Originally posted by: BarunDiwani
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Episode 114-115: mat jao...don't go
As one of the longest night of their lives winds down, two broken souls stand under the open sky, in the moon light, under the stars, quietly emoting and sharing their sorrows that resulted from events that unfolded. It only took an instant for things to go from heaven to hell, but this suffering feels eternal, never ending to both. As he looks up, as she looks on, words from an initial promo of the show comes to mind
"Kaash mein turmse nafrat kar paati"
"I wish i could hate you"
She is hurt and wounded badly tonight, but still not an ounce of hatred for him. Maybe if she could hate him, it was ease the pain a bit, but its not to be. When her amma told her to go see him off, she ran after him and thanked him. She never could really hate him, even when he is at his worst with her. After the forced marriage, only once in the heat of the moment she used the word nafrat (Hate)...it was after he used it first. soon his "manna ki chabi" will resurface, something she has kept with her since the day after their first meeting at sheesh mahel, when she had every reason to hate him and throw it away...but for some reason unknown she kept it.Like he will always be her protector, she will always be his savior as she holds his key. always have some understanding of him that allows her to forgive all of his harshness.
"Kaash mein tummse muhobbat kar paata"
"I wish i could love you"
He hated himself for hurting her, for wanting her so bad but at the same time for wanting to stay in control of his feelings, his promise to himself... How much easier would it be for him if he could free himself tojust love? the way he looks up at the sky here, felling her, i feel that's what he's trying to convey.
Both have made a decision tonight to bind themselves to people they refused to before, spreading happiness all around them while they suffered internally in center, thankfully it didn't go unnoticed by their sisters. Both Anjali and Payal are afraid they made the decision in "jaldbaazi"(in haste).
Though Anjali wants so bad for her brother to settle down with his love, but she can't ignore his eyes and like she says, they never lie to her.
"Kahin yeh faisla tumne jaldbaazi mein to nahi liya na?" at the very thought of "jaldbaazi" Di's question has him thinking about his haste decision, for a moment his face even reads "what have i done?" and when Anjali point blank asks him
"Chhotey, bataao hamme.tum khush to ho na?"
"Chhote, tell me, you're happy right?"
Normally an honest person, he can never lie facing someone ( also those expressive chocolate beauties always give everything away) he turns his back to his sister. "of course Di, mein khushi hoon (i'm happy)" but his flat voice, and eyes tell a different story. After all, he pushed happiness, his khushi away tonight.
There is more talk of dil vs. dimaag, Anjali wants to confirm that he made the decision with his heart not mind, to which he had no answer, as he mostly made the decision with neither dil or his dimaag. He did what he had to do, in the process breaking two hears, his included.
Payal also pushes Khushi for answers, also wanting to be sure that her sister is happy with her decision. She aks if Shyam is the man she can spend her whole life with and Khushi replies with "jiji, ab hamne faisla le liya hai na (jiji, i've made the decision na)? didn't you see how happy buaji, amma, babuji were?"
Payal didn't let her dodge the question "Aur tu? (and you?)"
If Khushi was facing her, Payal would have no need to ask such a question since its in her character to always shows what's in heart is on her face, she would see pure sorrow on it. Her eyes close trying to gather her broken self, then she tries hard to force that deceptive smile, it wasn't convincing enough for Payal today. She know the decision has been made in "bahut jaldbaazi" "sooch to liya hai na tune?"..."are you sure you thought about it?" she asks
Khushi looks down at those payals on her ankles, him putting it on her with every right. how special she must've felt then, 'kucchh cheezein bas yun hi ho jaati hai, bina soche, bina samjhe (some things just happen, without thinking, without understanding)" Payal is of course confused ... then thoughts of his sharp words cut across Khushi's heart again and says something to confuse Payal even more "jo bhi hua, i'm ready to forget it...and anyway, i don't have to go there anymore" ...in the end she leaves it up to her DM, "woh sab sambhaal legi"
DM obviously not ready to let her forget, she wastes no time in in waving the key in Khushi's face the next morning. The last time she looked at it was after she given him a piece of her mind and later felt bad about it, she had no idea what to make of the feeling she had when she held it that day. Today however its all too clear, how she sensed his essence through it, and how it adds to her pain. The same way he felt her through her pearls and payal, his mehsoos seems to be trapped in this key.
Arnav threw the pearls away in hope to get rid of her, and after last night, Khushi also doesn't know how to live with a part of him to always remind her of what may have been or the words that left her wounded. The only things is, unlike Arnav, Khushi wouldn't dare throw away his mannat ki chabi. Buaji snaches the key from her and asks "Konu khazane ki chabi hai jo itna sambhaal ke rakhi hai (does this key open some big treasure that you're taking care of it so well?)?...no buaji, its a key to a man and when she finally unlocks him completely, it will be better and any treasure she could ever acquire.
"kuchh khaas nahi hai (its nothing special)" Khushi had to close her eyes to gather some courage to get that answer...but when buaji throws it down, it was as if her heart was being tossed.
Soon after, at the request of her amma she calls Anjali, as she didn't want to risk talking to him, to let them know she won't be coming anymore but Anjali and Nani insist on her coming one more time... she tells Buaji and Garima that she won't go there..."Why should i go? so he can be rude to me again...I- i won't go"...def not convincing enough, she know she would cave and go.
At the RM Arnav freezes on the stairs at hearing the word jilebi from Anajli who wants to make it for Khushi. He keenly listens as talks of how much shs did for the family and how truly wonderful she is. Somthing about how his family loves her does make him feel good. Nani brings out a gold chain with DM pendent wanting to make this day special "aaj unka aakhri din hai na?"...
POW! it hits him, its her last day.
When he announced his engagement, he didn't take this tiny bit into account did he? Back in his room furiously typing away, another one of his traits when he's got something on his mind, the key strokes keep halting as his mind keeps detouring to flashbacks of a heartbroken Khushi, then Nani's words ring in this ears '"aaj unka aakhri din hai na?" her last day, a brutal reminder of how he felt when he thought she would leave "hamesha ke liye...He closes his eyes to this unfathomable thought, when La interrupts and once again mentions her last day. he slams the laptop and leaves...a major proof of farq padta hai.
On his way downstairs, perhaps to his precious garden getaway, on again he stops at the same steps as earlier when there are more talks of Khushi. Nani asks if there is a way to keep her coming back, then La asks if there is anyway to convince her (he seem intrigued with that thought, wouldn't he love to "manaav" Khushi? pacify her? admit his mistake deep down inside? ) but when Anjali mentions that, it would be tough to get her back as she had to be convinced to come even today , something snaps. Maybe he couldn't take all this "farq padta hai." or he is just angry that she dared to refuse to come back to the RM...to him. He is dealing with so many emotions and inner turmoil...there is only way to express them: anger.
"Di kya zarurat this usse yahan bulane ki? uska kaam yahan khatam ho chuka hai na? woh iss ghar se ja chucki hai aur hamaari zindagi se bhi, phir kyu bulaaya usse? "
"Di, what was the need to call her here? her work is done here, she's gone from this house and our life too, then why did you invite her back?
How much in pain is he in? She is gone from our house and "hamaari zindagi" ...our life, my life. Kushi's first day at the RM, he screamed at the top of his lungs, "GET OUT!...iss ghar mein jaga banane nahi doonga"...today only devastation under his anger as it sinks in she is really out. judging by how Nani, Anjali and La conspire to bring her back, it's safe to say she's made her place hasn't she? and judging by just how much farq padta hai now, she's certainly made her place in him...perhaps infuriating him further, he makes a few more inferiorating remarks
"waapis aa ke kahi ek din ke extrea paise maangne na lage (make sure she doesn't ask extra money for one day )" and when Nani or Anjalir try to get a word in, they don't stand a chance.
"Haan Di, mein bhi yeh ho kehe raha hoon, kyu ki mein bhi pareshaan ho chuka hoon, Khushi yeh, KHushi woh, BAS kijiye..."
"Yes Di, , that what i'm saying because i'm getting frustrated too, Khushi this Khushi that, ENOUCH..."He may as well be tell this to a mirror, fed up with himself as his kamzori (weakness)remains even after shunning her out.
He turns to go back to his room, but a familiar breeze halts him, regardless of how much he wants to forget her, he is forever longing for this breeze that brings her mehsoos. He feels it as if life depends on it. He can never ignore it, and must turn to look...there she stood with tears. He realizes he broke her heart again...what's interesting is no sign of all that anger
Khushi turns to leave but Nani stops her (gotta love that Nani), he looks on as Anjali and La cheer her up and bring her in. One look from Khushi and he briskly walk up a few steps, only to stop and turn again, she also has to look and notices his face speaks a differ language than what his lips were just speaking when she walked in. In maamiji's words "sab d-rama hai"
Nani, Anjali and La present their special gifts to Khushi and a cheap cruel joke by mamiji just ended when they her Arnav's loud yelling
"JUST SHUT UP!! I asked for coffee not juice!" Poor OP tries to defend him self, and provide proof, but he also didn't stand a chance in Arnave's state of mind. "just get out" and whn OP tries to pick up the pieces of the glass that Arnav broke, He screams some more, teeth clenched "I said just leave dammit!!"
Downstairs, Nani makes a comment about Chotey's anger of recent. Khushi seems to have a clue or she may even fully understand that hightened pain = hightened anger with her laad governor.
Panditji comes for La, but Khushi makes an excuse...she can see him from downstairs, even catches him looking at her, before quickly looking away . She tries to walk away but, she just can't. Imagine, the person that says terrible things to you, hurts you to no end, you promis yourself never to see him again, but you're helpless when the heart wants to reach out to him.
Maybe it was the best time to return the key, like the payal, its purpose also done, she had unlocked parts of him that he didn't know he had. If it wasn't for his fear of losing control, this love story may have been ready for a happy ending. But, its not to be the case right now. He closes the doors back, but IMO won't be able to lock her out completely. In her mind, she is just returning whats his, just doesn't want it around her anymore. Having said all of that, i strongly feel she goes up to check up on him. She is worried about his hightened gussa and knows it has to do with them.
By the poolside, the gust of wind blows and he savors her ehsaas again, and he must turn once again, they have a moment before his eyes turn on her
"chali jaao yahaan se." "go away from here"
Her "akhri din", last day is eating him up inside. she takes a few steps. He continues with his harsh words.
"na tumse baat karni hai, na tumhari shakkal dekhni hai, just say bye to everyone and leave" His goto line these days, sounds like a rootha hua small child.
"hame bhi aapse baat karne ka koi man nahi ha...hamto si"" i have no desire to talk to you also, i just-"
"maine kaha na mujh tumse koi baat nahi karni hai Khushi kumaari Gupta! Ek baar kahi huyee baat tumh samajh nahi aati? " I told you , i don't want to talk to you about anything KKG, don't you get it when i say it the first time?"
"par aap.." "But you"
He furiously grabs a hold of her shoulders, pulls her towards him yet he yells "I said LEAVE dammit!!." In this instant, it would've either been a hard passionate kiss or a vigorous shoving away..
His will power must be strong, he chose to vigorously push her away, her hand lands on the broken pieces of glass, but he is looking the other way hiding in his own pain
He opens his eyes, still to her mehsoos, Tum ab bhi yehi ho?...i siad" he turns around to noone. Did she leave her essence in that key?? why else would he feel her presence when she leaves?
Khushi hides another "chot" given by him, wrapping her dupatta around her hand. She Insists on leaving and when she tells them she has to stop by the temple, noone pressures her to stay. A heartfelt goodbye from Anjali, Nani and La...Not so much by mamiji. She really had become a part of this family, later on, after forced marriage, when she goes to GH, she leaves really sadly .
As she takes steps towards the door, he rushes to see in secret.
If anyone saw, they would say his heart is sinking. Khushi leaves with a heavy heart like she leaving a huge part of her behind. A sad melody takes over, these 46 seconds are so moving. eventhough we know kabootri will be back the next day, Sobti/Sanaya and gang make us live in the moment and feel the impact of her last day.
DROOL CORNER!!!!!!!!!!!
can't get over this look, seeing her for the first time after he hurt her❤️❤️ so many emotions but remorse is also there.
Anupamaa
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