**Neil Bhatt/Kesar Appreciation Thread** - Page 21

When Jamna kaaki is stroking him up from sleep, his grip on the letters is firm. He tried to foolishly cover up saying inland letters are papers from his book, but JamnaKaki was bang on. She was smart to tell him to handle the letters later but the handle the "chittiwaali", the recipient of the letters. Stammering over the shocking information, he is totally clueless about the happenings.

Kesar comes down to reveal to all that Gulaal is lying and she has decided to leave because of him confessing his love for her.

She tried preventing him from announcing it in front of everyone. When he did declare to all that he loves her, everyone is shocked (why didn't they realize, or else why would he stop the wedding?). Gulaal is not able to meet Motaba's eyes. At that moment they exchanged glances and acknowledged the talk they had years before about what if Kesar starts to take a liking or start understanding this Deeyarvatu on his own terms. That flared her ego, she yelled at him for finding happiness by saying such unwanted things that too in front of elders. Kesar innocently claims he is in love with his wife. Our madam finds it as "SIN".

I could see traces of the child Kesar when he stopped her and was pleading with her not to go. She pushed him aside. He follows her and firmly says nothing is going to change his thoughts, feelings or

his love for her. Kesar very well knows that Gulaal would be able to live a life without him. In spite of knowing that truth, he was literally begging her, so tearful and almost on his knees saying he is just a shadow to her.

Neil gave a convincing performance portraying Kesar so vulnerable, hurt, and frustrated, being in love, fearing about losing his love, and in desperation to prevent her from leaving, Kesar lacked individuality. Kesar's anger is only temporary given the fact it is directed at others for her sake. He is nothing but out rightly emotionally influenced by this one woman Gulaal. To him, the world begins and ends with Gulaal. When Kesar said that why she should leave when he has just started understanding life, I felt bad for him because, at this juncture though he loves her in every way, even with the attraction to her from his end, he basically feels he can learn and transform himself into the person that all want him to be, provided Gulaal is with him. I am sure the actual hubby-wife relationship would have been the last thing on his mind at that moment.Kesar for the past two days is with a stubble and typically looking the guy feeling desolate due to a break up in love or a love-failure.

Somewhere I feel he needs some amount of reassurance from her to be his. Though I hated Gulaal for being so stone hearted, without giving a consideration to his feelings, somewhere I agree with what she said that he should at least try and uphold the family's honor than going weak on his knees in front of her. He has gone to the extent of picking up her earring from the ground and finding solace in holding on to something which is hers. I pity Kesar. If I were in Talli's situation watching him this way, I would have pitied myself for having been in love with him once. This can be labeled as pure love of Kesar, but any woman would fall for a man who has individuality to call his own.

The day Kesar becomes a self-made man; he would earn that respect from her. Not that I feel so great that he has to work so hard to get Gulaal's love (is she worth all this trouble??), but for his own personality, he needs to break free from her.

21/6/11: Three women in Kesar's life:

He accepts of his ignorance about marriage at a young age but reminds her that he had always believed in this marriage even at such a young age.

No one can give him an answer because he is the one who has been affected by this and he has just believed in this ritual even at an impressionable age till now.

KESAR WITH TALLI

I wouldn't blame Talli entirely but she added to his guilt by declaring he has played with their emotions and that he is BAD.

KESAR WITH GULAAL

Kesar walked into her room without caring for formalities. That is Kesar who has never felt she is someone to be treated a stranger to adhere to such code of conduct and decorum.

He starts out softly with a request to her to come back to her house of which she is the heart and soul. He speaks for himself and on behalf of his family too, not once being selfish that it is him alone who needs her comeback. Why Gulaal felt that his confession was an insult to her, is not clear. Insult to what? Her thoughts, her ideals, her femininity, or what? Yetin all honesty he is willing to explain he did not intend to hurt her. He is so soft spoken in front of her in asking why she is punishing him when all he did was make his thoughts known to her. Stubborn that she is, she doesn't even want to give him a chance and doesn't care a bit for his feelings and in a supposedly polite manner asks him to leave her house. Her problem is with the word "LOVE" as she never allowed him to complete his sentence where he would have once again declared his love for her.

Vasant Ba ki toh sharm kar!!! Now Kesar is confused and gives her a confused look because he is not understanding what or why it is shameful. When she mentioned it yet again as a sinful act as if he she is Goddess Incarnate, it put him off. Thereafter he was confident in asking her if loving her is a sin, whether such thoughts in him to love her is a sin, just because he is Vasant's younger brother.

The most significant dialogue was Kesar questioning who decides to declare it as sin, the one who makes a mistake and announces the punishment or the one who did not commit a mistake but was suffering for no reason. It was partly an eye-opener to her when he asked why couldn't he love her being Vasant's younger brother when in fact she had utilized that same relation (as an escape) to go through Deeyarvatu. Why was it that she is finding the sacred word Love as an act of sin when he utters from his mouth just because he is Vasant's brother. He asked her a million dollar question. Would it be still termed as sinful if he was not Vasant's brother and had still loved her. Obviously HRH Gulaal has no answer to that because obviously she can't say that no one should love her. The reason for Vasant's untimely demise was also due to someone else's ???love for her.

Never mind, she is just speechless for a moment, she will cook up something that would shut him up.

Precap: Sensible father compared to her hyperactive mother. I doubt if her mom has an extended display of ADHD, not entirely or actually but partly.

22/6/11: Neil's expressive best: Kesar's emotional turmoil

Kesar with Gulaal

Kesar with Pannba (Dining Hall)

Kesar with Talli

Any person can have ups and downs in life. No man can be happy without a friend, nor be sure of his friend till he is unhappy. Blessed is the man who has such a friend where you don't have to weigh thoughts or measure words and the worst solitude is to be destitute of such sincere friendship.

The distressed mind was crying out loud that no one understood him.

Kesar was distressed and depressed being devoid of love and friendship too.

Lonely Kesar

His guilt about hurting Talli and having wronged her, Sudha's curse for a life devoid of happiness, rejection from Gulaal, non-supportive parents and family has made him more vulnerable into believing that he was indeed cursed. The sleeplessness, the pacing around, the palpitations, the worry, the hurt, pain, and uncertainty was all due to his disturbed state of mind. So lonely he was nodding his head in denial, lending a support to his head by his hand that he was speaking to himself why it was happening to him. Even then he is asking Kyun mere saath aisa ho raha hai Gulaal??

Kesar is almost an emotional wreck

Precap

Heights of madness in love. Comments reserved for actual episode.

Neil's best:Tormented Kesar: 23/6/11

https://www.indiaforums.com/forum/gulaal/1713979/neils-best-tormented-kesar-23-6-11

KESAR AND GULAAL

It was a beautifully shot scene. I had reserved my comments hoping they would have more to the scene where he sat under the tree. But I must say it was marvelous. The solitary tree standing tall but firmly rooted to the ground. That's how Kesar currently appears; standing all alone looking for his support Gulaal. As long as the tree is rooted to the ground, it stands tall. Apart from that the lone tree is his state of mind right now; Kesar is all alone that too without support.

Did they intend to show a soulful connection between them when Gulaal woke up the same time when Kesar called out to her.

He stood there as if he just hung onto outlive the last few moments until her window opened and he got one glimpse of her through the window. And why did she have to put that Pallu on her head in the middle of the night after realizing its Kesar. Was she scared he might force himself on her through the window???

He tried his level best to pacify her, first so softly requesting to come home, crying his heart out, folding hands yelling out, promising to listen to whatever she might say, and admitting his madness, OH!!!!What not. He is still not certain why she has started to hate him, why she is doing this to him. He at least deserves to know why, why can't she just tell him.

Oh Kesar, chanting Gulaal's name 22 times between the 4 minutes conversation, Great!!

HRH Gulaal did not budge. She shut the door close on his face. I was thankful he was a safe distance away from the window or else he would have been slapped. Well I expected that but wonder how she slept after that. Morning she has some feeling in her mind that there is every possibility of finding him there that she checked on him.

Seeing Kesar so haggard and sleeping sitting on the ground, any normal woman would melt. I can understand her inability to accept the relationship but I can't understand her way of treating him so worse.

KESAR AND REWA

The fatigued sleep was also disturbed by his sister. There was a sudden realization of the surrounding, a quick embarrassment with a continued guilt when she mentions that he should have thought about Motaba's honor. He knows he was wrong but then that is what makes him Kesar: Impulsive. He gave a yearning look at her when she too scolded him for not considering his sister's honor in her in-laws place. That one look at his sister had a craving, seeking some sort of understanding from his sister, but again that woman also failed him labeling him childish. Everybody brands him childish, can someone care to help him mature. No, all are busy in their problems

He gave one last look at the closed window, the window to the house and the window to her heart was sealed shut.

Kesar, painfully he resigned himself to that reality.

KESAR AND JK

Whatever are her intentions, at least Jamna Kaki could tell it to Pannba that before losing Kesar entirely, help him out. Kesar avoided Pannba's question but he was surprised when Jamna Kaki asked he was returning from Gulaal's place.

KESAR AND DUSHYANT

Kesar recollected the past night's events. It was a very powerful scene between Kesar and Dushyant. What I loved about Kesar is that though he has kept the truth away from family for Gulaal's sake, he has just not forgiven Dushyant in spite of him ruling the panchayat decision in his favor. He never felt obliged to him, one because he still cannot forgive him for the act and second he believed in the truth about his feelings for Gulaal and his Deeyarvatu.

He realized Dushyant standing at his door, but did not bother to look up. He did not react when Dushyant sat next to him. When Dushyant spoke about Talli, he listened intently and closed his eyes acknowledging the mistake, when he spoke about the panchayat decision, Kesar was silent and sat there trying to ease his breathing and controlling his emotions. When he mentions about hurting Gulaal, he starts to get emotional but got up from there to show his unwillingness to discuss this issue with Dushyant. He made it clear that he did not go to prove a point but falls short of saying that he went out of love because it was Dushyant in front of him. Probably he was reminded about the love Dushyant had for Gulaal.

Neil's best: Changed equation between Kesar and Gulaal: 27/6/11

There was sheer happiness on Kesar's face seeing Gulaal and a soft innocence when he said she has returned back to them, to him. His happiness was short-lived and snapped from him within a matter of seconds when she started her play with words. Kesar was regretful and sad for what she said about him not leaving an option out for her. She literally gave him the message that she came there physically and not from her heart. That was the first scorn to emphasize that she has come there for all the things pertaining to her physical presence. He took all her words of insult on his stride just because he was plain relieved to find her back home. He also said that to her that for whatever reasons everything will fall in place now. She still has not understood him to even 5% in total.

Loved how Kesar's mood shifted between happiness, relief, regret, tolerance (to her interplay with words) and pure delight. He took in every insult just for her mere presence. Loved the flute in the background music.

KESAR AND GULAAL IN KESAR'S ROOM

I would say that this scene between Kesar and Gulaal was anticipated. In fact, from what I have understood about Gulaal, when she returned and walked in I was sure she would go to Kesar's room straight. A very powerful scene between Kesar and Gulaal and both actors have done justice to the scene.

I expected Gulaal to behave in no other way having seen how stubborn she has been. She acted all devilish with Kesar by making you squirm in your seat, but today I was not angry with her. It was normal of her to react that way. She has misunderstood the Pati_Patni issue since his confession. She takes it in the literal sense of being "wifey" to him.

Kesar is definitely startled to find her in his room that he voiced it out loud as to why she was present in his room. When she started her accusations saying he did know very well why she was in his room, he is surprised and in a way confused. When she continued saying all those things that she had bottled up inside her for so long about the whole Pati_patni issue, it is slowly sinking in him what she really means. He does tell her he did not mean that she has to stay with him in his room for her accusation that he complained and forced her back for this "chaahat" or his NEED from her. He earnestly requested not to misinterpret his love (as desire)

Kesar was hurt when she accused that he did not know the true meaning of love. Yet again she belittled his feelings for her. When she said "Pyaar jaisa pavitr shabd tere muh se gaali lagti hai", Kesar was too astonished by that derision. He was calm and poised when she made the declaration for the umpteenth time that she still loves Vasant, because; to him that did not matter since he is aware of that reality. That choked both of them. Gulaal choked on her words as she said that and Kesar cleared a lump from his throat following that. Vasant is someone who holds and controls both their emotions in a very strong way. He did glance at Vasant's photo when she said that. As a viewer I felt Kesar in a way sought support from his brother. She was the second person mentioning to him that he loved himself more than others and that teared him up.

But wasn't that too much when she said he only needed a wife to share his room just for his needs. Then he could have married Talli, isn't it. AHhh!!!! She did push him to the threshold by saying "Here take me I am standing in front of you and I give you all the husbandly rights." It was the threshold to both their emotions that Gulaal could say such plain disgusting words to Kesar. The way he just asked her to stop with "Bass!!!" before her words could turn filthier, showed how disgusted he felt when she actually said those words to him. That was pure disbelief on his part when he said "Kya bol rahi hai tu?" and hearing this from Gulaal he is unsure if she is even in her senses to talk such things. He first silently asks that question pointing to her, himself and raising his hand up how she could ever think of him acting so cheap.

Here we saw a Kesar claiming and trying to prove that his love for her is pure and not to misinterpret his feelings but at the same time he is repulsed by the fact that she finds his feelings as mere physical desire.

KESAR GULAAL EQUATION

This was definitely a next step in their relationship. The Kesar Gulaal equation has totally changed. Their discussion about the actual marriage terms, in however hideous way it was done has changed the whole scenario. It was another showdown between them in having ended up discussing this issue so blatantly. But somewhere it had to start. Kesar is repulsed by this very thought. I think in a way he has a long journey in actually getting to love her as his "wife". He has loved her ever since he has known her. He is surely attracted to her beauty and elegance but to dwell on the actual relationship factor with her, he has a very long way to go. I had actually thought it comes easy for him to be in love with her and accept the relationship in actual terms. But the Kesar I saw today, makes me feel he would need more time to mature and actually understand what it actually means to find a wife in Gulaal. After all the drama that unfolded in the past days to get her back home by hook or crook, his first statement asking "What are you doing in my room?" is proof for that.

July 5, 2011

Kesar Gulaal Fall Out: 28/6/11

Kesar, out of habit, stepped in to defend Gulaal's honor. He did not like HIS Gulaal getting blamed for his actions. Kesar was powerless when Gulaal herself asked him not to interfere between her and Sudha Babhi that they can decide and settle it between them.

KESAR AND GULAAL

Kesar impatiently waited for an opportunity to speak his mind and get Gulaal's misunderstanding cleared. That is how Kesar is. He can't hold the feelings for long especially when it is do with Gulaal. Kesar repeated he loved her and his intentions were not dishonest. Kesar was helpless that he is being misunderstood when Gulaal said she understands him and his intentions. When Gulaal declared that in her hearts she would never accept him as her husband, Kesar was hurt. Tears rolled down immediately and painfully (for the misunderstanding), regretfully (for her lack of trust) and unwillingly (dreading the separation from her) he agrees to stay away from her and try his best not to meet her face to face. Did that stop Gulaal midway to actually listen to what he said just then? Do we see hope that given her time and space she would trust his intentions. Did Talli really understand his struggle and trauma?

Actually I notice that Gulaal since her entry to this house has definitely made a distinction between her life as Vasant's widow and Kesar's wife. Today she mentioned as being alone even in Vasant's absence then and in Kesar's presence today. So she does see herself in the past tense while speaking about her life in Vasant's absence. And she faces the reality that today whether she admits or not, she is Kesar's wife.

GULAAL/PANNBA

Did Pannba help her or scare her.

KESAR/GULAAL

Gulaal got all conscious hearing the footsteps as though she waited for the inevitable: Kesar's entry into their room. Kesar was again feeling guilty and sad when he sees Gulaal sitting in his room. He leaves the room with his pillow. (Kesar with Boriya Bistar headed to the terrace). The scene was shot beautifully in moonlight. Kesar and the terrace effect have a very different feel. We can sense his loneliness and despair as he looked around, threw the pillow and sadly cuddled up giving the impression of a giant prawn. I still doubt Gulaal if she is trying to still hook up Kesar and Talli by making her attend to Kesar's simple needs. But Kesar is smart to check on Gulaal at the window seeing Talli bring him the blanket. I think he did feel a sense of relief at her magnanimous gesture that Gulaal did care for him after all.

Talli looked all saintly with her advice to Gulaal, or when she did not stay for a while longer after giving him the blanket and also advicing Kesar next day morning.

KESAR AND TALLI

Loved to see Kesar's reluctance to walk in to his own room. Staying true to his word, he was cautious that he does not end up in front of Gulaal. That was obvious when he asked her whereabouts to Talli and told her that he would join for breakfast after Gulaal is done with hers. His staemment 'Chaahta tha!!" confused Talli for a minute but he quickly assured her "Chaahta hoon!!!".

When Talli mentioned that Gulaal also would have her own choice even if she is someone's wife,daughter or DIL, he realized that he did not think of Gulaal's choice in this matter. Kesar can't think of a time when he would have to lose Gulaal forever. So when Talli asked him that, he was in a matter of seconds, reduced to tears. I seriously wish he finds a good friend in Talli. He basically is lost among the crowd. He does need someone who can mean good and wish well for him.

PRECAP:

Petty kitchen politics continues...

Kesar was in for a rude shock when Talli mentioned about losing Gulaal forever. He was hurt that even Talli misunderstood his true intentions. He narrated how much he tried to prevent her from leaving to the extent of begging her. He knew her happiness lies in this house. So he tried his own method of implementation. According to him, he did what he did having been left with no option.

Kesar wants to see Gulaal happy, wants to give her the happiness that she lost in her life. Each time Talli hears Kesar declaring his love for Gulaal, she seemed to be going into a fit (a mild one of course).

I remember the Holi scene where Chotu Kesar asks Gulaal who smeared color on her. She replies "Maine Khud" for which he says " Nahi, mere sivaay, koi aur tumpe rang nahi daal sakta". The guy seems too sincere in keeping his promises to Gulaal. The "Mei tera kavach hoon kavach" was another such childhood promise which he recollects during his half-wedding with Talli.

KESAR AT THE TEMPLE

This was a really impressive scene. In a way, the several questions that has been on our minds who hasd been introduced to this story was voiced out through Kesar himself as he found refuge in Goddess Ashapura Maa of Talsagra.

There was an unusual serene poise even as Kesar stood in front of the goddess to outpour his grief. He did feel a sense of despair that he has become lonely and no one seems to understand him and hence he was left with no option but to seek divine grace. Kesar tries to reason out that it's wrong of Gulaal to be judging his love based on her own set standards, and his helplessness showed when he said Gulaal has confined herself with a safe security blanket she has erected as barriers in Vasant ba's name.

Kesar seems genuine in his approach even in front of God's idol. He sought answers from her as though he was having a one-to-one talk with a living person. That is Kesar, always sincere and true in his feelings. He shared his anguish with her about society's issue about the age factor. But actually none other than Gulaal herself seem to have an issue with it now. The village panchayat did not raise the age factor. But when he said he does not want to differentiate right from wrong through other's viewpoint, it was a pick at Gulaal, Motaba,Pannba, Revjibhai, Dushyant and the entire clan because everyone is lecturing him about what is right and wrong, the latest inclusion being Talli.

He has surrendered himself before the goddess to bless him that Gulaal for once is able to realize his true love.

At last, Kesar had to take refuge in God. It is spiritually satisfying when you let out your emotions in front of God. For all the rejection and being misunderstood, he required this therapy. It leads to emotional healing.

Precap

Wonder what has happened to Kesar after his brief conversation with goddess.