Chapter 16 - What would you choose?
(July, 17-23)
Arnav was back 10 days later.
Khushi had texted him all this while only to be met by 1 word replies like- yes, okay, thanks, fine and so on. At first she tried to take it in a stride, to be the understanding girlfriend who could give space to her guy when needed but slowly, the charade had gotten to her.
She had always been open and upfront in her interactions. This tiptoeing around had started to irk her. However she didn't want to pester him over texts, so she waited for him to return.
She came to his office on Monday morning with two cups of cappuccino.
She placed the coffee on his table and chirped, "Good morning!"
He was sitting on his leather chair, with a file on his lap. When his eyes rose to meet her, she felt something amiss. Usually there would be a twinkle in his eyes when he saw her. Today, they were bereft of any spark.
"So," she shook off the uneasy feeling, "What was the work emergency?"
"It's all taken care of," he answered, getting back on the file.
Khushi walked over to him and grabbed the file from his hands. She placed it on the table and bent down to look at him.
"Arnav, what is it?" she asked, concerned.
He stood up and walked past her, to the window overlooking the city skyline.
"If you had to choose between your work and me- what would you choose?" he asked, with his back to her.
"Erm... What?"
He turned around to face her, "Magnolia or me? What would it be?"
Khushi let out a nervous chuckle, "I... I.... er... what are you asking?"
"It's a simple question, Khushi," his eyes bore into hers.
"I..." she stammered, "Where is this coming from? Why do I have to choose?"
Arnav shrugged his shoulders. "Hypothetically."
She took a moment. "Well... Magnolia is my life. All my hard work, my struggles, my dreams, my tears, I've put everything in it-."
"And you just met me, a few months ago," Arnav interrupted her. "Sure we like each other, but you love your company. I would understand if you don't choose me." He paused before continuing, "Will you offer me the same courtesy?"
"Let me get this straight," she tried wrapping her mind around his question. "Are you saying you are faced with a scenario where you have to choose between me and your work?"
Arnav didn't respond.
"And..." she continued unsurely, "You want to choose your company. Over me. And you think it's justified because you expect me to make the same choice?"
"Well you did say Magnolia is your life," he pointed out.
"And you interrupted me before I could finish," she stated.
He raised his eyes to look at her.
Khushi took a deep breath. "Arnav, You... You bring out feelings in me that I have never experienced, maybe in a long time... You make me feel alive... Many a times, I have found myself thinking a future for us and that is a big step for me because for years I have only focused on work."
That caught him by surprise. "Khushi," he began to speak when she cut him in, "I don't just like you. Everyday I find myself falling for you... I don't know if it's love... If that's what love is..."
"Khushi," he interrupted her again, this time more urgently, "You shouldn't say-."
"You wanted an answer," she interjected, "I have one for you." Her eyes had started to cloud with tears, "If there is a situation where I had to choose, for the first time in my life, I see myself not choosing work... I can think of a possibility of... choosing you."
He considered her answer, "You really shouldn't have said all that."
"It's the truth Arnav and I am not afraid to admit it," she replied, sincerely.
He exhaled deeply though his mouth. "I don't feel the same."
Khushi looked at him, flabbergasted. She thought it was some sort of a joke; a cruel one and he'd laugh any minute now. But his stoic face showed her that he was indeed serious. For a few minutes she didn't say anything.
When she spoke, her voice was heavy, "Liar."
"It's true. I don't see us having any kind of future." His stated, icily.
It felt like someone had sliced her heart. "You are lying. I have seen the way you look at me, the way you smile and talk to me, the way you kiss me... You confessed that you like me."
Arnav stirred and she thought he would come close to her, put her arms around her to comfort her, but he did no such thing. Instead, he leant his back on the window and crossed his arms.
"I am sorry," he started speaking, "If I misled you but to me it was a crush, a harmless office crush. And I see it's right for me to end it now since you're getting wrong ideas about my intention."
Khushi thought her knees would buckle. She grabbed the table for support. What was happening! 10 days ago, they were going to take their relationship to the next level and now he was saying that everything they went through was just an infatuation!
"I don't understand..." she spoke in a hoarse voice. This drastic change in his behavior, his cold demeanor, she didn't understand any of it.
"Why are you doing this?" she asked, fresh tears forming in her eyes, no matter how hard she tried to rein in her emotions.
Arnav huffed like he was annoyed, "Like I said- it was a crush and I got over it. I suggest you do the same."
"So whatever was happening between us for the past few months was nothing?" her voice had started to shake. There was shock and anger in her tone. "Really?"
"Yes," he remarked coldly. "That's what it was. Nothing more."
"How..." her voice trembled more and a tear rolled down her cheek, "How can you-."
"For God sake get a hold on yourself." He almost yelled at her, "We had a moment and now it's over. Get a grip on your emotions."
On hearing the outburst, Arnav's PA poked his head to check in. Khushi immediately turned away and wiped her eyes. She couldn't let her employees see her in this situation. On getting a stern glance from Arnav, the PA apologized and hurriedly exited the cabin.
Arnav lowered his tone. "Please compose yourself. We don't need to create a scene."
His words stunned her. She stared at him, anger now replacing the confusion, the shock. There was so much going on in her mind but she chose not to speak. This had gone on long enough. She wasn't a weak person, and definitely not someone who he could humiliate any further.
She wiped her cheek and patted them. Taking a deep breath, she turned around and walked out of his cabin.
The walk back from to her cabin felt endless. From the moment she left his office, she knew all eyes were on her. In her peripheral vision, she could see Arnav's PA look at her in shock.
She had tried to keep a straight face and stride ahead but she knew her eyes must be red due to crying and her face, somewhat of a mess. She was thankful that even if people noted, they didn't say anything to her.
By the time she got back to her cabin, her legs gave out and she slid on the leather couch in her office. Lavanya came in, after knocking on the door, with a glass of water.
Khushi took the glass from her, muttering a small "thank you."
Lavanya stood by her side as she gulped down the cool water. Wiping her mouth she asked, "What do they know?" She was referring to her recent spat with Arnav. Since everyone had seen her leave his office with red eyes, she knew the office vine must have been buzzing with gossip.
Lavanya, who was always aware of everything happening in the office, cleared her throat before answering, "Nothing much, only that you and Arnav Sir had an ugly fight. They don't know the reason so I told them that it could be due to that land deal that he cancelled."
Khushi pressed her hand on her head. "That doesn't look good either."
Khushi was grateful that Lavanya diverted everyone's attention to a professional problem. She wasn't sure if she could face the embarrassment of the staff knowing that she and Arnav were dating and their break up is why they were fighting. Not that the current scenario was any better. Khushi had always been composed, never letting her emotions run amok, especially in office. She had a reputation to upkeep. Her employees seeing her cry because of a professional or any problem didn't help her cause.
"Most of us have had a breakdown... at a point of time," Lavanya tried to placate her. "It's understandable."
"Not when it's me," Khushi replied, shutting her eyes. "Do you know... about...?" she asked Lavanya an incomplete question.
The PA nodded in response, "Ma'am, I have been handling your work for 3 years. I know everything that's been happening. I had inkling that you and Arnav Sir... were..." she didn't complete the sentence. She added, "But I didn't tell anyone."
"Thanks," she replied weakly. "What's on my schedule for the day?"
Lavanya was surprised, "You want to work? Wouldn't it be better to take the day off?"
Khushi shook her head. Taking an off would be the worst idea since then she would be alone with nothing to do but replay all of her and Arnav's interaction. She would try to see where she went wrong or how she misinterpreted his words.
No, she didn't want to do that.
His rejection, his aloofness had hurt her especially when they were getting so close. She would need time to get over it and the best way she could was by keeping herself immersed in work.
"I am fine," Khushi lied, inhaling deeply through her mouth. "What's on for today?"
Lavanya fetched her tablet from her desk and started telling her about the appointments. Khushi tried to listen with sincerity but the blow that she had received from Arnav was quite fresh.
Her heart pained at the thought of what had happened in his cabin sometime ago... Her feelings for him were genuinely evolving. She was speaking the truth when she said that she could see a possibility of choosing him... That was a big step for her... she never thought that one day, there would be a person who would take priority in her life. Yet Arnav had. He had become important to her.
"That's all for today," Lavanya concluded, eagerly looking at Khushi for approval.
Khushi cleared her throat, "Erm... Okay... Get me the latest R&D report and shift the meeting with the Products Officer to 3."
"All right," Lavanya replied and exited her cabin.
Khushi shut her eyes to compose her mind. It's okay, she told herself. She would get over this in time. Hopefully.
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Another uneventful week passed. Khushi had jumped into work like never before not letting even an idle minute pass by. She would work in office till she was exhausted and then go home only to sleep.
During the weekend, Payal visited her. Khushi tried hard to not show any worry on her face. Payal was juggling work and her wedding preparation; Khushi didn't want to bother her with more problems.
"I met Akash's parents last week," Payal said over breakfast, the following Sunday, "His father's really sweet. His mother's... a bit unique."
"Unique or weird?" Khushi asked jovially, munching on a slice of toast.
"A little..." Payal chortled, "But they are so supportive of Akash and my relationship. I could live with some of her eccentricities."
"Are you planning to move from Lucknow?"
"Yes, I have already applied for a transfer to Mumbai office." Payal responded. "I am going for some shopping in the evening with Akash. Do you want to join us for dinner later on?"
"Who else will be there?" she asked sheepishly. The last thing she wanted was to meet Arnav outside of office since he was always present for these dinners.
"I think Akash asked Arnav-," Payal began but before she could finish, Khushi abruptly exclaimed. "No!"
On seeing Payal's confused face, she toned down her voice, "I am busy. I won't be able to come."
"Is that the only reason?" Payal had caught on.
"Yeah," Khushi replied, slathering her toast with more butter.
"Arnav had also asked the same question to Akash, that if you were coming..." Payal told her. "Is something going on between you guys?"
"What?" Khushi muttered nervously, "No. Nothing."
"Are you sure? You can tell me the truth," Payal offered.
Khushi couldn't tell her. She couldn't let her elder cousin know that Arnav and she had been unknowingly texting one another, they had been in a secret relationship and that he had broken up with her out-of-the-blue... that he had almost chided her for it.
Payal was generally a soft-spoken person but if she found out that Arnav had broken Khushi's heart, Payal wouldn't tolerate it. That might jeopardize Payal and Akash's upcoming nuptials. Khushi would never forgive herself if she were the reason for her sister's troubles.
"Yes, I am sure," Khushi responded with fake-enthusiasm, "Everything is fine. I am really busy with work."
Payal seemed satisfied with her response and thankfully for Khushi, she didn't pursue the topic any further.
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Udne Ki Aasha
Pushpa Impossible
205