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Words - Meaning, Understanding & Reason.
Words are deeds. The words we hear
May revolutionize or rear
A mighty state.
May influence every coming age.
- W.C. Wentworth
Words indeed have tremendous impact on us, the 3rd of the Ten Commandment says 'Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain' which only emphasis on the use & importance of words above all its 'meaning', 'understanding' & 'reason' for its use.
Last episode & its dialogues in context with the year long journey we had has me in a fix & hence this post to speak my mind.
Geet, a woman, a wife , I heard her say 'I can forgive anything but not what Maan did.'
What did Maan do?
What did he wrong her off?
What is it that so big offense done by her husband that is so unforgivable?
Three words that we employ to express the idea of wrongdoing are
Mistake, Crime & Sin.
When we speak of a mistake, we imply that something has been done in consequence of a pardonable ignorance, of a fault, a man's own standard of right action, which he has failed to achieve.
When we speak of a crime, its the law of the land, the acts by which it is violated, an offense against society.
When we speak of a sin, we think of God. Yes God cause sin is an act of hostility to God, it is more than a mistake, more than a crime; its beyond human standards of goodness, human law.
Geet from the very beginning we have seen has been wronged by her family & by the ones she trusted.
Yet rising above the human standards we have seen her forgive & move on to accept the ones who wronged her.
Be it her Darji who in the name of 'parampara' robbed her of her right to self respect, expression of opinion, development of self.
As a responsible head of the family he dint find it necessary to check the credentials of the groom before marrying her off, marriage where her opinion never mattered & was never counted.
A doting parent who called her disgrace to the family coz she wanted to punish the man who cheated, conned, robbed her of everything, everything she had.
A loving grandfather who tried to poison her to kill the child in her womb & when failed he blessed his grandson to go kill his sister in the name of family honor.
After all that he had done to her in past & pushed her in the dark vortex of future the old man had to just come & say 'sorry' her great heart melted for the wrinkled face she had all her life feared more than loved.
She forgave Darji.
Be it Dev the man who walked into the life of a innocent girl asked her to trust him - she did.
The man who married her.
The man violated her innocence by showing her false dreams.
The man violated her body for his own pleasure.
The man violated her soul by crushing her self respect.
The man violated her trust by leaving her for forever in ruins with his seed in her womb.
She met him again when new life had opened all its doors for her to walk in, make a new beginning with the man she loved.
Dev too like Darji said 'sorry' but she dint forgive him when she learnt he is Maan's brother.
Dint forgive him when Dadi fell ill.
Refused to forgive him when he defended them against his own wife.
Did not trust him nor forgave him when she achieved her dream of marrying Maan.
Did not forgive him nor trusted his intentions when he saved Maan's life .
Never forgiving was a option to her when she saw Maan in rage want to throw his sick & unconscious brother out of their family home.
Did not forgive him when he saved her life & attempted to save her unborn child's life by rushing her to the hospital.
Nor did she want to forgive him to move on when she read Maan's letter for a fresh start.
Dev's wrongdoings against her were so grave that nothing not even love for Maan, respect for Dadi & the family honor made her change her mind that wanted to set an example by having Dev punished so that no other girl ever suffered her plight.
He cried to her that he is burning in guilt, doing redemption of his sins that have made me lose his love, his family & himself.
His suffering make her pity him.
She questions 'I have not sinned anybody yet my life was taken away from me, my Baby I lost. Why? I don't want anyone burn in guilt & suffer for me, I don't have strength to lose anymore so I forgive you.'
She unburdened herself from her past.
She forgave Dev.
(This is what was presented in the 'forgiveness' scene at the farm house - dialogue by dialogue.
That makes me wonder I wont ever say that her forgiving Dev was not for Maan.
But it was not Only for Maan as many I see lay on Maan's shoulder to bear. )
She forgave the man who crimed against her, her Darji; the man who sinned against her, Dev.
But why did the spring of forgiveness go dry that flooded peace & contentment at all who wronged her but fails to appease the thirst of the man who loves her to death.
Man whom she owes her self respect, honor, confidence, pride & life to.
Maan, the man who was her knight in all her fights, be it with her family, his family, society or self.
A man who sowed the seeds of self respect & need to fight for it, for right in her.
A man who welcomed her into his life with her dark past.
A only man who made her motherhood seem as a blessing to her as she saw him borne her child in his heart as 'theirs'.
A man who made her wedding a fairytale for her.
A man who killed his desires that could have harmed the life breathing in her.
A man who cried for death as better option than having his own blood kin's blood run in his veins coz that man was his wife's sinner.
A man whose love & principles made him treat his own brother as 'dog' & break all ties with him, break his family.
A man who dint blame her 'zid' that brought him to death bed but said that 'its what makes life worth living when I give in & you smile.'
Maan, her man who wronged her.
Two words that he offended her with, 'Gairat nahi hai' & 'Safeed khoon'.
He questioned her 'kya jadoo kiya isnai tumpar' asking her why is she blind to this man's character.
Questioned her ability to differentiate right from wrong, her judgment that forgives a sinner.
He questioned her self respect that allowed those hands that had once stripped her to touch her again.
Even in his blind fury, in his emotional outburst he never questioned her love, her character or his trust in her.
But words he said were his reaction at seeing his wife forgive her rapist & not count his opinion about same, at seeing his wife accept Dev as family when he himself dint coz Dev ruined her life.
Words he said in is anger only masked his fear that she will be hurt again by Dev.
Masked his disappointment at seeing a woman give up her fight, a wife rob her husband of his say in the biggest decision of their life.
Masked his love that seemed to move far away from him when her sinner hit him with a question 'If she can move on why not you?'.
Masked his fight for the sake of her honor & self respect that this man had ruined.
Words that hurt her & knowing which he forgot all his anger, his fear, his disappointment, his pain & grudge.
Only that mattered was he had to apologize to her make her understand the meaning & reason for what he said & why he said.
Reach her as she left him for forever.
Apologize he did & continues to do.
To Maan sorry is not a mere word alone.
To him being sorry & rectifying your mistake is more necessary than alone saying it.
To a man who always held his emotions close to heart as its personal he humbled himself infront of the world when on air through radio he asked his 'runaway' wife to forgive him, pleaded to her to return.
She had closed all doors to 'them' yet he reached her & in person again begged her forgiveness.
She refused, refused his love, her love for him; refused to ever forget his words & refused to ever forgive him.
Refused to understand the meaning, reason & intention of his words.
Two rude words, insult if you want to call it so.
Is it so big an offense that still a woman does not melt who melted seeing a criminal cry, a sinner regret !
Are these words so big an offense that it failed to convey to a wife the pain of her man, a man who read her pain in her eyes !
Are these words so big an offense that made a woman walk out of her marriage, leaving her love , her man & her home, the roof that not just sheltered her but welcomed her with respect & love !
Are these words so big an offense that makes a wife not give in but continue to see her husband suffer, a husband whose only wish is to see her smile !
Are these words so big an offense that unashamed a woman hears her family bad mouth her man, a man who never allowed anyone to raise their voice at her !
Are these words so big an offense that a wife can sleep in peace after seeing her man suffer humiliation, a man who just to be able to see her has humbled himself as a servant at her relatives house !
Are these words so big an offense that makes her allow the man who initiated her murder & now leaves her at the mercy of others question her savior's principles, savior who saved her from this man, her family from killing her !
Are these words so big an offense that she tells her rapist that she can forgive & forget anything but not what her man said, her man who alone has always held her self respect above his own !
Are these words so big an offense that it can be counted, weighed & discussed with the man who raped her of her dignity, self respect, future & life !
Forgiveness being a holy gesture, an exercise of divine makes me question.
No, Never compare Maan with anyone but question Geet's 'forgiving nature' alone.
Is Maan's mistake bigger & unforgivable compared to Darji's crime & Dev's sins !
Geet can forgive a criminal & a rapist. But not her husband's mistake that to where she is equally responsible, if not more !
Yes the one we love & trust their words hurt us the most than the actions & words of people who do not matter to us.
But don't we understand & reason their emotions more than our own, its their pain that affect us more than our own.
We saw Maan let go of all his anger, pride, self & humble himself only to sooth her pain.
Love being selfless emotion 'Self' is lost in 'Us'.
So his humiliation does not matter to him when compared to his need to see her, to be near her, to take care of her.
To fulfill his marriage vow to never let her alone.
But still being witness to all this she still fails to understand his words, their true meaning & reason, refuses to forgive him, worst refuses to see her fault.
Are these words bigger humiliation to a wife than what she is making her man suffer !
Nandita
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