**Neil Bhatt/Kesar Appreciation Thread** - Page 20

14/6/11: Neil's best Kesar's dilemma

Gulaal's sworn declaration that she is willing to leave him forever left Kesar breathless. He walks into his room panting for breath. Pacing up the room, unsure of his actions whether he held his head between his hands or tugged at his Kurta, he was hurt by her words, her crying, her feelings that she took the decision thing he was hers. He was angry more at himself since he did not expect such an outcome to his game of vengeance. Tears rolled down as he looked at her photograph. He threw the photoframe down and sat down on the bed, defeated and totally shattered.

KESAR AND SUDHA

Why Sudha couldn't sense him crying? Sudha asked him "Yeh toot gaya?"". When Kesar wiped his tears away, we could feel that not just the photoframe, Kesar was broken. Sudha was the concerned mother requesting Kesar to keep her daughter happy and he acknowledges her concern. Kesar was plainly hurt and anguished. What made Sudha mistake it for wedding jitters is something unusual.

His silent "Hmm" to Sudha saying he was fine, uncertainty when she mentioned about wedding jitters, silent nod to her concern when she says "Tumhe tang karti hai, bahut bolti hai, bachpana hai, pyar karti hai tujhse were too good.

Neha Kaul playing Sudha is a good actor too. When she was rubbing her hands against Kesar's shoulders we could see her affection for Kesar as well as her concern for Talli. Her brief pauses between her words to cover up the lump in her throat were lovely. When Sudha said she was sure of him that he would handle it well, he was unsure of himself and worried at the probable breach (from his end) of confidence that she has in him.

KESAR AND PANNBA

Poor Kesar has spent the whole night crying. When Pannba walks in with his wedding outfit, he is till seated, dazed, eyes swollen out of crying and dark circles evident. Appreciate the make up to give a touch of realism to give the real feel of a sleepless night. When Pannba asks him if he was happy with this marriage, Kesar I felt was touched about the fact that someone actually asked him about what he thought or felt. Kesar did not want to admit that Gulaal influenced him that he cuts it short by saying he wants to get ready.

KESAR'S WEDDING

Kesar was disinterested in the girl's talks and wanted to meet Talli. What is surprising is that the girls in the whole village seems to have gathered as the bridesmaid to Talli who was supposedly an orphan whereas Kesar was so alone and lonely in that entire household.

I am tired of the Kasam's since Neil's Karol Bagh days. Gulaal literally tortures him emotionally. She has not left anything for him to say when she finally gives that "Kasam" on her name and Vasant's name that he would "behave well" with Talli postmarriage. I think it was immaterial to take Vasant's name. With "Gulaal ki Kasam", Kesar would not do anything beyond that. Can't she sense the difference? He was so much in that vengeful mood previous day and here he was struggling to put words together chanting Lekin mei'mujhe'and helplessly wanting to speak to Talli. When JamnaKaki forced the garland on him, he had already lost control of the situation. Everything was happening so fast before he could even react.

Kesar kept looking at Gulaal when he walked down the stairs. He was not concentrating and throughout appeared dazed, looking at everything around, looking for something that would help him out of this situation. Those comments from his friend that this "arati" would be similarly done to people who are being sent for a battle, Kesar could relate himself to this battle he is so unwillingly being forced to take up.

Kesar appeared disoriented with the happenings. He sought Gulaal, he was dazed when the Pandit tied the sacred thread on his hand, he was shocked seeing Talli being led to the Mandap, he still kept looking at Gulaal. His expressions were one of those kinds where he was pleading to be saved from the situation. The "Please save me out of this mess" look in his eyes makes one feel helpless along with him. Why can't anyone notice that his gaze is fixed on Gulaal. Was Gulaal uncomfortable that moment?

Chunni voiced the feelings in all our minds. His friend's suggestion to finally think over as a last chance from life imprisonment was also our feelings. Kesar was mechanically going through the proceedings, when he garlands Talli, his mind is fixed at Gulaal.

When all the confusion for Kanyadaan is going on, Kesar is still dazed. Gulaal can sense his strange silence. But won't all this "who is to perform what ritual" be decided firsthand. But why was Gulaal so worried. Again, once again, I could not interpret Gulaal's expressions. Was she worried because Kesar sat there like a zombie or because it finally hit her that HER KESAR is becoming Talli's or was it because she was really worried over his previous disclosure that he would torture Talli. But why on earth was Gulaal asked to do "Ganthbandhan"? Wasn't some elderly person supposed to do? In some communities, the groom's sister does it. Anyways'if not then how would they give importance to GULAAL, THE GREAT? Or how else would we get the scene where Kesar gets a closer look at Gulaal. Why it is that no one is noticing the short eyelocks between Kesar and Gulaal? Why isn't anyone present there asking about the Diyarvatu? Come on yaar, all haven't turned saints in our society. Koi toh kuch kaho'..

One closer look at Gulaal makes Kesar realize that this marriage would spell doom for him and his relationship with Gulaal. I don't understand why Talli is being helped each time to get up from where she is seated. Talli is so eager to get married. Poor Kesar is not even getting up for the 'Pheres'.

Loved it when with each 'Phera' he was taking with Talli, he was relating to his promises and situations with Gulaal.

MARRIAGE VOWS

The first Phera : He realizes the promise he had given to Gulaal saying he would always protect her.The second made him relate to how he had taken care of her; the third phera came with a promise to keep one's wife happy. Well that is what Kesar has always wanted for Gulaal. Her happiness, always asking her "Aur tu" is nothing but the same. A brief absence of Gulaal from his vicinity makes his eyes search for her. The fourth "phere's meaning hit him hard. That was about fidelity and truthfulness to his wife that will alleviate a man towards liberation/Moksha. Obviously he related to the Vat savitri vrat that Gulaal kept for him. He nods his head in denial that he can't make this promise. He has grown up without swaying his loyalty to Gulaal even when he has been away from her. So obviously he couldn't promise that to Talli. Talli is trying hard to push Kesar to start taking the Phera. Such drama doesn't happen in a wedding. Gulaal has to come running to remind him about the "Vaada on vasant's name". How long will this Gulaal do this? In what all steps will Gulaal remind him about this? I wonder if ever Kesar married Talli, for what all will he be forced in the name of Vasant?

He said he won't break the promise in Vasant's name. Gulaal told him that he should not hurt Talli after marriage. He lays Gulaal's doubt to rest saying he would never do that. But both did not mention about the partner in this marriage. Of course now if he marries Gulaal, he is not going to torture Talli in any way. Kesar is keeping the promise. Finally, he learnt that no one could save him other than himself. From the lost defeated and vulnerable Kesar, he turned into a responsible man, standing up for himself and HIS WIFE. Though she has not given an importance to this ritual, Kesar has lived his life abiding by it in its true essence. Knowingly or unknowingly, he has maintained his loyalty to Gulaal.

Right now, Kesar has forgotten about the Vasant murder issue. I think with the second slap he got from Gulaal when he mentioned about Gulaal and Dushyant, he has realized one thing. When Gulaal denied him any rights saying only Vasant held any such rights over her, Kesar is clear about one thing. What bothered him if Gulaal could possibly have taken a liking for Dushyant was laid to rest with that slap. So nothing else matters to him now. When the Vasant murder issue comes up, I am sure the family is going to rebuke Gulaal and only Kesar will be around to support her.

Kear has declared that he should be maintaining loyalty to his actual wife GULAAL and hence he can't make this promise to Talli.

Precap: I hated the fact that his hands are still tied to Talli, but at least he is questioning Gulaal and asking her to think from his POV. I did not see anger in Gulaal's eyes when he is staing facts. So let's see if there is hope to this unusual and unique love story.

Kesar finally realized he cannot promise fidelity to Talli. He was confused as to what his relationship with Gulaal was. With all honesty in his voice Kesar asks Sudha, for whom it was "Just a Ritual". Kesar is surprised why this happened only with him and there was a tinge of sarcasm when he asked Pann Ba was that the reason they never asked his opinion then that he was a child and why she did not call it off the wedding then citing his age. He was truly hurt for Talli and graciously accepted his mistake for dragging her till the mandap but made it clear that he cannot be honest in his feelings ever for her.

Gulaal steps in and declares that there is no identity or even a chance of existence or reality to such a relationship. Basically she is saying there is no Astitva to this Deeyarvatu. When very conveniently and suddenly without a contemplation, Gulaal says she will relieve him from this bondage, the amount of hurt is so deep in his eyes but brings about a forced mocking smile when he said Wah! How easily you said you would release me? The very fact that Gulaal can let go of him, does not attach an importance for him to be part of her life, hurt him more. He was hurt that she did not find it necessary to ask him when she decided for him then and while breaking it off now.

He tried his level best to make his feelings known to her, requesting her to think from his POV that it's not easy for him to forget the marriage, that she is his wife. Clearing his throat he denies the possibility.

I loved that hand gesture of Kesar admitting how small he was when she bound herself to him through the ritual and that he believes that it is part of his life and has grown up with the belief and realization that she is his wife. Oh that was a real sad moment when he said "Mera bachpan chin gaya Gulaal, waqt se pehle hi mujhe pati bana diya gaya. He retaliated fiercely that now he was being forced to forget it like he is a wooden puppet or a toy with no feelings at all. I loved it here when after this Motaba put his head down in shame. Kesar was literally screaming out why his feelings are not taken into consideration.

The best I liked in today's episode was Kesar saying "Sach bhi tera, jhoot bhi tera aur faisle bhi tere" practically not allowing him to have any opinion of his own be it right wrong and deciding authority. And he nodded his head in clear disapproval that he would not allow her take this decision to break this Deeyarvatu, he won't give a false promise to Talli and and that HE DECIDES not to break this relationship.

Oh HO, Talli's realization could not be good news to Gulaal. Her big big eyes all rolling in anger, because her decision to marry Kesar was being questioned. Kesar was questioning the Supreme court decision. He was questioning Gulaal, the goddess of justice. One thing about her is true if she considers herself as Goddess of Justice. She is BLINDFOLDED to everyone's opinion.

Was she calling him stubborn and dragging him to the same Panchayat where she has placed yet another puppet of hers as Village Head? Kesar is being termed as stubborn because he voiced his opinion? How strange. And imagine he just defeated her then and there saying his thought process can't be changed whatever comes by. Thankfully.

I liked the dialogue "Apne aap se jhoochta aaya hoon and jo khushi se mojri pehen li, who kab mere pairon ki bediyan ban gayi". Kesar stted his confusion when few say that Gulaal is his wife, few deny it, Gulaal asks him to marry Talli when she performs Puja as his wife. He was so helpless to know actually what his relationship with Gulaal is. "Aakhir mera aur Gulaal ka rishta kya hai?". Finally he had to ASK. Loved the taunt he gave to everyone when he told Jamna Kaki he will not get an answer from anyone because none of them have one. Kesar is so honest that he does make it a point to seek apology from Talli with folded hands because he knows very well he has hurt her. That honesty and straight forwardness is something likeable in Kesar.

KESAR'S REALIZATION

As Kesar sat there swinging, he attempted to recollect all the happenings with Gulaal, he is reminded of her snap decision to sever all ties with him, his amazement at her in the mango orchards, her loyalty to him in the Vrat episode, his open compliment to Gulaal in her open locks, her decision to call for Panchayat, the Chunar he had gifted her. The scenes reflected his confusion about what Gulaal felt about the Deeyarvatu versus what his feelings for her were.

KESAR AND MOTABA

With absolutely nil dialogues for Kesar, we never felt once that he did not speak. His eyes spoke everything that was needed. The NEIL TOUCH. Are they deliberately doing this with Neil?

When Motaba walked up to him, his guilt kept his head and eyes lowered and he stood there leaning against the pillar. He gives it a thought when Motaba asked him "Tu khud jaanta hai??" It was nice to see Motaba deciding to have an adult talk with his grown up son trying to remind him that his decisions affect two souls. Gulaal and Talli, did he do this because he felt Gulaal is his wife. Thank God finally a father asked him if he wants to have a true marital relationship with Gulaal. Loved Kesar's expression there of that of uncertainty, confusion because actually speaking he has not given a serious thought to it though he knows about fidelity in a relationship. The question coming so direct to him that too from his father, sets him thinking. When Motaba says that he can confidently say that Kesar's decision was made in haste, Kesar seems so vulnerable and guilty at that point. When Motaba told him to thoughtfully decide so that he would not have to ever repent his decisions since it would affect other's lives, Kesar realized the gravity of the current situation very well. His shocked expression with tears confirmed his fear about the outcome of his decision.

LONELY KESAR

Look at the irony of the situation when Kesar is the one who is most affected by Gulaal's decisions, he is the one who has to be answerable to everyone. They still lay the burden on Kesar to act thoughtfully. Gulaal could not take one day's trauma when Kesar disclosed he will torture Talli. Imagine Kesar living all those 10 years knowing such a devastating truth. And still no one cares for his feelings. As a child he needed that guidance and counseling. Today he said that as a child I was forced into such relationship and I have lived with the belief of being married to Gulaal. How sad that today again no one seems to question Gulaal but they are cornering Kesar for the decisions. He himself is lost in the melee of problems and trying to find an identity and individuality of his own but instead he is being blamed for two insane women's future.

Finally, Kesar was all alone, lonely, left to struggle with his emotions and blamed too. He admitted he did not know why he behaved so. Actually feel sad for him because when people know something and react accordingly, it's different. Here he himself doesn't know what makes him behave so. Motaba gave him food for thought; he contemplated over the issue why he behaved this way, whether he did because of his hatred towards Gulaal or because he "liked" her. Even now he has not been able to clearly say "Pyaar" and puts it as "Pasand". Do I want to punish her or stay with her; he is not able to understand himself. I loved the coin toss because such a major decision he entrusts on the probability theory of a toss verdict. Actually I smiled because, I could so relate to Kesar. I had made a life changing decision for myself by picking at a "Yes" chit since I could not decide.

His trust on his coin really showed how much lonely a person he is, because even in his hostel he never had anyone to turn to for help and he has made the coin his companion.

When he placed hatred for tails and paused for naming the term for "heads", he had a brief smile but shoes to say he wants to stay with her. With a silent prayer, he tossed the coin.as usual the verdict has taken him by surprise. I am hoping its heads for his LOVE for her.

The sleeping posture was perfect for an exhausted and tired mind. Arre Kesar, always wake up to the right side and never to your left. The day will be good and everything will be right when you wake up to your right in the morning. You need to believe in all this. It might help. Pannba's announcement shocks him and the close up of Kesar's eyes revealed total fear and anxiety.

He was so not in the mood for Raman's talks but he listened to him intently but I could see the partial anger in his eyes when he mentioned that Dushyant will favor Gulaal's decision. His confusion returned.

16/6/11: Neil's expressive best: Kesar wins his case and confesses love.

Kesar stood there nervously waiting for the proceedings to start. He was more anxious when Gulaal was explaining her stand and almost reconciled to her claims. He was feeling lost when she said that he should be ready now to lead a happy life with a girl of her age. When he looked at her then we could clearly see what was running in his mind that his happiness begins and ends with Gulaal and none else. He was hurt when she requested to free them from this "bondage".

With a slow pace yet confidently Kesar comes forward. Kesar said with a lump in his throat that he too was human. "Mei bhi insaan hoon" could make you feel his hurt and pain. Pleading his case he said he is not clay material that could be mold to any shape as required but a living breathing person full of life and feelings. How sad, he had to argue his point to be treated as a human being in the first place. The direct hit at Gulaal left her guilty.

Kesar was calm and composed even when he argued about the validity of Deeyarvatu, the significance of the ritual in society and that he lived with the thought that he was married. Kesar criticized the public in a way that when this relationship was forced on to him when he was a minor unable to understand the impact of this marriage, the society had given its approval. He defended his stand that being an adult even law would permit him to decide his future and that his happiness lies in Gulaal remaining his wife. ALL VALID POINTS, No one could deny anything that he said. And Kesar was firm in his decision so obviously separation on mutual consent was ruled out.

Yet after stating his opinion, Kesar with a shrug, was reconciled to abide by the Panchayat decision.

Dushyant's words first shocked Kesar that their Deeyarvatu's acceptance by the society was a wrong decision. Kesar was moved when Dushyant said it was an abuse to his childhood by forcing him into this relationship that denied him a normal childhood and adolescence that would have let him choose a bride for himself in the ordinary circumstances. His belief in the ritual and his loyalty to it has made him grow up with the notion that he is married and has a wife back home. Both Kesar and Gulaal were anxious to know the Panchayat verdict. Hearing the verdict, there was a momentary respite followed by total relief on Kesar's face that quickly changed to worry and concern when Gulaal decided not to accept this final decision.

When for another time Dushyant cut it short as Gulaal spoke, Kesar was in a way wondering about what Dushyant did.

Kesar was totally ridden with guilt when Sudha requested justice for Talli especially he was extremely sorry and shameful for what he did when Talli steps in to say she does not want Kesar to be punished. He was willing to accept any punishment; his tears said it all because for once he did realize how much Talli loves him. When the Panchayat was dismissed there was a brief eyelock moment between Kesar and Gulaal, both realizing and acknowledging the impact of the verdict.

KESAR AT THE "GOSHALA"

The cowshed has been Kesar's favorite spot whenever he has been happy, angry or hurt. I remember the older incidents where Gulaal would hunt him down at the cowshed be it while making Vasant milk the cows saying he heard that playing music(his mouth organ)would yield more milk, for revolting against Gulaal visiting her parents leaving him back, when he was hit by Gulaal for gambling. And each time they would make up at the cowshed.

Gulaal realized she could find him here. She still believed that he was punishing himself and Talli instead of punishing her for deciding his life against his wishes. In spite of the tension between them, she has no qualms in holding his hand and asking him the real reason for it. Very calmly and confidently Kesar told her in a low voice 'Reason is simple, I am in love with you. For him that was the most simple and real reason that he loves her. That realization was his truth. Gulaal was shocked beyond words, she had to step back to recollect herself but Kesar came forward to her and repeated the same. For each step Gulaal would move backwards, Kesar has always come forward to her. Very softly he said he realized quite late what makes him seek her or pulls him towards her, it's nothing but love. He had a sense of contentment when he said "yeh pyaar hai" as though he was cherishing the word "pyaar" just because it was meant for HIS GULAAL. His tears were out of love and he was exhilarated in shedding those tears for her.

I actually loved Manasi's expression here totally befuddled and bewildered by that confession from him. The reaction was expected, more so from Gulaal because it was as though asking him "How can you fall in love with me?" as though it was a biggest blunder. But have to be fair to her though she was hysterically violent with him. But Kesar kind of expected it from her and let her vent out her frustration. It was required so that they move forward at one point in time. He did not stop her, he was submissive. The way the scene was done was really beautiful. Though the slaps were exaggerated it showed her final frustration being vented out, he had to remain calm to let her be, the pull towards her and the pushing away along with flute playing in the background gave a special touch to their relationship. Her slaps was her denial at play. His quietness was his acceptance of punishment for what he had done to her so far or probably for his late realization.

17/6/11

When Gulaal came to Kesar's room to leave those letters, Kesar was just concerned if she has read all those letters. He was least bothered about how or when or through whom the letters reached her. He confirmed what he had confessed before that he was not just fastened to her from childhood; he has been in love with her since childhood too.

The amount of hurt was evident when she brushed it aside and confidently said that IT IS NOT LOVE. When she labels it as "attachment", he is more hurt and his eyes well up immediately. He comes forward to tell her she can convince herself in any way but not to belittle his love calling it as immaturity.

He makes it clear that he has loved her and HER ALONE in all these years and one day she will have to understand the truthfulness in his love. When she felt there was no point arguing, she left and Kesar was again hurt due to her rejection.

Originally posted by: vinolya

20 June 2011...

Neil, Such a brilliant piece of acting by you in today's episode... loved it... this is what makes me enjoy the show. It was heart rending to watch Kesar falling upon his knees to stop Gulaal and it shows his perfection in acting... that was a breathtaking performance by you Neil, so convincingly performed... it was flawless, exquisite and fantastic performance... hats off !!!!

22 June 2011...