Part 8
Another two weeks passed with Geet completely avoiding me.
The college was ready to go home for vacations .
The whole college was off for three weeks.
On the day that everyone was leaving for vacation, I saw Geet sitting outside on a bench.
I walked up to her, glad that she was alone.
Most people had already left, and I had already packed my bags to go home too.
"Hey," I said softly, sitting down next to her on the bench.
She looked up at me with surprise, and without responding to me, she stood up and started to walk away.
"Geet ," I called out, "Can we talk once... just once, please?"
Geet stopped walking and then turned towards me, tears in her eyes.
"Maan, I told you, I don't want to," she whispered .
I walked up to her and held her waist gently, causing her to shiver.
I didn't know what I was doing or why I was doing it... all I knew was that Geet and I wouldn't be seeing each other for three weeks, and I didn't like that.
I pulled Geet towards me and hugged her tightly. She stood stiffly for a few moments, before she relaxed and her hands wrapped around my body too.
Then she started to sob.
"You're going to kill me Maan," she whispered through her tears.
"I can't stay away, but if I come too close, I'll die."
"Why will you die?" I asked her softly, rubbing her back soothingly.
"Your thorns will hurt me," she whispered.
"I'm sorry," I murmured. "Geet, I won't see you for three weeks... and... and I'll miss you."
She sniffled against my chest and I held her closer to me, stroking her hair softly.
"I... I love you," I whispered into her ear, causing her to shiver.
"Maan , I'm not strong enough to face deceit," she responded softly.
"You won't... give me one more chance Geet," I begged. "Please I promise, I won't mess up this time."
I felt her crumble against my body, and she started to fall towards the ground, her arms falling to her sides.
I held her up, but her knees gave way and she sat down on the lawn as she sobbed uncontrollably.
I fell to my knees and cupped her face as I kissed her forehead.
"I want to Maan," she confessed. "I really want to... but I don't think I can survive another stab at my heart."
"I'll hold your heart safe for you," I responded to her softly. "If anything is going to be stabbed now, it'll be me."
"Please Maan, please don't lie to me again," she whispered to me,
as she looked into my eyes.
"I promise, I won't lie to you about anything now," I promised.
"If I hide anything from you now, then I request the universe to kill me."
Her hand reached out and covered my mouth.
Then she broke down crying and threw her arms around my neck.
"I love you," she confessed, as if she had been dying to let those three words out, and I felt my heart soar, as she pressed her face against my neck.
"Maan, I love you a lot."
Her tears soaked the skin of my neck, but I wasn't complaining.
I stroked her hair lovingly, as I felt like the happiest man alive.
I broke our embrace and looked into her tear filled eyes for a moment, my hand reaching up to rub her jaw softly.
Then I leaned forward and captured her lips in a soft kiss.
"I love you too," I murmured against her lips.
She kissed me back hungrily, like she needed me, but the kiss only lasted a few seconds.
I broke the kiss, because of a nagging feeling in my mind the guilt wasn't letting me relax.
"I need to tell you something," I whispered to her, my heart beating fast.
I stood up and held her shoulders as she stood up too.
"Yes?" she asked me softly, before leaning into my chest and resting her head against it.
"Geet ... there's one thing you don't know," I started, as I nervously tried to come up with the words to tell her that we slept together while she was drunk.
"What don't I know Maan ?" she asked me softly, her eyes looking into mine with curiosity.
"Ge - Geet," I stammered, trying to figure out how to tell her.
I stopped I didn't know how to tell her.
Maybe I was a coward. Maybe I didn't want her to get hurt.
Maybe I was doing this so she wouldn't hate me.
I didn't know why I was doing it despite me promising to her that I'd never lie to her.
I told her I wouldn't hide anything from her.
I was breaking my promise.
"You don't know how much... how much I love you," I finished, feeling the guilty fill me up.
I'm sorry Geet, I said internally. I couldn't do this.
I watched as her eyes lit up and she smiled widely.
"I know you love me a lot," she responded and then threw her arms around my neck, as she hugged me tightly. "I know."
I rubbed her back as I held her close to me... I didn't know if Geet would ever find out this truth.
I didn't know whether she would hate me if she found out.
I wasn't sure whether I had just ruined everything.
I felt guilty... very guilty.
I didn't want her to be so broken, that she would call herself characterless, that she would hurt herself, that she would die.
Geet was going away from me for three weeks, and if I wasn't there to support her, I didn't know who else would be there to hold her hand through this.
If she was going away for three weeks, the least I could do was not send her off heartbroken.
I decided that I would tell her, but once the three weeks of vacation were over.
Then I would be here to hold her hand and comfort her.
I would at least be able to hug her and tell her that it was okay,
that she wasn't bad.
I just couldn't reveal such a shocking news to her when she was going to leave for so long.
"So I won't see you for three weeks?" she asked, breaking the hug.
I cupped her face with my hands and kissed her forehead.
"Anytime you want, I will come and see you," I whispered to her sincerely.
"Promise?" she asked me with a smile on her face.
"I promise," I responded softly.
At least there was one promise I made to Geet that I knew I could keep.
The first time I saw Geet , was about ten days into the break.
She sent me a text saying she really wanted to see me, and sent me her address.
I had never climbed up into someone's window in my life - but that night I had.
As soon as I got inside her room, she attacked me. Literally.
Her arms had thrown themselves around my neck and she had pushed me down on her bed as her lips kissed me with such intensity that I was blown away.
She sucked on my lips hard, pressing her legs against mine with such force.
"I want you so badly," she murmured.
That was the first thing she said to me.
How was my heart not supposed to speed? How was I supposed to have control on my own hormones when she said these things to me?
Why was she so hormonal? Why did she want me this badly? She started to unbutton my shirt and I nearly gasped, as she placed kisses on my neck and down my chest, while opening each button.
"Geet what happened to you?" I asked her.
"Shhh, I just want you," she responded.
Once she got to my belly, I breathed in sharply, trying to control my hormones, but it was so hard.
Her hand brushed over the zipper of my jeans and I grabbed her head, trying to pull her up, before she made it worse.
She struggled and kissed me over my zipper.
"Geet !" I gasped. "Stop! I won't be able to control."
"I don't know why I want you so badly," she said, her cheeks flushed, then she rolled over on the bed and leaned into my arms, placing a wet kiss on my cheek.
I stroked her hair and took deep breaths to tame my desire.
"You know Maan ," she murmured. "Something has been really off with me lately."
"Off?" I asked her slowly. "What happened?"
"I don't know... I have these crazy raging hormones.
I've been dreaming about... about making love to you," she whispered, her cheeks red. "I want to so badly, but I keep telling myself that I have to control myself... I have to wait until marriage."
"You want to... to do it?" I asked her softly. "It's okay if you want to... I mean, I won't leave you. We'll get married."
She looked up at me with tear-filled eyes before she took a deep breath.
"I want to, I really want to," she whispered. "I really want to Maan ."
I kissed her lips softly, as I held her close to me. My hands traveled down her body, feeling her curves as she moaned into my mouth.
"You are so turned on," I whispered to her. "Wow."
She kissed me back hungrily, as her body pressed against mine hard.
Then she paused before removing her lips from mine.
"No we can't do this," she whispered, her eyes wide with fear.
"Marriage... I have to wait until marriage."
"No you don't," I whispered to her.
Maybe a part of me wanted her to sleep with me, just because it would eliminate a part of my guilt... it would also make it less likely that she would ever find out about the truth behind our drunken night.
"No Maan, I can't," she whispered, her eyes filling with tears.
Then she hugged me tightly and I held her as close to me as I could, placing a light kiss on her forehead.
"You don't have to then," I said.
"Maan I've been feeling so emotional too... I'm crying over small things," she said to me. "Something is wrong with me."
"Isn't that like a PMS symptom?" I asked her.
"Maybe you're about to get your monthly cycle."
"No my cycle is late Maan," she said to me.
"It's usually very regular, but this time it's really late.
I guess it was just stress... stress can make it late."
Suddenly things started to make sense... Geet was feeling hormonal, she was emotional, and her cycle was late? Oh no.
"Geet ," I whispered, feeling my heart beat quickly. "Have you been feeling sick?"
"Speaking of... I threw up a few days ago," she said to me.
"Maybe I'm just a bit sick. When you get sick, your cycle can come late too."
I squeezed my eyes shut. This couldn't be what I was thinking it was.
"Are... are you sure your cycle is late because of that?" I asked her.
"What else could it be Maan? Of course!" she said, sounding like it was the most obvious thing.
"Anyways, I think I'll get it soon, because you're right... I tend to get emotional right before my cycle."
Maybe I was overthinking it.
There was no way Geet could be what I was thinking she was.
She couldn't be pregnant.
The chances of her getting pregnant couldn't have been that high...
she couldn't be.
I told myself to calm down and closed my eyes, as Geet fell asleep in my arms.
That night, I dreamed that Geet found out about our night spent together, and she left me forever. I woke up from that dream and felt relieved to see Geet sleeping soundly against my chest.
Fifteen days into the break, I got a phone call from Geet. She didn't sound happy.
She was crying.
"I need to see you Maan," she said, her voice cracking. "Now. Please."
"Is everything okay?" I asked her.
"No," she cried. "Please... meet me in the park near my house, now!"
"I'll be there in an hour. Don't cry... please get a hold of yourself," I said to her, and then hung up my phone, my heart beating furiously.
I didn't know why she was crying or why she needed to see me urgently.
All I knew was that Geet was hurt, and I needed to be there for her.
She was upset, and I had to comfort her.
As soon as I got to the park, I saw that she was seated on a bench and I sat down next to her. Her eyes were red and puffy.
"Geet what's wrong?" I asked her softly.
"Maan everything is wrong," she cried.
Then she leaned into my chest and sobbed into my shirt.
I held her against me and let her cry.
"Please tell me Geet," I whispered to her.
"We'll solve the problem together."
"This problem is beyond solving," she cried.
"Maan... that night... that night we got drunk together
oh I should have known! I felt weird after.
My legs were sore, I was in pain... I thought I had fallen somewhere.
I would have never guessed this."
I started to sweat... this did not sound good. In fact, this sounded really bad.
"What - what happened that night?" I asked her fearfully.
"Maan we made love that night," she told me.
"We forgot about it, but we made love."
"How do you know?" I asked her, shocked that she had found out.
"I - I'm pregnant Maan," she whispered and then started to sob again.
"What am I going to do?"
I pulled her body off mine and looked into her wet eyes before wiping her tears.
"Are - are you sure?" I asked her.
"Yes Maan . I was feeling really sick, so I went to the doctor, plus with my missed period, I started to get concerned. The doctor told me I was pregnant.
When I told the doctor it wasn't possible, she checked again and said that I was indeed pregnant... Maan... what will we do?"
she sobbed and then rested her head on my shoulder.
I took her hand in mine and took a deep breath.
I was scared. I was not ready for a baby. I was just in mine and Geet's first year of college
"Whatever you choose to do Geet , I love you, and I will support you," I told her softly.
"I'm going to die Maan," she wailed. "Maan I'm going to die."
I caressed her arm softly, not sure what to say to her to calm her down... I didn't even know how to calm myself down.
I was literally dead.
"Okay... Geet, we need to go somewhere quiet and talk about it.
We're close to your house, if anyone your family now sees us here like this, there will be problems," I explained.
She nodded.
"Sneak into my room," she said.
"Yeah, I'll do that, let's go," I agreed.
I followed her to her house, and then when the coast was clear, I climbed in through her window, as Geet walked through her own front door.
As soon as I got inside her room, Geet had already closed the door and was waiting for me.
She sat down on her bed and I sat next to her.
She leaned into my chest again and I held her close to me.
"We'll get married," I said to her.
"Married?" she asked. "It's not that simple - we're so young,
we have to finish college... how will we support ourselves and a baby?"
"We'll be able to do it," I said to her softly. "Don't worry...
we'll take it one step at a time."
She let go of me and lay down on her bed, covering her face with her hands.
"I just want to die," she confessed. "Maan, this is so bad... how will I face everyone?"
"Forget about everyone," I said to her. "We have each other.
We don't need anyone."
"How could I have gotten pregnant?" she cried. "Maan... I feel like... I don't know, I don't even remember it!"
"I don't remember much either," I said to her.
"Don't remember much?" she asked, shocked. "So you remember some of it?"
"No I mean, I remember us kissing a bit," I said to her. "Just the beginning, then when I woke up... that's all."
"What happened when you woke up?" she asked suspiciously.
"Nothing," I lied. "You were sleeping and I had a headache."
"Maan," Geet said out loud with disbelief. "I woke up first that day."
"I went back to sleep," I said, trying to cover up for what I just said.
"Maan now that I come to think of it, how were we fully clothed?" she asked.
"I don't think if we were so drunk, we would have been in any position to dress ourselves back up."
"I - I don't know," I stammered.
"Maan ," she whispered, her eyes wide, as if she was coming to a conclusion.
"Did you know we... we made love?"
I took a deep breath. I wasn't able to lie anymore.
"Sorry," I mumbled.
Her eyes widened as fresh tears fell from her eyes.
"You knew we made love... and I would have never known if I hadn't gotten pregnant?" she asked loudly, as if she was trying to make herself understand what was going on.
Then the door to her room opened, and Geet's mom Rano saw the two of us. She looked at us in shock.
"Pregnant?" Rano exclaimed. "You two..."
She looked like she was going to pass out, and Geet's mouth dropped open.
"Mo... mom," she croaked.
"You," Rano said, glaring at me. "Get out."
"M - mom he - he's my friend ," Geet defended.
"I heard what he is," Rano yelled. "Get out! I need to speak to my daughter."
I looked at Geet's frightened, tear-filled face and I picked up my stuff before walking out the front door of the house.
Never in my life had I felt so small.
I tried calling Geet that night, but her phone was off.
I assumed that her mom took away her phone.
I hoped she was alright. I knew that Geet loved her mom a lot, and was close to her - so maybe her mom would be easy on her... it wasn't even her fault.
Geet didn't know what she was doing.
She had been under the effect of alcohol.
I decided to wait for five days - that way Geet would have enough time to collect her thoughts, and her anger at me may subside too... after all,
I had hidden the truth from her.
Once the next five days passed, college resumed again.
The first thing I did was search for Geet, but she was nowhere to be seen.
I asked all the girls, but nobody knew where she was.
She hadn't come back from the break.
Two days later, when Geet still hadn't returned, I went to her house to check up on her.
I tried to climb into her window, but I saw that it was bolted shut.
I nervously walked up to the front entrance and was shocked to see a lock there.
I asked the neighbors where the Handa's had gone, but nobody knew.
They just disappeared without saying a word to anyone.
I tried her number again and again, but it was unreachable.
I didn't know what to do.
It was like a part of me died.
Where was Geet ? Was she okay? Why wasn't she contacting me? Couldn't she make the effort to speak to me once?
I understood that she was mad at me.
I knew she was angry that I hid the truth from her... but how could she just leave without messaging me or doing something - anything, to give me a sign that she was okay?
What was happening? Why was life this cruel? Where had My Geet gone?
I went back to college, and tried to search for her profiles on Social Media websites. All of them had been deactivated.
Her Whats App last seen was before I had seen her in person last, over a week ago.
Geet had completely disappeared.
She had dropped out of college completely, disappeared off the face of the planet, and hadn't contacted me once.
Either she was so mad at me that she didn't think to even send me one message saying she was okay, or she had no access to any of my information, just like I had no access to hers.
The next six years passed like that...
with me dreaming day and night that Geet returned to me, with me hoping to see her again, with me fearing whether she was even alive.
Although time passed, and everything around me changed, my love for Geet remained constant.
My heart still beat only for Geet, and my insides were filled with hope.
I had a gut feeling that she was okay somewhere... she was alive, maybe missing me too, but she was safe, and that gut feeling was what kept me sane all these years.
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