Their four months of married life had been simple, yet monumental in implications. While they were all struggling to settle down in an universal pattern of having the whole family together, yet the physical distance between Nachiket and her remained, though technically speaking, they were sharing the same room, space and bed. Ragini could feel their differences become inconsequential, a little at a time, but they still seemed insurmountable.
And yet, love was slowly and steadily finding it's way back, though it still had a long way to go.
Ragini's mind was on a whirlwind, since morning. While she hurried to reach the Hospital, he readied himself to deliver a Special Lecture at the Medical College. Their eyes had met over breakfast, as she struggled to finish her share of cereal.
Ragini interspersed throughout he day, knowing the chances that they both were taking
"He told me he loved me today -- he said it with his eyes. His voice still hesitates to speak such words. His voice will not give life to his deepest emotions, at this moment at least, the ones tightly guarded and locked away. But his eyes are open and honest, they speak it. Speak it loud and clear.
I blink hard, remembering something from a movie long back. And then I laughed. It was a hilariously pathetic grasp at hope -- at love. I guess had I anyone with whom to share my deepest emotions, the ones I keep tightly guarded, they would have laughed at my thoughts. The same emotions that my words can not give life to.
Maybe I am wrong. Maybe I am laughably pathetic... but I have never felt anything so strongly in my life -- that power that he holds over me. That power spoken with his eyes. I have never experienced the power of a gaze like his -- His eyes so open that I believe I can see his soul."
Entering the house, she locks the door behind her and deposits the keys on the side table. Turning on the kitchen light, she moves towards the dining table. The house was eerily quiet except the steady hum of the refrigerator.
Pouring water into a glass, she thinks further,
"And there's so much more. I can only begin to describe the emotion that I feel. The intensity of his stare. The passion. I know he cares for me deeply. But does he respect me enough? But is it more than that? Does he feel the same passion for me that I feel for him?
When his gaze met mine, I saw the flecks of gold immersed in black. Gold sparkling like flames of desire. His eyes engulf me, reaching for my soul. Our souls entwine in those fields of black and brown, dancing and spinning until we form a perfect circle. His black and my brown merging to create a jagged pin-wheel spinning into a beautiful gold circle."
Ragini suddenly becomes aware of a sound from inside her room. Their room. As the cool liquid ran down her throat, quenching her thirst, she felt inquisitive.
Wasn't Nachiket supposed to have been out with the kids? When did he return?
Pushing the door open, she spies him, sitting by the balcony, reading a book. His Kindle illuminates his handsome face, while the rest of the room is inconspicuously lit with a single bulb.
Her fingers dance on the wall beside the door, and the entire room springs to life, jolting her senses once more.
"His eyes reach right through me and touch my heart. I am lost, speechless. Overcome with emotion. Have I captured the heart for which I have ached -- after so many years? Am I imagining this-- wishing it and thus believing it to be so?"
Nachiket sits there, staring at his wife, yet to enter the room. In a deep green and yellow silk saree, she looks resplendent and glowing - almost ravishing, yet tired. Wisps of hair which have managed to escape from her bun, and are now plastered against her face and neck draws his attention - a spoil that he himself was yet to receive. He feels anger creeping into his veins, until he looks into her eyes. And he thinks
"I look in her eyes and again, I know it is true. Her eyes won't let me go, they grab my heart and squeeze it tight, never letting go. I cannot break her gaze. I am mesmerised, spellbound, held captive in its depths.
At times, I avoid her gaze because I cannot bear the burden of -- its weight and intensity. It fills me with fear. The possibility, the challenge that lies ahead scares me more than any horrible monster could. But I am drawn into her eyes, powerless against them. For our love is my greatest fear and most powerful desire."
No words were spoken while their eyes meet. It was their souls that do the speaking now, while they gazed lost in each other.
After a while, he gets up from his chair and starts walking towards her. He thinks,
"I wonder what a witness sees -- if anyone would notice at all. What does the world see when two souls met during a wordless, touch less gaze? Do they see the love in our eyes?
Maybe not. Maybe I am wrong. Maybe our eyes are speaking of the loving bond of friendship, of partners on a quest, of the passion of would-be lovers, and also gratitude for all that we have done, all that we have shared.
How can I be sure when there are no words? Though she did tell me in the morning today that she loved me, while we were eating breakfast. Her eyes told me so, filling up for words that playfully refuse to fall from our mouths. Suggestive, alluring words.
Her glances melt my heart and build it back again and again. They fill me with a hope that gives me courage to go on ... and on."
He reaches upto her. Holding his wife's hand, he pulls her inside the room. He guides her to the mirror and turns her to face it; while his fingers start the work of freeing many more wisps of hair; and stares in amazement as they finally cascade off her back.
He looks into her eyes through the mirror and is captivated, trying to understand and know the truths behind those eyes -- what words those eyes were speaking to his own. He thinks,
"But how? How could the passion -- the silent passion that those eyes hold, the intensity and emotion of which is indescribable, yet undeniable -- How could it not be real?
I wish I could see my own eyes through her's. Are they full of the same unspoken passion, the same intensity, the same love? Is she hoping to catch a glimpse of my heart and my soul?"
Ragini aches for him to speak the words his eyes seem to say, releasing her to do the same without the fear of a love unrequited. Without the fear of loss. For without his love, his respect, and his friendship, she could not survive this again.
As if reading her mind on cue, he gently turns her around, his hands charting a map across her back and waist. He bends down silently and covers her lips with his, his lips now moving insistently. Sometimes harshly. As if starving for love, affection and closeness. His hands were in her hair now, his fingers threading through the loosened strands, pulling her head back so he could gain better access.
His mouth leaves her for an instant and she gasps. He moves his mouth to her neck, placing light kisses along the hollow of her throat, and she clutches at him tighter, pulling his body closer, pressing him against her.
She tries in vain to pull back from him, after a while. "Nachiket," she breathes against his mouth, revelling in the feeling of the warm air from his lungs on her lips.
All she could remember next was being swept off her feet and being carried to the bed.
...
Sometime later ...
She is still wrapped around him as he nuzzles her ear and he hazily lifts his head to look at her, his eyes glassy and beautiful in their contentment, displaying his complete and honest adoration of her. He reaches out and reverently moves a stray wisp of hair away from her mouth and she runs her fingers through his hair, smiling at him. He smiles in return and lowers his mouth to hers, kissing her sweetly, slow and languorous, showing her how much he adores her.
"That was so beautiful," he murmurs against her hair in wonderment, running the back of his finger down her cheek.
"Yes, it was," she agrees, turning her face and nestling into him with a contented sigh. It was one of those moments where time seems to stop and everything is perfectly clear to her.
The doorbell rings. The children were back.
And she picks herself up from the bed, finally feeling right, at peace with herself, and the love and life she has been gifted. Once again.
She hears Nachiket moving out of the room
"You freshen up. I will get the door."
The End
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