Shiddat - Part 3
We spoke about the dark, we spoke about the grey, now let’s discuss about the white. Sai!
The one who holds the purest heart and the one who will do right by everyone. The unidimensional character. Should she not be the easiest then to decode?
So why does she come after P and V in the sequence here? Because the contrast makes it easier to compare. But most importantly the seemingly easiest is more complex in her “Shiddat” when she makes her appeal to the universe.
Sai has always tried to do good for anyone and everyone (even if they meant her harm). With such a pure heart and no blot in her dealing with her fellow humans, should it not be an easier task to convince the universe and grant her the desire she holds close to her heart? Does she not deserve the happiness?
With all this in her favour, where does Sai falter?
“Release your desire to the winds of the universe. Trust your angels to catch your wish and bring it to you in a delightfully surprising way.” - Doreen Virtue
TRUST! Because trust plays a very crucial role in manifestation of desire. One has to trust the universe to fulfil that wish and simultaneously feel worthy of receiving that boon.
Sai fails here. She can be very determined when she sets her eyes on something. A much stronger “Shiddat” if she gets to it. Hence, if she has the trust and the sense of worthiness universe will be quick to respond to her compared to the others. Universe will be more than willing to grant the boon for a pure soul like her. Not convinced?
Let us look at Sai and her journey so far to understand this better.
In GC she lived a content life with her Aaba. What did she desire? To become a doctor and fulfil her father’s dream. She wanted this for her father. After KJ passed away, her life turned upside down. She lost her only family. Her life was tough post that, with a complicated marriage and a family like Chavans to deal with. At every step towards her goal, she faced hurdles. But she kept going. Because she was determined and she felt that she had it in her to be a good doctor. She deserved it. And universe did play its role supporting her even during her tough times. Despite all the hurdles that life threw at her, Sai did become a doctor. A seemingly impossible job considering her circumstances.
Now coming to her desire for V. Before I start to talk about this, let me ask you a question. If this was an arranged marriage, under normal circumstances, would Sai have opposed it the way she did? I don’t think so. She had started to see a side of V by then. It was only the grief of losing her Aaba that gave rise to her anger against V. So if this alliance was brought up under normal circumstances she would have considered it.
She knew that V loved someone. He was clear that he was taken and had no place for another woman in his life. So in Sai’s eyes, V loved P and she as a spouse had no role in his life. V and Chavans constantly pitted her against P and P was always put at a pedestal which as per them Sai could not match. Not that she intended to, but she kind of knew where she stood for them against P. To top this V always compared her with P and asked Sai to learn from her. Making her feel inadequate “for him”.
Let us not confuse it with her self-esteem. She has loads of it. She oozes confidence and takes pride in what she is. But when it came to V she felt that she didn’t fit his image of an ideal partner. Because he fancied P and she was a complete contrast and would never be like her.
Now see how she fights with P and V. If this was a completely a conditional marriage and they had to part at the end of the tenure, why bother about these two?
Because the desire was there. She wanted to have V, and a family of her own. But she felt that she didn’t fit in. She was inadequate. She was “Not worthy” of such a life and happiness. It was her frustration at it.
In addition to this she did not trust the universe to give her someone to love. There is this fear in her that anyone she loves dearly will be taken away from her. All her life she has lost people she loved and left alone.
This fear and belief that she will lose people she loves and end up alone is confirmed by her in the break down sequence after Vinu rejects her. She tells this to V while crying and questioning her luck and fate. She says that her Aaba left her, V left her and then Vinu did the same.
So as far as Sai is concerned, she felt inadequate for V and she did not trust universe to give her someone who could be hers to love. The circumstances thrown at her only strengthened these feelings in her.
She is a strong woman. Always has been. She never bows down to anything or anyone who she believes is wrong. And it is this strength of her character that she refused to change... change for the one she loved, change to be accepted and loved by him.
Yet, there was this soft side to her that was needy. She craved his love and desired his companionship.
While she refused to change, she went back to him every single time. All she needed was a nudge, an apology. How can a woman so strong to take on anybody, give in to disrespect and injustice done to her? Because she desired him, wanted to be with him. Though her fear and lack of trust in her fate kept her insecure and skeptical, her desired for him continued to grow in her heart. Her altercation were her vent outs. Her frustration at being unable to attain her wish.
Now let us compare the confession and reunion period of V and Sai against their realisation. V loved Sai for the longest time and realised it much earlier in their marriage. Sai’s realisation came much, much later. Yet her realisation quickly led to the manifestation. Because she had shed her fears and believed that she was worthy of this. Her “Shiddat” was unparalleled. She had a tough time convincing him, but her determination to win V was so strong and hence universe granted her the boon sooner. Her desire manifested with the sheer grit of her “Shiddat”.
See how things change when one trusts the universe and is confident that one deserves a certain wish to be fulfilled. Is worthy of it.
What went wrong again? She was happy in her haven, till she lost her first child. She had started to dream, to trust, to feel worthy. But this loss made her question her “kismet” again. Whether she can ever be happy, and content. Don’t confuse this fear with her strength. She had faced so many trials and difficulties in her life that she learnt to face the challenges and stand up against adversities. Start from scratch. Rise from ashes. But this very fact that she has to constantly rebuild her life kept her fear alive, that she will always lose the people loves. Universe will snatch them away. See how she doesn’t trust that Vinu will never be with her (I’m purely exploring the energy aspect here. Hence not discussing the actions and reactions that led to Sai leaving). Her fear at losing the only blood relation she had, her own child superseded everything and her lack of trust made her take that step. See the play of direct and indirect here. She didn’t trust V for not falling for P’s trap and taking away her son from her. But in the hindsight, she never trusted the universe to give her the happiness, her dream that she so desperately desired.
She had again fallen into the trap of inadequateness and lack of trust. And so had her “Shiddat”.
Edited by Sherry24 - 2 years ago
Shiv Shakti
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
