is that you must feel comfortable with the guy. Physical attraction is an important aspect in a marriage but even more important is a good friendship!! Trust only builds from there.

Families are more lax about arranged marriages these days. In the more orthodox setting there is the pressure to say 'yes' or 'no' to a proposal within a stipulated number of days. But these days I know of many families who don't mind a courtship. Especially with the Internet – guys and girls can now get to know each other better before they even meet face to face. This is so awesome!

My cousin for one was also very skeptical of this whole system. But at the same time he was busy to go find someone on his own! He was not the type to lurk around at singles clubs looking for girls. He was 30 and it does get harder to find someone, as you keep getting older. So he finally gave in to looking for a companion over the net. He did court a few girls via net and phone and most didn't work out. His Mom finally found the woman of his dreams in India. He courted her over the phone and net for about 3 months before he decided to go meet her. And it just worked out perfectly!!! Today he is happily married.

Arranged marriages are a gamble. If you are lucky you strike Gold!! But it works mainly because in our culture marriages are just not between two individuals but also between two families. I feel we are lucky we have this option where we have our parents doing all the groundwork even before we talk to the person!

So if you are really seeking a companion in your life and can't see yourself finding one by yourself – be open to this option. You really don't have to decide on the spot. I am sure your parents will understand if you need more time or space. Just be frank and talk it out with them. At the end of the day – the only thing parents want is for their child to be Happy!

Good luck to all those single people. I hope you'll meet your partners soon and then you will know it was worth the wait ! 😃