The Idiot's Guide to Murdering your Spouse - Page 4

Originally posted by: napstermonster

Dear Shyam:

This is an open letter from me, napstermonster, on behalf of myself and some of my irritated India-Forum friends. We have been mocking you since the electric shock-pool incident, as the world's most incompetent killer, and have enjoyed watching your efforts. None of us truly believe that Anjali will be killed off anyways, unfortunately, so your Bugs Bunny against the Road Runner antics are awesome to rate on a scale of dumb to dumber to full blown moronic (hint: scorpion in a gamla was moronic). You are the Tom to Devi Maiyya's Jerry, while Anjali is that idiot baby mouse in a diaper that Jerry sometimes has to deal with.

However, the CVs have gotten quite fiesty of late, due to the probable return from a prolonged holiday of their one colleague with a working grasp of character development. Now, they have decided to apparently ruin the Maha Episode by focusing on your praiseworthy, dogged attempts to stay true to your New Year's Resolution to kill off your idiot wife. My own resolution was to lose some weight, but to each his own.

Now, you do need to kill Anjali. No arguments from me there. If I was married to a pujaari and had probably not gotten some in three years because my wife is weak from fasting, I'd want to get me some firecracker on the side too. Dude, you a dawg. I get that. But are you sure you aren't actually trying to restart Anjali's brain, and not stop her breathing? I mean, electric shock, poison therapy, a whiff of ether? Seriously my friend? Are you trying to kill her or give her a beauty treatment ?I've had harsher things done to me at the parlour where I get my facials done.

Now, whats wrong with the classics? Posion in the prasad, or a fall down the stairs? the woman limps, for god's sake! How about a nice drive to a mountain side, and a push over the edge? Akash knows JUST the place for a suicide attempt. Think it over. Many more ideas will come to you. You've waited three years, and just had a scorpion dance the rumba on your back. Chill for a day or two.

Just please, leave the Maha episode alone. ASR has been smirking and teasing Khushi lately, displaying an alarmingly fascinating line in soft greetings and a new patented side long look of desire. The female population has seven months of squeals and a litre of drool stored up in their palpitating hearts and mouths. If we watch you gallivant across the screen during our much awaited Maha Episode, replacing Anjali's shoes with baby alligators, we'll be sending you dibbas in the mail, and it aint gonna be filled with sweets.

Just saying, There are excellent "How To" books out there. this Maha Episode, hit your nearest Borders or Barnes and Noble, and not our screens.

Thank you,
Yours most insincerely,
Napstermonster