OS : Of Love and Everything Else ...

Nachiket accepted another glass from Ragini's hands, meticulously drying it with a rough textured tea towel. He placed the glass next to its three siblings on the middle shelf of the cabinet above the sink. They glistened from his careful polishing, ready for the next use.

Like tonight, he thought.

Her elbow nudged him out of his reverie, alerting him to the plates coming his way. He patiently dried and stacked each of the ceramic dishes, savoring the tantalizing brush of Ragini's fingertips against his own during each handoff. Occasionally she would glance his way, a subdued smile on her lips.

He wasn't certain how upset she was or not--they hadn't spoken much since the children had left them alone about an hour ago. It had been easy to avoid serious conversation at first; he'd offered to help her clean up following the impromptu desertion by the kids, limiting his questions to ones of a practical nature.

Leftovers had been refrigerated or disposed off as the case might dictate; all eating utensils, tableware either washed and put away or were being processed at that very moment. A comfortable silence had ruled for the last few minutes as they worked compatibly together to set the kitchen in order.

He could have left her well enough alone. He could have waited, could have allowed her to tell all tomorrow, perhaps the next day. He couldn't.

He had to know what the hell was going on. What the hell had she told their children? Or not told them as the case may be. Following the turning up of Nivedita at their residence, every now and then, and specifically today evening. The children, barring one, had been protesting slightly yet steadily about her ubiquitous presence - they seemed to sense that something was wrong. And Ragini was quieter than usual.

He'd thought he'd had it all figured out. He hadn't asked her whether it was his relationship with Nivedita that the kids resented; or was it his apathy towards their Mother which antagonised them. She'd told him with her eyes that she was helpless, but that she would try to make the kids see reason. Again.

"Nachiket?"

He snapped out of the dense fog he'd been in since she'd handed him the last plate. He'd been leaning against the kitchen counter, waiting for her to finish. She'd washed the last dish and turned to find him staring at his shoes in silence.

He lifted his eyes and met her smile with his own.

"Just thinking."

"Something I can help you with?"

He shook his head and said. "You already help me with too much, Ragini." He drew closer to her and took her hand.

She took several steps closer and placed her hand on his forearm.

"You're not upset about Aagham's comments, are you?"

Nachiket smiled wryly, recalling the remark. "I'm shocked. A little stunned you didn't tell them the truth."

"They didn't ask. I didn't tell."

"I wish ...' He sighed. She unlocked her hands from him and walked away.

...

"Love. It's such a small word."

Ragini sat on her bed thinking. She had never thought that a day would come when she would face her nemesis once again.

Her nemesis - her love for him. Him. Nachiket. Once again. She had been fighting against it all the while.

Love.

Such a small word to convey such a depth of feeling.

What is love exactly? Is it the pounding in your heart when you hear his name? Is it the sense of joy you feel when you know you will be with him for another day, even if superficially? Is it the nights you spend awake, tossing and turning in your head, wishing he was there to fill your arms?

Is it the tears you shed over silly arguments? Is it the desire you feel every time you gaze into his eyes? Is it the comfort you feel when his fingers touch you, under one pretext or the other? Is it the passion you share?

Or is it the pain that you feel? The pain of knowing that he is no longer yours? The pain of knowing that the time you are sharing with him is limited? That once he leaves this time you will never see him again?

The pain of knowing that he's going away forever once the curtains fall over the dumb charade that they are continuing?

What is the pain like? Is it like a hundred knifes piercing your heart? A thousand swords stabbing your chest? A million fires burning your soul? A billion needles pricking your eyes?

Do you cry great rivers of tears? But however much you weep, the pain is still there? That no power on earth will be able to stop the hurt, the anguish? That there is no point in living without him?

*****

But then it happens.

He shows up inside the room and pulls the door close. Then he comes up and sits down beside me, stealing my palms into his and encasing them. My smaller palms are cold and lifeless against his warmth.

"It's me."

"I know." She averted her eyes to the hardwood floor; she lifts her face back to address him, "I didn't tell anyone, Nachiket. I didn't want to compromise your situation anymore. We have just managed to get our apartment back, I didn't want anything untoward to happen. I can't allow the children to disrespect you."

Nachiket closed the distance between them, putting his arm around her shoulder. "I know it wasn't easy for you, Ragini. All these years. I wish I'd been here."

She brought her hands up to his face, stroking his cheeks lightly, and then pulling back.

"You're here now. And that's all that matters."

"Ragini', he whispers. "There is something more. Agham's comments brought me back to earth. I went from here to Nivedita and told her plainly that I don't see a future with her. In fact, I haven't even thought of one with her.'

"And?'

"That I know the entire truth. I was wrong to blame you for the media leak. My heart knew even then that you couldn't harm me. Ever. But my mind was playing tricks. And I was angry, jealous and stupid.

Understandably, she didn't take it well. But I could not afford to make any more mistakes. This is our last chance Ragini. And if we mess this up, nothing is going to help us, not any more.

And I couldn't bring myself to think of spending one more freaking day of my life all alone, all without you.

I have ended it Ragini. I am so sorry for hurting you all this while."

He has pulled me into a bear grasp now.

I am exhilarated. My brain was trying to process the words that have spilled out of his mouth, right now. I know he is waiting for me to say something.

But I have him and for once, for ever, and for always, he's mine and he's waiting for me. Just me.

* * *

And the thing that sustains all of it is love, nothing but love.

"I love you, I know this is too early for you, but yes, I do love you and I don't know what to do with it ... " he whispers in my ear.

"I love you," I tell him.

Things haven't been perfect between us. It never has been since we began our quest towards each other.

"I want you," he says.

"I've always wanted you," I reply, finding his lips with my own, looking at him with my eyes wide open.

He's got that look, the look that's tired and lined and older. I see it in the mirrors in the mornings.

His mouth is warm against mine, gentle. It's not the passion we used to dream of. It's warm. Sweet. He brushes my hair back with his fingertips and I slide my hands down his back.

I survived all of it because I hoped and prayed and wished for him.

Him and only him, Nachiket. The man whose heart was mine before I asked for it. And mine was his. We never had to ask; it was always given.

"You're wonderful," I say when he pulls away. "Can I keep you?"

"Only if I can keep you," he replies, draping his arm around my waist. "I almost forgot how beautiful you are."

I laugh, but only a little. "Flatterer."

"No, I'm serious," he says, looking at me with those intense eyes. "You are my most beautiful thing. My lucky charm. I couldn't live in a world where you weren't."

"Good," I say, trying not to cry. "Because neither could I. Not anymore."

He holds me tight and despite all of the things that are wrong"so wrong with our lives-- I can't help but be happy.

We're not lying anymore. We have faith in our love and we know it .All of the things that were locked in hearts and furtive glances are now out in the open.

Because of that, I have hope.

I have hope because he loves me and I love him.

And then, I start crying.

The End