Sympathy to Empathy………It’s a long way!
Longtime. Breaking the break! Not that I’m happy with what is happening, nor have I seen a positive sign that I was seeking out. On contrary, things only seem to be going downhill. But this was something that was playing on my mind since a couple of episodes. So decided to put this down.
Sympathy and Empathy. Two very over used and abused words today. But I remember how decades back sympathy was a more common word. Before empathy gradually took over. Two words so similar, with only one letter making them different. And that one letter makes all the difference. Let’s explore the very difference through the two characters. Sai & V.
Sai and V as characters are emotional. But V is known to be more sensitive and expressive. While Sai is known to be more practical. But does being more emotional make a person sympathetic or empathetic? Well not really.
How would I define the difference. Sympathy is acknowledging the situation or concern of a person. Empathy is when you can feel the pain.
V acknowledges the pain. He knows that Sai is suffering. But he fails to understand the depth of it. He fails to place himself in that situation and understand her emotions. Why I say so?
Will V ever allow Sai to marry and build a family with Savi calling someone else her “Baba”? When that is exactly what he is asking Sai to do. Will he allow Sai to separate Savi from him? Why does he feel possessive and get triggered with JM’s presence in Savi’s life? Savi’s attachment and relationship with JM makes him jealous.
Clinical. Yes, we may say that is his approach. But he contradicts this approach by being overly emotional and sensitive to P and himself and applies a clinical approach with Sai.
And he has been applying this all throughout. Today, we saw a perfect example…a very disturbing one
V wants both his kids to be with him. Is he discriminating between his kids? No. Then how does he think that Sai can live without one of her kids? Will he barter one kid for P? Then how could he say “tumhare paas Savi hai”? If for a father every child is same and equally indispensable, then how did he provide such a justification? Sai was absolutely right. His logic made zero sense to a mother. Because it sounded like regular transaction. Reconciliation of balance sheet. Balancing the debits and credits on each side. PATHETIC!
I wonder if he really sees things in such a manner, how has he never considered the fact that, what P has and what Sai lost? Because he will fail. There is no comparison. Because we are not talking about the importance or worth of non tangible. But counting the tangible. So why does he have such a comparison when it comes to Sai. He ignores the fact that she lived alone all these years, with the guilt of losing her son. All she has is her daughter. She has no family or support system.
While P enjoys all of it, but V considers none of that. For him P needs Vinu as a purpose. That is when I remember what P told him after Karishma left CN. V tried to tell P that she has everything. Vinu, him and the entire family. What else does she wantIf he feels that way has he ever thought what Sai has in that respect? P replies “Hairani ki baat yeh hai, ki jinke paas kuch nahi hota wo apni taqdeer ke saath samjhauta kar lete hai, haalaton ko sweekar kar lete hai. Par jinke paas sab kuch hokar bhi kuch nahi hota unki taqleef ko inahi samajh sakta.” Ironically, he understood P’s pain here too, but he never understands Sai through either lenses.
We had been waiting to see Sai’s breakdown. Because we felt that Sai does not express her pain and V in incapable of reading beyond her words. But we were proved wrong. Sai broke down, he saw her trauma, her suffering, her guilt. All of it. Sai had practically bared it all.
But if I take the liberty of being crude, all he took from that was the hug and the touch. His plan to get Sai and Vinu closer to fill her emptiness was only to keep her in the same mode with him. Not to disturb the equation he felt he had just experienced.
P was screaming "mera pati", "mera bacha". All the righteous officer did was give the helpless look to Sai (please understand). Sai can be abused, accused, this man stands mute. Letting his jugadu wife and family mistreat Sai. But he goes all out to strip Sai off every single happiness to cater to his "J" wife's needs. Not a word there.
Again, an example of his sympathetic approach than an empathetic one. Till he realized Vinu is his son, did the adopted child replace his own child for him? No. He still carried the feeling of loss. But how did he fail to apply the same for Sai? Sympathy lacking empathy?
Sai is wrong. Why? She gave him two things that has gone against her. One. Her strength. Unfortunately, her strength became her weakness. He believes that Sai can survive alone and face the world and yet to succumb, but P with a battalion behind her is still the priority who needs to be provided all that she wants.
Two her words. “Sach aur zaroori mein se zaroori ko chunna chahiye”. And he chose what he felt was “Zaroori”. And “Sach” …that can die an instant death, never to resurface.
It became clear that he wanted Vinu to be with P and let her raise him. It was only because of Sai’s insistence that he gave in and asked for time. Not because he felt Sai was correct, but he knew Sai will not back down.
So the marriage is real. He has already mentioned it a few times, while trying to convince Sai indirectly that they don’t share a normal marriage. How does that help Sai? That is his choice. Sai has already accepted the marriage and expects nothing from him. Why does he always dump things on people basis his convenience and liking. He loves Sai and so he will not share a conjugal relationship with P despite being married to her. But her will give his son in exchange. That is his choice. Sai has already made her choice clear which does not match with his. Like she said. “Who gave him the right to take decisions of her life?”
If he wants to sacrifice for P, sacrifice yourself. Who gave him the right to sacrifice Vinu for it? And what kind of a father is he that he putting up his son for exchange than himself!
Because he can’t cheat with his emotions. But Sai should kill hers emotions and maternal feelings.
And why should she do it? He keeps saying P did so much for him. What did P do for Sai? And how is Sai accountable for it? Since that is the language V speaks. Calculative. P has only snatched everything from Sai and yet V wants Sai to sacrifice for some favour P did for him and his family. If P is his wife, how can he ask a stranger (Sai) to pay up for him and his family?
This is why I feel, V cannot empathize. He evaluates the situation basis his calculation. Who is stronger, who is weaker. What he sees. He saw P’s struggles, but only heard about Sai’s suffering. P cries all the time, Sai barely breaks down. These are his parameters and one can’t empathize on such calculations.
Though, I’m past the stage to make any predictions or positivity, but will highlight a few points which may be consequential.
Sai broke the clay house Vinu had built. It seems like a premonition. P running away with Vinu and running into some life threat again. Vinu’s heartbroken state will compel Sai to build his house again that she promised. And she will decide to keep herself out of it. Not for P, but for her son! This will be a parallel to the scene where V agrees to Savi’s adoption request. The carrot Sai will get in return will be “choti mumma”. I doubt that part too, considering P’s insecurity.
In all this, I fail to understand, how no one has thought about Vinu’s psychological state at being an adopted child. Guessing it will come out later.
I wish, BK proposed surrogacy and starts to discriminate. But I doubt it at this stage, due to P’s state and attachment with Vinu.
Sai said that V chose his “Ex-GF” over her and their child. She gave him option. And she was forced to leave. V’s reaction was not as if he agreed. This I will connect with V’s convo with P right after K left. He had said he “regretted” letting Sai leave. Now if I put these together, his dialogue that Sai ran away means he has not had reflection. Because he does regret letting Sai go, but not his decision of saving P. Maybe he saved P for a reason only known to him. But as usual failed to disclose the same to Sai. And in his ego let Sai leave. So his regret is only limited to letting Sai leave, but he does not believe his decision to save P was wrong.
Sai-V convo had Sam’s pic in the BG. It seems that he has a role to play. So the “Vaada” phobic’s addction will return. And his promise to Sam that he will look after P will become the backdrop of it all. But what about his promise to Sam about his own family, Sai and their kids? Like I have asked so many times, and now Sai has voiced out too. What about his “Farz” towards her and their kids?
I’m not sure if Sam was only there for the Vaada, or he will be there for Sai and the children he blessed.
V’s head nod returned today. And that had me thinking about “Aai”. He so casually addressed P as Vinu’s mother. But he was quiet when Sai asked who is she then? And he even refused Vinu from calling Vinu “choti mumma”. Today I’m doubtful, if V intentionally did it, or it purely fate reserving “Aai” for Sai ensuring she gets due rights!
I seriously want the marriage to be orchestrated by P and Vinu’s identity to be known to P before he was adopted. There is no other way that Sai is getting Vinu back with complete acceptance and agreement from everyone. She will always have to fight it. P is not losing her blind fandom.
One last thought. There is definitely more to V’s story. His statement at the temple after Sai left “Iska ek kadam bahut saari zindagiyan barbad kar dega”. Which are these “bahut saari”? That had me confused. His desperation like there is too much at stake.
Though I doubt if we (majority) will be convinced when it will be revealed. But who cares right? If the makers are convinced, then who are we? If they did, SH track would not have ended that way. V hailed and Sai bashed, when he too was at fault. I fear the same here. V’s “situation” his “decisions” and “sacrifices” will be applauded even by Sai and Sai will be proved wrong. Even if we are not convinced, they will portray it. Hard Luck!
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
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