Originally posted by: laksh
Went through the thread. The discussion here is very interesting and a much needed one to understand why Virat is in the position that he is in today and to understand the mindset of Sai too.
Let me share a few things that I think of before I get into this discussion.
Sai - It is her goodness and boldness that I like in her.
Virat - it is again the goodness and his emotions that I like in him.
Sai jo mann mein aati hai bolti hai could be a problem. Well I see it wrong a few times but good too. It is not just she tells anything that comes to her mind but she has a view, an opinion and she wouldn’t be scared or wouldn’t stop herself to express it. Let me talk further about it.
We can see how Sai and Virat are different. The way Sai is behaving with Virat is how Virat should have behaved with Pakhi in first place. I mean to say that Sai got married to him with the conditions that he had set. It was a deal marriage and she accepted it. She had got carried away with her emotions and really couldn’t stick to her end of the deal when she had to face the reality, when she had to face with the commitment whom he was talking about. Not only was she expected to live with his commitment, she had to witness their relationship day in and out. It was friendship or anything that they claimed but one could see two people who used to be in a relationship separated due to fate by looking at them. They were two people lost in love, failed in love.
Virat gave a waada to Pakhi and the waada was that he would never move on in his life after she gets married to his brother. It was only to tell her that he wasn’t trying to get rid of her, it was to tell her that what he felt for her was a genuine thing and wasn’t a time pass, it was to tell her that he was also feeling bad as much as her that they both are not able to become one, it was to tell her that he doesn’t mean to hurt her, doesn’t mean to insult her by not marrying her but instead he wants her to marry his brother because he loves his brother and doesn’t want to hurt his brother or be a reason for his brother’s heartbreak.
He meant to only try to show that his feelings for Pakhi were real and he never faked it. He wanted to respect her as a woman by keeping the promise and nothing else. It didn’t mean that he will love her forever, it meant he won’t love anyone else. It means that the position that he had once given to her wouldn’t be given to anyone else. All these were to assure her that she wasn’t a time pass for him, he doesn’t mean to or want to hurt her by getting her married off to his brother. It was to let her know that just like her even he would be broken and shattered after she gets married to his brother. Pakhi was questioning his love too. Any girl would when they sacrifice their love. They would ask if that is how important they are to them, if that is how much they loves them that they are willing to let go of them. It is to answer those questions, to reduce her pain, to compensate that he is not able to fight for their love, to compensate that he is made to sacrifice their love, he had said he would never move on in his life.
Now this is again like a deal. Deal or not, her marriage to his brother should be respected. It is for that he should have drawn a line with Pakhi.
The problem with all of these is that he thought he can change this relationship into friendship. For quite sometime I really have been thinking tha him making her is a genuine one but didn’t look deeper into it or should I say his actions didn’t make me look deeper into it that I didn’t give much weightage to it. The problem by itself is that friendship and will be one forever.
After going through this thread and reading a lot of different perspectives for a while now from many people, if I look into it, it is wrong. The whole friendship proposal is wrong. I have personally never liked it but I never doubted his intentions but I have also always felt that he had misled Pakhi in many ways. After reading this discussion a while back I was thinking if it was even right on his part to make Pakhi his friend, to promise her that he will stand by her good and bad times?
I thought this the first time today that Virat should have thought how his brother would feel when he proposed that he would be her friend. I have always thought that since he failed as a lover, he wanted to let her know that he will be there for her if she needs but as a friend. But was it necessary? No. His brother would be there for Pakhi and it would be an insult to his brother’s and Pakhi’s relationship. Did he not trust his brother to be there for Pakhi? He didn’t think any of these which he should have. Ex can be friends but that is later once both of them have actually moved on and the friendship doesn’t start like this. They can end or part ways in good terms, part way as friends. But this friendship that Virat offered was wrong because even though they parted ways, neither of them actually wanted to end it. They didn’t end it because it wasn’t working out but he ended it because he couldn’t come in between his brother’s happiness, because his love was in between his brother and his happiness. This is where I have felt bad for Pakhi in the past, because it was his love, his brother and Pakhi’s love and Pakhi’s happiness wasn’t something Virat failed to think about.
Anyway as MSIN has rightly called out, how would his brother feel about his talks with Pakhi?
I have been thinking about Virat Pakhi call ever since Samrat shared with Virat that he heard Pakhi talking to someone. I was thinking about Virat and his actions and wondering how did he let Pakhi talk to him in first place. I have always had issues in all the phone conversations between the two always and have felt it was wrong. I felt Virat didn’t draw a line there and he led her on by doing so too.
But the first phone call. Shouldn’t Virat have thought not to pick it up at all? I don’t know if he felt that he was washing his hands from Pakhi if he didn’t talk to her especially after he had got her convinced to get married to his brother and he also rushed out of the house in hurry. One thing is that Virat also had to be careful that Pakhi doesn’t take any step that she shouldn’t and he was in a way responsible for the position she was in. It was better that he picked the call, he would also know about her being safe. But once he came to know she was okay, why not cut the call? Virat was wrong there.
Did he think that
There has been many instances where he went wrong and I will talk about shortly as new comments. What I am trying to say is be it his phone calls or his behavior towards Pakhi at GC or in CN right after he got married, during Valentine’s Day or even during Ladakh fight was all not right.
After marriage, it looked like Sai was acting possessive. We say that she acted possessive without her own knowledge. It wasn’t just possessiveness but also how one would behave when someone interferes in their life a lot.
Virat didn’t even think before asking Pakhi to take Sai’s responsibility. He made a big mistake there. Sai was hurt because she had heard what he thinks of her from the terrace talk between both the friends. She couldn’t take it that he thinks that she needs to be mentored. Not just mentored but also be mentored by his own ex. It shows the high opinion he has of Pakhi. Sai is not a kid who needs to be mentored by handing over her responsibility like this to someone else. He had taken her responsibility, she was comfortable with him, has trust and faith in him, she would have only preferred for him to guide her.
She had also noticed that Pakhi was interfering in Virat’s life and Virat had no issues with it. She could feel and sense the rights/power he had given to Pakhi. This also meant that Pakhi would be interfering in her life too. She didn’t like that. No one would like to be scrutinised by others and Pakhi running to their room asking if he wasn’t well or if Sai fought with him were all too much for anyone to take. She had to set the boundaries and tell the both of them that they can’t do it. She had to tell Virat that Pakhi can’t be doing it. She was very clear with how things were wrong, with her own expectations and how to set things right.
All of these came crashing down ever since the DIG incident when he had said how he had regretted to have got posted in GC. It became worse when he said she wouldn’t understand his love for Pakhi , when he asked her why it should bother her even if he loves Pakhi when it was a deal marriage, when he accused that she would be happy that Pakhi left the house and that is what she wanted. Not only was she hurt by his accusations, she was also hurt by realising how important Pakhi must be for him.
Ever since these incidents, Sai had her walls raised. The reason I am bringing all of these up is that this was the proper starting point of Sai with her raised walls. She had done it right after his proposal but she could understand the actual situation only when she started to practically live through the conditions he had set, when she had to go through what was called a deal marriage, when she started to get the real feel of their marriage.
To many, it looks like time has passed, yes time has passed things have changed but there are a certain things which has still not changed, Virat has also not changed in a few ways still by staying silent even now when Pakhi claims certain things and when she accuses him to be cheating her or when she bad mouths Sai. The situation has become even more worse now since it is no longer maintained as a secret by both Virat and Pakhi, since they no longer can deny it, since she herself had witnessed and heard what kind of life they had planned to start.
Sai’s harsh exterior, her indifference, the mask that she wears is not only to protect her heart but it is also so that she can try to stick to her end of the deal, because that was what was expected from her. Virat’s changed feelings scares her and she is not confident that she would be able to contain herself, she would be able to stick to her end of the deal. She wants him to end the deal, declare that their marriage is real, end things with Pakhi or stop trying to make this marriage look real so that she gets freed from the confusion, so that she can understand what is happening and what is that he wants.
She is pushing him away because that is the right thing to do, because she had agreed for a deal marriage, because she was told that he can’t be her husband and she can’t be his wife. She is doing everything possible, act as much harsh as possible to ensure there is a line between them, to ensure that he crosses the line only when he can give her the status of a wife.
Virat should have done this with Pakhi. That is why I have said the way Sai is behaving Virat is how Virat should have been with Pakhi.
Virat and Sai had behaved like husband and wife many times without their knowledge or with their knowledge too. The more it keeps happening with the knowledge, Sai wants a confirmation that he isn’t doing it out of duty or because he has no other choice but is doing it because he wants it, because he needs her. She wants to know if he has actually ended his commitment and is no longer committed to anyone else in anyway. When she doesn’t seem to get that clarification, when she feels that he is confused, she asks him to choose one of them.
She can act really harsh with him to keep him at bay, to define the boundaries, to make him stick to their deal.
Virat should have done exactly this. Whether it is in his nature or not desperate times calls for desperate measures. As soon as Pakhi started to get dependent on Virat over phone, as soon as she started to tell him she need him by her side, he should have understood that her expectations from him was wrong, understood that he cannot become a crying shoulder for him, should have understood that
- he should have reminded her of who she was, his brother’s wife,
- should have not attended her calls,
- shouldn’t have given explanations to her even if she misunderstood about him and Sai when he was at GC
- definitely not called her to GC to attend the wedding
- not given her explanations about his marriage
- shouldn’t have shared that it was a deal marriage
- and every other explanation he was giving to Pakhi after moving to CN
- or act empathetic towards her hurt or pain that resulted out of his and Sai’s relationship like their rasams or photo sessions or suhaag rat or lipstick mark or Valentine day giving rose to Sai and so much more.
The root cause for the above problem could be waada but it was more his friendship than the waada itself where he had promised he wouldn’t move on, it was his actions like how Nethra has said more than his waada.
Sai also gets carried away with her emotions but that is also because of his changed behaviour and his changed feelings that she can sense. Whether she keeps ranting deal or not (which she does only to remind herself, only so that she doesn’t act like his wife as how he wanted her to), she is legally his wife. Them getting carried away wouldn’t be ethically or morally wrong but would be wrong if one of them is committed to someone else. She lets herself get close to him or let him get close to her but when she gets reminded that he is committed to someone else, it not only breaks her heart but it also makes her angry on herself to have got carried away, angry on him to be changing when he has someone whom he is committed to and with whom he has properly not ended his ties with because Pakhi shows it all in front of her that she is waiting for Virat, she doesn’t want Virat to move on. That is where she finds him wrong because like how he had told her not to have any expectations from him even though they were married, he had set a definite boundary in between them while getting married, she has not seen him setting these boundaries with Pakhi asking her to move on, asking her to not accuse him, asking her to not call him a cheat when he is moving on with his own wife, by not telling Pakhi that Sai is no more his responsibility but his wife.
I would say when Sai knows when it becomes wrong ethically and morally, when she is afraid of doing something wrong because it is a deal marriage, because he has promised to someone else, Virat should have thought of all these while talking to Pakhi or maintaining friendship with Pakhi.
Sai pushes him away, acts harsh and indifferent, tells him clearly that he shouldn’t expect anything from her as a wife when he has prior commitment, Virat should have done the same from the beginning with Pakhi not paying heed to her emotional outbursts or her pain, should have acted indifferent , shouldn’t have let her get dependent in him emotionally, shouldn’t have let her seek his support. Even if it means that he has to act harsh with Pakhi, he should have, even if it means Pakhi will think him to be a cheat, he should have let her think that way, even if he thinks that he will look like a selfish guy, he should have let her think that way. When we have to draw some definite boundaries, have to be clear with someone about what we want and what we would never encourage, when we have to be cautious, we shouldn’t mind about how we would come across to that person. Our only intention should be put across the message that this is not right and I would not encourage this. This is where Virat failed.
Tagging you all since you have all been in this discussion.
Nethra, sorry for the delay in replying to the tag. I have been writing quite a few things a few hours back and was also going through the thread. Took a break after writing and could finish it only now.
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